Archive for April, 2011

Crowder and Hayek

Friday, April 29, 2011 6:03 pm

It’s almost as if Crowder is pretending again he’s going to do a video every week. Here’s one on oil drilling and Brazil:

Crowder’s celebrity impressions technique sure has changed from what it used to be.

Also, there is now a sequel to the Hayek vs. Keynes rap battle:

You definitely learn a lot about the two competing philosophies. The lean towards Hayek, but they do give the Keynes arguments a fair shake so you can understand them both. This is probably the smartest I’ve felt after a rap song since the Humpty Dance.

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Superheroes and Patriotism

Friday, April 29, 2011 3:02 pm

I'm a loyal American!Hello, Aquafans!

As you may have heard, Superman is renouncing his U.S. citizenship.

Frankly, good riddance.

You know, the main DC superheroes have never been good representatives of America. Superman has just always thought he’s better than everyone because he has pretty much every superpower (except he can’t talk to fish). And his alterego works for the New York Times or something, so he is just completely out of touch with the common man. Actually, the way he explained his decision to renounce his citizenship to me was, “Nobel prize winning economist Paul Krugman thought it was a good idea.” I swear the guy snorts white kyrptonite.

With Batman, you never see him waving the flag. That would just go against his dark persona he wants to keep up. What a disturbed little man; if he did get patriotic, he’d probably end up joining a militia or something.

Wonder Woman’s costume does make her look like she’s a patriotic stripper, but she’s actually part of some overseas feminist cult. She’s always ranting on and on about the pay gap between men and women. Hey! The Justice League doesn’t pay me at all!

Green Lantern is part of some intergalactic police force whose authority comes from… where? Weird little blue guys? I do not trust him. Any day now he could pull over the whole earth for speeding.

And the Flash… well, frankly, shouldn’t someone whose power is to run away really fast be more representative of France than the U.S.?

But, me, I was born in Maine and am a proud American. I even got my start fighting the Nazis. And though you might not always see it, I’m often wearing a flag pin. So you can always count on Aquaman to stand up proudly for the U.S. of A.!

Plus, Atlantis kicked me out.

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They Still Have Royalty?

Friday, April 29, 2011 12:02 pm

When I heard that one of the princes in England was getting married, I just kinda shrugged and said, “Okay.” I didn’t know it was actually supposed to be a big deal. I mean, making big deals out of royalty — isn’t that for third world countries? Didn’t that go out of style when everyone got electricity and indoor plumbing? Plus, with the prince we’re talking about a possible king of England. Yeah, Britain used to be a big deal years ago with a giant empire, but now it’s more of little tourist island — a Jamaica with lots of boiled food. “Come gawk at how we still have royalty; how quaint is that? And look, they’re using a typewriter — double quaint!”

What does royalty even do in a modern country? If we had them in America, they’d live in Disney World and greet tourists. But in England it’s like a whole country trying to keep up a fairytale fantasy. I guess it’s tradition. Still, I hope they try to get some actual use out of their royalty — like maybe have them stand on the street corner and wave signs for local businesses.

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Random Thoughts

Friday, April 29, 2011 9:07 am

Buttercup always sleeps the most soundly when I put her to bed because nothing tires her out like a solid hour of screaming.

My favorite part of the chocolate peanut butter cup has to be either the chocolate or the peanut butter. I’m apathetic about the cup part.

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SETI Shutting Down

Thursday, April 28, 2011 1:05 pm

So SETI, the search for extraterrestrial intelligence, is shutting down due to lack of funding. Seems about time. I mean, how many years and millions of dollars can you spend finding nothing before you say that maybe it’s a waste of time. You can easily find no alien radio signals all day long for way less money than it costs to run a giant array of satellites — in fact, I’m doing just that right now. Actually, if you want, I can be SETI, and I’ll do it for way cheaper — just $300,000 a year. For that, you get an official report every month about how I didn’t find any alien signals. Then, if people are asking if we’ve detected alien intelligence, you can just say, “Frank J. hasn’t heard anything.” Deal?

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Other Mysteries About Obama

Thursday, April 28, 2011 12:01 pm

Now that the long form birth certificate about Obama has been released, that solves one mystery about Obama. But there are still many unanswered questions about him.


* Who is that little man who follows Obama everywhere and never says anything?

