Middleclass Warfare!

Who would like a new video from Crowder for the weekend? Don’t answer; I can’t hear you.

Reminds me a little bit of one of my previous Pajamas Media columns which you can read as a companion piece. You should always go back and reread my old stuff.

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Frank Reads the News

* Concealed carry is about to become law in Wisconsin. That will make it the 41st right-to-carry state and leave only Illinois without any concealed carry rights. Do the people against right-to-carry even know what they’re scared of anymore? What exactly has happened in the 40 states with right-to-carry that they want to avoid? Basically, the anti-gun crowd’s entire argument has been reduced to “Grr! Thundersticks scary!”

* Not surprising that Illinois is the last total holdout on concealed carry. When you have whole cities run by criminals, the last thing you want is honest citizens being armed.

* It came out that Delta Airlines is teaming up with a Saudi airline, and as part of that may be making sure their flights to Saudi Arabia are Jew-free. Those will be some neat new ads. “Tired of poor customer service, paying for your luggage, lack of leg room, and always being surrounded by Jews? Try Delta Airlines.”

UPDATE: Got an e-mail sent on behalf of the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia saying they do not discriminate on religion. So, if you’re a Jew planning on visiting, I guess you’re okay. Oh, and if you’re going, could you deliver some Bibles for me while you’re there?

* Republicans have walked out of debt talks with Joe Biden over the issue of tax hikes. Don’t know if it will help. When you advise someone, “Hey, maybe you want to take your foot off the gas pedal,” you’re assuming his goal isn’t to drive off the cliff in front of him.

* Osama bin Laden’s cellphone revealed he may have been in contact with a Pakistani spy agency. What? Pakistan isn’t our friend? What did we ever do to them? Not make sure that flights to their country were Jew-free?

* I’m still on some mailing list where five times a day I get updates on the new super-important evidence the birthers have discovered. In the last one they reported “Know who else was ineligible to be the head of state? HITLER!”

I always thought the eligibility requirements for president were kind of patronizing. What’s the idea? If they didn’t have them, people would elect a five-year-old from China to be president, but otherwise they’ll elect a perfectly good leader? But apparently if you elect someone who violates eligibility in even the most obscure way HE WILL MURDER MILLIONS! If only we elected someone that even crazy people had no questions about his background, such as Dennis Kucinich.

* Know what would be funny? The day after Obama leaves office, we then turn to the birthers and act super-interested in all their theories.

* Time magazine’s current cover is a picture of the Constitution with the phrase “Does it matter?” I’m going out on a limb and saying it matters a lot more than news weeklies.

* The article inside the Time magazine is a special form of aggressively stupid. It includes the sentence “If the Constitution was intended to limit the federal government, it sure doesn’t say so.” How do you even respond to this? It’s like someone arguing “Two plus two equals Thursday.” It’s pointless to argue; just steer clear. Really, though, with magazines failing left and right, this is what Time is going to pay someone to write? At this rate, they’ll be lucky get the dollar asking price Newsweek had.

* Ryan Dunn of Jackass fame was drunk and driving over 130 mph when he died. I don’t know what else to say except, “Yeah, that’ll do it.”

* Westboro is planning to protest Dunn’s funeral. Maybe that could be a new campaign: “Drink and drive, get your funeral protested by Westboro weirdos.” May make some people think twice.

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Worse than letting Obama win

Earlier this week, I suggested that letting Obama win reelection was a bad idea. Turns out I was wrong. At least, that’s what some of you seem to think. Some of you think letting a less-than-perfect Republican get your vote is much, much worse.

So that got me to thinking: what else is worse than letting Obama win?

For starters, keeping Eric Holder off the Supreme Court. If Obama loses in 2012, there’s no way his successor would ever nominate Holder or anyone like him to the High Court. Imagine the tragedy of denying Holder — or someone like Holder — the chance to legislate from the bench for 20-30 years. And if we don’t let Obama win, we’ll be responsible for keeping left-wing activist nuts off the Supreme Court.

