The Key to the Upcoming Election

Posted on September 9, 2010 1:02 pm

As we approach the November elections and it looks like the Democrats are going to take a major hit, there will be a lot of speculation on why so many people have turned against the Democrats and Obama. Here is my speculation.

I think the key to the Democrats’ troubles is the sucking. It’s just hard for anyone not to turn against them with such complete and epic sucking. They said they needed to spend hundreds of billions of dollars or unemployment could get as high as 8%, and they’ve spent their hundreds of billions we didn’t want them to and now it’s 9.6%. And then there was that health care bill we really didn’t want either which they wasted time on when all they were supposed to focus on was the economy. It’s hard to suck more than that. That’s record sucking.

But some will respond, “The Republicans also suck.” And yes, that is true. But the degree is important.

Let’s say you had a twenty dollar bill. And let’s say you accidentally misplaced it and lost it. That would suck. Now let’s say you had a bag of ten thousands dollars. Now let’s say you lost that. That would really suck. Now let’s say you had a choice between losing twenty dollars and losing ten thousands dollars. Both suck, but it’s still a really easy choice. And that’s why everyone but the most blindly partisan are turning against the Democrats. It’s pretty easy to vote for the lesser sucking when we’re talking such Brobdingnagian levels of sucking on the Democrats’ side.

So write that in your politics book on lessons learned: Don’t suck. At least not at fabled levels.

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21 Responses to “The Key to the Upcoming Election”

  1. MarkoMancuso says:

    I think the Democrats were doomed to failure as soon as they announced Grendel’s mother as their new Speaker of the House.

  2. acrazymic says:

    LOL @ Grenel’s mom!!!!! I think its pretty clear the Dems will pull the “despe-racist card” of just saying that if you vote republican you are a racist. Thats really all I can see is a petty pathetic last attempt to escape their demise. Well, Chris Matthews and Kieth Olbermann may pee themselves too….but dont they do that anyways? Breaking News – Barbara “Ma’am” Boxer just had an aide (econoic advisor) arrested for attempting to smuggle marijuana into a Govt building!!! Can you imagine anything better right before an election???? I bet Carly Fiorina is doing backflips right now.

  3. Burmashave says:

    When you totally suck, you can’t do anything right. On the other hand, when you partially suck, you can do some things right. I go for the bag o’ ten thousand dollars and some right things.

  4. storm1911 says:

    Not only are you losing the ten thousand dollars, you are losing it to a clown with a bucket on his mhead. I think even the most dense are waking up to the democrat con.

  5. ussjimmycarter says:

    I will hold my nose and vote Republican but they really can’t suck any more than they do! There are exceptions, however. One is from my state of MN. Michelle Bachman does not suck! She rocks! Most other mainstream Republicans, however are RINO’s and they need to be hunted down and pant’s or something! They do the suckage as good a democrats do! They actually do the suckage better than democrats because they claim to be one thing but then they vote WITH “their good friends on the other side of the aisle” when it really counts! That is SUCKAGE of a major league kind!

  6. mattpickus says:

    I want NJ Governor Christie to step down so that we can install him as Speaker of the House. Imagine him standing at the podium telling the other 434 representatives just how much they suck, and being 100% unapologetic about speaking the truth.

    Alternatively, we could ship him off to some genetic engineering lab and have him cloned so that every state could elect a governor with some stones.

  7. Son of Bob says:

    Key to winning: Simply keep reminding voters that, if the trillion dollar stimulus had instead simply been divided equally among every household in the country, how much money each family would have received, and how they would have then used that money to pay bills, buy goods and services, and thus stimulate the economy. It’s really that simple.

  8. plentyobailouts says:

    Heeeeyyyy not all democrats suck.

    Well yeah they do, I kept a straight face as long as I could.

    and not all republicans suck less. mccain, graham, snowe, collins, hagel, etc.

  9. Carolyn says:

    I’ll believe the Dems will get whacked when I see it: they have illegals’ non-existent voting rights to fight for, and after illegals (and numerous dead people) vote they just might win some close races. If by some miracle the republicans can take back the house and senate they had best overturn that healthcare bill ifreakingmmediately.

