lolbama! Part 54

This week, That One. Next week, terrorists. Submit for either at

Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.

From Arik:

From Kris:

[reference link 1, reference link 2]

From Kris:

From Paul:

[I can’t shake the feeling there ought to be a reference link for this one. Besides this, I mean]

From That Guy Grems:

My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

From PJ:

From Brian the Adequate:

From Brothermurf:

[reference link]

From Kris:

From Larsinkima:

[reference link]

From Mark_L:

From Rusty:

From me (Harvey):

[reference link]

From Travelwise42 of Wise Up!:

[reference link]

From PJ:

This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with [Hat Tip: Laurie]:

#1: When creating lolbama! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

Send your submissions to and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

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Random Thoughts

A reader asked why couldn’t I at least post Random Thoughts while on vacation, and I guess I can do that so here I go.

Johnathan Coulton’s song Still Alive is one of the most awesome songs ever made, but you have to play Portal to really get it all. I just like the mixture of both creepy menace and humor. Also, can’t beat the line, “Look at me still talking while there’s science to do.”

Actually, a good slogan for GOP skeptical of all of Obama’s promises: “The cake is a lie.”

I should have added that isn’t enough of an indictment of the X-Men that their most popular member is a short, hairy Canadian?

If Moses parted the Red Sea today, instead of a miracle it would just be considered yet more proof of Global Warming.

Being cynical all the time makes you smart. Well, it makes you appear smart, which is even better than actually being smart.

I’m an engineer. You task me to solve a problem like Maria, I’ll solve it. It may take a while and may not be pretty, but it will be solved.

Small children like me, but I don’t think they get me on the same level some of you do.

Of course I’ve heard of Rudolph, because he’s – as you just said – THE MOST FAMOUS REINDEER OF ALL!

In fact, why did you assume I know of the other reindeer but not the most famous one? How does that make any sense?

“Now I Have a Machinegun. Ho-Ho-Ho!” would make a great Christmas sweater.

A lot of Christmas comes from pagan traditions. Instead of leaving cookies for Santa to eat, people used to leave out babies.

Got a t-shirt that the crest of Hyrule. Pretty geeky, but you have to know it’s the crest of Hyrule to call me a geek.

Got suckered into getting Droid phone. Free at Best Buy (with new 2-year contract and data plan).

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By the way, I’m running for mayor of Chicago, too

Did you miss the news the other day?

The Chicago Board of Election Commissioners ruled that former Obama chief of staff Rahm Emanuel is a Chicago resident and can run for mayor.

Part of the problem is that Emanuel doesn’t actually live in Chicago. Hasn’t for a couple of years. He says he’s paid taxes there. And that whole selling his house thing? He wasn’t really selling it.

The Board, in true Chicago style, said that as long as Emanuel was planning on going back, he was a resident.

Which brings me to my point: I’ve been to Chicago. Spent days there. Drove the roads and paid the tolls … which are road taxes. Even been to a White Sox game. And plan to go back to see a Cubs game at Wrigley.

Like Rahm Emanuel, I’ve been to Chicago, paid taxes there, and plan to go back.

Therefore, I am a Chicago resident.

So, I’m running for mayor, too.

And, since it’s Chicago, I want everyone to register so you can vote for me. I mean, it’s Chicago. Dead people vote there all the time. I don’t see why being alive should disqualify you. Just tell them you’re a Democrat. That should cut through any red tape.

I’m not sure what I’m going to do when I’m elected mayor of Chicago. I suppose I should think up some campaign promises or something. I mean, it’s what people running for office do, right?

Here are some of the things I’ve come up with:

  • Rename US Cellular Field to Cominskey Park.
  • Daily contests between Lou Malnati’s and Pizzeria Uno’s for best Original Chicago Style Pizza.
  • Every holiday gets a massacre. St. Valentine’s Day has ridden that gravy train for too long!
  • Oprah has to give cars to everybody.
  • Lake Michigan is renamed Happy Fun Lake and is declared off-limits to Canada.

