Robo-Donk

Posted on March 30, 2011 12:02 pm

So Chuck Schumer basically admitted he’s programmed to call anything Republicans do extreme. And I always see these left-wing pundits who, no matter what’s said, always tick through their programmed left-wing talking points of the day. So why not just get actual robots and program them to be Democrats? We’re not even talking particularly complex programming; it just has to analyze what’s said and look for key phrases so as to respond with stock talking points,.i.e., if “tax cuts” are mentioned, it will say, “That’s just a tax cut for the rich!” If it doesn’t recognize anything said, it will use one of its all purpose responses (“Koch brothers!”). And through wireless technology, it can constantly update it’s talking points on an hourly basis. Best of all, it won’t be illegal to hit it with a car.

The Robo-Donk: Half-man. Half-machine. All whiny, useless idiot.

Wow; that’s way more man than the average Democrat.

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23 Responses to “Robo-Donk”

  1. Lolziter says:

    Don’t waste money and effort on unnecessary features–Democrat talking points generally don’t change from year to year, much less from hour to hour.

  2. Dohtimes says:

    If it gets them past using old Barbie Dolls that can only say Math Is Hard and It’s Bush’s Fault I’m all for it.

  3. FormerHostage says:

    As long as they use Green technology!

  4. Burmashave says:

    Didja catch the bit that Schumer felt the need to repeat his advice (“Say that Republicans are extreme.”) THREE TIMES to the other congress-whizkids? Someday, my friend, Buttercup will have a “See ‘n Say.” It will be more intelligent than Chuck Schumer.

  5. coldguy says:

    1) In order to be liberal approved, it would probably have to be Mac compatiple, and it would have to use expensive, green-energy, even though it would be extremely in-efficient.

    2) It already violates 2 of Asimov’s 3 laws of robotics, just by being a deomocrat.

    3) Robots are cool, and therefore, can’t be democrats.

    Democrats already occupy themselves by being completely useless and idiotic all day long, they don’t need any more free-time to be more useless and idiotic.

  6. Jimmy says:

    “The Robo-Donk: Half-man. Half-machine. All whiny, useless idiot.”

    As long as it’s also programmed to self-destruct.

    Allahalalala eeeeeeeeddddd – Kabuuuuussssshhhhh!!!!

  7. ussjimmycarter says:

    How do you program a robot to be totally ghey? I mean like Barney Frank ghey. Brokeback Mountain ghey! Would the ghey robot like cruise the ghey bars at night? Then we would have to deal with ghey robot marriage? Would some robots sneak into the Log Cabin Republicans and how would we know? Many problems to consider…

  8. rayfan87 says:

    Every time Chucky opens his mouth, it makes me hate downstate even more.

  9. Lolziter says:

    Jimmy, if you’re worried about not knowing if someone is a human or robot, just carry around a Sciencey thing that makes EMPs. And activate it every 10 minutes or so. That should help to identify the robots (note that you may get some false positives, particularly among people with cardiac pacemakers… actually, maybe this isn’t such a good idea).

  10. Russ says:

    And like other donks, they could be programmed to vote, without actually having to think!

  11. Son of Bob says:

    Did democrat politicians really need to be told by Chuck Schumer to say “Republicans are extreme”? Isn’t that taught to them early on, along with the phrases “Republicans are racist”, “Republicans are evil” and “Republicans want to starve children and kill old people”? Democrats are trained from the beginning to never let a little thing like facts get in the way of a political smear attack.

  12. storm1911 says:

    Chuckie can’t be a robot. Robots work. A big contrdiction there.

    Maybe he’s Ted Kennedy’s golem.

  13. Proud Infidel says:

    I’m with Jimmy on this one, a self destruct feature, preferably activatable by any conservative saying “God Bless Ronald Reagan”, is essential for these robo-Dems. I just don’t trust them, I’m sure robo-Dems would be the same kind of weasel real Democrats are, so we may as well trigger their self destruct devices and be done with them.

    GOD BLESS RONALD REAGAN!

  14. zzyzx says:

    The Robo-Donk: Half-man. Half-machine. All whiny, useless idiot: I believe the Prog’s already have one of these…it’s called an Anthony D. Weiner and is currently a serving congress-critter from NY.

  15. plentyobailouts says:

    Gimme gimme gimme gimme — I just programmed a dem bot.

    Schmuck shumer: baraack, Republicans are hate mongering racists extremists, baraack — Taught to parrot just what that one says.

    The really sad part about this affair is that of the people on the call: boxer, fiendstien, and others, schmucky was the brains of the group. That’s like saying harry reid isn’t a senile retard.

  16. DamnCat says:

    To make it realistic you should build it from one of those grocery store self-checkout machines. Whoever puts in the most campaign cash gets to program today’s democrat catch-phrase for Robo-Donk.

  17. EdthePastor says:

    Let’s recycle. Use an 8 track and the old quarter-a-ride pony. Trailing edge technology for a choo choo train party. Winning The Future using the past

  18. Jimmy says:

    Oh, I like that, Proud Infidel. We could program-in a list of secret backdoor sayings that cause the unit to fail in different ways.

    Saying –> Action:

    “God bless Ronald Reagan” –> head pops off, erasing solid state RAM
    “Read my lips: no new taxes!” –> all servos fail, head spins rapidly
    “In your heart, you know he’s Right!” –> disembowels itself
    “Nixon’s The One” –> shut’s down while endlessly spouting “I am not a crook!”
    “Government isn’t the solution to our problems; Government IS the problem!” –> blows up

  19. zzyzx says:

    The Robo-Donk: Half-man. Half-machine. All whiny, useless idiot: I think this description kind of explains Keith Olbermann.

  20. Robot Wars « NoOneOfAnyImport's Blog links:

    [...] J. at IMAO ginned up a scary idea:  Robo-Donks:  “So why not just get actual robots and program them to be Democrats?”  This idea [...]

  21. ussjimmycarter says:

    The Dem Robot must be run on cash! Gobs of cash! Like trillions of dollars of cash! Then it would be a true DemoRobot! A cash guzzling machine! And where would all the cash go? To cash heaven like it does now! The DemoRobot would eat a Trillion Dollars and it would be gone with nothing to show for it! Nada, zilch, zip, zero! It would go from house to house and you would have to give it all your cash or it would taser you and then disguise itself as you and go down to your bank and withdraw all your money! Then it would take out massive cash advances on all your credit cards and then it would re-finance your house for $150% of it’s value and take that cash! And you would be laying on the floor all tasered and all and by the time you got your wits back, he would be next door doing the same thing. He would have XRay eyes too so you wouldn’t be able to pretend you aren’t home. He’d just keep ringing the doorbell for like 3 days until you answer!

  22. Crabby Old Bat says:

    ussjimmycarter said: “The DemoRobot would eat a Trillion Dollars and it would be gone with nothing to show for it! Nada, zilch, zip, zero!”

    It’s worse than that. I’d prefer nada, zilch, zip, zero to what we actually get: Entitled, unionized public employees who accuse us of DESTROYING FAMILIES!! if we suggest they pay for some small part of their bloated benefits and platinum pension packages their own damned selves. JUST LIKE HITLER!! suggested before he wiped out every last one of Europe’s union members in concentration camps. Oooh, RoboDonk just got so worked up he dropped a battery into his tinfoil diaper. (Maybe if we get him to wet himself he will short-circuit.)

  23. ss396 says:

    Er, it’s called a “tape recorder” and it has been commercially available for 80-odd years now (as have most democrats).

    Self destruct? Did you never watch Mission Impossible? (The TV series, that is.)

    No wonder your ten-year old self thinks that the future is boring.

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