Nuke the News: Downgraded to “Saturation Bomb the News”

Posted on August 8, 2011 11:00 am

* Okay, kids; the word of the day is “failure”.

So the United States of America just got its credit rating downgraded by the S&P. It seems bad, but this is something lots of presidents have had to deal with… Oh, wait, no — just the one. Just the useless failure. And they’re trying to blame this on Republicans and the Tea Party, but the fact is we got downgraded for not seriously taking on our debt, and what Obama originally wanted was the debt limit raised without any cuts. The only people who had a serious plan to avoid this was the Tea Party. But hey, you can do something to fix the problem or you can try and demagogue to gain advantage.

Obama chose poorly.

But no, it’s the Republicans fault. If only at some point did the Democrats hold the White House and both the House and Senate with enough votes to pass whatever they wanted — then surely Democrats would have used their economic genius then to fix everything. Oh, they did have that? And they used that power to spend more, create more government programs, and then failed to pass a budget?

So I guess that means that all the Democrats are useless idiots who should in no one way have any power in government? I mean, there’s no legitimate argument against that now, right? They should all just be tossed out of power — along with maybe half the Republicans — and then finally we can work on some solutions. Everyone is agreed on that, right? Even liberals have to bow to that simple logic, correct?

Oh, no; you’re just going to continue to scream nonsense, liberals? Okay; I guess we’ll just work around you.

* I just wanted to note that because of Rick Perry’s budget, Texas recently got its credit status upgraded — in case for some reason you wanted to compare Rick Perry and Barack Obama.

* So you’re probably wondering what the credit downgrade of the U.S. means for us in the near future. Well so am I. If someone could google the answer and put it in the comments, I’d appreciate it. Thanks.

* Here’s something Michelle Malkin noticed — from our government, it’s the new Department of Innovation logo:

So, to represent innovation from government, we have the metaphor of three interlocked cogs that are unable to move. Of course, we only wish the government was a bunch of cogs grinding to a halt. It’s more like cogs that steal all our money, uselessly waste it, and then act like we’re the ones who are all stupid.

I’m not good with metaphors.

* Study shows that pundits are less than useless. A scientist has been following pundits and their predictions for years and years and years. He comes up with three possibilities for the future, has the pundit pick one, and then waits to see what happens to evaluate. And the pundits got the right answer less than 33% of the time, i.e., they were less accurate than a chimp throwing darts.

So, should we replace all the talking heads on TV with dart throwing chimps. NO! You might think it’s a great idea to improve the accuracy of political predictions, but CHIMPS WILL BITE YOU! In fact, they may THROW THE DARTS AT YOU and then BITE YOU! Do not trust chimps! Well, trust them on their political predictions, BUT NOT ON ANYTHING ELSE!

You’re probably wondering how accurate I’ve been as a political pundit. Well, to check my accuracy, you’d actually have to nuke the moon or put rocket launchers on dinosaurs. So, safe to say, I’M THE ONLY PUNDIT WHO HAS NEVER BEEN PROVEN WRONG! Also, I’m good at darts.

* Hollywood is going to do a movie about the killing of bin Laden. Finally, we’ll have a movie that makes the military look good… because it might also make Obama look good and will open in October of 2012. I’m guessing there will be a dramatic scene where an aide comes to Obama and says, “We know where bin Laden is; we just need your okay to get him.” And then Obama will think a moment while choosing his golf clubs and then finally shrug and say, “Yeah, okay. I guess you should do that.”

So is that what Obama is going to run on? Forget the domestic situation; he’s the waterboarding, terrorist-killing president who took Bush’s torch and gladly ran with it!

Good luck to him with that.

* Talking about the real heroes, thirty-one U.S. troops and seven Afghan soldiers were killed in a helicopter crash due to a Taliban RPG. Among those killed were members of SEAL Team 6. Nothing funny to say; pray for their families, and thank God our country has such brave people — the true foundation of what we are as a nation.

* Wisdom of the Day: “Liberals deny spending is killing us, then blame Bush for killing us thru war spending. Then they insist on spending again to save us.” -David Limbaugh

* In case you missed it, I had a column up over the weekend at Pajamas Media about how we should make future generation pay all our debt because they’re a bunch of jerks. I don’t know if you’ve noticed it before, but I’m quite clever and funny.

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30 Responses to “Nuke the News: Downgraded to “Saturation Bomb the News””

  1. hwuu says:

    I would think the downgrade would be “Daisycut the News” or “MOAB the News”

  2. hwuu says:

    The Dept of Innovation logo looks like one of those warning stickers they put on machinery.

