Archive for October, 2010

Classic Halloween Horror Shows

Sunday, October 31, 2010 2:33 am

Trick-or-Treat! Happy Halloween, IMAOans™! In recognition of this cherished holiday, I have pulled some of my classic horror movie posters out of the vault and reposted them here on IMAO (for the first time) for your amusement. Have a happy, fun and safe holiday!

First up, from November 7, 2008…. the most horrifying story of all time. Thankfully, with your help, it’s two-year engagement is finally ending on Tuesday. Unfortunately, the damage inflicted by this ugly beast will take years to repair.

Next up, my 2009 Halloween Halloween Cavalcade of Horror

Sweet dreams! Muwahahahaha!!!

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Valour-IT

Saturday, October 30, 2010 12:19 pm

It’s time once again for the Valour-IT fundraiser. The idea is to get tech to help wounded troops (such as voice controlled laptops) which does seem like about the least we can do. It’s a competition between the branches, and I’m on team Jacob Marines. They kill the most people and my brother is one.

So please give generously.

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2010

Saturday, October 30, 2010 3:17 am

Cross-posted at America is an Obamanation!

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Sneezing Monkey

Friday, October 29, 2010 3:03 pm

This is what gives me nightmares:

"I'll stop you yet, He-Man!"

It’s a new monkey discovered in Burma.

First off, stop discovering new monkeys! We do not need anymore monkeys! We have way more monkeys than we need and should be concentrating on making them extinct instead of finding more.

Second, see its weird nose? When it rains, it fills up with water and the monkey sneezes. So guess what happens now that I know this? It is in my brain that raining plus sneezing equals monkey. Next time it rains and I hear a sneeze, I’ll spin around and shout, “Die, monkey!” while firing my gun wildly. I do not take chances with monkeys.

Hmm. I guess this monkey is kind of the opposite of this one.

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Yes We Can, But…

Friday, October 29, 2010 1:03 pm

When President Obama was on the Daily Show, he modified his famous phrase to, “Yes we can, but…” So what are the possible endings to it? Here are some ideas:

YES WE CAN, BUT…

…it sounds hard.

…it would require competent leadership.

…Republicans stole my Slurpee.

…I’d rather focus on liberal agenda stuff you don’t care about right now like health care.

…I kind of don’t like this country.

…it is forbidden by the Koran.

…then I couldn’t play as much golf.

…then I might lose my best friend, Bill Ayers.

…it’s just not how we do things in my hometown of Kenya.

…it might make foreign leaders so mad they won’t let me bow to them.

…it’s better the car stay in the ditch until we get a hybrid.

…I’m president.

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Frank Responds to Spam Comments

Friday, October 29, 2010 11:01 am

From out of Macedonia the Great Landlord has provided us with more spam comments. Have enjoyment with them!

thanks you men.

In Soviet Russia, men thanks YOU!

Any possibility we can get more posts like this 1 ? I adore all typed of femdom posts!

Sorry. Any fendom posts I might have done were through an unrepeatable accident. I won’t even try to make one again out of risk of injury.

Hey administrator, I have a little request. I was just simply googleing for some details on the subject you wrote and located this post. Some great stuff you published here. Can I please talk about this post on my latest site I’m working on? It would certainly be great :). I’ll check back once again later to find out how you responded. Many thanks, Hassie Noth

First rule of IMAO: Don’t talk about IMAO.
Second rule of IMAO: DON’T TALK ABOUT IMAO!
Third rule of IMAO: Ignore first and second rule and please link to IMAO.

food aids are mostly needed by the poor coutnries in africa and also in asia’-,

You shouldn’t give food AIDS to kill off poor people. There are a lot less convoluted ways to do that.

hair transplants are overly expensive but i can say that the results are great:.

Wow! Joe Biden reads my blog!

Hi, I manage a website too and I almost never see junk remarks on your articles. How do you manage to stop it all? Does one just physically moderate all of it?

