Iran has a video out saying that the coming of the Islamic messiah is near. Hopefully when he comes he’ll be a nice messiah and tell all the Muslims, “Here’s a crazy religious idea: Let’s not murder so much. I have a lot of religious edicts to tell you, but for now let’s just focus on the not murdering so much. Plus, let’s stop living like angry cavemen.” But I don’t have much hope that’s what he’ll be like; instead, he’ll probably be like the expected, “Kill all the infidels! Conquer the world! Me hate joooos!” And then he’ll lead the Middle East against the West with his magical Islamic powers!
I drew a picture of what we might expect:
Yep, he has lightning attacks! And three magical beards! Well, only two are magical, but if I said he has two magical beards everyone would point out, “But he’s got three beards!” and then I’d explain that one isn’t magical and just a regular beard and I’d have to do that over and over and it just isn’t worth the hassle.
BTW, you might want to draw his picture now, because I assume once he’s here it will be offensive to depict him. News coverage of him might have to blur out his face or something.
Anyway, I hope the military has added the possibility of an Islamic messiah with lightning powers into their war plans. He’s going to try impose Sharia throughout the world and eliminate our bacon supplies; he must be stopped!