Then there’s repealing Obamacare. If the GOP takes the Senate, Congress would repeal Obamacare. If we don’t let Obama win, he won’t be able to veto the repeal. And repealing Obamacare would be so much worse than letting Obama win.

Don’t forget tears. Imagine the flow of tears from Chis Mathews, Keith Olbermann, and the rest of the left-wing media. We can’t make them cry. And if we don’t let Obama win, they’ll cry. And that’s so much worse.

Puppies. Way worse than letting Obama win.

An unemployment rate below 4%.

Eating regular.

Sleeping indoors.

All these things — and more (leave examples in the comments) — will befall this great nation if we don’t let Obama win.

So we need to be a bunch of little tittie babies and not vote for the Republican candidate. That way, we can let Obama win.

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Random Thoughts

I hear Al Gore is going to eat his weight in fried shrimp to protest inaction on climate change.

David Duchovny’s role in Twin Peaks was unexpected.

“We’re now over Saudi Arabia, and you’ll notice the captain has turned the ‘no Jew’ light on.”

If Delta airlines bans blacks too, they could remarket themselves as a flying country club.

So we’re up to 41 right to carry states? When will the rest give in to inevitability? Or liberty?

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Winnor!

Time for HIGH PRAISE for the best answer to something requiring a graphic warning label. The best answer was:

Warning for gay cowboys – “WARNING: May be hard to quit.”

Except no one answered that (Dohtimes was close). So instead the HIGH PRAISE will go to Larsinkima for:

“WARNING” Voting may cause politicians.

Congratulations, Larsinkima; it’s people like you who give me hope for the future of our nation.

There’ll be more opportunities for HIGH PRAISE in the future, so keep a look out. And if you ever win three HIGH PRAISEs, you can trade them in for SUPER ULTRA MEGA PRAISE!

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Question of the Day

An AP poll shows that now less than 50% of people want Obama to be reelected. So, do you think the fact that Obama is a useless incompetent is finally starting to harm his popularity?

I thought that was already factored in when he was elected (what do you expect from someone who had a made-up job like “community organizer”?), but maybe people have changed their minds and decided they don’t want someone who has absolutely no idea what he’s doing in the highest office of the land.

What do you think?

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I Guess We’re Done with Afghanistan

So I guess we’re kinda leaving Afghanistan now. They’ll be withdrawing 30,000 troops in mission “Reelect Obama”. So did we win? I never understand these modern conflicts. Seems like it would be so much easier if we just trashed a country and left and declared victory; it’s this trying to help the country out that’s so complicated and makes it hard to tell when you win.

Except, with how the Taliban sheltered al Qaeda, shouldn’t the win conditions be the total extinction of the Taliban? Shouldn’t they be gone forever without even the possibility of them being genetically resurrected and having rocket launchers put on them?

Of course, maybe this is part of that strategy. We’ll be all like, “We’re leaving Afghanistan now. Bye bye. Hope the Taliban don’t come back, but if they do, not our problem.” Then the Taliban will run in and be like, “Yay! We’ve chased out the Americans! The country is ours again!” Then the Americans troops will be like, “Ha! We were just hiding behind the bushes! Now we kill you! BANG BANG BANG!”

That’s strategery; I don’t know if Obama is up for something like that. That would take the mindset of winning, and the Democrats don’t really seem to have that. Like they kept complaining about Iraq taking away focus from Afghanistan, but as soon as focus went back to that country, all they wanted was to get out. And now Obama has started a new war in Libya that all the legal experts think is illegal. Why didn’t he get Congressional approval? Probably because then it would be a war and he’d have to try and win it instead of… whatever it is he’s doing now.

Really, it’s just irresponsible to ever put a Democrat in charge of the military. And the thing is, they don’t even want to be in charge; it’s just it comes along with being the domestic president. I think they’d much rather always have a Republican running the wars that they could keep complaining about while focusing solely on excessive spending at home. There’s an idea maybe they’d sign on to: We split up the presidency so that there is a separate war president who can always be a Republican. Then people can occasionally elect a Democrat president to just the domestic half when they want free stuff without worry of messing up the military.

