No More Resort for Terrorists!
So apparently the terrorists are having a jolly old time in Guantanamo with internet and tons of books and flat screen TVs and free financial classes. They even really enjoy the Twilight series… like we weren’t suspicious enough of them already. Whatever happened to when a terrorist complained about being bored, we’d light him on fire and say, “Now how bored are you!”?
Our terrorist holding facility should never have been in the nice tropical location of Guantanamo. Instead, we should put terrorists in the American Siberia — Canada. We’ll just say to Canada, “Hey, we’re going to build a big prison in your country and ship all our terrorists there. Is that okay? Don’t bother answering because we don’t care.” And then all the evil terrorists will be trapped in the harsh plains of Canada, where any who try to escape will be eaten by a moose. That’s my best idea until we can put their prison on the moon. And then nuke the moon.
Or I guess we could nuke Canada. It’s pretty big; it’s not like it would be a big deal to nuke a few areas. Come to think of it, along with storing terrorists in Canada, why don’t we also test our nukes there? Canada really could be pretty useful if we were a little more imaginative.
(20 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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July 15th, 2010 at 3:09 pm
I submit that it would be more useful to nuke northern Mexico.
A. It would create a radioactive buffer zone that would slow down illegal immigration
B. No more drug gangs in Juarez
C. We can torture the terrorist by making them drink the worm
July 15th, 2010 at 3:20 pm
Sorry, we’re too busy shaking down anyone who knows the meaning of “innovation”.
July 15th, 2010 at 3:33 pm
Hey! Marko shaved!!!
July 15th, 2010 at 3:46 pm
Is Lavernia from “Malcolm In The Middle” available? She could be warden of the facility.
July 15th, 2010 at 3:47 pm
I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again. The terrorists should have been stored in prisons in south Georgia and Alabama run by local sheriffs and given room mates named Bubba who think Deliverance was a romance novel.
We would have to tame Canada first before we built any prisons up there. Too many wild liberals running about who would try help the terrorists. Some face punching may be in order.
July 15th, 2010 at 4:34 pm
Behold, Cat, I am become Mushmouth Morton, the destroyer of Marus.
Rest in peace when you have a break on eternal patrol, Mush.
July 15th, 2010 at 5:14 pm
The onion hit this out of the park
http://www.theonion.com/video/alqaeda-calls-off-attack-on-nations-capitol-to-spa,17688/
July 15th, 2010 at 5:20 pm
Nuke Canada? Excellent! They are our worst fear up here in Minnesota being a border state. The hairy Canadian Hoards swarming our border is a nightmare that we all fear now that they have a Socialist United States to migrate to!
July 15th, 2010 at 5:30 pm
It’s probably been said, but put the terizts in cages at the airport, just after the TSA screening checkpoints. Put signs on the cages like “This guy is the reason you had to take off your shoes and put all your shampoo in 3 oz. bottles.” Provide a healthy supply of mildly pointed sticks near the cages for the travelers.
July 15th, 2010 at 5:39 pm
I like the other picture of MarkoMancuso . Looked like Sean Connery. Hot and sexy!
July 15th, 2010 at 5:45 pm
@storm1911: Terrorists would do well being stored in some of our prisons in our small Texas towns too. The Bubbas down here do agricultural exemptions.
July 15th, 2010 at 6:24 pm
Those free financial classes the terrorists got in Guantanamo? All part of the torture. – We got them to invest in BP, GM and similar bluechips before Mr. obuma pulled the rug out from under the dominoes.
The terrorists lost their shirts, or whatever it is they wear. If they weren’t locked in one story buildings, they would have been going out the windows like Wall Street back in 1929.
July 15th, 2010 at 6:26 pm
How can you be worried about terrorist in hot-tubs when the Islamofascists are arming monkeys! MONKEYS!!!!!!
http://www.pjtv.com/?cmd=mpg&mpid=101&load=3888
This may be the first sign of the Apocalypse!!!
MONKEYS!!!!!!!!!!!
