Liberals’ Biggest Problem

If I had to name one thing that was liberals biggest problem election-wise, it’s their inability to listen. That wasn’t a big a problem when they were out of power and the opposition, but it’s destroying them now. Liberals like to think the right is crazy and angry, but the right actually does understand the liberals viewpoint. And rejects it. The left, though, doesn’t understand the right; they’re too busy screaming “bigot” and “racist” to even understand what the right is objecting to. While in power, they’ve ignored everyone’s concerns — even deriding those concerns they don’t even understand — and that’s just suicide in a democracy. Now the American people are done listening to the left; I’d say at least 60% of American stop paying attention to the left as soon as they make accusations of racism and bigotry — and that number is only rising. Just look at all the big issues lately: The more the left shouts, the more people turn against them. It’s not so much the Tea Party is so popular as it’s baiting liberals into being even more unpleasant and unlikeable.

That’s the nice thing about the system we have; no matter how much some people scream or cry, they don’t get to ignore election results.

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Name That UAV

Iran has their own armed aerial drone. According to experts, it sucks, but at least they seem to be making advancements in naming them as [Google “Iran President”; cut and paste name here] called the drone the “ambassador of death.” So what would you name your UAV? Here are some of my ideas:

The Diplomat of Destruction
The Monarch of Murder
The Archduke of Annihilation
The Emperor of Explosions
The Prime Minister of Pain
The Senator of Slaying
The Comptroller of Killing
The Member of the House of Lords of Making People Not Alive Anymore
Mr. Explodey

So what would you call your armed aerial drone?

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Right-Wing Viole– Oh, Never Mind

New York cabdriver is stabbed for being Muslim!

The stabber works for a liberal peace group that supports the construction of the mosque (the cabdriver is against construction of the mosque).

Congressman muses about Nancy Pelosi dying!

The Congressman is a Democrat.

Democrat Russ Carnahan’s campaign office was firebombed!

Prime suspect is one of Carnahan’s staffers who had blogged for the left-wing site Talking Points Memo.

Man goes into mosque in New York shouting anti-Muslim slurs and urinates on prayer rugs!

Man was so drunk he didn’t know where he was. Early reports of anti-Muslim slurs were false. Not being pursued as hate crime.

You almost have to feel for the liberals at this point. They keep getting so close to that example of right-wing violence and hate that they’re salivating over, and then Lucy keeps pulling away the football. It’s like liberals have gotten so annoying, they’ve actually annoyed God, and now He is toying with them.

It was hoped liberals would calm down a bit after Obama was elected, but they only got even more hysterical and paranoid. Maybe then they’ll calm down a bit if there’s a huge Republican wave in November. All this power the liberals currently have to bitterly cling to is making them cranky.

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Random Thoughts

Things sucked in 2008. And all the GOP has to do is return us to that condition and they’ll look like heroes.

Know what would be a great anti-Barbara Boxer shirt? Those from Al Bundy’s “No Ma’am” club.

Smart idea would be for Democrats to give up now and save all that money they would have spent on campaigning for 2012.

Confession: I’ve never completely understood who 50 cent is. Rapper of some sort, I’m assuming.

Pictures like this always makes me laugh. “Dude, stop waving at me and RUN!”

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Maybe Cleveland has a good idea after all

You may recall a week or so ago when word came out that Cleveland was putting high-tech trash cans out that would rat out people who don’t recycle.

The trash cans have chips inside that can tell when you take the recycle can to the curb … and when you don’t. And that’s the key. When you don’t … and if it thinks you’ve gone too long without taking out recyclables, it will contact the city and tell them. Then they send a trash cop out to look around in your trash.

I don’t think I like the idea. Because, well, what has Cleveland ever done that was a good idea? No, really. Okay, they signed Jim Brown to play football, but that was 53 years ago. And he quit playing football after nine years. Even a bad-ass like Jim Brown couldn’t stomach Cleveland for too long.

Smart trash cans isn’t along the line as sign-Jim-Brown-to-play-football smart. It’s stupid. The trash cans are smart, but the whole idea is stupid.

