Random Thoughts

Posted on August 30, 2011 8:47 am

People got upset that in my column I conceded that Obama is intelligent, but doing that made it funnier to compare him to a sack of hammers. I’m a humor expert; I don’t do these things lightly.

The horror stories from experienced parents about the lack of sleep from having a child were right on, but they undersold the joy.

I gather the left have never bothered to Google what a Ponzi scheme is.

Sometimes I fear civilization jumped the shark when we put people on the moon.

The thing about Miracle Whip is that I can’t even tell what it’s trying to do. Is it trying to be mayo, because if so it’s failing badly.

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21 Responses to “Random Thoughts”

  1. Mxymaster says:

    M.Whip bills itself as salad dressing, and I have actually seen it used that way (Pennsylvania, c. 1978). Like, on real salad, not potato salad. But I know some people use it the way they use mayo. Once person whom I shall not name (although I am married to this person) liked Miracle Whip and PB sandwiches. I can’t watch her eat it.

  2. tomg51 says:

    I agree with the moon comment. But now I’m hoping for a resurgence by private US companies to supply the space station, and then nuke the moon on your command.

    I can taste communist fear already.

    you were going to the moon China?? – ha -good luck with that, losers!

  3. seanmahair says:

    Just wait, once they stop getting up at night you have a few years of relative undisturbed slumber and then they become teenagers and want to be out all night. Curfews are your friend, make them early and keep them tight. If you want your child to stay our of trouble know where they are, who they’re with and when they WILL be back. I know there are those out there who think that’s too “controlling”. These are adolescents we’re talking about not adults. If you want them to actually make it to maturity you’re going to have to be ” the parent” (dirty word I know). They won’t like it but most of them will thank you eventually.

    Out of 6, 4 have already said “thank you for not letting me be stupid”.

    Does this mean they won’t do stupid things? Absolutely not. But you will have the peace of mind that comes from knowing you did what you could. The best advice I ever got about children was “begin as you mean to go on”. So don’t let your kids dress like gang bangers or slutty movie/music stars, make them do their homework, don’t just let them run the roads for hours unsupervised, don’t allow them unfettered use of the computer, encourage them to think of others, perform acts of service, and most of all show them you love them no matter what.

    Parenting is not for sissies. It’s almost as bad as growing old, which also is not for the faint of heart.

  4. Conservatarian says:

    The left avoids googling many things (Congressman Weiner excluded). It’s easier to self-define “facts” if you are not burdened with knowledge and truth.

  5. FormerHostage says:

    Miracle Whip = The Devil’s condoment!

  6. FormerHostage says:

    Miracle Whip = The Devil’s condoment condiment!

    Sorry ’bout that.

  7. MarkoMancuso says:

    A miracle whip would be the result if we replaced the current House Majority Whip, Kevin McCarthy, with a certain Galilean carpenter you might have heard of before.

  8. Ernie Loco says:

    Miracle whip is like mayo, but with more sugar. More sugar obviously makes it better.

  9. FormerHostage says:

    …certain Galilean carpenter you might have heard of before.

    Galileo was a carpenter too?

  10. storm1911 says:

    After a few years of child caused no sleep even Miracle Whip seems tasty. Then you get sleep and realize the horror.

  11. Burmashave says:

    Is Cool Whip nothing more than refrigerated Miracle Whip? As a child of the sixties, I am normally fond of chemical-laden (note hyphen) food products, but I don’t trust either of these.

    As for your column, Frank J.:

    People got upset that in my column I conceded that Obama is intelligent, but doing that made it funnier to compare him to a sack of hammers. I’m a humor expert; I don’t do these things lightly. (It’s PJM, after all.)

  12. Dan S. says:

    I propose we settle the Obama vs. sack of hammers intelligence debate by asking the sack of hammers how many US states there are. If the sack can produce a number between 44 and 56, the sack wins!

  13. hwuu says:

    We used to get miracle whip when I was a kid, and to my undeveloped juvenile taste buds I thought it was the same as mayonnaise.

    Now I know better. It is the food equivalent to vinyl car seats.

  14. Jimmy says:

    Miracle Whip = a miracle anyone eats it. Yuk.

    Ditto for margarine.
    Ditto for soy-based dairy substitutes.

  15. MarkoMancuso says:

    Damn those Marines and their sarcastic humor.

  16. Crabby Old Bat says:

    The difference between mayonnaise and Miracle Whip? The Oatmeal has explained:

    http://theoatmeal.com/blog/miracle_whip

  17. Son of Bob says:

    “People got upset that in my column I conceded that Obama is intelligent, but doing that made it funnier to compare him to a sack of hammers. I’m a humor expert; I don’t do these things lightly.”

    It seems like if you want to push some ridiculous political power-grabbing ideology on the masses using flawed logic and distorted facts, there’s always an “expert” willing to help. If I were you, I don’t think I would want to be an “expert.”

  18. plentyobailouts says:

    @Former Hostage,
    Galileo was a carpenter too?

    Who do you think built the Ark?

  19. 4of7 says:

    Galileo built his first telescope from some 2 x 4s and a couple of soda bottles so he could look at the stars, which is pretty smart I guess.
    on the other hand…
    The Galilean carpenter built the stars.

  20. Supertink says:

    That carpenter was from Nazareth, not Galilee. ;)

  21. 4of7 says:

    Galilee was the region, Nazareth was a town in the region.
    Besides, there never was a famous astronomer named Nazaretho, as far as I know. ;)

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