Archive for August, 2011

Earthquake!

Wednesday, August 24, 2011 6:06 am

There was a bunch of fear yesterday when the earthquake hit northern Virginia near Washington, D.C.

In fact, when Wall Street heard about the earthquake, the Dow rose over 300 points. Which says a lot about the economy. When there’s a chance that something will stop Obama and the Democrats, the market goes up.

There were reports that the Washington Monument was tilting, but that was not true. Washington politicians, though, were found to be crooked, but it’s too early to tell if the earthquake is to blame.

But the earthquake did do some isolated but terrible damage: it interrupted Obama on the golf course and made him miss a putt. Really.

So, despite early fears, the earthquake did little overall damage. Unlike Barack Obama and a Democrat-controlled Congress. Their damage is still being assessed.

Anyway, you don’t normally hear about earthquakes in that region as happened yesterday. Most earthquakes are in Japan, California, or other places foreign to America. Why on earth (or under earth) did one occur where it did?

I dunno.

Some people — mostly scientists — will tell you that earthquakes are caused by the plates of the earth moving in different directions or at different speeds, building pressure, and suddenly releasing, but I think they’re making it up as they go along. We need to find out what causes earthquakes, then stop them. Or use them to our advantage, like Gene Hackman tried to do in that Superman movie (the first one).

So, what causes earthquakes? Or, failing that, what caused yesterday’s earthquake?

Here are the leading candidates:

  • Global warming causes them.
  • Global cooling.
  • Witches.
  • Maybe it’s the Tea Party. They caused everything else that’s wrong, so perhaps it’s them that caused all the devastation yesterday.
  • George Bush.
  • More witches.
  • The Titans bowling. Or maybe that’s thunder.
  • The Titans dropping their bowling ball.

Maybe it is the whole tectonic plates thing. Or maybe Teutonic plates. Probably so. I never did trust the Germans.

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It Can’t Just Be Me

Wednesday, August 24, 2011 1:25 am

Is anyone else a little creeped out by Jon Huntsman’s wacky Spockbrow?

Seriously, watch any video of this guy. I swear he’s using it to send nuclear secrets to the Chinese in Morse code.

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lolbama! Part 70

Tuesday, August 23, 2011 8:12 pm

This week, That One. Next week, terrorists. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com

Meanwhile, pass ‘em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.


From James:

From Kris:

[reference link]

From Kris:

[reference link]

From Kris:

[reference link]

From Kris:

[ref 1, ref 2]

From Larsinkima:

From Les:

[reference link]


My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

From jb:

[reference link]

From John:

From Kris:

From Kris:

[reference link]

From Larsinkima:

From Larsinkima:

[reference link]

From Paul:

From Kris:

[ref 1, ref 2]


This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:

EXTRA CREDIT BONUS CHALLENGE: Don’t reference Obama losing the 2012 election.

PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolbama! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

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Nuke the News: Why in the World Isn’t Obama Popular?

Tuesday, August 23, 2011 11:00 am

* Paul Ryan has said he’s not running for president, so for all of you who thought Ryan was going to ride to the rescue and cut this nation’s spending, that’s not going to happen. I still kind of expect some more people to jump in the race, though, just by the virtue of the fact that polling is now saying pretty much anyone could beat Obama (even RON PAUL!!). If you can claw your way through the primary, the only thing left standing between you and the presidency is president job-destroyer. If I were the Republican candidate, I’d spend my whole first debate with Obama just pointing and laughing.

* But Obama will fix things before November 2012 because he’s working on… wait for it… a new jobs plan! Actually, it’s been downgraded to a jobs outline. So not a whole plan; just an outline. So it will look something like this:

A. Introduction
1. Jobs are important
2. Government can help make jobs
B. Jobs Ideas
1. Spend lots of money
2. [Idea 2 goes here]
3. [Idea 3 goes here]
C. Conclusion
1. Re-elect Obama

* Good news: Vice President Biden is not going to second-guess China’s one child policy in which they have mass-sterilizations and forced abortions. So if you were fearing some basic moral clarity interfering with Biden’s visit to China, don’t worry — it’s not going to happen. Usually Biden is pretty gaffe-prone, but in China he’s going to be on his best behavior and watch every word he says. Yay.

* Obama has figured out why he’s so unpopular: Congress. That’s an interesting theory. Know what my theory is? Rogue unicorns. Unicorns have turned against Obama and now he can’t sustain his popularity without his rainbow magic.

