What Happened to Unashamed Dictators?

Posted on January 31, 2011 11:01 am

So when the protests started in Egypt, their internet suddenly cut out. When the Egyptian embassy was asked why, they said that maybe a cleaner accidentally unplugged it.

You notice how pretty much no one in the world is willing to be an unapologetic dictator anymore? I mean, back in the day, you would have a leader say, “I unplugged the internet because I’m a dictator and I can do what I want!” But the concept of democracy has won over so much that even dictators feel ashamed of themselves and need to come up with lame excuses for their oppression even if no one would actually believe them. Like even Saddam Hussein felt the need to hold sham elections; what happened to dictators who just said, “I’m in charge and I’ll always be in charge. I’m a dictator; I do what I want!”

It reminds me a lot of hugely liberal journalists who like pretend their unbiased. Yeah, the bias is bad, but it would at least be nice if the journalist was honest about it instead of pretending it away. Same for dictators; why can’t they just be forthright about their dictatorness anymore? Honesty, people.

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17 Responses to “What Happened to Unashamed Dictators?”

  1. The Animal says:

    Idi Amin… now there was a guy who KNEW how to be a dictator.

  2. MarkoMancuso says:

    Idi Amin! Dictator of…..your liver!

  3. Larsinkima says:

    Damn sand.

  4. Shiggz says:

    *I hope people will take this a good example of why not to give the TOTUS a kill switch for the internet.

    *really it is right out of the modern playbook for tyrants. From Iran to Venezuela to Russia. Used to be that utopia or nationalism could keep them in power but now they all use this basic but potent formula.

    -blame everything on US
    -hold sham elections
    -have brutal secret police
    -maintain a cowtowed media while purging all non subservient media
    -create a large enough group totally dependent on you

    Hey look the left is almost there.

  5. Bantha_Fodder says:

    so do they have this big plug in the hallway with a sign over it that reads, “Internets” and while the maid was there vacuuming she needed an outlet so she could finish the hall and the “Intenets” plug was the only one available? That makes sense – happens all the time; when the wife is vacuuming, she unplugs my router to make room for the vacuum.

  6. Proud Infidel says:

    I’d like to assure you all that when I’m elected dictator I’ll be the most shameless dictator ever. No shame whatsoever from this despot! I will name everything after me and rest assured all my faithful minions will party like it’s 1999. Or 2011. Hell, since I’ll be dictator I’ll make it 1999 all over again. Dictators can do that, you know.

  7. Burmashave says:

    I dunno, it sounds plausible, if only deniably so. The new dictator takes power, and he says, “The first thing we’re going to do is clean up this country!” His minions are a little fuzzy on what he meant, so they break out the Electrolux. Poof! No more Internet.

    For some reason, this reminds me of a story about J. Edgar Hoover, who was kind of like a dictator. He was reviewing some new FBI graduates, and he later mentioned to a senior agent, “We’ve got some real pinheads lately.” Well, no one would dare ask Hoover what he meant, so an agent measured the hat sizes of all the new inductees and washed out the ones with the smallest hat sizes.

  8. Burmashave says:

    @Infidel: You’d be in good company on the calendar thing. Julius Caesar and Pope Gregory changed the calendar to suit. On the other, other hand, Napoleon tried, with a typically stupid Napoleonic plan, to redo the calendar so we’d have 10-day work weeks. It wasn’t a success. On the whole, though, I think the 1999 thing would be well received.

  9. Bantha_Fodder says:

    having it stay 1999 all the time would save on the giant novelty “1999” new year glasses – i hate having to buy a new pair each year, just to wear them once. look fiscal responsibility! hehe

  10. ussjimmycarter says:

    I’ve been thinking about taking over America as Dictator Magnus In Chief For Life and After! I plan to stand before my rubes with my hands on my hips, head tipped up a bit and say “Muwhahahahahahah”!!! And then everyone will like fall to their knees and worship me and do my bidding and so forth! I will then have a giant pyramid (not like those totally ghey small ones in Egypt) built for my tomb. It will be so huge that it will cover 5 states and will be seen from coast to coast with the naked eye!!! Then we will go to work stealing all the worlds natural resources for the US people to enjoy through plundering by our military. They will dress as Vikings of old, however!!!

  11. ussjimmycarter says:

    The way they shut down the internet is the same way they shut down the Iranian Nuclear program. They gave it a fancy name but basically they just introduced some Microsoft Code into the program and that was it! Several nuclear scientists have committed suicide after having spent days with Microsoft Technical Support. What they will do with the Internet is they will replace the IP layer with Microsoft Code and Kerplooey!!! Nothing will talk with anything anymore ever again!!!

  12. Live Free Or Die says:

    “Honesty?!!! We don’t need no stinkin’ Honesty!”—Unashamed Dictator

  13. Dohtimes says:

    As dictator I would be completely unashamed and totally naked.

  14. mike says:

    Well, you are of course forgetting Hitler, who propagated the big lie.

  15. Son of Bob says:

    You’ve apparently never heard of Barack Hussein Obama?

  16. zzyzx says:

    Ha! In my country no one have to worry about whether or not I turn off internet or not because there is no internet…and even if we had internet most people no have electricity…so no probrem. As far as cell phones are concerned…forget about it. No riots either as I keep most of popuration near starvation so they too weak to riot in street. Here best joke of all…even though I one of worlds most despicable dictators, people have to call me Dear Leader. Ha-ha! Who say I have no sense of humor…Kim Jong Il, Unashamed Dictator, NORK

  17. ss396 says:

    6. Proud Infidel says:
    January 31st, 2011 at 1:26 pm

    If everything is named after you, how are the masses going to know where to hold their rallies?

    NEWS FLASH: “There will be a spontaneous rally at Infidel Square on Tuesday at 10:00am”
    THE MASSES: “Is it the Infidel Square just two blocks over? Or is it the one next to Infidel Bakery?”
    NEWS FLASH: “Groan”

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