I’m looking for more ideas. When I’m elected mayor, I’ll have jobs for everyone who submits ideas and otherwise contributes to the campaign. As mayor of Chicago, I’ll be able to do that.

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Probably should have mentioned I’m on vacation this week. So if you were wondering where I was or was already getting a posse together to avenge my death, hold off for a little bit.

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A happy Christmas to all

Luke 2:1-14

  1. And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed.
  2. (And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.)
  3. And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city.
  4. And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:)
  5. To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.
  6. And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.
  7. And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.
  8. And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.
  9. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.
  10. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
  11. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.
  12. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.
  13. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,
  14. Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

Yes, I’m fully aware that not all of the readers at IMAO are Christians. Not all of the authors at IMAO are Christians. But still, I just wanted to remind everyone — Christians and non-Christians alike — why Christians do celebrate this day. We all need to be reminded.

This month, I’ve spent a lot more time looking at pages on than I have pages in the Scriptures. So, yes, I need to be reminded, too. Like I said, we all need to be reminded.

I have no idea if Frank will be up and writing today. I don’t even know if he’ll be up and reading today. But, I strongly suspect he’ll be up playing husband and father today. So I’ll go first and wish Frank J., SarahK, and Princess Buttercup … as well as the authors, readers, and commenters … a very happy Christmas.

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Operators Are Standing By…

A year in the making! Trillions of your tax dollars poured into its production! Now, at long last, it’s finally here!

K-Don’t Ask Don’t-Tel Records shamelessly presents:

Featuring all new recordings by the original stars!

  • Have Yourself A Merry Little Forgive The Expression – Nina Totenberg
  • Go Don’t Tell It On The Mountain/Deck The Halls Of Montezuma (aka “Don We Now Our Gay Apparel”) – The United States Military “Do Ask – Do Tell!” Chorus
  • The Twelve Days Of Lame Duck – Harry Reid & Nancy Pelosi
  • Away With Your Mangers! – The ACLU Chorus with The CAIR Community Choir
  • Do You See What We See?/Feelhiz Nobbyrod – The TSA Screeners Orchestra featuring Pat Downes
  • A Ban On All The Toys – Monet Parnham & The Santa Clara County Board of Supervisors
  • Wikileaks (On Internet Are) – Julian Assange
  • I’m Dreaming Of A Tickle Fight Christmas – Eric Massa
  • Guam, It Got Tipped Over By Our Soldiers – Hank Johnson
  • O Come Back, O Come Back, Rahm Emanuel! – Barack Obama

And so much more… you have to buy it so you can find out what’s in it!

Order now, and receive, as our special gift to you, that Alvin Greene action figure all the kiddies have been begging for!

Also available again for a limited time, last year’s seasonal celebration album!

What are you waiting for??? Order now!

[Cross-posted at America is an Obamanation!]

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Stop Mentioning Kwanzaa, Racists

Being it’s the holidays, it’s once again time to remind people that Kwanzaa is a racist, recently made up holiday that there is no documented evidence of anyone actually celebrating it and you’re a racist to even mention the holiday in a positive manner.

First off, I’ve seen more evidence of bigfoot than of anyone actually celebrating Kwanzaa. I’ve never even heard fourth hand information of someone actually observing the holiday. It’s a myth.

Second, it was just made up in 1966 by some guy who thought blacks should have a separate holiday. We want to encourage that? What moronic racist thinks whites and blacks should have separate holidays? I’m sure you could get the KKK to co-sign that idea.

Finally, considering its a scam holiday some idiotic racist made up, it’s pretty racist to assume black people celebrate it. It’s like some people out there think if you label anything “This is for black people”, they’ll fall for the scam. No. No one’s that dumb except rich white liberals.

In conclusion, the only people who hold Kwanzaa as a positive thing are stupid racists. Don’t be a stupid racist. Especially so near Christmas.