* What was Obama doing when no one could find him for six days in January, and why did he come back bald?

* Why does he every so often stare silently into the camera and mouth the word “retinaculum”.

* Why will he never look children in the eye.

* Why has he given explicit instructions to his staff to never say his name backwards?

* Why is it extremely rare to see a photograph of him without a duck in the background?

* Why the extreme fear of carpets?

* Why does he sometimes accidentally refer to himself as Lithgow?

* Why will he never go near water?

* Why for the longest time did he always wear a pin depicting an egret?

* Why does he always blink at extremely irregular intervals for one minute and not blink at all the next?

* Why is his left hand always gloved?

* Why does he always seems so confused or even alarmed by laughter?

* Why does he quickly leave the room any time the royal wedding is mentioned?

He’s a pretty mysterious guy. Probably the simplest explanation for all this, though, is that he’s secretly Muslim.

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Random Thoughts

Thursday, April 28, 2011 9:31 am

We can still claim Obama is secretly Muslim, right?

The main thing people seem to he getting from this birth certificate hoopla is that everyone other than them is stupid.

Oh. So that’s where the confusion came from. The city in Kenya Obama was born in is named Hawaii.

Well, this really complicates the matter of where we deport Obama to.

If you’re all tired of hearing about birther nonsense, then stop talking about it! Whoops; now I fell into that trap.

I’ve just never understood how Thor as a superhero is supposed to be interesting.

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Yes, the birth certificate is real

Thursday, April 28, 2011 7:11 am

Now that Barack Obama has finally released his birth certificate, you would think that people would get back to more important things. But you’d be wrong.

Not everyone is convinced it’s real. But the evidence indicates that the birth certificate is real.

Decide for yourself.

First, here’s the birth certificate

Now, let’s look at the items that some are still questioning.

The background

Notice that the pattern background continues straight, while the paper itself curves down into the binding of the book in which it is contained.

There is a simple reason for this: The background actually curves up on the real document. This was a common practice in Hawaii in 1961. Hawaii had only been a state for a short period of time. Remember, the United States only got Hawaii after Franklin Roosevelt stole it from Japan to start World War II. Within 25 years after the end of that war, Hawaii was made the 57th state.

People knew that children born during those first few years wouldn’t even become eligible to be president until 1995. And that anyone born during those first few years would come under intense scrutiny. So, in order to assist those future examiners of documents, it was decided to make the background on documents curve up, in order to offset the natural downward curve that appeared when a bound document was photographed.

How did they accomplish this? Remember, we stole Hawaii from the Japanese. And Hawaii was Japan’s leading technology testing ground. The Japanese developed upward-curving background images in labs.

Other Japanese technology we uncovered in Hawaii would be used to fake the moon landings from 1969-1972.

The score: Real 1, Fake 0

Race of the father

Notice that the race of Barack Hussein Obama, the father listed on the birth certificate, is listed as “African.”

Some might wonder why “African” was used rather than “Negro,” “Black,” or even “Colored,” as was often the case in many states at the time.

The reason is simple: In order for the child to be considered an African-American in later years, the father would have to be listed as “African.”

It is true that the mother is listed as “Caucasian,” rather than “American,” but that was a common practice of those unenlightened times.

One other note: if the document was a forgery, the forgers would have made the mistake of listing the father as “African-American.” Instead, the “-American” was omitted, proving that it’s not a forgery.

The score: Real 2, Fake 0

Registrar’s signature

Some aren’t certain that the registrar’s signature is real.

It’s easy to see that it is, if you just look at it. It says “Ukulele,” which, as everyone knows, is of Hawaiian origin.

If the document was a forgery, the signature would have said “Banjo” or “Guitar” or even “Orutu” or “Nyatiti.” But it doesn’t. It says “Ukulele,” which is of obvious Hawaiian origin.

The score: Real 3, Fake 0

The clincher

There is one other piece of evidence that, even if all of those so far mentioned are explained away, will clinch it.

At the bottom of the form, in block 23, the question reads: Is this document a forgery?

The “No” checkbox is clearly marked.

The most convincing evidence is in the document itself. There is no need for outside resources being used to check and compare signatures, dates, or anything else. It’s clearly marked that the document is not a forgery.

What more proof do you need?

The final score: Real 1-gazillion, Fake 0

Going forward

It is clear from the evidence that Barack J. Obama was born in Hawaii. This should put all that birther nonsense to rest.

