Crowder and Hayek

It’s almost as if Crowder is pretending again he’s going to do a video every week. Here’s one on oil drilling and Brazil:

Crowder’s celebrity impressions technique sure has changed from what it used to be.

Also, there is now a sequel to the Hayek vs. Keynes rap battle:

You definitely learn a lot about the two competing philosophies. The lean towards Hayek, but they do give the Keynes arguments a fair shake so you can understand them both. This is probably the smartest I’ve felt after a rap song since the Humpty Dance.

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Superheroes and Patriotism

I'm a loyal American!Hello, Aquafans!

As you may have heard, Superman is renouncing his U.S. citizenship.

Frankly, good riddance.

You know, the main DC superheroes have never been good representatives of America. Superman has just always thought he’s better than everyone because he has pretty much every superpower (except he can’t talk to fish). And his alterego works for the New York Times or something, so he is just completely out of touch with the common man. Actually, the way he explained his decision to renounce his citizenship to me was, “Nobel prize winning economist Paul Krugman thought it was a good idea.” I swear the guy snorts white kyrptonite.

With Batman, you never see him waving the flag. That would just go against his dark persona he wants to keep up. What a disturbed little man; if he did get patriotic, he’d probably end up joining a militia or something.

Wonder Woman’s costume does make her look like she’s a patriotic stripper, but she’s actually part of some overseas feminist cult. She’s always ranting on and on about the pay gap between men and women. Hey! The Justice League doesn’t pay me at all!

Green Lantern is part of some intergalactic police force whose authority comes from… where? Weird little blue guys? I do not trust him. Any day now he could pull over the whole earth for speeding.

And the Flash… well, frankly, shouldn’t someone whose power is to run away really fast be more representative of France than the U.S.?

But, me, I was born in Maine and am a proud American. I even got my start fighting the Nazis. And though you might not always see it, I’m often wearing a flag pin. So you can always count on Aquaman to stand up proudly for the U.S. of A.!

Plus, Atlantis kicked me out.

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They Still Have Royalty?

When I heard that one of the princes in England was getting married, I just kinda shrugged and said, “Okay.” I didn’t know it was actually supposed to be a big deal. I mean, making big deals out of royalty — isn’t that for third world countries? Didn’t that go out of style when everyone got electricity and indoor plumbing? Plus, with the prince we’re talking about a possible king of England. Yeah, Britain used to be a big deal years ago with a giant empire, but now it’s more of little tourist island — a Jamaica with lots of boiled food. “Come gawk at how we still have royalty; how quaint is that? And look, they’re using a typewriter — double quaint!”

What does royalty even do in a modern country? If we had them in America, they’d live in Disney World and greet tourists. But in England it’s like a whole country trying to keep up a fairytale fantasy. I guess it’s tradition. Still, I hope they try to get some actual use out of their royalty — like maybe have them stand on the street corner and wave signs for local businesses.

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Random Thoughts

Buttercup always sleeps the most soundly when I put her to bed because nothing tires her out like a solid hour of screaming.

My favorite part of the chocolate peanut butter cup has to be either the chocolate or the peanut butter. I’m apathetic about the cup part.

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SETI Shutting Down

So SETI, the search for extraterrestrial intelligence, is shutting down due to lack of funding. Seems about time. I mean, how many years and millions of dollars can you spend finding nothing before you say that maybe it’s a waste of time. You can easily find no alien radio signals all day long for way less money than it costs to run a giant array of satellites — in fact, I’m doing just that right now. Actually, if you want, I can be SETI, and I’ll do it for way cheaper — just $300,000 a year. For that, you get an official report every month about how I didn’t find any alien signals. Then, if people are asking if we’ve detected alien intelligence, you can just say, “Frank J. hasn’t heard anything.” Deal?

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Other Mysteries About Obama

Now that the long form birth certificate about Obama has been released, that solves one mystery about Obama. But there are still many unanswered questions about him.

OTHER MYSTERIES ABOUT OBAMA

* Who is that little man who follows Obama everywhere and never says anything?

* What was Obama doing when no one could find him for six days in January, and why did he come back bald?

* Why does he every so often stare silently into the camera and mouth the word “retinaculum”.

* Why will he never look children in the eye.

* Why has he given explicit instructions to his staff to never say his name backwards?

* Why is it extremely rare to see a photograph of him without a duck in the background?

* Why the extreme fear of carpets?

* Why does he sometimes accidentally refer to himself as Lithgow?

* Why will he never go near water?

* Why for the longest time did he always wear a pin depicting an egret?

* Why does he always blink at extremely irregular intervals for one minute and not blink at all the next?

* Why is his left hand always gloved?

* Why does he always seems so confused or even alarmed by laughter?