    Example:
    http://www.seton.com/labels-decals/osha-safety/osha/hazard-warning-labels-17538.html

  3. hwuu says:

    One of the logic tests for machinery aptitude has a drawing of 3 gears intermeshed like that. The person with mechanical aptitude is supposed to notice that the gears won’t turn.

  4. MarkoMancuso says:

    My Department of Innvation logo was rejected. It featured visionaries George Washington, Jim Bridger, John Browning, Andrew Carnegie, and Pop Warner beating Democrats into pulp.

  5. Jimmy says:

    I’m wondering what a logo would look like for The Department of Redundancy Department.

    And, yes, Frank, you are clever and funny – almost as good as deer guts on a doorknob.

  6. Ernie Loco says:

    Before I even read what you wrote about that label, Frank, I looked at it and was like, “wait a second, that won’t work.” Then I spent a minute double checking it just to confirm that those gears will never turn.

    I also love how we have an official Department of Innovation. I’ve got news for you, if you’re looking for innovation in any “department”, you’re looking in the wrong place.

  7. storm1911 says:

    That logo is another Obama success. He is into failure like Frank is into punching hippies, damncat into tuna, or myself into 1911-style .45 autos.

    Some of the responses to Frank’s PJ column, the dumb ones, must have all been from pundits. Sarcasam must take an IQ higher than 60 to understand. Bless their hearts.

  8. Mxymaster says:

    If “Innovation” = “Progress,” we can expect the Department of Innovation to invent the radio.

  9. MarkoMancuso says:

    At this point in time, a crappy Hollywood movie that makes a mockery of our country and our warriors is par for the course, totally expected, and preferable to those idiots trying to remake good movies, like Citizen Kane, The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance, etc. The more time they waste on “messages” the less time they have for butchering classics.

  10. ussjimmycarter says:

    So, like Obama has an idea and invents a department of innovation and such and all you losers do is make fun of the corporate logo! Well, I’ll bet it was made by some terrorist Tea Bagger, that’s what…and yo mamma too!!!

    I’m thinking of having a lemonade stand in front of my house but we will serve Tea (Tea Party…get it???). I’m going to wear a Turbin. We will call it Infidel Tea! I’ll stand there and yell la la la la la la la…and fire an AK-47 into the air, unless I can get my hands on a sweet newer AK-74!!! Then for the extra special kiddie fun, we are going to have female and homo stonings! So bring the “chin music” and come for the party!!! It’s going to be sweet!!!

  11. seanmahair says:

    Oh dearest Frank didn’t you hear. The debt problem is all the fault of those bad Tea Party Members who insisted we cut spending. Even better was the blather from Barney (Fife) I mean Frank. The debt problem is all because of the military. If we didn’t have all those soldiers killing bad guys we would have a lot more money. We could spend it burying American citizens dying at malls, airports, government buildings, churches, and synagogs, because unbeknownst to Sir Barney the Useless the Jihad came to us.

    What was he doing Sept. 11,2001 again?

  12. Jimmy says:

    Speaking of saturation bombing the news, fasten your seat belts. It’s gonna be a bumpy week.

  13. EdthePastor says:

    I hate downgrades!
    I looked, and there before me was a pale pony! Its rider was named Discomfort, and Heck was following close behind him.
    I demand we rearm Frank with a full compliment of nuclear armaments and dinosaurs

  14. DamnCat says:

    @ 4. MarkoMancuso

    I was going to say “Marko for Logo Czar!” but he’d probably pummel anyone who suggested there should be such a thing as a Logo Czar.

  15. zzyzx says:

    The sky isn’t falling but the stock market sure is!!…….Chicken Little, running around the barnyard like crazy.

  16. Crabby Old Bat says:

    BWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! That logo is perfect in so many ways. Not only is it deadlocked, but who thinks GEARS are the technology of the future in the first place? Shouldn’t it be a microchip or something? (Of course, Obama and Biden think rail travel is the Transportation of the Future.) Somebody copied a design off some Steam Punk jewelry, added some Red Brigade stars to appeal to the current administration, made it caution-sign yellow because innovation is all scary and dangerous (and therefore should be left to the government, for our own safety), and – TA-DA! – the PERFECT logo for the entire Obama administration, not just the “Department of Innovation.” (Which should be the first up against the wall when budget cuts come calling, by the way.)