Now maybe the president can go about doing the important things he needs to do.

Like play golf and appear on Oprah.

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Obama’s Birth Certificate Released!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011 2:47 pm

Finally! This ought to put the whole Birth Certificate controversy behind us once and for all.

Of course, there are a few folks out there whom I’m certain will never let this go and will claim this is a forgery or has been tampered with in some way. Well, there’s just no pleasing some people, I guess.

So that all of you can now decide for yourselves, here is a copy of the official document released earlier today by the White House…


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Drawing the Presidential Candidates: Ron Paul and Tim Pawlenty

Wednesday, April 27, 2011 1:02 pm

The Ron Paul candidacy in ’08 was really good to IMAO for the purposes of humor, so I thought I should give his entering the race more fanfare. What better way, I thought, than to draw a picture of him? Well, there are probably lots of better ways, but I drew a picture anyway:

Can’t really disagree with anything he says.

That got me thinking I could draw all the other GOP presidential candidates. That could take time, though, and I’ve never been clear who is officially running or not. Still, I thought I’d draw one of my favorites candidates from those who (I think) declared their intentions to run: Tim Pawlenty!


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Obama May Have Been Born in America

Wednesday, April 27, 2011 10:01 am

President Obama released his birth certificate and gave a statement on it, so that’s all we’ll be talking about today.

This seemed to be an issue that just fell into his lap to make people opposed to him look like cranks, but as Obama became more unpopular, more people were willing to believe that he wasn’t born in America. It certainly is an easy explanation for his disconnect from the American people — he’s not even one of them! Now the issue is actually hurting Obama, so he puts it to a rest.

Still, some birthers claimed this wasn’t about whether he was born in Hawaii but whether he’s a “natural born citizen” — whatever that legally means. But I doubt many people will care much anymore. The big money will now be in insinuating he’s secretly a Muslim. Ever seen pictures of Obama eating bacon? I haven’t. Only explanation for that: He’s a devout Muslim terrorist!

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Random Thoughts

Wednesday, April 27, 2011 9:12 am

You lose an argument as soon as you bring up Hitler. That’s a lesson Churchill never learned.

Those “Bush = Hitler” signs gave me a good idea for a sign if I ever protest Objectivism: “A = Hitler”

The reason politics seems to get dominated by crazy people is that most of it is utterly asinine.

“I’ve come to bury Caesar, not to praise him. Oh, he’s being cremated? Guess I can just leave then.”

So when was the last time the GOP nominated a right-wing extremist for president? Reagan?

If I were king, I’d pass a decree that all songs must be named from whatever line is most prominent in the chorus. “Rainy Day Women #12 & 35? Off with his head!”

When you spend all day playing in the holodeck and eating your favorite food from the synthesizer, it doesn’t seem like much of a “trek”.

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lolterizt! Part 130

Tuesday, April 26, 2011 8:46 pm

This week terrorists, next week That One. Submit for either at

Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.

From Kris:

[reference link]

From Kris:

[reference link]

From Kris:

[reference link]

From Kris:

[reference link]

From Les:

[reference link]

From me (Harvey):

[reference link]

From me (Harvey:

From me (Harvey):

From Kris:

My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

From 313:

[reference link]

From Kris:

[reference link]

From Kris:

From Kris:

From Kris:

From Sizzlin’ Steve:

[reference link]

This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:

#1: When creating lolterizt! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

HAT TIP: Brian of Snapped Shot‘s magnificent EvilFeed – the world’s best source for ripe-for-captioning terrorist photos.

Send your submissions to and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

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Trending Right

Tuesday, April 26, 2011 4:04 pm

John Hawkins of Right Wing News has a new website: Trending Right. The idea is it will show what are the top stories on the right of the hour based on what people are linking on Twitter.

Yeah, I know; “Twitter is teh ghey!” Sorry, but that’s where everyone is who wants influence now. If you’re not on Twitter, you’re behind the times. You’re a dinosaur. You’re a caveman. You’re a newspaper-reader. Twitter is where you go to find out what is happening right now. Most of that will be about Justin Bieber, but sometimes there will be important stuff to. But if you don’t want to go to Twitter, I guess now you can go to Trending Right and find out what is what.