* Why does he quickly leave the room any time the royal wedding is mentioned?

He’s a pretty mysterious guy. Probably the simplest explanation for all this, though, is that he’s secretly Muslim.

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Random Thoughts

We can still claim Obama is secretly Muslim, right?

The main thing people seem to he getting from this birth certificate hoopla is that everyone other than them is stupid.

Oh. So that’s where the confusion came from. The city in Kenya Obama was born in is named Hawaii.

Well, this really complicates the matter of where we deport Obama to.

If you’re all tired of hearing about birther nonsense, then stop talking about it! Whoops; now I fell into that trap.

I’ve just never understood how Thor as a superhero is supposed to be interesting.

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Yes, the birth certificate is real

Now that Barack Obama has finally released his birth certificate, you would think that people would get back to more important things. But you’d be wrong.

Not everyone is convinced it’s real. But the evidence indicates that the birth certificate is real.

Decide for yourself.

First, here’s the birth certificate

Now, let’s look at the items that some are still questioning.

The background

Notice that the pattern background continues straight, while the paper itself curves down into the binding of the book in which it is contained.

There is a simple reason for this: The background actually curves up on the real document. This was a common practice in Hawaii in 1961. Hawaii had only been a state for a short period of time. Remember, the United States only got Hawaii after Franklin Roosevelt stole it from Japan to start World War II. Within 25 years after the end of that war, Hawaii was made the 57th state.

People knew that children born during those first few years wouldn’t even become eligible to be president until 1995. And that anyone born during those first few years would come under intense scrutiny. So, in order to assist those future examiners of documents, it was decided to make the background on documents curve up, in order to offset the natural downward curve that appeared when a bound document was photographed.

How did they accomplish this? Remember, we stole Hawaii from the Japanese. And Hawaii was Japan’s leading technology testing ground. The Japanese developed upward-curving background images in labs.

Other Japanese technology we uncovered in Hawaii would be used to fake the moon landings from 1969-1972.

The score: Real 1, Fake 0

Race of the father

Notice that the race of Barack Hussein Obama, the father listed on the birth certificate, is listed as “African.”

Some might wonder why “African” was used rather than “Negro,” “Black,” or even “Colored,” as was often the case in many states at the time.

The reason is simple: In order for the child to be considered an African-American in later years, the father would have to be listed as “African.”

It is true that the mother is listed as “Caucasian,” rather than “American,” but that was a common practice of those unenlightened times.

One other note: if the document was a forgery, the forgers would have made the mistake of listing the father as “African-American.” Instead, the “-American” was omitted, proving that it’s not a forgery.

The score: Real 2, Fake 0

Registrar’s signature

Some aren’t certain that the registrar’s signature is real.

It’s easy to see that it is, if you just look at it. It says “Ukulele,” which, as everyone knows, is of Hawaiian origin.

If the document was a forgery, the signature would have said “Banjo” or “Guitar” or even “Orutu” or “Nyatiti.” But it doesn’t. It says “Ukulele,” which is of obvious Hawaiian origin.

The score: Real 3, Fake 0

The clincher

There is one other piece of evidence that, even if all of those so far mentioned are explained away, will clinch it.

At the bottom of the form, in block 23, the question reads: Is this document a forgery?

The “No” checkbox is clearly marked.

The most convincing evidence is in the document itself. There is no need for outside resources being used to check and compare signatures, dates, or anything else. It’s clearly marked that the document is not a forgery.

What more proof do you need?

The final score: Real 1-gazillion, Fake 0

Going forward

It is clear from the evidence that Barack J. Obama was born in Hawaii. This should put all that birther nonsense to rest.

Now maybe the president can go about doing the important things he needs to do.

Like play golf and appear on Oprah.

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Obama’s Birth Certificate Released!

Finally! This ought to put the whole Birth Certificate controversy behind us once and for all.

Of course, there are a few folks out there whom I’m certain will never let this go and will claim this is a forgery or has been tampered with in some way. Well, there’s just no pleasing some people, I guess.

So that all of you can now decide for yourselves, here is a copy of the official document released earlier today by the White House…

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Drawing the Presidential Candidates: Ron Paul and Tim Pawlenty

The Ron Paul candidacy in ’08 was really good to IMAO for the purposes of humor, so I thought I should give his entering the race more fanfare. What better way, I thought, than to draw a picture of him? Well, there are probably lots of better ways, but I drew a picture anyway:

Can’t really disagree with anything he says.

That got me thinking I could draw all the other GOP presidential candidates. That could take time, though, and I’ve never been clear who is officially running or not. Still, I thought I’d draw one of my favorites candidates from those who (I think) declared their intentions to run: Tim Pawlenty!

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