lolterizt! Part 118

This week terrorists, next week That One. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com

Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.


From me (Harvey):

From Kris:

From Kris:

[reference link]

From Kris:

From Kris:

From me (Harvey):

[reference link]

From Raving Lunatic:

From Raving Lunatic:

[reference link]


My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

From Brian:

From Kris:

[reference link (CTRL+F “rock”)]

From Kris:

From Les:

From Raving Lunatic:

[reference link]

From Robert:


This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:


PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolterizt! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

HAT TIP: Brian of Snapped Shot‘s magnificent EvilFeed – the world’s best source for ripe-for-captioning terrorist photos.

Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

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Are We Worse Off Than When Carter Was President?

Jimmy Carter says things haven’t improved much since he was president. This seems kind of ridiculous since the majority opinion was that things improved drastically the minute Carter stopped being president. The sun started shining again, there were parades and songs… it was a glorious time.

On the other hand, let’s say you were experiencing the malaise of the seventies and then got hit by a bus and went into a coma and you just finally woke up now. Looking at today’s conditions, it would seem like things stayed pretty stagnant since the seventies with America barely hobbling along. It’s basically the same malaise except now we have iPhones.

This certainly isn’t the future we want for our children. I grew up in the eighties surrounded by happiness and optimism and no Carter, and I hope the same thing for my Buttercup. She’ll be two in 2012, and by the time she learns what a president is hopefully we’ll have a president worth learning about. We want things better for our children, so next we need better than Reagan. Like a cybernetically enhanced Reagan.

Or I’ll be mad.

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Parker Spitzer Slogans

The Parker Spitzer show is not doing well in the ratings. I guess this isn’t surprising since absolutely no one thought anyone would want to watch a faux-conservative and Client Number Nine. In fact, the idea of the show sounded literally insane and whoever came up with it probably needs psychological help. Still, I thought I should at least try and help and come up with a cool slogan for the show that might get people interested. Because I’m a nice guy.

PARKER SPITZER SLOGANS

“We’re not sure why it exists either.”

“An abomination before both God and man.”

“We don’t have any idea what we’ll do when Larry King finally kicks it, so we’re just panicking and doing crazy things.”

“Here’s what it takes to get people to rather watch Olbermann.”

“Two people no one wants to hear from together for reasons no one can fathom.”

“Come for the freak show! Only a nickel a gander!”

“This is your 24-hour news channel on drugs. Any questions?”

“A cry for help.”

“It’s a hipster ironic thing and you’re not getting it.”

“Just know someone won a bet actually getting this on the air.”

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One Week!

It’s one week until Election Day, our big opportunity to tell Obama definitively how stupid he is and how much we hate him. And the more seats the GOP wins in the House, the more we tell Obama we hate all his socialism and wish he went back to Kenya and took his Ivy League university terrorists friends with him.

Of course, the Democrats are going to try to do everything they can to avoid the reality that everyone hates them. Nancy Pelosi is even claiming that everything was going great and everyone was loving the Democrats until evil foreign money showed up. How much money? According to super smart Joe Biden it’s $200 billion. In fact, I’m getting $1 million in foreign money just for writing this blog post making fun of how stupid Democrats are.

Anyway, that Republicans are getting foreign money is the big meme the Donks are clinging to now, which is weird since I thought it was well established that foreigners hate the Republicans (and they hate them), and love Obama. Plus, I thought Democrats loved foreigners way better than they do Americans. They probably wish they could just be funded by a bunch of George Soroses and never even have to deal with Americans.

Still, Democrats are making some last ditch efforts. You have Jon Stewart’s Rally to Restore Smugness (make sure to check out the Taiwanese animation of it) since many liberals think their main problem was that they weren’t dismissive enough of the views of Americans. Also, Obama is still going around and talking even though that sounds really counterproductive. He recently said that Republicans have to sit in the back of the bus he’s driving, basically comparing Republicans to blacks in the Jim Crow South… which is a surprisingly honest assessment of his attitude towards them.

So that’s how things are going one week until the elections. Make sure you get everyone to go out and vote… unless they’re thinking of voting for a Democrat. Then you should knock the person out and throw him in a ditch on November 2nd. It’s for the good of the country.

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Random Thoughts

Foreign money for the GOP? I thought foreigners hated Republicans and love Obama.

Getting wrong number texts is actually kind of fun. Got one declaring that “Jeremy is kinda cute.” I responded taking the contrary position.

They’re finally doing a movie of Flatland. It’ll be in 3D.

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Jimmy Carter says things suck so bad, it’s like it was when he was president

Okay, maybe Jimmy Carter didn’t say that things suck so bad, that’s it’s like it was when he was president.

What he actually said was that America is no better off today than it was in the late ’70s.

But he was saying how wonderful it was then.

Only, I remember it being no-so-great. I was around then. I turned 18 in 1976, before Carter was elected. And I remember his administration through the eyes of someone out of high school, going to college, working jobs, buying groceries, putting gas in the car, and paying taxes. You know, adult things.

I was there in the 1970s. And the late ’70s sucked.