Anyway, all I’m saying is go on Twitter and keep linking my blog posts so they appear high on Trending Right. Now!

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Ron Paul Returns

Tuesday, April 26, 2011 12:02 pm

It’s official: Now entering the presidential race…


As if all the coverage of Trump hasn’t made the Republican presidential race asinine enough, now comes Ron Paul with all his nutty, obtuse followers. SkyNet was supposed to have become self-aware a week ago, but I’m going to guess that Ronulans still haven’t reached that point. They’re going to soon be all over here, asking, “Why haven’t you come to accept the fact that Ron Paul is Thomas Jefferson’s second coming? Did the Jews get to you?”

Still, I’ve noticed that Ron Paul doesn’t seem as nutty anymore. And it’s not anything that’s changed with him or the crazies he attracts, it’s that Obama has just gotten so over the top awful. Like before, I would have voted for Obama over Ron Paul because it’s just too much to be a part of the racists, anti-Semites, and truthers he attracts, but I don’t think that’s true anymore. Obama is so incompetent, I’d much rather have a nut who’s too divorced from reality to get anything done because at least he probably won’t spend very much. So there’s that for Ron Paul. That leads to a nice new slogan for Ron Paul:

RON PAUL!: Now the lesser evil.

Of course, discussing who I might vote for between Obama and Ron Paul, I might as well add who’d I vote for between Obama and bearded Spock since it’s never going to happen (I’d vote for bearded Spock; he seemed the most level-headed of the mirror universe). Still, Ron Paul and Trump can duke it out in the primary for chief GOP crazy guy.

So what do you all think of Ron Paul and his supporters? Remember not to make fun of him, because “first they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they attack you, then you win”… and we don’t want Ron Paul to win. Well, I guess that means don’t attack him and his followers; as long as we just stay in the laughing at them phase and never move on, we’ll be good.

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Random Thoughts

Tuesday, April 26, 2011 9:02 am

Sorry, only one thought today, but it is pretty random.

Scroll Lock key? Might as well have a “Reshoe Your Horse” key.

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Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch’intrate

Tuesday, April 26, 2011 5:44 am

It has begun. The descent into … the race for the Republican nomination for president.

So far, the big noise-makers are a birther and a truther. Then there’s the big government, pseudo-conservative former governors. You got a couple of quitters in the mix…

Let’s look at this motley crew. And then I’ll tell you about the current glimmer of hope I have.

First, the motleys…

Ron Paul. Or, more correctly: RON PAUL!!!!!1!!!11!!!!! Yes, he’s running again.

He’s the GOP’s Obama. Got a lot of fired-up nutcases supporting him. And he believes some really scary stuff. Sure, he’s sound on fiscal policy, but that whole truther business… Simply put, Ron Paul is nuts. As are his supporters.

Donald Trump. No, I really don’t believe he’s running for president. I think he’s promoting a TV show. Or, at least, it started out that way. But, he’s tying himself to the birther movement.

Let me state that I don’t believe Obama is qualified to be president. Not because of where he was born, but because he is an unqualified oaf. After over two years on the job, he still has no clue. But, he does meet the Constitutional requirements:

No Person except a natural born Citizen … shall be eligible to the Office of President; neither shall any Person be eligible to that Office who shall not have attained to the Age of thirty five Years, and been fourteen Years a Resident within the United States.

But still, I’ve seen trees that would do a better job as president than Obama.

But we’re supposed to be talking about Trump. And that’s the problem. We’re talking about Trump. He should be ignored, and he’ll go away and play a tycoon on TV. Which is the perfect job for him.

Mitt Romney and Chris Christie could be described the same way: conservative for their states, but way too left-wing for my tastes. Like the scene in Hall Pass where the guys see a hot chick, only to discover that, once she’s seen apart from her ugly companions, she’s not so hot. That’s Romney and Christie. And we don’t need no Hall Pass Conservative.

Newt Gingrich did some good things as Speaker of the House. And he is sound in many, many ways. But there are a couple of things that bother me. While I understand why he did it, his resigning from Congress isn’t a good thing.

Same thing about Palin. She bailed on the job as governor. I understand why she did it. But that still bothers me.

I’m not so much worried about her experience. I seem to recall the left all up in arms over her experience in 2008. The same left that helped elect the even more unqualified Barack Obama. While Palin isn’t the most experienced candidate, she’s far, far more qualified for president than Obama.

