Cool Action Sequences
Here’s an awesome action sequence:
I’ve always wanted to make an action movie. I figure I’ll come up with some cool action sequence ideas and then I’ll just build the movie plot around it. It’s pretty simple; you just have everybody after a MacGuffin or something. Doesn’t matter what.
Anyway, here are some of my action scene ideas:
* Submarine gets attacked by scuba diving Tyrannosaurus Rex.
* Kung fu fight between a man and a grizzly bear with a chainsaw.
* Epic lasergun battle with vampire Hitler.
* Giant robot punches out the moon.
* Old west shootout with sharks with guns.
* Ninjas beat up zombie hippies.
* Main evil villain finished off by being shot with a baboon cannon (that’s a cannon that fires baboons, not a cannon that turns people into baboons — that would be a baboon transfiguration cannon).
I don’t know if I can put all that action in one film as the MPAA might object; probably wouldn’t let me do it unless I put in some message about saving the environment or something. I hate them.
What do you want to see in an action sequence?
(17 votes, average: 4.94 out of 5)
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September 1st, 2010 at 3:42 pm
What do I want to see in an action sequence?
Conservative super heroes Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, Mark Levin, Sean Hannity and Laura Ingrahm in a battle to the death with the Obammunites (Axis of Obama).
September 1st, 2010 at 3:51 pm
Speed boat jousting.
Cruise ship demolition derby.
Whales with heat seeking missiles battling elephants with laser rifles.
Nacny Pelosi in a thunderdome match against Sarah Palin
Obama battling the U.S. constitution…wait, already been done.
September 1st, 2010 at 3:54 pm
Putin, wearing a black lather jacket, jeans and a Fonzi do, swinging a machete vs: Obama riding his girly bike and a pink head protector with a sling shot.
Ann Coulter in a black leather corset with stiletto boots using a flogger vs: Pelosi.
September 1st, 2010 at 3:55 pm
P.S. how did you get a copy of John Cusaks latest film before its release?
September 1st, 2010 at 4:02 pm
Ann Coulter in a black leather corset with stiletto boots and a flogger with Putin handcuffed to a bed while she flogs him. You know what? I would pay to see that.
September 1st, 2010 at 4:09 pm
Jackie Chan using a hippie to beat up Obama and his entire staff.
September 1st, 2010 at 4:20 pm
Obama riding over a huge bump and falling on his onions on the center bar (yes Michelle lent them back for the action sequence only) and then trying to pass a law that all bike riders shall now wear a cup!
September 1st, 2010 at 4:28 pm
A group of protesting anarchists take over the FOX News building. After tearing off strips of her skirt and blouse to bandage Shep’s wounds, Megan Kelly decides that she can no longer wait for the SWAT team to free them. She takes out the first guy with a roundhouse kick that embeds her stilleto heel into his temple. She takes his baseball bat and goes after the others, leaping over desks, dodging swinging fists by doing splits on the floor or “Matrix” style leaning backwards (popping the remaining button of her blouse). Finally, body glistening with sweat and artfuly placed smudges, she confronts the last anarchist and snap kicks him into a transformer on the roof where he fries. She looks at the charred remains, flips her hair back and says, “Power to the people m*****f*****!”
I’ll be in my bunk.
September 1st, 2010 at 4:33 pm
With a nod to “Family Guy”, I have to say there appeared to be snipers everywhere, look at all the red dots…..
September 1st, 2010 at 4:45 pm
Can we just get Ann Coulter in the black leather corset with stiletto boots and leave Pelosi and Putin out of it? No reason to spoil the view.
September 1st, 2010 at 4:54 pm
Submarine gets attacked by SCUBA diving Tyrannosaurus Rex.>>> Godzilla says,” SCUBA gear? I don’t need no stinkin’ Scuba gear!”
September 1st, 2010 at 4:55 pm
Ann Coulter beating the sh*t out of Rahm Emanuel while he begs for more, while looking for his tweezers so he can masturbate.
September 1st, 2010 at 4:58 pm
GREATEST . ACTION. SEQUENCE. EVER.
Have you seen the promo for Bangalore Kong, the Bollywood version of King Kong? Cardboard cit yand a suit straight from my first grade years.
Zombie liberals vs. Laser-and-missile-armed- conservatives. With chainsaws.
September 1st, 2010 at 4:58 pm
Mary Katharine Ham giving Ed Schultz or Dylan Ratigan one in the ‘nads (once she uses a microscope to find their ‘nads).
September 1st, 2010 at 5:00 pm
Or is this a preview of the 2012 Democrat convention?
September 1st, 2010 at 5:00 pm
Somewhat off-topic: I Googled to make sure that I had the exact names for Ed Schultz and Dylan Ratigan. In the process, I discovered that I’m more than two years older than Ed Schultz, who looks like he died last spring. Depressing.
September 1st, 2010 at 5:20 pm
Well, the bear doesn’t have a chainsaw, but check this out, Frank.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OA3AZ59Zk_I
September 1st, 2010 at 5:37 pm
I want Samuel L. Jackson, John Wayne, and Sean Connery.
