America Needs a Better Villain

New Pajamas Media column. Read and be impressed with my smartiness.

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19 Comments

  1. America needs a great villain to overcome, and as long as our big enemy is a bunch of primitive thugs servicing themselves in barren compounds, we’re going to be stuck in a rut.

    I laughed so hard that I copied the line here to say how hard I laughed at it! Good on ya, Frank J.

    As far as enemies go, it might be useful to demonize the triad of Kim Jong Il, Imapajamahead and Caesar Chavez. Kim has the nukes, Iran has the missiles, and Chavez has range to the US (see Hotair). Any of the three do not inspire villain-ery, but mebbe as an axis of badness, we might generate national loathing. You might say, “But Burmashave, if Chavez gets nukes, we’ll just send a few B2’s to take them out, so quit your mongering of fear.” All well and good, but I would reply, “Venezuela is a big place. Remember how much trouble we had finding a few scuds while enjoying the bliss of complete air superiority? Besides, carpet bombing went out of style in the ’60’s, and liberals have been on a rabid quest to cripple our missile defenses since the 80’s.”

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  2. We are in quite a jam. America’s greatest villains are not evil and smart like communists. They aren’t evil and tough like Jimmy Cagney characters. They are liberals. They’re not evil like commies or Cagney characters, but they reap untold damages. They’re not terribly smart, but they gain power anyway. They’re not all tough, but Republicans are too chicken to fight.

    They are a symptom of America’s tolerance for people who don’t do anything productive. Americans are thus our own worst enemies. We are, in short, Christian Slater in that terrible television show. Quite a jam indeed.

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  3. When they asked Konan what’s best in life he said “Shoot em in the head, chuck em in the sea, confiscate their porn!”

    You have figured it out once again ma boy! We need a new Super Bad Tough to take on as an American People. There’s the French but they all already have their white flags laying out on their table next to the front door because they know we don’t cotton to one of our being raped so they don’t count! Canada…ehh Russia and China together? I don’t know we like fly in with a few B1 Bombers that they can’t see coming and like nuke the bajeebers out of them… No that doesn’t work. We need evil space aliens or…I’ve got it! The Obama Administration! Let’s take them on! I don’t know if we can win this one, but if we all pull together we might just squeak it out.

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  4. I am so impressed by your smartiness that I toss and turn all night when I realize that you are raising a child. Seriously, though, “Shoot ’em in the head, chuck ’em in the sea, confiscate their porn” ought to be our national policy. Perhaps if we then gave the porn to Congress they’d be too busy to spend all our money before we’ve even made it.

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