Tim Pawlenty might be a good choice. Best of the lot I’ve mentioned so far. I know that doesn’t sound like much of an endorsement. But I do like the guy. He’s one of my top three.

The thing is, I don’t know enough about him to know if he’s a true conservative. His state elected Al Franken, so, yeah, he’s going to look conservative by comparison. I just don’t know. Christie and Romney, I know enough about, and they ain’t really conservatives. I want to know more about Pawlenty. If he’s the real deal, I could support him.

One of my favorites I actually know something about, a true conservative governor, has decided not to run. Haley Barbour said “no” to 2012.

Another favorite, Herman Cain, is a long-shot, but is running. I’m not so much worried about long-shots as I am getting the right man for the job.

Cain has business experience, and a long track record of success. We need somebody like Herman Cain. So, why not get the real Herman Cain?

Despite the glimmer of hope I have in Cain (and maybe Pawlenty) I’m worried. Right now, the focus is on Trump and RON PAUL!!1!!!11!

I’m worried that the GOP is going to nominate someone who isn’t a conservative, and we end up with a choice between a left-wing nutcase, and a not-quite-as-left-wing not-quite-as-nuts Republican.

In other words, I’m worried we’re going to do 2008 all over again.

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An Explanation of My Blogging

Monday, April 25, 2011 6:03 pm

Someone commented this on a recent post and it kind of stung:

You already used the “smashing a kid’s toy” analogy about repealing Obamacare. More originality, please.

Yes, when I wrote it I knew I was repeating myself, but I just didn’t have any time to come up with a new analogy and it seemed apropos. Still, I’m a bit sensitive on my posting quality because I can’t really put the time time into blog posting on IMAO that I’d like to. With a full time job and now daddy duties, I really can’t devote more than an hour in the morning to blogging, so I try to do the best with that I can. That’s why I like doing the occasional longer piece for Pajamas Media, because when I get paid directly for a piece it’s a lot easier to justify devoting more time to it — though lately I’ve had trouble even finding time for that. Plus, a passion of mine even before becoming a blogger was to be a novelist, and I’m working to finally get one done and submit it (if some of you read Superego when I did that piece by piece on this blog, I’ve been reworking that into a full novel — there’s only a few sentence left from the original). So, any free writing time I can find, I really want to devote to that.

Anyway, all I’m saying is it’s hard, but I still do my best to blog every day. It’s not always up to my quality standards, but hey, it’s free and it’s there. And I hope to keep doing this until I repeat myself not out of laziness, but senility.

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Burning Marshmallow

Monday, April 25, 2011 3:03 pm

Here’s some videos I thought I’d share. This first one is by Mary Katharine Ham, and it’s the last two years in Peeps:

That really makes me want to see what happens when you set some Peeps on fire.

This other video is from Andrew Klavan on how to behave during an Islamic massacre:

That really makes me want to see what happens when you set some Peeps on fire.

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The Left’s Problem with Trig

Monday, April 25, 2011 12:02 pm

It’s pretty shocking the way some of the left seem unable to separate politics from basic humanity and thus we saw the spectacle of Wonkette attacking Trig Palin, but something we also have to recognize is how much Trig scares the left.

This was something I noticed right away when Sarah Palin came on the scene. One of the few things known about her early on was that she brought a Down Syndrome child to term, and you could see the panic in the left. This wasn’t just someone whose rhetoric clashed with them on abortion; this was someone who’s action was a condemnation of the policy they support that results in 90% of children like Trig being aborted. A lie the left like to tell themselves is that all conservatives are hypocrites and would make the same craven choices in the same situation, but they couldn’t tell themselves that with Palin. That’s probably why the Trig trutherism soon appeared out of desperation.

There’s no greater refutation of abortion than an alive child, and thus Palin holding Trig and smiling is almost like a direct assault to the left. And it’s not so much that they fear other people being convinced on abortion as they fear themselves being moved. Who wants to come to terms with how horrible the policy is they’ve enthusiastically supported? That’s why they like the term “choice” instead of saying “abortion”; they never want to stare it directly in the face for fear of what they’d see. But, again, the mere existence of Trig leaves them no avenue on this. And that’s why there is so much ire directed at Trig. It’s not misdirected from Sarah Palin; it’s target is Trig because he did the greatest offense by existing.

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