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It Must Be Said: The X-Men Are the Dumbest Superhero Concept

It’s near Christmas, so it seems like a good time to rant about the X-Men.

I like comic books and superheroes, but — other than Josh Whedon’s Astonishing X-Men run which was entertaining — I can’t stand the X-Men. The concept is just too stupid on so many levels and I can’t suspend my disbelief.

One thing, is the constant whining about how discriminated against they are, and you know how much everyone loves it when heroes whine! “People are so mean to us mutants! People say they don’t want their kids in the same school as mutants just because we’ve blown up classroom’s six or seven times!” So while we’re expelling kids for just drawing a picture of a gun, we’re supposed to feel bad that most people don’t want mutants around them who can touch things and cause them to explode. Anyway, the discrimination against them is supposed to parallel homophobia or something (which they’ve made more explicit by having them move to San Francisco), but of course that analogy breaks down pretty quickly. It would be a much different debate if gay people secretly went around in a paramilitary organization blowing stuff up all the time. And know who blows stuff up all the time and whines constantly about being discriminated against? Radical Muslims.

Another thing is how the X-Men being discriminated against makes absolutely no sense in their universe. You can’t swing a dead cat in the Marvel universe without hitting a superhero, and many of them are beloved by the public like the Fantastic Four and Captain America. Still, apparently this conversation happens a lot:

BYSTANDER: “Thanks for saving us!”

SUPERHERO: “Just doing my duty.”

BYSTANDER: “So how did you get your superpowers? Gamma radiation? Super serum? Radioactive spider bite?”

SUPERHERO: “I was born with them.”


Finally, are really supposed to buy that the explanation for their powers is evolution? Is that how evolution works now? Animals just one day shoot lasers out their eyes? And explain to me the process where over thousands of years someone would be forced to evolve the ability to phase through solid material or control the weather. If you actually follow the evidence, a much more scientific and logical explanation for the X-Men’s powers is that they’re all possessed by evil demons.

Anyway, sign me up as a supporter for Senator Kelly’s next bill.

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Hollywood to the Rescue!

Apparently Pelosi is seeking branding advice from Stephen Spielberg. And if you think Spielberg can’t sell awful things, remember that the U.S. gross for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was over $317 million. Then again, that did well for nostalgia for the previous successes, which liberals are pretty short on right now. This is more like how does one market M. Night Shyamalan next film so it’s a blockbuster. It’s pretty hard considering that after opening night everyone is going to know how hilariously bad it is. Seems like the logical strategy is to just give up.

Of course, I like MST3K and RiffTrax. If people didn’t make bad movies, what would they make fun of? And if liberals didn’t keep doing stupid things, what would I make fun of?

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Random Thoughts

Man, thought I invented a new expression “sunshine and gravy” but found one other hit for it on Google. Internets!

When fascism comes to America, it will be called the “Free Hugs for Minority Orphans” Act.

When fascism comes to America, it will be driving a Prius.

When fascism comes to America, Thomas Frank will write a column explaining how it will make us more free.

So about when can we expect our nets to get more neutral?

I don’t want to generalize (yes I do!) but liberals seem to get more worked up about theoretical problems than actual problems.

To use the Coolidge analogy, they find it easier to focus on the problems they see coming down the road than the one running them over.

Anyway, not bad to focus on possible problems in the future as long as you realize most won’t need any solutions in the end.

This holiday season, scientists are setting up cameras to see if they can catch photographic evidence of someone celebrating Kwanzaa.

The only one who could correctly be labeled a “Holocaust Winner” is the little boy from Life is Beautiful.

To all of those still racially discriminating against people: Stop it! …Unless you have good reason.

I always give attention to the dog and ignore the cats, but I can’t anymore because of new Pet Neutrality legislation.

Oh, that was “Pet Neutering” legislation. Nevermind.

Really weird watching Boise play on a green field.

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