Fire in the Belly

Fred Thompson has a column out setting the record straight about his 2008 presidential run. The media has its narrative about him being a dark horse candidate with no fire in the belly, and then we ended up with… McCain. Did he have fire in the belly? At times, it seemed like McCain didn’t even want to win against Obama. And now look where we are.

That’s why you have to fight back against the media. For one, IMAO did it’s best to make sure the real facts about Fred Thompson were out there. And to counteract the fire in the belly charge, Fred Thompson punched one reporter so hard his head exploded. Of course, the other reporters were like, “Well, why didn’t he punch that reporter so hard his limbs exploded too? I guess his heart isn’t really into it.” And once again, that lead to us getting McCain. It’s like we Republicans didn’t even want to win the presidency.

So, we have to take charge of the media narrative this time, because we can’t have a repeat of 2008. We have to be in it to win it, because I’m not sure the country can take another four years of Obama. We might all end up on the side of some road in Europe selling pencils to get by. Hey, maybe Fred Thompson could run again. He better start by punching two reporters so hard their heads explode.

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Last Chance for Nuke the Moon Shirt

You’re about out of time to get the Nuke the Moon shirt.

XL is already sold out, and once the other sizes are gone, that’s it. Gone for good. No more complaining about not having one. And when the moon is nuked, you’ll be struggling to figure out what to wear while everyone who did buy an NTM shirt will be prepared. How stupid you’re going to look. I almost feel pity imagining you, but I guess hatred would describe my feelings better. You people lacking NTM shirts are utterly contemptible.

But for those who did order them, get excited! They’ll ship in not too long. And then, one day soon, the shirt will be at your door and you’ll cry out in pure joy. What a day it will be. You’ll remember it forever.

So make sure to get your Nuke the Moon shirt so you can be happy instead of a sad person I hate. They’re almost gone for good.

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The Debt

So we’re like at $14.3 trillion in national debt now. It’s so high, that it’s hard for people to even comprehend the number. Like we’d be more outraged at a few hundred billion in debt because we can somewhat visualize that number, but this 14.3 trillion is just beyond understand. That means if you had a suitcase of one million dollars, you’d need 14.3 million of them to pay off the debt.

Good news, though. According the CIA World Factbook, the GDP for the world is $74.48 trillion. That means there is still enough money in the entire world to pay off our debt, so it’s theoretically possible. Here’s my new bold plan to pay off the debt: A daring heist of the World Bank, the bank where the world keeps its money. If we could just balance the budget so we add no new debt and rob the World Bank, we could be debt free. Of course, that would upset a lot of other countries and they’d be like, “Woe is us! Our money has been stolen!” And then we’d be like, “Well, good news! We’re paying off our debt now. So here’s some money.” And they’d be like, “Wow! Thanks, America! You’re the greatest!” And we’d be like, “Yes, we are the greatest, and never forget it.”

I can’t even imagine a downside to this plan.

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Random Thoughts

You can now edit the US map on Google. Probably going to be someone’s full time job to restore New Jersey every time it’s deleted.

Charles Mason breaks twenty year silence? I thought he was only fired from MSNBC a few months ago.

This year, the White House is going to have children hunt for non-existent Easter eggs. It’s symbolic.

“Hey, I came to praise Caesar, not to bury him. I don’t do manual labor.”

A triumphant Buttercup after trying solid foods for the first time.

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