So, I find that I actually agree with Jimmy Carter. At least, I agree that, today, America isn’t in any better shape than it was in the late 1970s. Because, other than ’70s music, the rest of the ’70s pretty much sucked. And, even late ’70s music had disco, so it kinda sucked at times, too.

Think about this:

  • Double-digit unemployment. 
  • American not respected by the world.
  • Fears of running out of oil.
  • A complete incompetent in the White House.
  • Democrats screwing things up so badly that their majorities in Congress are in jeopardy.

Am I talking about the late ’70s or today?

Yes, I am.

But don’t get too confident that changes for the better are in store. In the 1980 election, 41% of Americans voted to reelect Jimmy Carter.

See? We’ve had stupid people voting for a long, long time. We need more smart people voting this year. If you know any, tell them there’s an election.

And, whatever you do, do not let the stupid people know about the election. They’ll just screw it up. Like they did in 1976. And 2008.

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More proof that Democrats and their supports aren’t real Americans

There it is. I found it. In an Associated Press story. In the Washington Post. The finally admit it: people that support Democrats aren’t real Americans!

The story is about a proposal in Portland, Maine, that will allow non-citizens to vote. Now, it’s not proposing to allow illegal immigrants to vote. It’s proposing to allow legal immigrants who are not citizens to vote.

And one of the people that the story profiled  lives in Minneapolis, has lived there nearly two decades, but hasn’t learned much English and still isn’t a citizen. But, he sends his kids to public school and wants to vote for those on the school board.

Guess who he wants to vote for? Democrats.

“I like the Democrats. I want to vote for Democrats, but I don’t have citizenship,” he said.

Why isn’t he a citizen? The AP story sums it up:

To become a citizen, immigrants must be a lawful permanent resident for at least five years, pass tests on English and U.S. history and government, and swear allegiance to the United States.

See the problem? He’d have to swear allegiance to the United States. And there’s no way he could follow through on that oath and vote for a Democrat.

No one who loves American could vote for a Democrat.

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Funding and Speech

I keep hearing negativism on defunding NPR. We were once able to send a man to the moon, but apparently stopping government funding for fringe left-wing speech is way too hard. It does seem like a good test for the new Congress; if they can’t make one cut on something everyone agrees is idiotic, what are they going to be able to do? And don’t let the leftists hide behind Elmo; if what it takes to get the government solvent is to stand before schoolchildren and strangle Elmo, then I’ll do it. People have a right to free speech, but they should also have a right not to be forced to fund speech they disagree with.

While we’re working on the idiocy of government funded speech, let’s not forget the other idiocy the Juan Williams incident exposed. Some liberals seem to get freedom of speech only half-right: They like being able to say whatever they want, but they despise other people being able to voice their opinions. If you want to see where that attitude leads, look at people being charged with “hate speech” in European countries. Liberals like to control people and worry that impolite speech will lead to violence, but they get things backwards because it’s people feeling voiceless that leads them to take harsh action. We need to keep having these impolite discussion in our country because they are our strength. Right now, people are trying to make Islam a protected thing and clamp down on anyone who dare question it, but if Muslims are going to fully integrate in this country then their religion needs to be as open to attack Christianity is. Our idea of free speech in this country is still, unfortunately, a unique thing, and we have to keep fighting for it.

And not putting government money towards those who despise it.

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More Making Fun of Kos

Just because it’s always fun to make fun of Kos, Baseball Crank found Kos’s prediction for all the great opportunities the Democrats would have for pickups in the Senate this year (they could be on their way to a 65-70 seat majority!).

So where did Kos’s thinking go wrong. First off, he failed to recognize he and his followers are little wiener kids completely divorced from the values of Americans at large. Thus, he thought that Obama’s ideas would actually be popular when in fact they were deadly deadly political poison. Good political prediction require an accurate assessment, so if Kos wants to be more accurate in the future, he has to recognize that everyone hates him and considers him freakish and weird. Thus, if he likes something, that’s probably not good for it politically.

Still, he predicted that 2012 will be rough for Democrats in the Senate as they’ll be playing defense on their 2006 gains; maybe that will pan out.

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Will Ma’am Get to Keep Being Senator?

Here’s a video on Barbara Boxer by David Zucker of Naked Gun fame (with a cameo by Zo):

Call Me Senator from RightChange on Vimeo.

I don’t get California. Odds are Barbara Boxer — one of the dumbest, most useless Senators — is going to be reelected again for Senator despite more than 30 million other people to choose from and that for Governor they’re going to elect Jerry Brown again — because of how great things have been going in the past for California. It would be okay to have this kind of idiocy in a small state like Rhode Island or something, but California is a little too big to be constantly mired in stupidity that apparently too many of the citizens don’t want to get out of. They really should try breaking it up into three different states, as I think we could get up to two functioning states that way. In the least, they should try isolate the cancer of stupid from affecting more people. And maybe Mexico would be dumb enough to buy that piece of California from us.

“Own a big piece of California — cheap! And it comes with Barbara Boxer to run it for you… just don’t call her ‘Senora’.”

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