How many Internets is enough?

Posted on July 7, 2011 7:38 am

You remember Barack Obama, right?

He was that idiot that a lot of other idiots went and elected to the presidency. You remember. Sure you do.

Anyway, he’s still around. Not very relevant — it’s hard to be that incompetent and still be relevant — but still around.

According to Politico, he said that schools need more “internets.”

That makes me wonder: how many internets is enough?

Maybe we could have one that liberals could use. Them and Europe. Liberals love Europe. They forget that 235 years ago we fought a war so we wouldn’t have to do things the way Europe does. But, being idiots, the liberals forget things like that.

Anyway, let’s have some internets set aside for them. Then, we won’t have to put up with trolls on our Internet. Except the RONPAUL!!!1!!!! worshippers. We could keep the libertarians, too, I suppose. But those liberaltarians — the liberal version of libertarians — can go with them.

Maybe some internets set aside for cats. I see a lot of the Internet taken up by cats. Let’s move them to their own. Not as banishment, like for liberals and their kind, but so that we can keep them all in one place, you know, to keep up with them. When we need a good LOLCAT or OMGCAT or PIANOKITTEH fix, we’ll know where to go. And when we don’t, they aren’t using up all our bandwidth.

Oh, and one for spammers. They need their own bunch of internets. When they start buying each other’s Viagra or Rolex watches or move each other’s money out of Nigeria, they’ll be self-supporting and not bothering us.

What other internets are needed?

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24 Responses to “How many Internets is enough?”

  1. MarkoMancuso says:

    Get the damn cats out of here!

  2. Bratgirl says:

    I kinda like that ONE damn cat…

  3. Burmashave says:

    I’m pretty much antisocial-networking. I’d like my own internet. Then, everyone would leave me alone. I’d have a contest to name my internet, and I would win.

  4. FormerHostage says:

    * One for liberal politicians so they can regulate and restrict the hell out of it without affecting the rest of us.

    * One for Joe Biden. It will consist of only one unit with a screen, two knobs and the words “Etch A Sketch” on the front.

  5. hwuu says:

    Basil Banthas the News better than Frank

  6. MarkoMancuso says:

    What other damn cat? I strung up that other DamnCat as a sort of scarecrow after I caught him in my vegetable patch.

  7. Mxymaster says:

    An Internet for parents who only go on the Internet to post pictures of their children to other parents who think that’s pretty cute but my kid is cuter anyway.

  8. Jimmy says:

    Cyberkittehs in cyberspace. Virtual hairballs and garden poop. Excellent.

  9. DamnCat says:

    An iternet just for cats? Not a bad idea – then you humans wouldn’t be interrupting our naps so much.

    Marko – 1) that’s not me; 2) I just emailed the SPCA, the Pennsylvania Humane Society, PETA, and USDA about your scarecrow.

  10. chip says:

    How many internets are there? I don’t want to suggest a whole bunch of different internets if there are only so many to go around.

    I do wholeheartedly support making a Libertarian Internet, or Liberaltarian, or Hippies, or whatever they’re called…. Then they can all regulate each others salt, and happy meals, and privacy, and whatever else they want to do to each other.

    Maybe having their very own internets is something we can use as bait to get all of ‘them’ to move to one place. Once ‘they’ are all together we can nuke them from orbit. Its the only safe way.

  11. Jimmy says:

    If kittehs had their own internet, then they’d have their own “script kittehs.”

  12. plentyobailouts says:

    Marko, I bet that scarecrow is delicious. nom nom nom.

    barry believes there is more than one Internet, but there is only one world government.

    I would keep the Etch-a-Sketch away from jo-jo, he may hurrt himself on the rounded corners.

  13. MarkoMancuso says:

    Little did DamnCat know that the Pennsylvania Humane Society is merely a cover for the Pennsylvania Deer Killin’ And Cat Hittin’ Revolutionary People’s Front…

  14. ss396 says:

    Let’s not forget that stalwart describer of Internets – Senator Ted Stevens:

    “I just the other day got, an internet was sent by my staff at 10 o’clock in the morning on Friday and I just got it yesterday. Why? Because it got tangled up with all these things going on the internet commercially…

    It’s a series of tubes. And if you don’t understand those tubes can be filled and if they are filled, when you put your message in, it gets in line and its going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous amounts of material. “

  15. ccoffer says:

    As an avid internetter, I want as many internets as possible.

  16. Bantha_Fodder says:

    an Internet for folks who dont know how to use the internet, oh wait we call those screensavers – nvm

  17. zzyzx says:

    We needs more internets…my moms and pops told me so.

  18. Son of Bob says:

    Maybe in Kenya they dream to someday have “the internets” in their huts.

  19. Iowa Jim says:

    As Murray Burns said in the movie A Thousand Clowns, “Kid, you can never have too many internets.” Well, he actually said “too many eagles”, but he would have said “too many internets” if Al Gore had invented them by then.

  20. Son of Bob says:

    @Iowa Jim, I keep forgetting, was Al Gore the guy that couldn’t count electoral votes or the guy that can’t read a thermometer? …oh, wait…I think they’re both the same guy. Never mind.

  21. Fly says:

    And ONE Interinternet to rule them ALL! Mwaha-haha*cough*ha*weeze*heh! *dizzy*

  22. koolaid man says:

    Obviously “Nuke the Moon” deserves its own internet

  23. EdthePastor says:

    OMG Barry’s channeling BOOOSH! Quick I’ll exorcise him. all I need is 29 saline enemas…and Jimmy to administer them. If we fail we can bury Big O in a match box.

  24. Larsinkima says:

    Lots of internets sounds like a good idea to me. I’ve been thinking about inventing an internet myself. That way gore won’t get all the credit.

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