Horrors! Republicans wants illegal things to be crimes! The brutes!

DNC Chair Wasserman Schultz is claiming that Republicans want to consider being an illegal alien a crime.

Oh, the humanity! The horror! The … what’s that again?

[Direct link]

Yes, she’s appalled that Republicans would want people who are in this country illegally to be considered … illegal.

Well, well, well. Let’s look up “illegal” in the dictionary. Merriam-Webster. Not Urban Dictionary. That’s useful for looking up words and phrases you hear on Red Eye. But for regular words that normal people use, Merriam-Webster will do.

illegal: adj \(ˌ)i(l)-ˈlē-gəl\
not according to or authorized by law : unlawful, illicit

Synonyms: criminal, felonious, illegitimate, illicit, lawless, unlawful, wrongful
Antonyms: lawful, legal, legitimate

And those evil, evil Republicans want illegals to be considered the first word listed by Merriam-Webster as a synonym: criminal. Can you imagine.

We did some checking. And she’s right. And not only that, here are some other things Republicans consider to be true that are contrary to her and the Democrats way of thinking. Besides being somewhere illegally being a crime.

  • Fire is hot.
  • Water is wet.
  • Sky is blue.
  • Women have secrets.
  • Ice is cold.
  • Grass is green.
  • Diamonds are hard.
  • Circles are round.
  • Bacon is yummy.
  • Roses are red.
  • Violets are purples.
  • Sugar is sweet.
  • So’s maple surple.
  • Ducks quack.

It must be nice to be that stupid and still get paid.

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lolbama! Part 64

This week, That One. Next week, terrorists. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com

Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.

From AlanABQ:

From Arik:

From Chris:

[reference link]

From Larsinkima:

[reference link]

From Larsinkima:

[reference link]

From Larsinkima:

[reference link – technically this pic is PG-13, since Obama’s just going to scratch his face with that finger.]

From Les:

[reference link]

From Travelwise42:

My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

From Chris:

[reference link]

From Larsinkima:

From Larsinkima:

From Larsinkima:

From Larsinkima:

From Robert:

From Tracy:


This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:

#1: When creating lolbama! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

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The Moon Is a Harsh Generator

The Japanese have been worried about power since what happened with their nuclear plant and the ever increasing power demands from robotic toilets, so here comes a new plan from the Japanese: Turn moon into giant disco ball run by robots to generate all the earth’s power.

I like it. As I’ve said before, I’m pretty disappointed in the reality of 2011 versus I would have thought it would be like when I was a kid. I mean, it’s been more than four decades since we landed on the moon, and we’re still just hanging around in earth’s orbit seeing how zero gravity affects plants. It’s pathetic. Now here’s a big futuristic idea — with robots! — to go back to moon — and not just for funsies but for a profitable venture. I don’t care how practical it is; we should get to it.

I do see one problem with it. One day people will say, “President Frank J., you can’t nuke the moon! You’ll knock out all the earth’s power!” And I’ll be like, “I don’t care! It must be done!” And I probably will take a huge dip in the polls when I do it, but some things are more important than polls.

Eh, I’ll do it in my second term.

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So Rep. Anthony Weiner tweeted a lewd photo to one of his female followers on Twitter. His explanation: He was hacked! And Weiner has been the victim of hacking his entire life; the only reason his name is “Weiner” is because someone hacked his birth certificate. But much like that hack, Weiner has dismissed the more recent hack as just a silly prank and there is no reason any of us should investigate it any further. In fact, Weiner is calling it a “distraction”, and the last thing we’d want to do is distract those morons from wastefully spending more of our money.

But Weiner wasn’t the only recent victim of hacking. You know the Patriot Act that liberals have been decrying forever? Well, it came up for renewal, and Obama wasn’t going to sign it, but then someone hacked his autopen and it got signed! Oh well; hacks happen, but I hear the autopen is now planning on teaming up with the teleprompter to make its own shadow government. Obama just better hope there isn’t some sort of self-putting golf ball or he’ll have nothing left to do.

Furthermore, Frank J. didn’t even write this post; IMAO was hacked! Aquaman sucks and monkeys rule!

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Most Insane Obama Conspiracy Theory Yet

In my newest Pajamas Media column, I look into yet another Obama conspiracy theory, this one even more divorced from reality than all the previous.