Really, do you want your trash can calling and telling on you? I bet even Oscar the Grouch wouldn’t want a tattle-tell trash can.

But, maybe, just maybe, we can use that technology for something good instead of narcing on you about recycling.

For instance, we could put those chips in Obama’s golf clubs. Then, if he goes too long without taking the clubs to a golf course, then me might be in Washington trying to screw up the country some more. It could call someone who would send him a free pass to a golf course. As long as Obama is hitting the links, he’s not hitting the economy in the nuts.

There could be chips placed on Democrat Congressmen. When too many get together at one time, you know they’re planning something bad. So, it would call Fox News or Andrew Breitbart and they’d show up with a camera, scaring the Democrat Congressmen back into their little holes in the ground.

They could put one on Rosie O’Donnell. That way, whenever she showed up somewhere, it could call anyone in the area so they could run away.

One on Al Gore could call the police whenever he got near a masseuse.

One on Barney Frank could call the police whenever he went out in public.

One on Roman Polanski could call all the parents of teenage girls so they could hide their daughters.

One on Ron Paul could call everybody whenever he went somewhere. His supporters would all show up, and the rest of us could go somewhere else, confident that we’d be free of them for a few minutes.

So, maybe we could take the technology Cleveland is using to play trash police and put it to some good use.

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Who’s Simple-Minded?

Apparently Japan has a Democratic Party (which makes sense since the country has been like in a recession for twenty years), and for some reasons he gave some speech in which he called American “simple-minded.” Okay, where do other countries get this idea that they’re smart and America is stupid? If other countries are full of smart people, then how come they suck so much? Isn’t that a definitive measure of how smart you are: Your country’s awesomeness? And America continues to be way more powerful, richer, and influential than any other country out there.

It’s like a squirrel saying, “Americans are so stupid; they can’t even scamper up trees.” But what we can do is capture the squirrel in little cages, put them in homemade PVC pipe bazookas, and fire them through the air showing once and for all who sucks and who is awesome. And since Japan doesn’t really have much of an army, we can pretty much do the same to them.

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Why the Republicans Will Do Well in November: Guaranteed Results

I think a reason Republicans are going to do really well in November is that while when Obama was elected people had a hope of him making things better, people absolutely know for certain that Republicans will make things better.

Look at this way: In 2008, America was feeling really sick and crummy. And then comes along Dr. Obama who said, “I can make you all feel better!” And everyone was really hopeful that was true — despite a few suspicions since Dr. Obama didn’t have any diplomas hanging on the wall. So America hired Obama… who then started to hit us repeatedly in the crotch. And we were all like, “Ow! Stop that! Stop that now!” And Dr. Obama said, “Shut up, stupid! I don’t have to listen to you!” And then Dr. Obama’s Democrat congress assistants held us down so he can punch us even easier.

So now it’s 2010 and people are looking to Dr. GOP. And given Dr. GOP’s record, they’re not very hopeful he’ll actually be able to cure what originally was ailing America. But there is one thing America knows for certain: The GOP will be able to get Obama to stop hitting us repeatedly in the crotch, making us all feel a ton better. And guaranteed results like that is a powerful thing.

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Treating Our Congressmen More Like They Deserve

In my new Pajamas Media column, I describe the problems in our representative government and my solution to better keep Congress in its place. How do you think we can best let Congress know how their rank in society?

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Random Thoughts

If you’ve heard news of me heading over to devastate Mexico, that’s a different Frank.

This defeat of Murkowski is disturbing. Is the GOP really going to become a party that no longer welcomes Republicans that suck?

I have a mind that is as brilliant as it is rubbery.

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lolbama! Part 47

This week, That One. Next week, terrorists. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com

Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.


From Kris:

From Kris:

From Kris:

[reference link]

From Kris:

From Kris:

[reference link]

From Kris:

[reference link]

From me (Harvey):

From me (Harvey):

From me (Harvey):

From me (Harvey) :

[reference link]

From Peregrine John:

From Travelwise42:


My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

From Kris:

From Kris:

[reference link]

From me (Harvey):


This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:

PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolbama! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

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