I want John Ford to direct it.
September 1st, 2010 at 5:49 pm
If, by “awesome action sequence” you mean a cheesy attempt by foreigners that fails miserably, then yes it’s awesome.
September 1st, 2010 at 6:20 pm
I’m with Son of Bob. Did I miss something? As for an action movie plot, I can’t top FormerHostage #8, so I won’t try.
September 1st, 2010 at 6:27 pm
Visualize a ring of medieval catapults around an active volcano, flipping liberals into the crater.
Might get boring after a while, so we’d have trick shots, clever costumes, streamers and sound effects.
For variety, we could use the catapult and a liberal to feed the zoo lions from a quarter mile away.
Use two catapults to stage mid-air liberal collisions.
The mind boggles at the possibilities. (or bungles, or whatever.)
September 1st, 2010 at 6:52 pm
I’m with Mark Mancuso. Maybe with Bruce Willis too.
I’d like to see the Ride of the Warmongers http://www.imao.us/archives/000909.html
except instead of Bush, Rumsfeld and Scott McClellan with Cheney have John Bolton (with stache), Chuck Norris and Samuel L. Jackson.
You’d have to dig up someone to replace Big Fat Teddy K.
Or you could di….
Nope, I’m not going there.
September 1st, 2010 at 7:12 pm
#5 I suspect Vlad would pay for that also.
September 1st, 2010 at 7:42 pm
Victor Stallone, Karl Malone, Bela Lugosi, Nancy Pelosi and Barack the wiener dog in :
“Earl Tea-bags D.C.”
“Washington Takes It Up the Potomac”
“Up The Lazy River… At 120 Knots”
“Water, Water Everywhere And
Not A Drop To DrinkAnd Everyone’s Dead.”September 1st, 2010 at 7:56 pm
DRAT! They left off the end of that clip , where he lands on a trainload of explosives that collides with a liquid oxygen tanker as it crashes into a fireworks wholesale warehouse.
Then the falling sword lands and cuts his other arm off.
They really, really hate the badguys in Bollywood.
September 1st, 2010 at 8:06 pm
NIce nod to Art Fern, Jimmy. As for action sequences, I’d be happy just to see that helicopter weed-whackin wacky Pakis…
September 1st, 2010 at 9:05 pm
i love bollywood
September 1st, 2010 at 10:24 pm
Whenever I hear the words, “Deeba gooka dobba gelly bobba ganagshnoostama shelly.” I get a little teary-eyed.
I’m a sucker for the sappy stuff.
September 1st, 2010 at 11:15 pm
Hmm. Can’t think of much that tops Wesley v. Inigo but in the spirit of IMAO how about this…
Obama goes on a quest to find the Constitution so that he can destroy it once and for all. Most of the movie is him getting beaten by Michelle for being a loser, getting buckets stuck on his head, and other sorts of non-endearing antics. In the final scene he finally finds the Constitution and as he’s about to open the case it’s in he gets a tap on the shoulder. Obama turns to see who’s there but he finds nobody. After a few seconds Obama turns around to find that he’s standing face to face with the greatest heavy weight professional boxer, Rocky Marciano, who proceeds to sucker punch Obama and then as he staggers in pain Rocky raises Obama’s head and pounds mercilessly on his torso. Rocky then catches Obama with an uppercut underneath the ribs lifting him up into the air where Rocky performs an Ultra juggle combo where he punches Obama out the door right into the round house kick of a waiting Chuck Norris. Chuck’s kick sends Obama flying into the air. The camera pans up to show Fred Thompson waiting on the roof of a nearby building. Fred leaps from the building to catch Obama at the apex of his round house powered flight. Fred grabs Obama, throws him downward, and proceeds to fly after and beat Obama mercilessly. After a few seconds of beating, Fred grabs Obama and performs a spinning pile driver making a large crater and leaving Obama halfway buried in rubble. Moments later a helicopter is heard and seen in the background flying toward the scene. Roll the credits. After the credits there’s an extra scene where Sarah Palin is seen in the helicopter with a sniper rifle. She aims the gun and winks as she pulls the trigger. The screen fades to black as the sound of the rifle is heard.
September 1st, 2010 at 11:26 pm
Hillary Clinton, Ed Plimpton, Sir Edmond Hillary, Al Gore, Dorothy Lamore and Robert Gibbs the wonder weasel in :
“Obama Eagle’s His Ass”
“There’s A Hole In The One”
“I Ain’t Standin’ In For Joe”
“Run, Run Very Fast”
“Step Away From The President”
September 2nd, 2010 at 1:15 am
I take back every bad thing I’ve ever said about foreign movies!
