Archive for July, 2010

Pre-emptive strike?

Saturday, July 31, 2010 7:28 am

Barack Obama has called for Rep. Charlie Rangel (D-NY/15) to “end his career with dignity.”


[Direct link]

“I think Charlie Rangel served a very long time and served, uh, his constituents very well, uh, but these, uh, allegations are very troubling, and, you know, he’s somebody who is at the end of his career, 80 years old; I’m sure that, uh, what he wants is to be able to, uh, end his career with dignity, and my hope is that, uh, happens.”

The president made the remarks CBS Early Show anchor Harry Smith, and the interview will be broadcast this weekend, but a clip of Obama’s response was broadcast on the CBS Evening News with Katie Couric yesterday.

What does this mean?

I think Andrew Breitbart must have a video somewhere.

Is the left is trying to outsmart Breitbart by thowing each under the bus before a new video breaks? Even those that deserve it? If so, and if Breitbart succeeds in causing the left to self-destruct, even Frank J would forgive him.

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Just Asking

Saturday, July 31, 2010 4:35 am

So… since Obama has officially made it ok to call black people mongrels, is it now also officially ok for me to say that Obama has big, sticky-out chimp-ears and bears more than a passing resemblance to Curious George?

And, in closing, allow me to state the blindingly obvious question that’s currently clanging around in everyone’s skull:

“Holy s***! What would’ve happened if President John McCain had said that?”

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And Elsewhere…

Friday, July 30, 2010 3:25 pm

I have another post at the DC Trawler. Thanks again to Treacher for letting me keep some of my stuff at this place.

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Our Racist Colleges

Friday, July 30, 2010 1:02 pm

So to help fight discrimination, elite colleges now seem to discriminate heavily against Asians and poor white people. I don’t know how that’s supposed to help fight discrimination, but people who run elite colleges don’t have a reputation of being very smart so they’re probably just confused about things like what racial discrimination. You see, it’s not enough for an applicant to be really smart for a Harvard applicant if that person is an Asian; then he needs to be compared against his own race and has to be smart for an Asian. With white people, colleges favor those with money to pay for the poor people of other races they bring in. Also, they don’t like the wrong kind of white people, like those in ROTC or 4-H clubs. This would look like obvious racial discrimination to most people, but again the faculty of elite colleges tend to have problems with simple concepts. We really need some sort of educational program to teach them not to treat people like Crayola crayons and that they need to focus on more than just getting balanced set of all colors. Colleges need to look at the content of people’s character instead of grouping everyone into races and discriminating. And if maybe colleges had a bit more intellectual diversity, they might not have developed their racist problem in the first place because then there might have been a few people to say, “Hey! No! Bad!” In the end, it’s up to all of us to educate college professors.

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Who Are the “Political Class”?

Friday, July 30, 2010 11:01 am

Support for the border fence is now up to 68%, which is a pretty high number — especially if you compared it to number like 23 or 8 or especially 6.02×10^-23. But there is an interesting breakdown if you look at mainstream voters versus the political class: 76% of mainstream voters support the border fence while 67% of the political class oppose it. I’ve seen this before with the political class where Americans are all one way, but political class don’t even seem to understand the problem. So who exactly are the political class? I believe they live underground — like mole people — and eat roots that grow down through their ceiling. And they study politics all day and come up with their solutions for everything, but they don’t know what’s actually going on since they can’t get radio or satellite signals down there. So you may think the solution is to flood their underground lair and drown them, but it’s important to keep in mind that they aren’t malicious, just ignorant. We need to lure them out of their underground lair — maybe with sugar beets — and then try to teach of them the ways of the above ground world. We’ll have to show them all the basics like “This is what we call a job, and this is what we call work” and “We earn this money to buy food and cable internet, but taxes take this money away.” Maybe when the political class find out what the world is like above their dirt ceiling, they won’t be so scared and angry about it. And if not, then the flooding.

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Random Thoughts

Friday, July 30, 2010 9:06 am

Did Barbara Walters just bite the president? She just did it again! She’s a zombie! Get him out of there!!!

