Gone from Blogging

I will most likely not be blogging the next couple days. This could be because I quit blogging for good, but it also may just be temporary because I’m on vacation. I guess we’ll have to see whether I return Monday to know which one for sure.

And remember to order your Nuke the Moon t-shirt. The number printed will be based on how many are ordered this week, so this is your one chance to get one. Remember: Wearing one helps dinosaurs with rocket launchers on them quickly determine you’re friend and not foe.

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Time to Do Something Big

Remember how America used to do big cool things? Like defeat the Nazis, go to the moon, take on the Soviet Union. We don’t have big plans like that anymore. We just kinda exist, used to our suckitude, and happy if there are a few more additions to the iPhone each year. We’ve just had such a blah attitude lately; we’re just barely struggling to get by. It’s time to break out of this funk and dream big.

Someone has proposed that America work together and build a working, full-sized AT-AT walker. I like this direction of thought. I wonder if that’s even really possible with the square-cube law, but it seems worth investigating. I’ve also suggested before we build a working Death Star. I know it’s probably not that much use since we don’t have any other planets to blow up than our own, but I think people seeing it hovering ominously in the sky would instantly cause more respect for America.

Of course, IMAO has proposed a number of big ideas through the years: giant robots, space lasers, dinosaurs with rocket launchers, nuking the moon. The important thing is that it’s something really difficult that doesn’t look like we could do it, we work hard and make it happen, and then we unleash it on the rest of the world to make them pay for all slights against us real and imagined.

Obviously, the current president isn’t going to inspire us to do things like this. All he has our sissy wiener ideas like windmills and high speed rail. The guy is just a useless idiot who is doing the opposite of inspiring us — I guess outspiring us. He wants us to dream small and let the government grow and take care of us. So Republicans have to fill this void of leadership. I know — Republicans suck too, how are they going to cheer up America? Well, someone has to step up and do it. Paul Ryan has this big budget plan to end the deficit, which is all fine and good, but he needs to add something else to it. America can’t exist just to pay down its debt; we need to aim for something big while doing this. Think of the affect on America if Paul Ryan stood up and said, “Not only can be pay down the deficit, but we can build a working AT-AT walker that will transport dinosaurs with rocket launchers on them to destroy our enemies.” America would be invigorated; we’d say to ourselves, “We can be awesome again. And everyone will rue the day they crossed us when they see the giant lumbering metal beast head their way bringing them death by explosions and sharp teeth.”

That’s what we have to do. Obama has his silly slogans, but we all know America’s real slogan is “Be Awesome”. It’s time to remember we can do things no other country can — things no other country would even contemplate doing. Insane things. Things that will make everyone respect and fear us again. It’s time someone stand up for that America — the awesome America — the Chuck Norris of countries America — and make us remember who we are. This dark period is temporary; our future still has robots and awesome explosion in it if we decide to make it so.

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I’ve Seen This Done, and It’s Even Cooler Than it Sounds

On the Rachel Maddow Show, the more-effeminate-than-Rachel editor of “The Nation”, Chris Hayes, said that talking about budget cuts is “madness”.

I say go with the obvious solution: tell him where Sparta is, and kick him into a pit.

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Random Thoughts

If you rearrange the letters in Mitt Romney, you get ‘mormon robot’.

After 13 sequels, did anyone ever ask Square Enix if they know what the English word “final” means?

Set up a Roku for my parents. Nifty little thing.

I was thinking, and that Talky Tina doll from that one Twilight Zone episode would make a great Secretary of State. In public with foreign leaders: “Let’s be best friends!” In private: “I don’t like you. I’m going to kill you.”

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There’s a news article out of Canada that says Bolivia is pushing a U.N. treaty that would give “Mother Earth” the same rights as humans.

This brings up several questions.

First: Canada has news outlets? Sure enough. But don’t worry, America. They probably aren’t any better than ABC, CBS, CNN, NBC, and the like. Which means there may or may not be some facts to back up some of what they say.

Next: Bolivia? That’s a real country? I thought Bolivia was the alternate universe Olivia from Fringe.

Finally: The United Nations? The same organization that kept the peace in Korea, the Middle East, Africa, Eastern Europe? That United Nations?

Well, now that those are out of the way, I’m wondering about this whole treaty thing. They want to give plants, bugs, and air the same rights as humans.

I suppose we could point out that there are plenty of countries that don’t give women the same rights as men. So, which humans are we talking about? Men or women?

Giving a turtle the same rights as a woman might not be a bad idea. But a turtle can’t cook and clean. So, I’m not sure that giving a turtle the same rights as women is a smart idea. A turtle sounds more like a man.

Maybe what they’re really wanting to do is not give creatures and crawly things the same rights as humans, but to reduce human rights to those of the birds of the air and the fish of the sea.

And that’s good news for hunters. Rabbit season, duck season? Try Bolivia season.

I’m not sure what they’re trying to accomplish with this whole thing. Unless they’re trying to get the award for Crazy Country of the Year. They got a lot of competition for that award.

You got North Korea, who, well, let’s be honest; they have Kim Jong Il in charge. That says it all.

There’s Iran, who has Mahmoud Ahmadinejad running things.

But, to be fair, those guys sort of took over. They really don’t allow free elections. So, those leaders might be nuts, but it’s entirely possible that most of the people in those countries are not crazy.

So, what country could be crazier than Bolivia?

I can’t think of one. Unless you know of a country that has free elections and went and elected a total incompetent with no experience to run things.

Or a country that elects someone who can’t say a coherent sentence without a teleprompter.

Or a country built on capitalism that turns around and elects a socialist to run the show.

Only a country like that could compete with Bolivia for doing crazy stuff.

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