And what exactly are our goals in the Middle East anyway? Do we really expect there to eventually be another country there than Israel that doesn’t act like it’s run by barbaric three-year-olds? I guess it could happen, but I think we’d have to be a stronger example than a country that just comes in and occupies until it decides it’s bored of it. And I think it would help if we had working space lasers and dinosaurs with rocket launchers because you don’t want to be on the opposite side of the country that has those.

Hmm… seemed to have entered this long, rambling post without an exit strategy. Eh, I’m bored; I’ll just end here.

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Random Thoughts

I’m confused on what the Democrat narrative on Afghanistan is now. The war in Iraq distracted from fleeing Afghanistan?

Pretending we’re leaving would be a nice way to flush out the Taliban.

I can’t eat peanut buttercups the way I used to; they’re too small now. I’d break all the thick chocolate edges off first and eat those and then the peanut butter center. But now they’re too chunky for that. How can we be getting more obese as a society if they keep shrinking our candy?

Rowdi is scared of thunderstorms.

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Maybe you can fix stupid

Ron White is famous for his “You can’t fix stupid” routine.

Maybe he’s wrong. Maybe you can fix stupid.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: everyone who voted for Barack Obama is a dumbass. But dumbass isn’t always fatal. And it’s not always permanent.

Gene Simmons, for instance.

I’ve never considered him a dumbass. He’s a successful musician and businessman. But he did vote for Obama. And, well, you know what I’ve said about voting for Obama.

However… he’s said it more than once: he’d take back his vote for Obama:


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What does this mean? Well, perhaps more and more people are coming to their senses. Maybe they now realize what we were saying back n 2008 when we said that Obama was an incompetent buffoon who’d lead the country down the road to ruin.

And maybe, just maybe, we can get them on our side, the right side, America’s side.

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Letting Obama win

In the last few weeks, I’ve had some online conversations with some people that are conservative — along with some that claim to be conservative or libertarian — that are determined to let Obama win the 2012 election.

Now, to be honest, they didn’t actually say they were planning on letting Obama win. But what they did say … well, the effect of it will be to let Obama win.

And, here’s the thing: some of you are planning on letting Obama win, too. You say you don’t, but that’s what you’re going to do.

Some have decided that “there’s no way in hell” they’d ever vote for Mitt Romney. Or Herman Cain. Or Sarah Palin. Or Jon Huntsman. Or Michele Bachmann. Or RONPAUL!!!1!! Or Newt Gingrich. Or Gary Johnson. Or Tim Pawlenty. Or Rick Santorum. Or … okay, I’ve made my point: some have said they’d vote 3rd party before they’d vote for a particular candidate.

Why? Because that particular candidate is nuts (think RONPAUL!!!1!! or Gary Johnson) or is way too inexperienced (Cain, Bachmann) or not a real conservative (Newt, Romney) or boring (Pawlenty, Huntsman) some undefined reason (Palin, Santorum) or something (pick ’em).

You want examples? You’ll probably see them in the comments of this post by the very ones I’m talking about. And, if you look back at comments on earlier posts, you’ll see a lot of what I’m talking about.

This happened in 2008. I was all gung-ho for Fred Thompson while a friend of mine was all about Huckabee. (Remember, this was 2008.) As the GOP race narrowed, he was complaining about Romney and McCain, saying he’d never vote for either. And, of course, McCain ended up winning the nomination. And losing the election.

So, if you’re one of those that will never vote for MItt Romney/Herman Cain/Sarah Palin/Jon Huntsman/Michele Bachman/RONPAUL!!!1!!/Newt Gingrich/Gary Johnson/Tim Pawlenty/Rick Santorum … and if you hold to it … then Obama wins.

And America loses.

Sure, go ahead. Give me all your excuses.

I’m not going to let the GOP nominate just anybody and automatically get my vote. I’m going to send a message.

What message is that? “I’d rather America go to hell than vote for someone I can’t stand?” That message?