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Random Thoughts

I hate Sarah Palin. She’s an idiot. But I still like her better than most other politicians.

Romney is so hyper-politiciany that it would make you feel dirty to vote for him. But vote for him we may. In fact, I hear he raises so much money we’ll eventually all be compelled to vote for him whether we want to or not.

Corsi has revealed that the first name of the person who forged Obama’s birth certificate is “Mike”, so everyone keep a look out for a Mike.

Obama doesn’t favor Palestine over Israel. He’s neutral on the issue. Which is a far left viewpoint.

Rep. Weiner tweeted a picture of his penis? Seems like there is a joke there.

We get a self-reading teleprompter to go with the autopen and we won’t even need Barack Obama anymore.

Finally watching the BBC series Sherlock. Much like Barry Zuckerkorn, it’s very good.

I debug software and hardware; I use deductive reasoning to solve mysteries all the time.

You know how excited you’d get if you won 100 million dollars? That’s Buttercup every time she sees something with a blinking light on it.

Don’t get Carnegie Mellon asking me for money. How do you charge that much and ask for donations? I’m still paying off my student loans.

They bilked me for every dollar they could while I was there. I’m not just going to break down and give them money for nothing years later.

I hear Rep. Weiner will not rest until he finds the real pervert.

The left is right. The fact that Rep. Weiner is a lying pervert is not news.

Most representatives are sociopaths. In a more enlightened system, every politician would end his career in jail.

Any reminder that the people in Washington are immoral freaks is useful.

All I want to do now is watch more Sherlock episodes. Why’d they only make three? Stupid British!

Next time I say something that upsets my wife, I’m going try saying, “Sorry, I was hacked.” as an excuse.

I thought cybercrime was when you got attacked by a cyborg. Then who do I report that to?

Worth a shot if your wife catches you in bed with another woman: “I was hacked!”

I don’t know if anyone noticed this, but the guy representing the 9th district in NY is named “Weiner”. I am not making this up.

I wonder what mean names he was called as a kid? “Preener”, “Beaner”, “Carpet Cleaner”?

When I die, I want my body to be donated to OCP so I’ll be made a robotic cop.

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If Brevity Is the Soul of Wit…

This guy’s 30 times better than me, because I did about thirty lines on each state.

Still, it’s a nice reminder why America is so great – you think Canada has stereotypes for any province except Quebec?

[YouTube direct link]
(viewer #252,482)

By the way, isn’t insulting every state by stereotype actually Tim Pawlenty’s campaign strategy?

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Memorial Day 2011

Memorial Day means, to many, the start of summer.

Many people, it seems, use the time to remember to buy burgers. Or get charcoal. Or pick up some brews.

The rolling of Memorial Day into a three-day weekend has, like the other “Monday holidays,” diluted its significance.

But, not everyone forgets what Memorial Day is about.

The families of those who fought and died — they know what Memorial Day is all about.

The children whose father or mother won’t ever come home from war — they know what Memorial Day is all about.

The wife or husband who won’t ever be able to greet her/his spouse at the airport — they know what Memorial Day is all about.

The grieving parents of a fallen soldier, seaman, airman, or Marine — they know what Memorial Day is all about.

Everyone who lives in this great country of ours — they should know what Memorial Day is all about. And most do.

Go ahead and enjoy the cookout. Enjoy the friends and family you have over. Enjoy the day off work.

Just remember who helped make it possible — and is not here to enjoy it with you.

You should enjoy Memorial Day. But you should also remember.

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Even the Twitterz knows

All that fancy technological computer stuff that the Twitterz uses knows that the media thinks just like Barack Obama.

Here’s a screen capture from Obama’s Twitter page:

See that down in the corner? Where it lists other Twitter users that are similar?

See? I don’t see anyone from Fox News listed. Actually, I don’t see anyone from CNN listed, either, which sort of surprised me.

When I did a refresh of the page, CBS News did come up. Did a lot more refreshes. George Stephanopoulos, some critter from NPR, and … Twitter.

Which means that those of you who kept saying Twitter was teh ghey … may have been right all along.

UPDATE: Twitter chief picked as Obama telecom advisor. Well, that explains something.