Ahh! Someone just threw me through a plate glass window! I didn’t see who, but I have a suspect.

U.S. President goes on day time chat show and is asked about Snooki. Calls black people mongrels. Not the 2010 I expected.

You do have to say that Julian Assange sticks to his principles over all else, like most sociopaths.

You’d think the President calling black people mongrels would be something that happened before Sen. Byrd was born, not after he died.

Oh no! I figured it out! The ghost of Robert Byrd has possessed Obama!

So Tribal Law and Order is not a new spinoff? Because I might have watched that.

Any idea how I can make my cat more badass?

So when do we officially declare that Obama has broke race relations in America?

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A mongrel people?

Thursday, July 29, 2010 8:28 pm

Did Barack Obama actually call Blacks “a mongrel people?”

Why, yes. Yes he did.

I grew up in southeast Georgia, where Blacks comprised nearly 40% of the population during the 1960s and 1970s. It’s down to around 30% statewide today. So, unlike most Whites in the home states of Barack Obama and Daniel Inouye (1.6%), Nancy Pelosi (6.1%), Harry Reid (6.4%), or Howard Dean (0.6%), I actually grew up going to school with, playing with, going to church with … Blacks.

I’ve never considered Blacks a mongrel people. Still don’t, despite what the president says.

And I haven’t changed my opinion of Barack Obama, either. He is a jackass.

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Obama Is Coming to Help. Hide!

Thursday, July 29, 2010 3:03 pm

Obama is wanting to help small businesses, which has to be pretty scary for them. Obama is a lot like Lenny for Of Mice and Men; he’ll want to pet the puppies, but eventually accidentally crush their necks. At least an advantage of being a small business is that they’ll be more able to hide from Obama. He’ll come into town saying, “Where are the small businesses? I want to hug ‘em and squeeze ‘em and name them George!” But he won’t see any if they’re all hiding well and then he’ll get all sad. Then we try to get Obama to help something we don’t care about, like San Francisco.

The guy is like Godzilla, but more patronizing.

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Mother, May I Blog for Treacher?

Thursday, July 29, 2010 1:04 pm

I have another blog post at the DC Trawler that’s my legal analysis of the Arizona decision. It’s like Treacher never left — except he did and he’s never coming back.

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My Questions for Obama

Thursday, July 29, 2010 11:01 am

So Obama goes on The View today. Somehow, I don’t think he’s going to get asked the hard-hitting questions we’d wish people would ask him. You know most of that group is going to suck up to Obama, which will leave the fate of the nation in the hands of Elisabeth Hasslebeck. She’s not exactly a towering conservative intellectual, but compared to the rest of the cast she’s William F. Buckley. Still, I’m not expecting much of interest from this, but here are the questions anyone with integrity should be asking the president if they have a chance:

MY QUESTIONS FOR OBAMA

* Why do you suck?

* No really, what’s with all the sucking?

* Like you’d expect most people to at least learn somewhat and suck less, but you just keep sucking more and more. Why is that?

* You suck so bad, it’s like you’re a black hole, just sucking and destroying anything that doesn’t suck. What’s up with that?

* Yes, I know a black hole doesn’t really suck as it just as the same gravity as any other body with its equivalent mass, but I think you get my meaning.

* No, I didn’t say “black ho.” That wouldn’t even make sense in context. You’re just trying to change the subject, but the subject is how much you suck and that’s what we’re talking about.

* No, we’re not going to agree to disagree. You suck; it’s a scientific fact. Now I want an explanation on national television.

* No, you’re not going to get out of this by crying.

* Really, I don’t care how much you cry.

* Okay, okay. Stop crying. Maybe I was being too harsh.

* No, no. It’s okay. You don’t suck. I was just kidding. There’s nothing to cry about. Bad joke.

* Um… next question… um… The White House, is that a fun place to live?

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Random Thoughts

Thursday, July 29, 2010 8:57 am

I’ve looked at the AZ decision and it has a lot of words in it.

So not only does Obama pass unpopular laws, he blocks popular laws other people pass. I don’t think he likes us.

To Whom It May Concern: Shut up, stupid!

