Archive for November, 2010

What to do about WikiLeaks

Tuesday, November 30, 2010 5:59 am

Everyone is shocked — shocked! — to discover that WikiLeaks has continued to release secret and confidential documents despite the urging of the Obama administration.

It’s almost like Obama can’t make people act nice by asking them. Didn’t the whole world listen to the 2008 campaign? Obama can stop the oceans from rising; he should be able to stop Iran from developing nukes and Julian Assange from releasing documents that are harmful to the U.S. interestes.

Unless, of course, Obama isn’t really interested in American interests. But that’s silly. I mean, it’s not like he grew up in another country. It’s not like Obama is interested in a post-America world. It’s not like he’s bowing to foreign leaders.

No, there’s no evidence whatsoever that Obama is secretly cool with the WikiLeaks releases. And, despite Obama being the most awesome thing since man descended from the trees and discovered TiVo, Assange went ahead and released the documents.

Now that the impossible has happened, what can Obama do about it?

  • Blame George Bush
  • Go golfing
  • Play basketball
  • Send Joe Biden to talk to Julian Assange
  • Increase pat-downs at airports
  • Go on vacation
  • Extend the healthcare law
  • Send SEIU personnel to “talk” to Julian Assange
  • Go golfing
  • Let tax cuts expire
  • Email Assange a Microsoft Windows virus
  • Release the GTMO detainees
  • Go golfing
  • Give an speech, using a woman who will lose her job in six months as a prop

Perhaps there are other things Obama can do to temper the damage of these leaks and prevent future leaks. Ideas? Anyone?

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Still Away

Monday, November 29, 2010 1:44 pm

Still in Texas and also I have allergies or a cold or something, so that’s like two excuses not to blog. Plus, while in Texas, I have to add a disclaimer to every blog post. Anyway, I’ll be back in not too long and give you my opinions on stuff, though mainly I’ll be focused on Boise State’s loss. Poor Brotzman; he’s the same kicker who completed a pass on 4th and 9 to win against TCU in the last Fiesta Bowl.

Anyway, here’s a photo of Buttercup giving her opinion on Wikileaks:

"You want my opinion? Here it is..."

DISCLAIMER: This post was made without messing with Texas.

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Sun of a …

Monday, November 29, 2010 10:13 am

You hear about that woman that owns the sun?

No, really. Angeles Duran owns the sun. And she’s going to charge you money to use it.

That’s according to a report from The Daily Mail. Of course, that’s in England, the country that, along with France, came up with the whole Divine Right Of Kings idea, so you never know what kind of gag they’re liable to fall for.

Anyway, this Spanish woman now owns the sun. Which means you now have somebody to sue when you get a sunburn. I wonder if I can sue for that bad sunburn I got back in Kuwait?

Maybe I could sue her for trespassing if her sun shone through my windows one morning when I was trying to sleep in and it woke me up?

Then, again, Al Gore might start blaming herfor Global WarmingTM.

Or, maybe I could lay claim to some heavenly body. Halle Berry comes to mind.

No, let’s not get silly. Let’s consider this and be serious (Sirius?) about it.

What celestial object would you lay claim to? And why?

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Basil responds to spam comments

Saturday, November 27, 2010 9:16 am

You may know that Frank is away (mostly) for a bit. He’s on a secret mission or something. He took his iPad. I think it’s his. Mine’s been in the shop for a while. Should’ve been back by now. Hmmm. Hey, you don’t think?… No.

Anyway, while he’s gone, there’s no one to respond to the spam comments. Except me.

I noticed that I don’t get as may good spam comments to the stuff I write as Frank does to the stuff he writes. So, not only do I write sub-par posts, I get sub-par spam.

Like these…

I considered that some of this data might have been plagiarized, it’s scattered across the web and various peoples websites, unless you’re the first author?

Yeah, you’re right. I stole the content for the post to which this comment was attached. Because them internetz is crawling with post about how to pronounce Walthourville, Geogia. You caught me.

Easily, the article is actually the best on this precious topic. I harmonise with your conclusions and will thirstily look forward to your coming updates. Saying thanks will not just be enough, for the fantasti c lucidity in your writing. I will directly grab your rss feed to stay abreast of any updates. Good work and much success in your business enterprize

Heh heh heh. You said “abreast.” Heh heh heh heh heh.

