I have heard that Rand Paul supporters are now going around stomping on people’s heads like some sorts of vigilante Super Marios. Many liberals are now worried that if Republicans take over, they will stomp on all liberals’ heads.
This worry is justified.
What are the three things conservatives want most right now? Two are reducing taxes and reducing spending, but the number one thing conservatives desire is stomping on the heads of liberals. The reason for this is that liberals make a funny sound when you stomp on their heads. Also, it is unknown if liberals’ heads serve any other purpose than stomping.
Some would say that it is always wrong to stomp on people’s heads. This is an intolerant, closed-minded position. It is also the sort of hippie talk that gets your head stomped.
Still, it is a probably a good idea to refrain from head stomping before the election. For some reason, independents find head stomping to be “extreme”. But after the election, Republicans will reveal their nothing-but-head-stomping agenda — a bold plan to see no liberal head go un-stomped. That’s why you might have noticed that the current RNC slogan is “Stomp! Stomp! Stomp! Hee hee hee!” But don’t tell liberals that or they’ll panic. We can’t have liberals panicking, because then they move around a lot and it makes it hard to stomp on their heads.