* Obama stormed out of debt negotiations. Apparently, in a dispute with Republicans, he pounded his fists, kicked his feet in the air, and screamed, “I want tax increases! I don’t want to cut spending! I’m the president; I get what I want!” And then he ran away crying.
It’s seems pretty unlikely that Republicans are going to get any useful deal from Obama, so I think they should just go for broke. Make a deal for $10 trillion with no tax increases — in fact have it with tax cuts that required even more spending cuts to compensate. It will have one new source of revenue, though: Obama will have to spend most of his day in a dunk tank. $20 dollars a ball. Estimated earnings: One trillion dollars.
* Moody’s is now considering downgrading the U.S.’s credit rating. That’s probably the best thing that could happen to America. Maybe if our credit gets low enough, no one will lend us money anymore. Then we’ll finally have to buckle down balance our budget. Though, more likely, we’ll just declare bankruptcy. Oh, selling off our assets is going to be painful; I always liked Hawaii.
* Sarah Palin says she’ll have a decision on whether to run for president by late summer. That’s boring and expected. I hope she has some other unexpected announcement entirely. “I am here today to announce that Alaska is splitting off to become it’s own country called Freedonia — and there’s nothing you can do about it because it’s way up there!” Obama will get all mad and be like, “I will do something about it! I’ll show you!” But then he’ll look at a map and be like, “Wow; it is out of the way. I don’t want to go all the way over there to get Alaska back. Maybe if I’m in Canada one day, I’ll wander over and yell at them. I sure like Canada.”
* The US’s favorable rating in the Arab world is now even lower than during the Bush era. This is not supposed to be. We were told that if we elected Obama, everyone would be like, “Hey, their president’s name is a lot like Osama — and we love Osama! Maybe America isn’t so bad.” And look how Obama is destroying America; people in the Middle East love the destruction of America. I guess unless you’re a slavish follower of Obama, he just become off-putting after a while. He’s “kind of a duck” as one TV commentator put it.
Still, hard to get worried over us being unpopular in the Arab world. It’s if we’re suddenly really popular there, then we should get worried. “Hmm… we have 90% popularity in the Arab world… OH NO! DID WE ACCIDENTALLY DO A HOLOCAUST?!!!”
* US women have beat France at soccer 3-1. I don’t know if our women beat their men or what — I don’t really understand soccer. But we won; so yay. Blow into your vuvuzela — though I guess you do that no matter what.
In the World Cup Final, we’ll be facing Japan. Japan could really use a pick me up after all that’s happened to them, so I hope we crush them. Other countries need to learn not to get their self-worth from soccer. Just don’t.
* The Journal of the American Medical Association has suggested taking fat kids away from their parents. If we go through with this plan, we’ll have a foster system full of fat kids, all waddling around parent-less with Michelle Obama pointing and laughing at them and forcing them to eat peas. I’m not saying that’s bad; I’m just pointing out what it entails.
* An atheist in Austria won the right to get his picture taken with a pasta strainer on his head as religious headgear to make a point about… how headgear… um… I don’t know. I thought the whole point of atheism is that their being all logical and reasonable, yet the ones we see in the news always seem to be operating under the compulsion of unexamined mental tics. “I’ll work at it for years so I can get my picture taken with a pasta strainer on my head; that’ll show these religious nutjobs who’s irrational!”
* Wisdom of the Day: “It just wouldn’t be right to have the United States collapse without Glenn Beck on the air.” –Dave Weigel