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It’s a tough job, but somebody’s got to do it

Thursday, July 29, 2010 8:06 am

Jan loved her job. Sure, no job is perfect, but she really, really liked this one.

Jan ran Division 48 at a large corporation. She had a lot of people that depended on her doing her job right. And not everyone in the division liked how she did her job. But most did. And the Division was doing a lot better than many of the other divisions in the company. Jan was satisfied that she was doing a good job.

That morning, like many mornings, she noticed some strange people on the floor. Like every other morning, Jan had parked in the garage, walked to the employee entrance, swiped her badge, and entered the building. And, again this morning, she noticed that there were people wandering around the building who didn’t have a company badge.

She discovered that, while the door she entered every day was working, not every door to the building worked properly. Not that the doors wouldn’t open or allow people to entered with a badge swipe. No, the problem was that the doors would open without a badge swipe. And people from the company next door would walk into the building at will. And people from other companies could just walk in at will. And people who wandered the street would just walk in at will.

There was a desk at the main company entrance — a public area — where other people could enter the building and wait in line at the security desk. There were also security doors required a badge swipe on each floor of the building adjacent to a public area. Not every division was adjacent to a public area, but many were. Including Jan’s.

Jan sat at her desk, wondering how to handle the situation, as she had done for many days. This morning, though, Jan reached a decision. She opened Outlook and scheduled a meeting.


The meeting went well. Not everyone agreed with the decision. But Jan had decided that someone from her division would be stationed at the security door, checking anyone who wasn’t from the company, ensuring that visitors had a visitor’s pass.

Jan sent the memo around, copying the other 49 divisions, plus corporate headquarters, about the policies that were being implemented at the security door between Division 48 and the public area.

Minutes later, the phone rang. It was Eric. He oversaw the security for the company. And he wasn’t happy.

Jan explained that security was a problem on the floor, and that Corporate Security wasn’t doing its job. Eric said that his group was doing just fine thank you very much. His people had more important things to do than stand by the door outside Division 48.

“Like what?” Jan asked.

“Have you seen how many people are putting plastic in the paper recycle bin?” Eric responded. “It’s a full time job keeping people from mixing paper and plastic. We don’t have time to fix the security doors and man the floors looking for people without badges.”

Jan sighed. “That’s crazy, Eric. We have serious security issues at the company, and if you won’t or can’t do your job, my division will do it where we can.”

“We’ll see about that,” Eric said. And the call ended.


Susan concluded her meeting with Eric and Jan. She told Jan that people in her division could do some of the duties outlined in her memo. But some of the items crossed the line because they fell into Eric’s area of responsibility.

Jan would comply. Susan didn’t run the company, but her ruling would stand for now. Jan would appeal.

She just hoped the company would stay solvent until the security doors and processes were fixed.

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Be prepared … to be ignored

Thursday, July 29, 2010 7:04 am

A Scout is:

  • Trustworthy,
  • Loyal,
  • Helpful,
  • Friendly,
  • Courteous,
  • Kind,
  • Obedient,
  • Cheerful,
  • Thrifty,
  • Brave,
  • Clean,
  • Reverent

Oh, and not as important as a daytime TV show.

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Frank J. Around the Internets

Wednesday, July 28, 2010 3:11 pm

Jim Treacher asked me to guest post at the DC Trawler, and I agreed to do it in exchange for one of Tucker Carlson’s old bow ties. So go read my post about the possibility of a primary challenge to Obama.

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A New Democrat Strategy

Wednesday, July 28, 2010 1:03 pm

Instead of just running against Bush, the Democrats have a new strategy to tie the GOP to the Tea Parties. So the Democrats really think everyone will be like, “Oh no! They’re going to cut government! I’m going to vote for more awesome Democrat leadership!”

As for the GOP, I think their strategy will be to tie Democrats the current state of the country. They’ll say to the American people, “The Democrats have controlled Congress for four years and been completely in charge for two, and just look at the country. LOOK AT IT!!”

And the American people will break down sobbing and be like, “No! Don’t make us look at it!”

And the GOP will be like, “LOOK AT IT!!!!”