Now you spammers are getting pretty cheeky.

What a good post you’ve posted. Good share. But I am having trouble with this feed. I could’n to subscribe. Is there any person else experiencing similar issue with this rss feed?

Yes, other spammers keep reporting and complaining about the same issue for some reason. I’ll give you the advice I give all spammers: Kill self.

good good…this post deserves nothing …hahaha just joking :P …nice post :P

I broke down crying before I read the second part. Please don’t play with my fragile ego like that. My posts deserve everything, man. Everything!

I respect the data provided. Sustain the great work! I totally agree with the commenter above me, his opinion is valuable. I will be checking again for updates as well as reading the remark section.

How did I know this was spam? The commenter above him was ussjimmycarter!

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Random Thoughts

Friday, October 29, 2010 9:04 am

Buttercup still stares at me with cat-level non-comprehension. Can’t wait until she’s to dog-level comprehension.

I was scared of Obama when I first saw him in 2004. I think liberals are having the same reaction about Rubio. Hopefully Rubio doesn’t end up as absolutely useless.

I was joking back in 2004 when I said Obama would destroy us all. I did not mean to be that prophetic.

Hadn’t watched baseball in a while. Don’t remember it being this painful.

The cat from tonight’s Community was one of the funniest things ever.

Orson Scott Card likes my humor (bottom of article). I once read a comic book adapted from one of his novels!

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Church, State, and Crazy Joy Behar

Thursday, October 28, 2010 10:18 pm

New video from Crowder. Kind of minimalist this time, but he makes fun of Joy Behar and that’s always fun.

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Operation Flight Post Holiday Views

Thursday, October 28, 2010 8:06 pm

Friend of IMAO author Mike Z. Williamson is going to be joining with Pin-Ups for Vets and Cooking with the Troops for a post holiday visit to injured vets in the post holiday season (when they get the least attention). I wanted to bring it to your attention since IMAO is a big supporter of our troops since they make the world a better place by making sure there are less people in it we don’t like. You can find details here including how to donate.

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Liberal Learning Process

Thursday, October 28, 2010 3:01 pm

So back in Bill Clinton’s first term, the Democrats tried to create government health care which caused huge anger which led to Republicans gaining both the House and Senate in 1994. Democrats decided their problem was that they didn’t successfully pass health care so this time they rammed it through with Obamacare. So basically Democrats tried to kick America in the groin, failed to do so and saw America get hugely angry and concluded the problem they didn’t successfully kick America in the groin. So the question is: Do you think there is any result next Tuesday that will convince Democrats to stop trying to kick us in the groin?

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Should We Taunt the Behar?

Thursday, October 28, 2010 1:03 pm

So liberals are getting pretty desperate, and it’s expected that we start seeing them lash out. On The View the other day, the ironically-named Joy Behar went rabid against Sharon Angle for some reason and called her a “bitch.” Now the smart thing might be to ignore this, but Angle instead sent Behar flowers and a note thanking her for the $150,000 they made in fundraising off of Behar’s impotent screams. This cause another freak out and more fundraising. But what if instead the headline the next day was, “Crazed Behar Attacks Audience at The View“?

These people are highly unstable and we can’t know what they’ll do if we start poking them with sticks. And would it be Behar’s fault if the taunting caused a violent outburst? No; she’s not capable of understand right from wrong. It would be Sharon Angle’s fault for her irresponsible behavior. So let’s not taunt the liberals… unless we put them in a cage first.

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Violent Post-Election Riots!

Thursday, October 28, 2010 11:02 am

Fair warning: Teabaggers are going to have violent riots on November 3rd. I think this might be Keith Olbermann’s special comment:

There is quite a lot of paranoia paranoia out there. One conservative out of a hundred million steps on someone’s head and suddenly death squads are coming. The mindset is starting to be, “I’m super duper sure conservatives are going to get violent so we better get violent first!”