  10. Ernie Loco says:

    See, this is why the internet is awesome: if I were reading this in a newspaper and came across the word “Brobdingnagian”, I’d just be like, “wtf, Frank must have hit the sauce pretty hard today.” But with the internet I can immediately look it up and find the definitioin: an adjective meaning really gigantic – derived from the name of the giants land in Gulliver’s Travels.

    Thanks to the internet, I no longer think Frank is drunk, just pretentious. :-P

    [And also drunk. -Ed.]

  11. PRH says:

    You want to talk about evil, liberal SUCKAGE?
    http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2010/09/07/long-island-man-arrested-for-defending-home-with-ak-47/

    Evil, evil, evil, liberal laws enacted have put this man and his family in danger. How? By disarming him. Oh, now the gang members won’t bother him. He’s in JAIL for PROTECTING his family. Sickening!

    Compare that story to this: http://www.azcentral.com/news/articles/2010/09/05/20100905chandler-shooting-two-dead.html#ixzz0z11JMCII

    Arizona is looking better and better all the time. Despite John McCain.
    Plus, they don’t do daylight savings time! I need say no more.

    -PRH (formerly LearntoDrawaLine)

  12. Raving Lunatic says:

    Carolyn, while I sympathize completely, temper that temper with a dose of reality; they will be unable to repeal ObomanationCare. Constipate that stinker of a turd, but not repeal it. Obama still has a veto stamp, and we won’t have enough to overcome it. Yet.

    And unless they add a moisturizer subsidy to Porkulus 2 and ram it through soon, they may even lose the dead vote…

  13. EnemyoftheState says:

    Frank, your lesson on political suckitude inspired me to think of a measuring system for massive suckitude.

    Just as nuclear weapon “yields” are measured by their equivalence to tons of TNT explosive and are expressed as kilotons (KT) and megatons (MT),

    we could measure political suckitude in kilosuck (KS) and megasuck (MS).

    Applying this system to your example, we would find that republicans and democrats both suck, but republicans are generally measured in kilosucks,

    while democrats tend to the high end of the megasuck range.

  14. ussjimmycarter says:

    Suckage = Barney Frank!

    What? Someone had to say it!

  15. jcp370 says:

    Arrgh!! There’s a picture of Bill Clinton on the right side of the screen and it says “President Clinton Answers Your Top-Voted Questions on You-Tube. A You-Tube Interview with President Clinton”. And then right below his waist, there is a button to click on that says, “Submit Your Question”. While I realize that you & SarahK are looking at increased expenses with the upcoming birth of the sweet little Princess, turning to internets porn is a huge mistake. Although I’ve been unemployed since Recovery Spring 2009, I’m willing to chip in something. Please reconsider.

  16. Live Free Or Die says:

    It’s easy to find money, if you know where to look. I suggest looking in a Democrat Congressman’s freezer, or Diane Wilkerson’s bra.

    The key to the upcoming election should be the one to the prison where ALL the career politicians belong.

  17. Duke of Earl says:

    @ PRH

    About the guy with the Kalashnikov, when living in a county with about 2000 MS-13 members you need a AA-12 and a tank not just a rifle.

    Or a change of address…

  18. Carolyn says:

    Raving, you’re absolutely right. However, I still want to see it attempted so that Obama HAS to veto it and take accountability (so there is something that is solidly his doing and no one else’s). If by some miracle republicans get enough for a 2/3, veto-proof majority I just might cry and douse myself in champagne the same way I did when the Sox broke the Curse of the Bambino.

  19. seanmahair says:

    I would be more hopeful if the majority of those running weren’t business as usual RINO’s. We need real substantive leadership, not more of the lameness we already have. So please forgive me if I’m less that enthusiastic. It’s like replacing a broken car with the same make, model and year. It may run for a while but the odds are …………..same song just a different tune. I hope I’m wrong but experience (of which the current administration has none ) tells me I’m not.

  20. shiggz says:

    Going by the national debt under Bush 8 years vs projected Obama 8 years ratio would be more like 4trillion vs 13trillion.

  21. IMAO » Blog Archive » The Other Key to This Election links:

    […] previously said the key to the upcoming election is the sucking, but I’ve been thinking and believe that condescension should be added to the mix too. […]

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