President Obama answered the phone. “Hello?”
“This is the Republicans,” answered a distorted a voice. “We have someone you might want to talk to.”
On the line was a new voice. “I’m a middle class tax payer! The Republicans have taken me hostage!” she said unconvincingly. “They say they’ll raise my taxes too if taxes are raised on the rich and won’t extend my unemployment! I am very scared! Please do help me and do whatever the Republicans want!”
The Republican came back on the line. “So, to show you we’re serious–”
“I’LL DO WHATEVER YOU WANT!” Obama screamed.
There was a long pause on the phone. “Really?”
“Yes; whatever. Just write it down, and I’ll do it.”
“Oh… okay. Cool.”
Obama hung up the phone and announced, “We’re doing whatever the Republicans want.”
“Why?” one of his aides asked.
“Because they have the middle class hostage… or something.”
“No they don’t,” the aide said. “We still have the majority and they don’t have any leverage. Their hostage was probably just Michelle Bachman acting. We can defeat them if–”
“Whatever you’re proposing sounds hard,” Obama interrupted, “and my tee time is coming up soon.”
“Fine. But you’re going to really anger the left-wing,” the aide said.
“We’re really angry!” screeched a high pitch voice.
Obama looked down to see the left-wing down at this feet, shaking their tiny fists up at him.
“We’re going to challenge you in the primary!” the left-wing shrieked.
“Sure you are.” Obama grabbed a wastebasket and overturned it over the left-wing, trapping them inside. “There, I took care of them.”
The left-wing banged their tiny fists on the wastebasket. “Lets us out!”
“I’ll do it later,” Obama told them, “and then you’ll be so grateful to me.” He turned to his aide. “So just write me up some speech saying the Republicans are hostage takers and I had to give in to their demands — but mention that terrorists shouldn’t learn anything from that. And then add that thing we’re always mindlessly repeating about how tax cuts creating jobs.”
“Republicans are the ones that say that.”
“Whatever. Just use it. And add that though we didn’t defeat the rich today, we’ll do it one day and make sure no one has money. Off to play golf!” He then left the room.
“We hate him now!” the left screeched.
The aide kicked the wastebasket. “Shut up! No one cares!”