How many Internets is enough?

You remember Barack Obama, right?

He was that idiot that a lot of other idiots went and elected to the presidency. You remember. Sure you do.

Anyway, he’s still around. Not very relevant — it’s hard to be that incompetent and still be relevant — but still around.

According to Politico, he said that schools need more “internets.”

That makes me wonder: how many internets is enough?

Maybe we could have one that liberals could use. Them and Europe. Liberals love Europe. They forget that 235 years ago we fought a war so we wouldn’t have to do things the way Europe does. But, being idiots, the liberals forget things like that.

Anyway, let’s have some internets set aside for them. Then, we won’t have to put up with trolls on our Internet. Except the RONPAUL!!!1!!!! worshippers. We could keep the libertarians, too, I suppose. But those liberaltarians — the liberal version of libertarians — can go with them.

Maybe some internets set aside for cats. I see a lot of the Internet taken up by cats. Let’s move them to their own. Not as banishment, like for liberals and their kind, but so that we can keep them all in one place, you know, to keep up with them. When we need a good LOLCAT or OMGCAT or PIANOKITTEH fix, we’ll know where to go. And when we don’t, they aren’t using up all our bandwidth.

Oh, and one for spammers. They need their own bunch of internets. When they start buying each other’s Viagra or Rolex watches or move each other’s money out of Nigeria, they’ll be self-supporting and not bothering us.

What other internets are needed?

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24 Comments

  1. * One for liberal politicians so they can regulate and restrict the hell out of it without affecting the rest of us.

    * One for Joe Biden. It will consist of only one unit with a screen, two knobs and the words “Etch A Sketch” on the front.

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  2. An iternet just for cats? Not a bad idea – then you humans wouldn’t be interrupting our naps so much.

    Marko – 1) that’s not me; 2) I just emailed the SPCA, the Pennsylvania Humane Society, PETA, and USDA about your scarecrow.

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  3. How many internets are there? I don’t want to suggest a whole bunch of different internets if there are only so many to go around.

    I do wholeheartedly support making a Libertarian Internet, or Liberaltarian, or Hippies, or whatever they’re called…. Then they can all regulate each others salt, and happy meals, and privacy, and whatever else they want to do to each other.

    Maybe having their very own internets is something we can use as bait to get all of ‘them’ to move to one place. Once ‘they’ are all together we can nuke them from orbit. Its the only safe way.

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  4. Marko, I bet that scarecrow is delicious. nom nom nom.

    barry believes there is more than one Internet, but there is only one world government.

    I would keep the Etch-a-Sketch away from jo-jo, he may hurrt himself on the rounded corners.

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  5. Let’s not forget that stalwart describer of Internets – Senator Ted Stevens:

    “I just the other day got, an internet was sent by my staff at 10 o’clock in the morning on Friday and I just got it yesterday. Why? Because it got tangled up with all these things going on the internet commercially…

    It’s a series of tubes. And if you don’t understand those tubes can be filled and if they are filled, when you put your message in, it gets in line and its going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous amounts of material. “

    http://www.boingboing.net/2006/07/02/sen_stevens_hilariou.html

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  6. As Murray Burns said in the movie A Thousand Clowns, “Kid, you can never have too many internets.” Well, he actually said “too many eagles”, but he would have said “too many internets” if Al Gore had invented them by then.

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  7. @Iowa Jim, I keep forgetting, was Al Gore the guy that couldn’t count electoral votes or the guy that can’t read a thermometer? …oh, wait…I think they’re both the same guy. Never mind.

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