And the American people will be like, “Please! We’ll vote for you! Just don’t make us look at it!”

What exact horrible thing are the Democrats going to claim the Tea Party is going to do? Nuke their own country, because that’s still not quite the level of devastation the Democrats have already wreaked upon us.

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Is Science! Just Pushing Us Around?

Wednesday, July 28, 2010 11:02 am

Has Science! become more authoritarian causing people to distrust it? Apparently in Science! reporting, there has been a sharp increase in the use of the phrase “Science! says we must”, and people are beginning to feel that Science! is just pushing them around. And here are some other phrases that have increased in recent years in Science! reporting:

* Science! says we must

* Science! tells us we should

* Science! requires

* Bow down before Science!

* The power of Science! compels you

* Blaspheme to Science! will be noted and punished

* Science! demands your obedience and loyalty

* Do you dare speak before almighty Science!

* Kneel before Science!

* Science! shall crush you

* Foolish mortal! How dare you question Science!

* You have angered Science! and will pay dearly for it

* Science! wants a sammich. Get it a sammich! Now!

* All Science! wants is a hug

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Random Thoughts

Wednesday, July 28, 2010 8:58 am

Still getting birther e-mails. I can’t believe people are ignoring the 12-point buck standing in front of them to hunt snipe.

Ever notice in addresses from the Oval Office how Obama now has a tip jar on his desk? I don’t know if that’s appropriate.

If they do a movie about Charlie Rangel, Harvey Fierstein already has the voice down.

I like it when liberals have jobs because that’s the only way we can contort their statements to get them fired.

Writing a column on how to solve the issue of race. Decided it was time I finally did something about it. You’re welcome.

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lolbama! Part 45

Tuesday, July 27, 2010 11:26 pm

This week, That One. Next week, terrorists. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com

Meanwhile, pass ‘em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.


From Brad:

[reference link]

From Kris:

From Kris:

[reference link]

From Kris:

From Kris:

From Luke:

From me (Harvey):


My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

From Kris:

[reference link]

From Kris:

From Kris:

From Phreshone:

From Phreshone:

From Travelwise42:


This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:

That’s Obama with Russian President Dmitry Medvedev.

PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolbama! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

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Adventures in Babysitting

Tuesday, July 27, 2010 3:04 pm

President Obama would like his daughters to eventually earn some money babysitting. It would be a good lesson for them to learn that it takes hard work to get money, but that would be the first step towards them rebelling against their father’s politics and joining a Tea Party. Still, I think a lot of people will jump at having Malia and Sasha babysit for them because they think that means the Secret Service will be there helping protect the kids. Yes, but they’re only tasked to protect the president’s daughters. If terrorists attack, they’ll toss your baby out to the terrorists as a distraction, saying, “Kill this baby instead!” Malia and Sasha would probably be against that — as any kid would — because I assume you don’t get paid in that situation. Terrorists ruin everything.

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How to Stop Secrets from Leaking

Tuesday, July 27, 2010 1:02 pm

With the leak of the tens of thousands of documents on Afghanistan, it kind of sounds like we have a problem in our government of people leaking secret documents. Here are some ideas to stop that:

* Cover random secret documents with Ebola virus. Then finding the leaker is as simple as seeing who is bleeding out his eyes.

* Have a guardian stand before our secret documents, making everyone answer three questions to prove whether he is worthy to see them.

* When the leaker brings the documents to the New York Times, then you grab him because you secretly shipped everyone there to Gitmo and replaced them with doubles (Paul Krugman is a goat in a suit).

* The cabinet we keep all the secret documents in: Put a lock on it.

* Stop handing out free secret documents at tours even though it gets the tourists really excited. Also, stop giving tours of secret document facilities.

* When the leaker is found, draw and quarter him and put each piece at one of the four corners of the earth as a warning to others. You may need air fresheners, because that could smell.

* Have a guy standing in the shadows smoking a cigarette watching everyone who learns government secrets.

* Never ever write anything secret down.

* For the people allowed access to secret documents, try to look for red flags in their backgrounds that show that they might not have the best interests of our country in mind, such as if they voted Democrat.

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