July 15th, 2010 at 6:57 pm
Why do I have the feeling that Cilla has something going on with Marko? Stay tuned for more on my late night radio program and sex hotline for old people.
(If you can’t laugh at that, you’re just too young.)
July 15th, 2010 at 7:12 pm
Cilla, I’m frankly confused by your comment. How could a woman not find this man charming, attractive, and perhaps even “sexy”?
Perhaps you’re an O’Kane lady or a Lucky Fluckey lady? Notice, of course, those two men and their iddy biddy blue starry ribbons underneath their starry ribbons.
By the way, Fluckey and O’Kane both wrote memoirs of their war experiences. I’ve read O’Kane’s book, but have not had the pleasure of reading Fluckey’s Thunder Below. However, I’m quite sure they’re both superior to Obama’s drivel. I’m also optimistic for America. I will always believe she’s capable of producing men like those of the Silent Service if the need arises again.
July 15th, 2010 at 7:14 pm
So in other words, they’re treated just like welfare recipients, I wonder who they voted for?
July 15th, 2010 at 7:44 pm
@Dudley: You look a bit like a very young Burt Lancaster. He had a better name than Commander Dudley Norton. And by the way, is your new look a plot to Confuse a Cat?
As far as terrorists go, could we set up a special airport security check station for them and make them go through it endlessly and forever?
July 15th, 2010 at 7:52 pm
As far as terrorists go, could we set up a special airport security check station for them and make them go through it endlessly and forever?
July 15th, 2010 at 8:23 pm
Hey, Hey Hey. Before you go talking about (or should I say aboot) nuking us just remember that a few more months of Obama and his leadership and Canada will be the only island of capitalism and democracy left in North America. Even if the Gang of Three loses both the houses in November you can count on them exorting the troops for some final kamikazi legislative sessions before they change the door keys in January.
July 15th, 2010 at 8:28 pm
I agree with that, scr_north. Canada still has a chance and unlike the 90′s when their federal gov’t nearly went bust, this time, they’re NOT copying our insanity. Go Canada! :-}
Of course, scr_north, you also could have said, “Wake up and smell the Canadian
coffeemicrobrews.”July 15th, 2010 at 8:31 pm
Burmashave,
Perhaps Commander Bledsoe from Run Silent, Run Deep was based off of Commander Morton. I cannot say. I can say that Deadly Dudley Morton is a great name with a great nickname.
The answer to your first question is Certainly.
July 15th, 2010 at 8:42 pm
@Marko: Wow, I completely forgot that Lancaster played the junior officer in Run Silent Run Deep. I’ll accede that Commander Morton has a solid name, although I’d say his boat, The Wahoo, was not named to inspire fear, but fear it did inspire.
July 15th, 2010 at 10:20 pm
Ship the terrs off to Ft. Wainwright, Alaska. East of Fairbanks. Bring in extra wolves for perimeter patrol.
Is whale blubber halal?
July 15th, 2010 at 11:05 pm
Good idea Stretch but I think Eareckson AFB out on Shemya Island would be an even better place to send them. Granted, there are no wolves but many foxes…some suspected of being rabid. As the saying goes, Shemya isn’t the end of the world…but you can see it from there.
July 15th, 2010 at 11:56 pm
I was going to suggest Adak Island
but after googling Shemya , I gotta agree with you, zzyzx.
July 16th, 2010 at 12:21 am
So the inmates get to read Twilight? Do you think they support team Edward or team Jacob? Maybe they’re half and half on that. Maybe the half that are for Edward will declare the team Jacob guys infidels and begin a jihad against them in prison.
On a not-at-all more serious note, what if they read Twilight and realize that the monkeys that the Taliban are training could be made into evil, vampire monkeys?! Shoot… we’re all screwed.
July 16th, 2010 at 1:30 am
Evil Sparkly monkeys number 26?
July 16th, 2010 at 2:11 pm
Evil sparkly monkeys indeed. They’ll fight infidels while giving off a sunkissed yet vampirish glow.
July 16th, 2010 at 2:33 pm
Absolutely! We’ll just consider it payback for Justin Bieber.