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Hurricanes, OH NO!

Crowder takes on NOAA hurricane predictions and people looking him in the face. Science!

And as a bonus video, go here to find out what happens when liberal college kids are given a petition to ban right-wing website like Drudge Report and Hot Air. Do you think they stand up for the first amendment? Have you ever met the left?

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Frank Responds to Spam Comments

Look at the bounty pf spam the Great Landlord has blessed us with! We are the luckiest people in all of Macedonia!

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Agree on unquestionably of what you say about hitting the nail on the best. Only I believe worries that I do know so as to avoid having aspect-effects. Still, I try to only let women get my signal, because I’m not gay.

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What? I thought I filled out the form with Google for post upper positioning! How now are people going to find out about IMAO’s famous paintings?

I like this article in this site

I hate it when people like this article in some other site. Stop stealing my articles, other sites!

I and also my pals came reviewing the good ideas found on the website while all of a sudden I had an awful suspicion I had not thanked the blog owner for those strategies. All of the boys appeared to be for that reason happy to study all of them and have now truly been making the most of these things. We appreciate you truly being very helpful and then for picking variety of extraordinary issues millions of individuals are really desperate to be aware of. My sincere regret for not expressing gratitude to you sooner.

Gratitude delayed is gratitude denied! A pox on you and your pals! You come here to my blog — my home — and take my strategies and you forget to thank me? Even after all the boys studied them? What kind of psycho are you! Millions are going to be desperately aware of how much I pummel you!

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I’ll just tell you that, whatever you do, don’t talk to the regular commenters here.

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I wonder if it disappears fully or partially. To me, partial may appear to be more logical. Normally a page with quite a few nofollow hyperlinks (let’s say a trendy weblog submit) would end up nearly not placing the capability to cross on any pagerank at all.

It’s fully — your logic failed! Now why don’t you and your trendy weblog submits with your nofollow hyperlinks make like a tree and best.

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I think that’s going in the Testimonials on the sidebar: IMAO is “something of great contentment.” Anyway, I always leave out time to help families and share my notions. It’s knowing that my notion sharing has been informative, fantastic family help that gets me through the day.

There may be evidently so much for me to study outside of my books. Thanks for the wonderful read,Nice post. Thanks. Youve got introduced some readability to one thing I have been trying to figure out.

Thank you for noticing the readability. That’s something we’re proud of here at IMAO. A long while back, I looked at my blog and said, “What’s it missing?” And Harvey said, “Readability.” And I said, “SHUT UP! YOU DON’T EXIST!”

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Random Thoughts

Accidentally forgot Random Thoughts yesterday, so here are extra thoughts!

The plan to keep Social Security solvent by the time I retire is to find an alien civilization and embezzle all their space money.

I think the person who could enter the GOP presidential race this late and really shake things up is Mayor McCheese.

Did Oprah give everyone who watched her finale a free car? STILL NOT WORTH IT!

Instead of a cross-country bus tour, Sarah Palin should have a cross-country death race.

P Diddy can call himself whatever he wants, but we should all get together and agree to call him Oliver.

Could we put Barney Frank in prison? I think that would be a great symbol of economic recovery.

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Replacing Ed Schultz

Thank you for coming in. Have a seat.

Danke, mein Herr!

Just sit down. Now, what was it you wanted to see me about, Hans?

Herr Griffin. I heard about the trouble that Eddie is in. I know he’s currently only on suspension … but everybody knows that an opening could occur.
Continue reading ‘Replacing Ed Schultz’ »

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Another Primitive Dinosaur with Mounted Rocket Launcher

Reader Lee sent me a link with this picture:

Never forgets... to kill!

Does seem like another attempt at the idea behind a dinosaur with a rocket launcher on it. The elephant is one of the most dinosaur like of the mammals — right next to the rhinoceros and the hippopotamus — and the current largest extant land animal (since we don’t have dinosaurs), so I guess it works in a pinch. I believe Hannibal actually used the dinosaur with rocket launcher concept when he led elephants to attack Rome. I don’t know if history recorded how that turned out.

Anyway, working with elephants does seem like a good start while we’re perfecting genetically resurrecting dinosaurs. If we want to get America out of the slump its in, we have to dream big — dinosaurs with rocket launchers big.

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