Don’t misunderstand me. You should send the GOP a message. It’s just that the timing is all wrong. November 2012 is not the time to send a message to the GOP. The time is now.

Let me say that again: now.

Get involved. Support the candidate you like. Do get involved. Let the Republicans know that, they way they’ve been doing things, you’re mad as hell and not going to take it anymore. And keep at it.

If, after all that, they still end up nominating another John McCain, I don’t see that I have any choice but to vote for the 2012 version of John McCain. But I’m going to give ’em hell about it.

Because, as bad as I’d hate voting for a candidate I don’t like, I’d hate letting Obama win even more.

It’s called making the hard choices. You’ll learn about that when you grow up.

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Winnor!

Time to award HIGH PRAISE to who came up with the best answer to “Things cooler than being an Obama supporter”. And the best answer was:

Rachel Maddow’s haircut

Except no one submitted that. So instead HIGH PRAISE goes to FormerHostage for his answer:

David Axelrod’s mustache

Great job, FormerHostage; you are truly a titan among men. Oh, and while I’m at it, thanks again for enduring that horrible thing you went through in the late 70s: The Carter Presidency.

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Jon Hunstman

So Jon Huntsman has joined the presidential race, and people are very excited for aware of his campaign. Anyway, Huntsman will be the perfect candidate for people who… are an immediate relative of Huntsman and would like to show support for him. I just don’t get his candidacy, but the press is very excited.

Anyway, I had my crack research staff find out what they could about Huntsman, and here is what they found:

FUN FACTS ABOUT JON HUNTSMAN

Hmm… maybe fun facts was aiming a little too high. Maybe I should have just gone for “FACTS ABOUT JON HUNTSMAN”. Well, his name is spelled “Jon” instead of the more traditional “John”. I’m not sure how that happened. Guess you could ask his parents. If you cared.

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Government Sorta Doesn’t Want You to Smoke

So the FDA is going to put some really graphic pictures on the top half of every cigarette pack, including pictures of cancer ridden lungs, rotting teeth, and a corpse. Oh, and this guy:

Graphic!

I don’t really get this one. Maybe smoking made him bald. I guess you luck out if you get this pack because instead of staring at death you only have to look at dour baldo.

Isn’t this a really weird thing? The government is doing everything it can to stop people from smoking sans actually banning cigarettes. How long until the warning is “WARNING: Smoking cigarettes can get you arrested for smoking.”? Except that the government gets a ton of tax money from cigarette sales, and you know the one thing government hates more than smoking is giving up tax revenue. So it’s all rather schizophrenic, and I don’t expect a happy end to it any day soon.

So how much of health risk does something have to be before the government decides they have to warn us against it? Like are we soon going to see pictures of obese people on Big Mac boxes with the warning “WARNING: Eating this may make you a big fatty.” Though there is some stuff I wouldn’t mind a warning label on. Like on the next presidential ballot, there can be a picture of a long unemployment line with the warning “WARNING: Voting for Obama is the same as hating America.”

What do you want a graphic warning label on? Best answer wins…

HIGH PRAISE!

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Random Thoughts

Huntsman is his actual last name and not a nickname, right?

When it seems like your cat is staring you in the eyes respectfully, it’s really thinking how tasty your eyeballs look.

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lolterizt! Part 134

NOTE: Participation was extremely light this week, so small round-up. And I’m forced to wonder once again if this feature has jumped the proverbial shark. Or if it’s just that it’s summer and everyone’s out doing summery things.

Of course, the other possibility is that you guys are afraid that Obama will round you up and throw you into a Super Happy Lucky Fun Reeducation Camp of Joy if you mock his peaceful terrorists of peace.

Which would be terrible, because I’d really hate to think you guys have gone soft.

This week terrorists, next week That One. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com

Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.



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From Kris:

[Viagra, not Matrix]

From Kris:


My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

From Larsinkima:

From me (Harvey):

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This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:


PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolterizt! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

HAT TIP: Brian of Snapped Shot‘s magnificent EvilFeed – the world’s best source for ripe-for-captioning terrorist photos.

Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

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