September 2nd, 2010 at 2:35 am
How about an action film about some whack-job nutso left wing moron who takes over the building that houses the headquarters of the Discovery Channel. His mind has been melted by seeing the Al Gore movie An Inconvenient Truth and he’s gone completely berserk. He says he’ll blow it up the building killing several hostages and himself if his demands aren’t met. But, instead of f**king around with him for a week or so the cops just shoot him after a couple of hours……nawh, forget it, not near enough action, it would never work.
September 2nd, 2010 at 3:00 am
I know I shouldn’t critic you being as you is the host an stuff but………… *Submarine gets attacked by scuba diving Tyrannosaurus Rex.–Not plausible, T-Rex’s don’t know how to swim much less dive.
* Kung fu fight between a man and a grizzly bear with a chainsaw.–Get real, everyone knows G-Bears don’t know how to use chainsaws.
* Epic lasergun battle with vampire Hitler.–Might work if you have him fight a werewolf Stalin.
* Giant robot punches out the moon.–Moon shrinking, no one would care.
* Old west shootout with sharks with guns.–Again…not plausible sharks can’t grasp guns and would look ridicules in old west clothes..
* Ninjas beat up zombie hippies.Might work, most people hate both zombies and hippies.
* Main evil villain finished off by being shot with a baboon cannon (that’s a cannon that fires baboons, not a cannon that turns people into baboons — that would be a baboon transfiguration cannon).–Might work if you can locate a genuine baboon cannon in this day and age.
September 2nd, 2010 at 7:03 am
Renown Scientist!/Blogger Frank J leads army of potato bugs in epic battle against bed bugs. Battle nearly lost when zzyzx inadvertently leaks war plans in IMAO comments. Marko saves the day when he invents the sheet penetrating couch potato cannon.
September 2nd, 2010 at 9:59 am
(I had a strange dream last night)
Up scope.
There he is! There’s Obama’s drunken party boat! He wasted our money on that! Open outer doors on tubes 1, 2, and 3.
“Aye aye, sir.”
Stand by for constant bearing! Constant bearing – MARK!
“We’re set, skipper!”
Good.
The ship’s bow comes over the periscope’s wire…
Fire one!
Now the stack…
Fire two!
And now the stern…
Fire three!
“All running hot, straight, and normal!”
Rig for depth charging! Make my depth two-five-zero!
KABOOM
September 2nd, 2010 at 10:01 am
We need something for the girls to ogle … I’d like to throw Jason Statham getting his clothes ripped off in battle in with the leather-clad Ann Coulter. He can be a good guy, a bad guy, or just pointless eye candy.
September 2nd, 2010 at 3:46 pm
Fred Thompson enters an underground martial arts tournament to take revenge for his brother the masked wrestler known as “The Constitution” who is hospitalized and on life support after an encounter with the merciless “Zero.” Training montage with music by Survivor. Thompson takes on Zero on the balcony of the Capitol dome. Zero is disadvantaged being unable to throw an effective kick in Mom jeans. Thompson punches him in the throat, Zero explodes into coins for no known reason, everyone gets their money back.
September 2nd, 2010 at 5:43 pm
I saw the original American version of this, direct-to-video. Chuck Norris caught the helicopter blades and slammed the copter to the ground. Then he roundhouse kicked the guy’s arm off.
All of this happened while he was having sex with the damsel in distress.
September 2nd, 2010 at 9:49 pm
[...] by KingShamus on September 2, 2010 At least, the perfect action movie according to Frank J. over at IMAO. Anyway, here are some of my action scene [...]
September 3rd, 2010 at 12:00 am
Wow! That clip is all kinds of AWESOME! You’re time on YouTube was well spent today.
September 3rd, 2010 at 1:18 pm
So what was the name of this film? Here are some possibilities.
Seven-Eleven … Disarmament
Shoplifter III – Apu’s Revenge
The B Team
Flight of the Pondicherry Fairy
September 3rd, 2010 at 8:04 pm
I absolutely love your list. Here’s some other ones I’ve seen.
Something I keep seeing clips of but have no idea why it’s there – an episode of Dr Who where English WWII fighters can actually fly in space and attack Dalek UFOs while Churchill follows the action in his war room. Someone went a little nuts with the sandbox toys, and I love it.
Speaking of, the famous Calvin and Hobbes: Tyrannosaurs in F-14s.
Calvin: This is SOOO cool!
Hobbes: This is SOOO stupid.
One of the Oddworld games had “Live Ammo” – furry critters shot from a crossbow that did different things. If you left them in the gun too long, they got snarky with you.
Evil Dead 4 – An army of Pelosi’s taken out with a boomstick. Because watching her head explode would never get old. Or I could just watch Army of Darkness and squint – it would look the same.
A Bioshock 2 Big Daddy takes on a sentient giant squid with tourettes
Ten wet cats attack a drunk frat boy douchebag
Alien takes on the physical characteristics of whatever it burst from- so have it burst from a giraffe or an octopus, or a whale.
Those robot squids from The Matrix versus a Battletech MadCat
Cloverfield is Obama’s next nominee to the Supreme Court, making it the third least photogenic court member after the last two.