In My World: Visit to India

“And the teleprompter is blank, which means that’s the end of my remarks on why I am so awesome and you wish I could be your leader,” President Obama said to his audience in India. “Any questions?”

“Why have your own people rejected you?” one of the Indian reporters asked.

“Because they’re racist,” Obama answered. “You should have heard some of the awful slurs they said about you… oh, wait; that was Biden.”

“Do you consider the U.S. and India strong allies?” another reporter asked.

“We certainly do, and I want you to know I will stand strong with you against your enemies the cowboys.”

“That’s the other type of Indian.”

“Oh. Well who are your enemies?”

“Jihadists.”

Obama shook his head. “That’s too bad. I’m against cowboys; I would have helped you against them. But I’ll tell you the same thing I tell people in the U.S. who are concerned with jihadists: Shut up you hillbilly racist. Next question.”

“Is it true that this trip is costing $200 million a day?”

Obama chuckled. “That’s what I had them budget, but I’m getting cheaper hotels so it only costs me $150 million a day. I’m going to make out like a bandit on per diem. Any more questions?”

“What economic advice do you have?”

Obama shrugged. “Oh wow; I dunno. I was kind of coming of here hoping you guys had some jobs we could take.”

“No, we pretty much just take jobs from the U.S.”

“Oh.” Obama thought for a moment. “Well, could you stop doing that?”

“No.”

“Well, I guess that’s all the time I have. Now, I’m going to try to get you guys on the U.N. Security Council, but it really help if you write a long essay on the advantages of inaction. Also, try to make it clear you’re not Jews. Guess I’ll head home now, though there is nothing really to do there… Hey, would you guys like to have expensive legislation you don’t want rammed down your throat?”

“No.”

Obama frowned. “There’s no place in the world left for me.”

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22 Comments

  1. A new IMW !!! Yay !!!

    To show his appreciation for American workers, Obama just signed a deal opening a Harley Davison plant in India. Hurray for outsourcing.

    Good one Marko.

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  2. @Storm: The news about Harley isn’t entirely correct. The articles state that parts will be made here and assembled in India. Many of HD’s parts are not currently made here. Harley has been using Japanese parts — forks, carbs, etc. — for a long, long time.

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  3. Here’s a semi-non-random thought: Would it be worth $200 per day to keep Obama in India indefinitely? We’d have to work the numbers and include the present value of all the future damage he would do if he were here. It might be close. We’d also have to assume that the $200 million per day includes buckets for head, so that expense would be a wash.

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  4. Burma, don’t tell some Harley riders that or they might cut you (worst case) or menacingly rev their motor at you while sitting at a traffic light (best case).

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  5. Obama frowned. “There’s no place in the world left for me.”…..Sure there is, there’s always China.

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  6. Obama: “Hey, would you guys like to have expensive legislation you don’t want rammed down your throat?”

    Indian Ambassador: “How gracious, kind sir. May we repay you with a rabid monkey stuffed up your ass?”

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  7. Sadly, the children at an Indian school were tougher on the President than the Washington Press Corps. We should outsource their jobs.

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  8. Thanks. burma. Nothing says Made In America like Harley Davison or Toyota, two peas of the same pod.

    Pay to keep Obama out of the country? Where do I donate?

    Frank, was that you testing a moon nuking rocket off of the Califrornia coast?

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  9. Wow, IMW’s have gone downhill.

    They used to be about what I wished our world was like. I mean, imagine a world where Rumsfeld does actually strangle hippies.

    Now they’re just thinly disguised bits about what the world is actually like. I don’t have to imagine a world where Obama praises himself and has no knowledge about anybody not a Chicago-machine politician or marxist.

    Eh, at least Sadly, No! doesn’t have to try to figure out if it’s satire or parody, it’s straight news.

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  10. Marko, I menacingly rev my motor in your general direction you silly sea captain. Now go to India or I shall taunt you a second timea.

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  11. I ride a Honda Goldwing. Harley’s suck, by the way! 1,400cc motors…nice for a chick! Anyway, my 1,834cc – 6 cyl. bike is 100% made and assembled here in the US. More of my Honda Goldwing is made in the US than Harleys currently are…and did I mention they suck! My bike is bigger, faster, nimbler, more comfortable, has all the toys (including about $3,000 of Kuryakin goodies) and a shaft drive! Plus it doesn’t have a chick motor!

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  12. These are my favorite posts too! When you talked about Bush wearing the hat with the huge feather, the “very important hat” – SPEW! Keep ’em coming, FrankJ.

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  13. “There’s no place in the world left for me.”

    Don’t fret Mr. President, there’s still Venezuela, Bolivia, North Korea, Myanmar, Syria, Cuba…
    Lots of people who suffer welcome unpopular ideas forced uopn them.

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  14. Burma,

    Wow, a “77 Honda 750! What a great bike. I think I was riding a 380 Suzuki back then…two stroke!

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  15. plentyobailouts, I hope you don’t live in New Jersey cause it’s illegal to idle your motor more than 3 minutes so reving your Harley would prolly get you the electric chair.

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