What a gem!!! I found this place on google poking around for something completely unrelated- and now I’m gonna have to go back and go the archives. So much for my free time this morning, but this was a spectacular find!

Yeah, I suppose you do have lots of free time if you think of 10:37 PM, when you left this comment, as “this morning.”

I conceive this web site contains very good indited subject material content .

Anyone that uses the word “intited” should be indicted. Get a dictionary from the last 100 years. No one uses the word “intited” any more. You’re not even trying to write good spam.

Hey there – I feel the need to proclaim, impressed with your site. I had no trouble navigating through all the tabs along with facts had been genuinely really to access. I looked for what I yearned-for right away ?n any way. Moderately outstanding. Should appreciate it when you add community forums something like that, it might be a just right way for your users to work together.

Who are you calling a “moderate?” It’s a good thing you didn’t call me that at 10:37 PM this morning!

Thank you for your great article! It has been extremely helpful. I hope that you will continue posting your knowledge with us.

That’s more like it. Frank’s away. Praise me instead.

Thank you for this great post! It has been extremely helpful. I hope that you will continue posting your knowledge with us.

Uh. Yeah. Thanks. Um, you don’t know this other guy, do you?

Thanks for this wonderful article! It has been extremely helpful. I wish that you will continue posting your wisdom with us.

Okay, now you’re just mocking me. Don’t make me go get a stick.

Much post.

You will get along beautifully in America.

Evening i just stumbled your site from Google but got a wierd popup about dog hospitals which is obviously unrelated to your blog.

Oh, no, it’s related. We show dog hospital pop-ups to only our super special friends. And thanks for this wonderful comment! It has been extremely helpful. I wish that you will continue posting your wisdom with us.

Thanks for this wonderful post! It has been extremely insightful. I hope that you will continue sharing your wisdom with us.

Arrgh!!! I so miss the Great Landlord. He gets better spam.

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Don’t clean up Washington, clean it out

Friday, November 26, 2010 11:00 am

It made news recently that Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal called for Congress to become part-time:

“When they live under the same rules and laws they passed for the rest of us, maybe you’d see some more common sense coming out of Washington, D.C.” he told the conservative publication. “Instead, you got a permanent governing political class.”

Jindal, who once served as a congressman, cited Mark Twain in his proposal.

“We used to pay farmers not to grow crops, let’s pay congressmen to stay out of Washington, D.C.,” he said. “Mark Twain said that our liberty, our wallets were safest when the legislature’s not in session.”

Heck, I’ve been advocating a part-time Congress for a while. But I’d take a slightly different approach.

First, I’d go along with a part-time Congress. After a Congress is elected, one 90-day session, and then adjournment sine die.

I’m not so sure about term limits. If someone does a good job part-time, let him stay at it. With it becoming a part-time job, we might not end up with so many Congressman-for-life situations. I’d skip term limits.

Next, I’d clean out Washington. It’s the seat of government. And, with a part-time government, we don’t need so much going on there. We certainly don’t need anyone living there. No housing. None. No one would own a house or an apartment in Washington. Because no one would live there.

The District of Columbia was set aside for the seat of government, and should be that and nothing more.

Sure, there are a lot of people that live and work in Washington, DC. There shouldn’t be. Yes, it would be difficult to have to get a real job. I hate it for them.

And, well, I’d stop there. For now. I mean, with a part-time Congress, and no reason for a bunch of people living there, that pretty much solves most of the problems coming out of Washington.

But, maybe I’m a little too optimistic. What do you think? What would you do to clean up Washington. Or, better, clean out Washington?

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The difference is … you are getting screwed

Friday, November 26, 2010 5:04 am

Saw a news story recently about a man who hired a couple of whores who then took his money without, um, completing the deal:

After he placed payment on a stereo, one of the prostitutes showed him her chest, but the second did not perform oral sex, Haden said. The women took the money and left.

The police arrested him for “patronizing prostitution.”

This is a lot like the people who voted for Obama that are now complaining.

I mean, many of us on the right told people that it was a bad idea to vote for Obama. But, being of age and everything, a lot of people went ahead and did something really stupid. The parallels are obvious.

Only, while police can arrest people for paying for hookers, we can’t arrest people for voting for socialist idiots. And we shouldn’t. I’m all for hitting Obama voters with a stick, but not for arresting them. As long as when you hit them with a stick, you do it hard enough to knock some sense into them. You don’t want to waste a stick.

