Conversation with My 10-Year-Old Self
It’s 2011 — the future — yet it’s not quite what I expected as a child. I kind of wonder if I could even make it all sound that interesting to my ten-year-old self. So, as a little thought experiment, here is an imagined conversation if I were able to go back in time and talk to young Frank J.
* * * *
“Hello! I am you from twenty-one years in the future!”
“Wow! Are you astronaut?”
“Well… no.”
“Then get away from me, loser!”
“Hey, not so fast. The future is a lot different than you would have thought. Didn’t get to be an astronaut — they’re still pretty rare — but I did get to be a blogger.”
“That like a plumber?”
“No, I write my thoughts on a computer and people all over the world get to read them.”
“So really cool people read what you write?”
“Well… people read what I write. Oh, and I’m also on this thing called ‘Twitter’ where I can instantly share my thoughts with thousands of people… as long as it’s under a 140 characters.”
“That’s asinine.”
“Wha… How do you even know that word?”
“So do you have jetpacks in the future?”
“No, not really. Those are dangerous.”
“Flying cars?”
“No, that would be dangerous too. We don’t like dangerous things in the future. Instead of flying cars, though, we have cars that are part electric and part gas.”
“Why?”
“Um… I’m not sure. I think to stop the planet from getting too hot… or too cold. One of those.”
“Asinine!”
“Come on; you can’t actually know what that word means.”
“So what cool tech do you have?”
“We have phones with lots of features on them.”
“Phones are boring! Who cares what features they have?”
“No, phones are really cool in the future. They’re like the coolest thing now.”
“You have the dumbest future ever!”
“No, it’s neat. You can throw birds at pigs.”
“What are you even talking about?!”
“I have a Droid.”
“You have a robot! Awesome!”
“No, it’s a type of phone.”
“Why is the future so boring and stupid and full of phones?! Do you even have robots?”
“Just… um… robot vacuum cleaners.”
“You guys took every cool idea for the future and made it boring! What do you guys even do in the future?”
“We… um… like things ironically.”
“Huh?”
“Well, we take things that are kind of cheesy, and pretend to like them. Especially things from our childhood. Like, things you really like now, we’ll pretend to be into that in the future.”
“So you’ll pretend to like the Simpsons?”
“Oh, you have that? That’s actually still on and decently watchable. Wow, I forget how old that show is.”
“So is there anything interesting from the future?”
“Well… we have a black president.”
“Like Mr. T?”
“Um… more like Urkel. I forget if you know who that is yet.”
“The future stupid and you are stupid!”
“Oh, I did bring one thing from the future: Here’s my new Nintendo 3DS
“THE FUTURE IS AWESOME! I WANT TO LIVE THERE!”
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(25 votes, average: 4.80 out of 5)
March 30th, 2011 at 3:30 pm
Should’ve mentioned the free pron on the computers.
March 30th, 2011 at 3:37 pm
And Buffalo wings. Little frank will want to live in the future for the buffalo wings. Its the only thing keeping me here.
March 30th, 2011 at 3:42 pm
Just when I thought the moral of the story was about Pres. Urkel, it’s all about an ad for Nintendo 3DS on Amazon!
March 30th, 2011 at 3:42 pm
Fred Thompson is like Mr. T.
FormerHostage I think we need a confessional appoint or a trip to the woodshed since I’m not catholic. “Pron” for a ten year old is not appropriate. I pity the fool who give pron to a kid
March 30th, 2011 at 3:56 pm
Hey, I think he just said we’re all uncool….
March 30th, 2011 at 3:57 pm
“So really cool people read what you write?”
“Well… people read what I write.
Infidel! May you fall over and put joystick in your eye. You shall then wear patch and will forever play in 1D! Your insults shall no longer be tolerated by loyal readers! I have your picture on the floor and am hitting with shoe…ha ha…take that one eyed 1DS player! Alah Akbar!
March 30th, 2011 at 3:57 pm
Don’t forget the skittle-sh***ing Unicorns!
March 30th, 2011 at 3:59 pm
Jiminy Christmas – I wish our president was Steve Urkle.
March 30th, 2011 at 4:08 pm
“Well… people read what I write.”
Sometimes. Sporadically at best since you write so sporadically. Dig Dig.
March 30th, 2011 at 5:10 pm
Urkel as president would be a major improvement – the same level of manliness and leadership, but an intelligence increase by a factor of 20 or so.
Also, it would be less annoying to listen to Urkel give a speech.
March 30th, 2011 at 5:39 pm
“So really cool people read what you write?”
“Well… people read what I write.”
*clears throat threateningly*
March 30th, 2011 at 6:02 pm
#8 was my 10 year-old self talking.
Hey, we’re just lucky Basil is keeping Frank’s persona alive at all!
My old self is much more empathetic.
March 30th, 2011 at 6:26 pm
“That’s asinine!”, is 10 year old Frank’s way of saying, “That’s ghey!”, in today-speak.
Asinine is Ass to the 9th power. Your 10 year old self was really good at math.
I always thought Frank’s ‘cool readers only’ filter was a little bit lax.
