So SETI, the search for extraterrestrial intelligence, is shutting down due to lack of funding. Seems about time. I mean, how many years and millions of dollars can you spend finding nothing before you say that maybe it’s a waste of time. You can easily find no alien radio signals all day long for way less money than it costs to run a giant array of satellites — in fact, I’m doing just that right now. Actually, if you want, I can be SETI, and I’ll do it for way cheaper — just $300,000 a year. For that, you get an official report every month about how I didn’t find any alien signals. Then, if people are asking if we’ve detected alien intelligence, you can just say, “Frank J. hasn’t heard anything.” Deal?