Still, it’s easy to see why people don’t take violence that seriously from the left-wing. How disjointed is it for someone to both support the left-wing sissy “the government needs to care for me and tell me what to do!” policies and tell people to stock up on ammo? It’s really hard to see anything happening from the left beyond a few really isolated incidents. Just look at the left-wing bloggers who met with President Obama yesterday:

"One of us! One of us!"

It’s hard to imagine these people in a violent conflict… or anything that might involve light jogging for that matter.

So, what I’m saying is they’ll all be easy pickings when we riot on November 3rd.

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Random Thoughts

Thursday, October 28, 2010 9:11 am

Oh no! Rand Paul has added Super Mario to his campaign staff! I hope that doesn’t lead to more head stomping.

Title for next Batman film revealed: “The Dark Knight Contains Yeast”

The Republicans ran the car into the ditch. Then Obama had the Mythbusters explode it.

Me, sticking with 50+ for GOP is happy outcome. No expectations on Senate other than that Reid is gone. Even if the GOP gets a 100+ gain in the House, if Reid is still around I will be frowny face :(

Don’t have a costume for Buttercup yet. I’m thinking evil doll…

When Alan Grayson is thrown out of office, someone is still going to keep an eye on him, right?

When I get on the plane, if I see Muslims screaming and waving around guns, I get worried. I get nervous.

Button appeared in my house. If I push it, someone I don’t know will get offended and I get a $2 million contract with FOX News.

After I pushed the button, they took it away and said they’ll give it to someone I don’t know. Saw them take it to MSNBC!

Sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from primitive tools.

I think there would be a lot of synergy if they combine the “Government Doesn’t Suck” march with a “Clowns Aren’t Scary” march.

President Obama personally told me he considers himself a bearded Marxist, FYI

All the show Caprica did was make me glad the cylons blew up the stupid, boring colonies.

I just don’t get the Giants’ pitcher’s hair. Doesn’t he have any friends who would keep him from appearing on TV looking like that?

Buttercup got her first letter in the mail today. It was from the federal government and contained her Social Security card.

One guy steps on one person’s head and the left are acting like death squads are going to pop up next week.

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Now that we know the cause, we can fix it

Thursday, October 28, 2010 6:31 am

They found out what causes people to be liberal. It’s in the genes.

According to scientists at UC San Diego and Harvard University, “ideology is affected not just by social factors, but also by a dopamine receptor gene called DRD4.”

The number of friends you have as a child also factors in, according to the study. Which means that if, while immature, you have influences from other immature people, you become a liberal. Which proves that liberalism is immaturity squared.

Now that they’ve found out what causes it, we can cure it.

I propose that we fund gene therapy projects that will get rid of that gene. Or those with it.

Sure, a bunch of pansies on the left might object to my saying that, so, let’s compromise. We’ll start by getting rid of those with the gene in a small sample.

What say we start with a national test group of 535. We can remove those in that sample group that have the gene, and we can do that on the first Tuesday in November. And, we can have smaller study groups at the state and local levels at the same time.

Let’s try that and see how it goes. If things get better, we can then expand it to the rest of the country.

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Frank Riddles

Wednesday, October 27, 2010 3:01 pm

For the previous riddle, slarrow wins the HIGH PRAISE. Now for this week’s riddle:

What you tried to give me,
I quickly sent away.
Yet you tried again to force it on me,
Leaving it at my destination.
Thousands want it, though;
If only I could get it to them and be done with it.

Be the first to tell me what “it” is in the comments, and you will win…

HIGH PRAISE!

So tell me, have the riddles helped make you guys smarter? Or have they actually made you dumber? I already know about ussjimmycarter.

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“Rarr!” Says Dinosaur Media

Wednesday, October 27, 2010 1:03 pm

Katie Couric reminded us why we’re happy to now be done with network news. In an interview with Howard Kurtz, she said she is touring “this great unwashed middle of the country” to learn about the mood at the midterms. She was then caught off guard when people found this insulting because, you know, she’s so smart.