Grown up Frank should have shown 10 year old Frank video of Capt. Kirk using his communicator, on his Droid. 10 year old Frank would have liked that.
March 30th, 2011 at 7:48 pm
Attaboy, 10-year-old Frank. The past is superior as of this writing. Didn’t have no nancy boy cell phones or plastic Glocks when Ike was President, I tell you what.
March 30th, 2011 at 7:54 pm
Funny my self from 10 years from now came to talk to me and said….”Time to play the Trump card!”
http://newsflavor.com/politics/us-politics/white-house-insider-election-2012-how-obama-wins-who-can-defeat-him/
March 30th, 2011 at 8:13 pm
Pastor Ed,
C’mon….10 year olds used to have pron all the time back then. It was called National Geographic or the lingerie section of the J.C. Penny catalog.
March 30th, 2011 at 8:32 pm
“Well… we have a black communist president with a name very similar to the Arabs who killed 3000 Americans who has terrorists write books for him and refuses to prove where he was born or anything else about himself.”
There, I fixed it for you.
March 30th, 2011 at 8:39 pm
When I was 10 years old,
my Grandparents bought a beautiful new
1970 purple Plymouth Roadrunner
that was a dual fuel vehicle.
It burned gas and rubber,
and darn near flew.
Too bad we wasted all the technology on computers and phones since then,
instead of using it to keep producing fuel at a price that would make
those muscle cars affordable today.
“The future stupid and you are stupid!”
Yeah, mostly.
March 30th, 2011 at 9:12 pm
“‘So really cool people read what you write?’
‘Well… people read what I write. Oh, and I’m also on this thing called ‘Twitter’”
I’ll give you credit. To try to put others down as not being cool, while simultaneously admitting that you’re on Twitter takes some guts. Ghey guts, but guts.
March 30th, 2011 at 9:14 pm
Maybe the present future wouldn’t suk so bad if you had done a better job of winning it when you were ten.
March 30th, 2011 at 9:19 pm
Twitterphobe!!
March 30th, 2011 at 9:28 pm
“THE FUTURE IS AWESOME! I WANT TO LIVE THERE!”
$20/gal. gas
$.50/kwh electricity
$10/loaf bread
$15/5 lbs. sugar
$10/10 lbs. flour
$5/lb. potatoes
$100,000/new GM Obama/Pelosi POS all-electric car
And these will be the “good times.” Woo hoo!
March 30th, 2011 at 9:38 pm
Thank God for all that surplus ammo I’ll be buying, Jimbo.
Ammo is the best
For it keeps me at rest
Whether it’s Aught-Six, an old man’s friend
Or nine mil, the old sissy’s friend
Ammo takes the cake
And makes baddies shake
March 30th, 2011 at 10:17 pm
Let’s fire up the FED’s printing presses, Marko, so we can afford your ammo!
Quantitative Easting forever, baby. I mean let it rip! Spew those greenbacks out like Japanese tsunami debris.
Hey Congress!! Screw balancing the budget – or even cutting the deficit! Money for everyone!!! To hell with economics, and work, and effort, and reward, and savings and such old-fashioned ideas. Billions are starving and have no clean water or toilets. We need houses and food and medical care and medicine and water and TV’s and iPhones and electric cars and computer games for EVERYONE.
Oh, computer game Nintendo 3DS. I knew I was on topic.
March 31st, 2011 at 4:18 am
Jimmy – you have our future economics nailed ma boy! As the bozos at the Fed continue to print gobs of money, the money becomes worth less and less. Gold is up to over $1,400 per ounce not because Gold is any more valuable but because the dollar is collapsing! My advise to anyone who will listen is to get out of the stock market now! Buy precious metals and sit and wait. There will be tremendous financial upheaval coming and if you own stocks you will get wiped out! I am buying Gold and Silver. Some are predicting Gold at $2,500 to $5,000 per ounce and Silver at $187.50 to $250.00 per ounce. Silver is currently at $33.00. The people saying this predicted Gold at $1,500 3 years ago!
March 31st, 2011 at 8:44 am
Lie back and dream of Ben Bernanke, Jimmy! BOHICA, baby! BOHICA!
March 31st, 2011 at 10:06 am
Frank just took talking to himself to a whole new level.
March 31st, 2011 at 10:13 am
To qoute Obama.. “Future? Future!? We don’t need no stinkin’ future!”
March 31st, 2011 at 10:14 am
And admittedly, my inner ten yesr old is feeling very let down, too.
March 31st, 2011 at 10:37 am
You were a 10 year old wise a$$. love it
March 31st, 2011 at 3:56 pm
Jimmy, you go ahead and stock up on gold, I’m stocking up on guns, ammo, and survival equipment.
March 31st, 2011 at 4:02 pm
I notice in the description that the Nintendo has “Parental Controls to restrict 3D mode for children 6 and under”- are you sure SarahK will allow you to play with it?
April 3rd, 2011 at 1:56 am
Frank, we know darn well what happens when you meet your younger self:
http://imao.podbean.com/2010/09/18/imao-podcast-15-9-12-05/