Anyway, I don’t mind people who voted for Obama suffering the consequences of their actions. I just don’t like having to suffer the consequences of their actions with them. I mean, I didn’t pay money to a couple of hookers and get ripped off; why should I be out any money?

But, in politics, that’s not how it works. If you throw away your vote like this guy threw away money at whores, you get screwed. Along with everybody else. But not in the good way.

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Happy Thanksgiving

Thursday, November 25, 2010 11:39 am

Happy Thanksgiving! I have a lot to be thankful for this year, but apparently I was too distracted to come up with a strategy for what to do with the blog while I’m gone for two weeks. I see Basil is running around trying to make up the slack, so I’m also thankful for Basil. And for you, the readers… except for a couple of you. Have a fun holiday, and I’ll be back – eventually – writing smart stuff.

Now I’m going to go hold Buttercup. She sure likes crying!

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Thanksgiving 2010

Thursday, November 25, 2010 8:00 am

Today is Thanksgiving Day in the United States. It’s a day set aside for giving thanks for the many blessing we have received. Many families will gather together, many good times will be shared, and many meals will be consumed.

But there are people who don’t have families with whom to gather together, who are suffering hardships and having trouble making ends meet, and are cold and hungry. Think about these people. While there are some people that you just can’t help, there are many, many more you can. Find a way to help others as you recoginize all the blessings you have received.

And don’t forget to give thanks for what you have. Don’t worry about what you don’t have. The Good Lord has been very kind and gracious to use, allowing us to reap the benefits of living in the United States of America. Let’s don’t lose sight of that fact.

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Maybe Harvey will be inspired. Maybe.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010 8:42 pm

lolcats inspired Harvey to start up lolterizt. And lolbama.

Maybe Harvey will start up lolgov or something.


Maybe not. Since lolbama probably covers this.

But, until he does another lolbama post (mid-December), if you have some to submit, send them to me at I’ll post them, or some of them, or all of them, next week. Or tomorrow. Or when I feel like it.

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Conservative TV shows

Wednesday, November 24, 2010 5:51 am

(Note: This is one of the Train Wreck Posts. As promised. Oh, and HIGH PRAISE! to shiggz for the suggestion.- Basil)

One of the good things about TiVo is that I don’t have to think about what airs when. If I find a show I like, I can just tell it to record something, and it’s there for me. It just shows up. Like it’s Christmas every day! The “Looky what I got” Christmas, not the “God sent His Son to save us” Christmas.

The drawback is that I no longer pay much attention to what all shows come on. Since I don’t have to worry about when my shows air, I don’t check the listings, and don’t see what else airs. I discover new shows by seeing promos about them before I hit the fast-forward button during breaks, by hearing people talk about it, or from it showing up on TiVo suggestions. I don’t often use TiVo’s Guru Guides, because they all list shows that either suck, or that sound like they suck. Most of the shows, anyway. But I don’t blame TiVo. I blame the fact that there aren’t many shows on TV that would appeal to conservatives.

We need more conservative shows. Like these:

  • Bitch-slapping Olbermann
  • When Animals Attack, We Kill Them And Eat Them
  • MST3K Special: Hardball with Chris Mathews
  • Cooking With Bacon
  • Bitch-slapping Obama
  • Mythbusting Liberals
  • Where Are They Now: Democrats
  • Dancing On Their Graves
  • Bitch-slapping the guy that runs the TSA
  • SEC Football
  • It’s Bacon!
  • The John Wayne Channel
  • The Surreal Life In Space
  • Bitch-slapping Harry Reid
  • Dirty Jobs Special: Cleaning Up Congress
  • Blowing Stuff Up
  • The R Lee Ermey Channel

What shows would you like to see?

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I now pronounce you …

Wednesday, November 24, 2010 1:00 am

(Note: I promised I’d write a post from the suggestions made yesterday. This is actually inspired by that. Don’t ask how. You’d gain an insight to how my brain works … and you really don’t want to know. Really. I still plan to write something, but Wife just got out of the shower, wearing only a towel … around her head. Later, losers! – Basil)

Growing up in Georgia, I discovered that some words can be pronounced in different ways, depending on where you are.

For instance, “Jordan.” You may say JOR-dan. Some people, in west Georgia and east Alabama pronounce it “JURD-n.” Like that stadium where Auburn University plays football, Jordan-Hare. Or, Jimmy Carter’s Chief of Staff, Hamilton Jordan. Those are pronounced “JURD-n.”