  17. MarkoMancuso says:

    I’d consider, just for a few seconds, accepting the worthless title of Logo Czar if I had English blood in me – you know how the English love such things. But I don’t. My farmer ancestors sallied forth from Glasgow, the southern lands surrounding the great Rhine, and Alsace-Lorraine. Thus, I must humbly decline the offer.

    Frankly, I think it’s time we send useless people back to Europe. Such people made a trip up the Rhine by one of my ancestral families take more than a year when it should have taken a month.

  18. Capitalist_B says:

    It’s almost as clever as a logo for a “Genius” that involves an outdated model of the atom…

  19. ussjimmycarter says:

    I have to go lay down! Something is very wrong! The NOW Hags just came out and defended Michelle Bachmann against Newsweek… And then I think I saw a pig fly by my window after I read the article. Mommie!!! Am I getting as crazy as Jimmy? If so, I’m going to try the Infinity Experiment from my house roof!!!

  20. Iowa Jim says:

    Not chimpanzees. We want Obama to throw darts. He’ll probably do worse than the pundits, which will make the pundits feel good, and we can televise it, which means that we can all laugh at the way Obama throws.

  21. Crabby Old Bat says:

    OMG, Iowa Jim, you just equated Obama with a chimpanzee! Hater! RACIST!!1!!! Tea-bagging terrorist! You’re an evil white supremacist, this proves it. In fact, it proves the entire Tea Party is filled with white supremacist racists, except for the Uncle Tom Oreo “show Negro” minstrels who have sold out to the white man. I’ll bet you call undocumented workers “illegals,” too. Ooooh, the racism at this site is just noxious. I need to go find a bi-racial lesbian handicapable government union worker to help me write an editorial for CAIR, just to get the rotten stench of your lynch-mob rhetoric out of my system.

  22. Corona says:

    I saw your PJM article a few days ago. It was good. So were the COMMENTS!!1!!
    I laughed as soon as I saw that Innovation logo earlier today. 3 gears dinna work like that.
    So, who’s gonna play Valerie Jarrett in that O movie? Better yet, who’s gonna play Michelle?
    Mike Myers…IS…Leon Panetta.

  23. HuskerJulie says:

    My favorite part of the Department of Innovation website is the comments section. Snarky.

  24. Terry_Jim says:

    It’s simple, really. As easy as “4 legs good, 2 legs bad”.
    CONSERVATIVE spending is eeeeevil and contributes to debt, deficite and tooth decay.
    Good intentioned liberal spending, while 10 times what conservatives would spend on things like
    food stamops and unemployment bucks,
    is gooooood, and promotes sweetness, light , and prosperity.

  25. 4of7 says:

    There are still 13 countries in the world with AAA credit ratings.
    Clearly we should attack them all immediately and take their stuff.
    Greedy B*st*rds!
    Don’t they know everything goes better when you spread the wealth around?

  26. ussjimmycarter says:

    Now there’s a financial plan I can get behind. We just send in our marines (probably just the females are all that will be necessary + the ghey ones) and we take all the wealth and stuff we want from any country we have a hankerin’ to take it from. We can start with Canada, then go south to Mexico (I think they are in better shape than us by now), and then sweep into Central and South America like Ghegis Kahn and the great Mongul Hords.

    Once we get down to Latin America…some of the chicks aren’t bad either…we could send a few up this way. I hear they aren’t all lippy and stuff and like obey their husbands and have the sex whenever the man says it shall be so! Otherwise they keep their yaps shut and clean and cook and stuff! Sounds good to me!

  27. greg zywicki says:

    BUt – But – A Chimp would only be more accurate than a pundit if presented with less than 3 choices to throw darts at! Can chimps throw darts? Can they see the board right? What if they were throwing darts at the pundits? Throwing pundits at obama? So many questions.

    Don’t give obama darts – he’ll put an eye out.

  28. Rock Throwing Peasant says:

    Should we do a “casting” for the movie?

    Casting Obama wouldn’t be difficult, since he’d still have that bucket stuck on his head.

  29. 4of7 says:

    #26 – ussjimmycarter,
    Oh, we can’t invade South America while o is still in charge, that would step on his good buddy Hugo Chavez’s toes and might make him (o) stamp his foot and pout!
    However, we Could screw with those other AAA rated countries finances until they’re all reduced to AA status like us, Then AA becomes the new norm, and everything will be cool again!

  30. James Flames says:

    You know that logo kind of reminds me of the logo of the Galactic Empire in Star Wars

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