A Conservative Column Guaranteed Not to Cause Violence

Everyone is worried about rhetoric these days, so in my wrote my new Pajamas Media column in a way to make sure no one could interpret any of it as a call for violence. Please enjoy non-violently.

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Random Thoughts

I didn’t think rules in Chicago got enforced on politicians. Must have surprised Rahm, too.

Rumor I’m hearing is that Rush Limbaugh will be the new host of Countdown on MSNBC.

A monkey that bites 120 people is not a scared monkey. It’s a monkey that really really likes biting people.

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Navy Lasers

I’d say the number one complaint about the U.S. Navy is not enough giant lasers that can shoot down aircraft, but they’re working on it. Giant lasers on ship is part of the path to giant lasers in space. First you do lasers on land, then on water, then in the air, and then in space. That’s how Science! works.

Notice how as our military advances in technology, all our enemies seem to devolve? We’re getting lasers and they’re using hand me down AK-47s and trying to piece together explosives. Eventually, it will be like an advanced alien race versus cavemen, which is the goal of any military. That and to be worshiped as angry gods.

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Obama Hiding Weakness?

There is some suggestion that President Obama has been dying his hair. This is good, because if Obama shows any sign of weakness, Biden will see it as his opportunity and challenge Obama to combat so that he may be president. Biden may seem stupid, but he is a spry and vicious combatant. And he bites. The only thing keeping him in line his fear of Obama’s strength, but if Obama starts to gray, then that fear wanes.

Some people think we should repeal the law that allows the VP to take over the presidency if he bests the president in one on one combat, but I think that’s short sighted. Having the VP always lurking in the background waiting for any weakness to pounce helps keep the president on his toes. I definitely don’t think it’s as dumb as the law that put the National Park Service in charge of the Thuderdome.

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Olbermann Is Gone; What Now?

So Keith Olbermann got the boot. It was a surprise to everyone, with pretty much no one knowing before Olbermann made this statement on the air:

You kinda have to feel bad for since no one likes him. The guy was basically a dancing monkey for the left. He had this insular show with no one on to disagree with him so he could rant and rave his left-wing stupidity with no possibility of someone popping his pomposity; it was rather pointless really, and even many on the left started to recognize that and make fun of him.

Still, it was MSNBCs highest rated show, so they have to replace him with something. I’d say an actual dancing monkey. It would go on screen and dance and screech and liberals could watch and clap their hands and say how much that monkey was really giving it to the right. The left hasn’t been doing so great with reality lately; might as well embrace it.

As for Olbermann, I say reality show. Maybe one where he’s a bounty hunter. At the end of each episode after the perp was caught, Olbermann would give this bombastic speech about justice during which the perp would escape and spray Olbermann with his own bear mace. Now that would be some entertaining viewing!

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Random Thoughts

I don’t get this worry about climate change. The climate has always changed like every season. Am I the only who notices that?

If you don’t like climate change, move to Florida where it’s warm all year round.

So who wants to bet that after 14 years of development, Duke Nukem Forever is going to be pretty mediocre?

I’m kinda hoping for the collapse of society because I think I’d be a good warlord.

So has Charles Johnson succeeded yet in his hunt to find someone more crazy and extreme than himself?

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Great words from great presidents

… plus one other guy at the end.

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Franklin Delano Roosevelt, March 4, 1933: Let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.

John Fitzgerald Kennedy, January 20, 1961: And so my fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.

Ronald Wilson Reagan, January 20, 1981: In this present crisis, government is not the solution to our problem; government is the problem.

Ronald Wilson Reagan, June 12, 1987: Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!

George Walker Bush, September 14, 2001: I can hear you, the rest of the world hears you, and the people who knocked these buildings down will hear all of us soon.

Barack Hussein Obama, January 19, 2011: This bit of news… under a new agreement, our national zoo will continue to dazzle children and visitors with the beloved giant pandas.

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Rub-a-Dub-Dub…

Farewell, Bathtub Boy!

Cross-posted at America is an Obamanation!

UPDATE: So, what’s next for Keith Over-Man? Feel free to offer your ideas for his next career move in the comments section!

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BREAKING NEWS — Keith Olbermann has found a new job… at FOX NEWS!!!

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Because I Know When I’m Licked

Commenter Mike says:

What? It’s 1/22/2011 and Keith Olberman has been fired for like 18 hours and nothing from IMAO? I’m disappointed!!

Here’s my excuse.

I read Hope & Change Cartoons this morning, and after reading this part:

Currently, there is no solid information about why Olbermann and MSNBC parted ways. There is absolutely no indication that Olbermann had a longstanding homosexual affair with mass-murderer Jared Loughner, nor is there anyone willing to go on record that MSNBC believed Olbermann to be a necrophiliac pedophile who hated minorities.

Although rumors abound, there is no confirmation that Olbermann was terminated for “relieving himself” manually while looking at pictures of the First Lady’s yams, nor should anyone believe – absent verifiable proof – that MSNBC forced him to leave because of drug, alcohol, and orphan abuse.

I simply doffed my hat to the better man and walked away without a fuss.

Sorta like when you’re down by 60 points during the last 5 minutes of… well, any game, really, except Quidditch.

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The Left’s Obama-Joker-Socialism Poster

You may have seen this:

Or even heard the story of how this poster is showing up in the streets of San Francisco.

The left thinks they’ve found the answer to this:

Nope, sorry. Lacks brevity and elegance. I guarantee that even after staring at their Palin poster for 30 seconds and reading it half a dozen times, no one will remember what it said.

Not that I expect much from the clown who created it. Here’s another one of his crap “art” pieces:

The text, for those who can’t read his bitter, childish scrawl, begins:

You’re big.
You’re dumb.
You’re white.
You drink beer and watch the NFL because it mirrors your approach to conflict.
You over-consume and under achieve.
You think you are this nation.
You think you are the heir to this nation.
You have traded our legacy for mitigated fear and complacency.
You distrust intellectuals and aspire to stagnation.
You rent spaces to store things you never needed.

There’s a lot more, but it’s boring and pedantic. Besides, you get the idea. The “artist” is a brutish, petulant child with a mouthful of gimme, whose sad efforts at creation consist largely of defacing things that others consider good and beautiful. A rebel without a sense of taste or decency.

Anyway, because I’m smarter than him, I’m going to create the viral leftist Palin poster that he didn’t the have brains to make:

A memorable, brief, and pointed statement of what the left believes Sarah stands for. Startling for its stark contrast between the darkness of the word, and the angelic whiteness of its letters, the ugliness of the concept, and the conformity of its subject to accepted societal norms of beauty.

I think it’s pretentious enough to suit their needs.

So why am I helping out the liberals like this?

So I can make fun of them later by posting this parody:

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