Houston County, in central Georgia? It’s not “HYOOS-ton,” as you might think. It’s “HOWS-ton.” Really.

Buena Vista, in west Georgia? “BYOO-na VISS-ta.” Seriously.

Walthourville, in southeast Georgia? “WALT-OWER-VILLE,” like it’s three words: Walt, hour, ville.

The lesson I learned, as I mentioned, is that words aren’t always pronounced like you might think. Or like you’ve heard others pronounce.

In the public interest, I present a list of words that you may have been mispronouncing your whole life, along with the correct pronunciation.

  • Democrat (COMM-yoo-nist)
  • Republican (OWN-pro-BAY-shun)
  • Pelosi (ASS)
  • Reid (DUM-ass)
  • Obama (FAYL-yur)
  • Stimulus (BAD-i-DEE-uh)
  • Palin (AWW-sum, alternate pronunciation HOT)
  • NBC (DOOSH-bagz)
  • CBS (DOOSH-bagz)
  • CNN (DOOSH-bagz)
  • ABC (NYN-tee-per-SENT-DOOSH-bagz)
  • Fox News (TWIN-tee-per-SENT-DOOSH-bagz)
  • Liberal (KRAP-for-BRAYNZ)
  • Twitter (GAE)
  • Facebook (GAE)
  • Windows (per-PEH-chu-wul-BAY-tuh)

Perhaps you’ve run across other words that aren’t pronounced as one would expect?

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Train Wreck Post: Submissions

Tuesday, November 23, 2010 10:12 am

Let’s see. Frank and SarahK and Buttercup are spending the next several days in an undisclosed location.

Harvey has a real job. And has some vacation going on, too.

I’m working (or at least, drawing a paycheck for showing up).

SpaceMonkey is spending the time he has playing dad.

Laurence Simon only shows up for certain things. Still working on that biography of Tim Russert, I suppose.

There’s Mister Right who … okay, I don’t know what the hell he does.

Okay, who else has posted here in the last year or so? I can’t think of anyone else.

So, what’s an IMAO reader to do?

Okay, quiet down. Let me see what I can do.

Tell you what. Submit some ideas for a post. From the most popular ideas, I’ll write something. Tonight. When I get off work. Seriously.

It’ll either be awesome, or it’ll suck big time.

I’m thinking this will be the Mother Of All Train Wrecks.

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Solving the TSA problem

Tuesday, November 23, 2010 5:45 am

Some people are getting all bent out of shape about the TSA naked scanners and the grope-downs.

But not everybody.

Gloria Allred says she enjoyed it.

Maybe we’re going about this whole thing wrong.

Maybe what we need to do is have some choices. More choices, anyway.

Right now, we have two choices: get your naked scan done, or get felt-up by someone who couldn’t get a real job. Men are getting groped by men, women are getting groped by women.

And that’s the problem. Not enough choices.

The TSA needs to offer a choice. Let each person who opts for a grope-down get to choose the groper:

  • Straight man
  • Straight woman
  • Gay man
  • Gay woman
  • Bisexual man
  • Bisexual woman
  • Hermaphrodite
  • Supermodel
  • Chippendales dancer
  • Bond girl
  • Bondage girl
  • Blind girl
  • Eddie Long
  • Eddie Haskell
  • Mr. Ed
  • Mr. Green Jeans
  • Mr. Mister
  • Miss America

Who would it take to grope you so that you wouldn’t mind it?

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Frank Was Right – UPDATED 11-20

Friday, November 19, 2010 10:00 pm

This is a good design:

UPDATE 11-20:

Wacky Hermit wants one for “lady junk”. How about this?:

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IMAO Podcast Reruns – The Leftovers

Friday, November 19, 2010 9:42 pm

Just a few podcast-related scraps I found lying around on my computer.

* Fun Facts About Minnesota Part 1
* My Ideal Candidate
* Fun Facts About Minnesota Part 2
* A Christmas Tale
* What I’m Thankful For
* Unfinished (ok, barely started) script: Fun Facts About Fun Facts About the 50 States

DISCLAIMER: This material is all mine and I guarantee that it’s great.

And now that your memory’s been refreshed, leave a comment about your favorite podcast bit. As a courtesy to the wallflowers, you may wish to mention which episode it was in so they can go check it out.

