“And the teleprompter is blank, which means that’s the end of my remarks on why I am so awesome and you wish I could be your leader,” President Obama said to his audience in India. “Any questions?”
“Why have your own people rejected you?” one of the Indian reporters asked.
“Because they’re racist,” Obama answered. “You should have heard some of the awful slurs they said about you… oh, wait; that was Biden.”
“Do you consider the U.S. and India strong allies?” another reporter asked.
“We certainly do, and I want you to know I will stand strong with you against your enemies the cowboys.”
“That’s the other type of Indian.”
“Oh. Well who are your enemies?”
Obama shook his head. “That’s too bad. I’m against cowboys; I would have helped you against them. But I’ll tell you the same thing I tell people in the U.S. who are concerned with jihadists: Shut up you hillbilly racist. Next question.”
“Is it true that this trip is costing $200 million a day?”
Obama chuckled. “That’s what I had them budget, but I’m getting cheaper hotels so it only costs me $150 million a day. I’m going to make out like a bandit on per diem. Any more questions?”
“What economic advice do you have?”
Obama shrugged. “Oh wow; I dunno. I was kind of coming of here hoping you guys had some jobs we could take.”
“No, we pretty much just take jobs from the U.S.”
“Oh.” Obama thought for a moment. “Well, could you stop doing that?”
“Well, I guess that’s all the time I have. Now, I’m going to try to get you guys on the U.N. Security Council, but it really help if you write a long essay on the advantages of inaction. Also, try to make it clear you’re not Jews. Guess I’ll head home now, though there is nothing really to do there… Hey, would you guys like to have expensive legislation you don’t want rammed down your throat?”
Obama frowned. “There’s no place in the world left for me.”