iQuit
The world ended last night.
That’s right. Steve Jobs resigned as CEO of Apple.
It’s not like Barack Obama resigned or anything. If that happened, Joe Biden would take over. That is, one incompetent would be replaced by another incompetent. So barely a blip would occur if Obama was gone.
But Steve Jobs? You know what this means, don’t you? Your iPods will all quit working now. Go try yours. I’ll wait.
See? A little sluggish, wasn’t it. And, when you put the songs on shuffle, that one song you really don’t like played, didn’t it? Know why? Because Steve Jobs quit.
And, if you bought in to the hype and switched from Windows to a Mac, you’re doomed. DOOMED!!
The next version of OS X won’t be like the the last few. Cheetah, Puma, Jaguar, Panther, Tiger, Leopard, Snow Leopard, and Lion? No more. The next one will be OS X LOLCAT. And, after that, OS X Snagglepuss.
That Apple TV you bought? Instead of streaming TV shows and movies from several studios, you’ll only get Current TV. Steve Jobs was the only thing standing between you and Apple board member Al Gore. Now, you’re screwed.
Your iPhone? It won’t make calls. It’ll be like you’re on AT&T or something.
And your iPad? Angry Birds doesn’t work any more.
Steve Jobs is no longer running Apple. He’s been replaced by a guy who went to Auburn. Auburn!
In no time, Apple will be only the second-most valuable company in the world.
Yes, your life has ended. I’m sure George Bush is to blame. Or global warming.
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(18 votes, average: 4.89 out of 5)Tags: News, technology
August 25th, 2011 at 7:49 am
Bill Gates – “Yeah…(slams a shot of whiskey)…now go get your friggin’ shoe-shine box!”
August 25th, 2011 at 7:56 am
New CEO is good, but just as you get used to him, Apple is going to have a really, super awesome CEO take over that’s like a gazillion times better
with more featuresin 18 months.August 25th, 2011 at 7:57 am
So that’s why Angry Birds just released its final chapter.
OS X Snagglepuss would indeed be a horror. I was hoping for OS X Kimba, but I blame the Japanese earthquake for scuttling that. I just hope no Thundercats get involved. I’m too old for Thundercats.
August 25th, 2011 at 8:12 am
Steve Balmer is so happy about Jobs leaving that he went around and picked-up all the chairs that he threw at Microsoft.
August 25th, 2011 at 8:22 am
Just wondering, what does this matter? Jobs has been on medical leave since January and MacApple products suck anyway.
August 25th, 2011 at 8:42 am
Steve Jobs resigned? Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
August 25th, 2011 at 8:51 am
What is this apple of which you speak? Isn’t Steve Jobs the president of NeXT or something?
August 25th, 2011 at 9:24 am
“Your iPhone? It won’t make calls. It’ll be like you’re on AT&T or something.”
So nothing is going to change then.
August 25th, 2011 at 9:35 am
OS X DamnCat will be awesome!
A bit sluggish after lunch though.
August 25th, 2011 at 9:48 am
So, will “OS X DamnCat” will have a screen saver of Tuna swimming around? And, if you touch the screen, a game called “Angry Tuna” starts that bites-off your fingers? And do you win by catching the tuna before your fingers are bitten-off? Oh, gee, I so want one.
August 25th, 2011 at 10:05 am
As a techie who hates Apple’s closed source, secrecy, intimidation, lack of user control, privacy violations, left-wing agenda, and hordes of hipster fanboys, let me be the first to say: HAW HAW!
I respect Steve Jobs for how successful he has been at running Apple, but I hate the company. (They do have very nice packaging and aescetic appeal, though.)
And I loved OS X Snagglepuss and LOLCAT. Good stuff, Basil.
August 25th, 2011 at 10:10 am
LOLCat will have a piano playing app, and a search engine called CanHaz
August 25th, 2011 at 11:02 am
CanHaz will be a brilliant search engine, hwuu. Results displayed as CanGotz.
August 25th, 2011 at 11:02 am
[...] So the big news: Steve Jobs has resigned. Apple was basically the one company doing well in the Obama economy, and now what’s going to [...]
August 25th, 2011 at 11:20 am
…so, now I guess he’ll dedicate his time to starting a left-wing charity?
August 25th, 2011 at 11:40 am
OS X DamnCat will only work occasionally, at the times you don’t really need it to, and when you do want to interact with it, it will be uninterested and not cooperate.
August 25th, 2011 at 11:41 am
As a techy, who hates Microsoft crap bug filled releases of their product and terrible (“Hello, this is Peggy”) service, I am personally blaming this one on Obama!!! And, we are DOOMED!!! No more totally cool stuff for Microsoft, Blackberry, Dell etc. to rip-off and copy for their apps! DOOMED!!! Technology is now stuck!!! This is it! It is the end of the end! There will never be another innovation to Hardware or Software…ever! It’s a sad day…
Unless they name their new OS ussjimmycarter, then it will like totally rock!
August 25th, 2011 at 12:11 pm
Personally, I’m waiting for “OS X Jimmy Boyo” favored by certain women here.
August 25th, 2011 at 12:40 pm
@ussjimmy: As a technology agnostic, I’d say that Jobs’ resignation might give hope for Apple hardware that is not plagued with hardware problems. Mebbe they’ll figgur out how not to make self-melting batteries. Perhaps they’ll incorporate removable batteries into their iPhones, iPads and iPods. That’d be some fantastic innovation. Mebbe they’ll get past the “not invented here” syndrome and incorporate a two button mouse with a wheel as standard equipment. Mebbe their fans will get past the “It’s an Apple, so it’s cool, so I won’t complain about hardware faults.”
Nah, nothing will change, except that all of you are wrong about their next OS release. It will be OS XXXII Ghey.
August 25th, 2011 at 1:49 pm
Steve Jobs stepping down? No biggie. No when Bill Ruger stepped down….
August 25th, 2011 at 3:56 pm
you’ll only get Current TV. Steve Jobs was the only thing standing between you and Apple board memberAl Gore. Now, you’re screwed.
I always knew Apple had a worm in it!!111!!
August 25th, 2011 at 6:15 pm
I’ve been running Snagglepuss for a few months now. It works great except when the cursor decides to exit stage left.
August 26th, 2011 at 12:57 pm
My Weekly Obama Jobs Report, the Steve Jobs laid himself off edition…
To get things started, a guy named Jobs laid himself off. I didn’t know there was an app for that….