It wasn’t that long ago we had pretty much had no option for news other than one of these out of touch idiots who read news off a teleprompter and get in their head they’re smarter than everybody. Luckily, we now have more TV options, and better yet, the internet. On the internet, pretty much everyone is upfront about their biases, which for some reason old media liberals resist more than anything. Like you know coming in I’m a conservative, so you can factor in that if a conservative does something bad, I’ll play it down (“Yay head stomping!”), and if a liberal does something good, I’ll engage bearded Spock in hand to hand combat in this alternate universe I’m now stuck in. Also, with the internet, people can be journalists in their spare time, which makes it a lot more likely for conservatives to participate.

This is obviously much better than the former status quo of someone like Couric, who is happily ignorant of most of the country, picking out what she thinks we should know about. The internet has proven what we want to know about, and it’s kittens doing cute things on YouTube.

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Stomp! Stomp!

Wednesday, October 27, 2010 11:01 am

I have heard that Rand Paul supporters are now going around stomping on people’s heads like some sorts of vigilante Super Marios. Many liberals are now worried that if Republicans take over, they will stomp on all liberals’ heads.

This worry is justified.

What are the three things conservatives want most right now? Two are reducing taxes and reducing spending, but the number one thing conservatives desire is stomping on the heads of liberals. The reason for this is that liberals make a funny sound when you stomp on their heads. Also, it is unknown if liberals’ heads serve any other purpose than stomping.

Some would say that it is always wrong to stomp on people’s heads. This is an intolerant, closed-minded position. It is also the sort of hippie talk that gets your head stomped.

Still, it is a probably a good idea to refrain from head stomping before the election. For some reason, independents find head stomping to be “extreme”. But after the election, Republicans will reveal their nothing-but-head-stomping agenda — a bold plan to see no liberal head go un-stomped. That’s why you might have noticed that the current RNC slogan is “Stomp! Stomp! Stomp! Hee hee hee!” But don’t tell liberals that or they’ll panic. We can’t have liberals panicking, because then they move around a lot and it makes it hard to stomp on their heads.

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Random Thoughts

Wednesday, October 27, 2010 9:03 am

Aqua Buddha demands head stomping!

Just because one Aqua Buddhist extremist stomped on someone’s head doesn’t mean we should slander all Aqua Buddhists.

NPR caught me watching FOX News and fired me. I don’t know how they got into my house.

It is a little unnerving when you see Karl Rove run away giggling from the voting machine just before you use it.

Ow! Someone from MoveOn.org just headbutted the bottom of my foot! You may hear it reported differently.

We should look at the BCS as a competition for who gets to be the villain in the Boise State underdog story.

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Government doesn’t suck

Wednesday, October 27, 2010 6:53 am

You heard about the “Government Doesn’t Suck” rally, right?

Some people who work for the government are tired of being told they suck.

And they’re right: government doesn’t suck.

Say it with me: government doesn’t suck.

Other things that don’t suck?

  • Stubbing your toe in the middle of the night.
  • Hitting your funny bone.
  • California.
  • Massachusetts.
  • Being hit in the face with a frying pan.
  • Liberals.
  • Being hit in the nuts with a baseball bat.
  • Barack Obama.
  • Michelle Obama.
  • Microsoft Windows ME.
  • MS-DOS 4.
  • Democrats.
  • Right turns from the left lane.
  • Kos.
  • Spam/UCE.
  • Keith Olbermann.
  • Cats in the house.
  • Dogs in the house.
  • Phone calls during supper.

None of these things suck. They’re all awesome! And we should organize a rally to support all these awesome things.

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Squeal

Tuesday, October 26, 2010 8:24 pm

President Obama said that, when it comes to small business, Republicans have “got to deliver.”

Kind of ironic since what Obama’s been doing to small business is more like “Deliverance“.

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