Personally, I really liked the time we struck oil (#11) and the time we started a college (#13). And generally, I think the best episodes were when we had a group sketch and everybody did individual bits on the theme of the week.

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Me Go Bye Now

Friday, November 19, 2010 3:02 pm

SarahK, Buttercup, and I will be going to Texas for two weeks, so expect my blogging to be light. And don’t worry; we’re driving, so any groping in our travels will be consensual.

If you miss my blogging (and who wouldn’t), you can do a build-your-own IMAO post. Just take a recent news story and work punching hippies or dinosaurs with rocket launchers into it. It’s simple. In fact, in the future I’ll probably have a computer algorithm guest blog for me.

Later, losers!

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If We Can’t Defund NPR, Can We Cut Anything?

Friday, November 19, 2010 1:01 pm

So the vote to defund NPR was 239-171 against. Since I’ve never heard even one good argument why tax payers should be forced to pay for NPR and we need to cut money and one can hardly think of anything in the budget more unnecessary than them, I’m a bit surprised more Democrats didn’t vote for the defunding. Then again, they’ve been in a bit of mood lately for some reason.

I don’t think NPR will be as lucky with the next Congress, and if you’re going to start cutting the budget, might as well start there. And before anyone is like, “It’s only a couple million; who cares?” I say try embezzling $50,000 from the government and see if they’re like, “Oh, that’s just pennies; would cost more to prosecute you.”

Hmm… embezzling from the federal government…

You know, IMAO could use grants to do… um… smart stuff for public good. Please give me million grant and I will take good care of it.

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Voicing Conservative Concerns to the NRSC

Friday, November 19, 2010 11:01 am

Senator Cornyn has asked fellow Republicans that they bring to him concerns about candidates he recruits as the National Republican Senatorial Committee chairman instead of just primarying them like happened with Crist and Castle. So, in the future, we should have conversations like this:

CONSERVATIVE: Hello, Cornyn, I have some concerns about the candidate you’ve recruited that I would like to voice.

CORNYN: Certainly. What do you have to say?

CONSERVATIVE: I just want to say that the candidate you picked is such a horrible RINO he makes me literally vomit all over myself in rage.

CORNYN: I see. So do you think he’ll be a problem with the base?

CONSERVATIVE: Yes. The fact that you even considered this guy makes me wonder if you’ve ever met a conservative or know what one is. Do you know what a conservative is?

CORNYN: Is it a type of apple?

CONSERVATIVE: Anyway, I need you to dissuade this guy from running for Senator. In fact, I need you to drive him out into the middle of the woods and abandon him there so we never see him again. He’s such a horrible RINO, that even knowing he exists may keep conservatives from voting Republican.

CORNYN: So you’re firm on him not being the NRSC recruit?

CONSERVATIVE: Yes. If you continue to push him, I will burn down your house with your family inside. A RINO such as this demands blood.

CORNYN: So he’s as bad as Crist?

CONSERVATIVE: Whoa! I didn’t say that! Let’s not go overboard.

Yeah, that should work better than nasty primaries.


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Random Thoughts

Friday, November 19, 2010 9:13 am

During the night, my wife moved my glasses from the top of the nightstand where they always are to in the drawer. She must hate me. Long time to find them since I would never put them there and what are the chances someone maliciously move them during the night? Answer: 100%

All this TSA stuff has made me glad we’ve decided to drive to Texas next week. Not saying there won’t be any groping.

This ban on caffinated alcoholic beverages only affects stupid kid stuff, right? Can I still get my morning Irish coffee?

Harder to binge drink Irish coffees because of the throat burning.

“I’m with the FBI – Female Body Inspectors. Seriously, though, I’m with the TSA; this is legal.”

I don’t know; I could imagine the Ed Harris Nazi from Enemy at the Gates listening to NPR. Elitist!

I always have a lot of trouble spelling convenience. It is an inconvenient word to spell.

Saw a new Gadsen flag with the usual slogan replaced with “Don’t Touch My Junk”.

They need to do a remake of Romeo and Juliet, but instead of the Montagues and the Capulets, it’s the ninjas and the pirates.

I think the most important part of my ninja/pirate Romeo and Juliet movie is that it take itself dead serious.

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TSA, Naked People and My Junk!

Friday, November 19, 2010 12:09 am

That slacker Crowder has a new video out on the TSA.

So what’s all your opinion on the TSA? I assume you’re all for it since you’re like pervs and stuff.

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