Or, there’s the outlandish theory that Obama is just a horrible president and it’s obvious to everyone. But going by Occam’s razor, it’s most likely rogue unicorns.

* It’s looking like no one is going to to primary Obama now that Russ Feingold a few days ago said he wouldn’t. Here’s a question, though: Would Obama have a primary challenge if he were white? It’s hard to see how he wouldn’t with how horrible he’s been and how bad he’s polling against every challenger. But if Obama got primaried, it would anger the blacks who vote overwhelmingly Democrat, and Democrats can’t survive without them. So racism gets Obama in play.

BTW, there is now a Martin Luther King memorial on the National Mall. If we only listened to MLK’s advice to judge people not “by the color of their skin but by the content of their character” we never would have been stuck in this Obama mess.

* You may have thought this recession thing was just an earth-based phenomenon, but it’s now affecting the whole universe. Scientists have found that galaxies are now running out of gas and thus fewer and fewer stars are being made. Don’t worry, though: Obama is making a new star-creation program. You may say, “But U.S. presidents can’t make stars.” Yes, but they can’t make jobs either but that’s never stopped Obama from trying.

* In other science news, scientists think they’ve found a really old fossil. The oldest fossil, in fact — 3.4 billion years. Apparently, unbeknownst to non-scientists, there’s been a big war over who has the oldest fossil. Hundreds have died. Mainly from old age.

Anyway, one guy is like, “I have the oldest fossil!” And another is like, “No, that’s just a random cluster of chemicals; this is the oldest fossil of a one-celled organism!” And it’s just goes on and on like that, but it’s very important to find out what is really the oldest fossil because whoever discovered it gets half-off at the science gift shop. They sell ant farms there.

* Wisdom of the Day: “If we raised taxes on the top 1% to 100% of their income, we’d still have a $500 billion deficit.” -PoliticalMath

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Random Thoughts

Tuesday, August 23, 2011 8:20 am

If Obama thinks he inherited a huge mess, wait until what his successor will have to deal with.

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Republican strategy to beat Obama

Tuesday, August 23, 2011 6:26 am

The good news for Republicans recently has been that polls have shown that a generic Republican beats Obama. The bad news is that when “generic Republican” is replaced with an actual Republican, Obama wins.

Not any more.

Latest polling shows that some actual Republicans beat, tie, or are within the poll’s margin of error, according to ABC News:

Former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney leads Obama by a 48 percent to 46 percent margin, while Texas Gov. Rick Perry ties the president at 47 percent. Obama bests Ron Paul by a 47-45 divide and Michele Bachmann by 48-44 split. All results are within a 4-point margin of error.

What does this mean?

I dunno. Does anyone know what Americans’ political thought processes are? I mean, a majority of voters actually elected Obama in 2008. So you can’t depend on most American voters to do anything that makes sense. So I’m not sure we can make any sense out of this poll.

But I’m not going to let that stop me from trying.

Maybe this means that Mitt Romney, Rick Perry, Ron Paul (RONPAUL!!!1!!1!!!!), and Michele Bachmann are actually generic Republicans.

All this time, I thought Tim Pawlenty was. But, since T-PAW decided to drop out of the race, theres an opening for a generic Republican. And, it’s being filled by fake conservative (but good-for-business) Mitt Romney, almost conservative (but plays one on TV) Rick Perry, speaks right when facts aren’t involved (John Wayne/John Wayne Gacy, Elvis’ birthday/death day) Michele Bachmann, or sh*t-house rat crazy Ron Paul (RONPAUL!!!1!!1!!!!).

What about the other Republicans? For example, my guy, Herman Cain?

They didn’t ask. At least, when I read the full poll, I didn’t see where they paired up Cain and Obama. But, among Republicans, Cain and Perry has the smallest “unfavorable/strongly unfavorable” totals. As for favorable, Cain and Romney came in second in “favorable/strongly favorable” to Rudy Guiliani, who’s not running.

What all this means is that a lot of Republicans can beat Obama. Maybe even more than they poll.

This shows what the Republican strategy for 2012 will be: don’t be Obama.

Which sort of screws it up for Huntsman, who worked for the guy. But maybe not. Remember Romneycare and Obamacare? Mostly a matter of scale. But Romney beats Obama. So, maybe not even Jon “Obama’s a remarkable leader” Huntsman should be counted out.

Still, not being Obama looks like a winning strategy. Particularly since Obama appears to be still blaming Bush for everything.

“I’m not Obama” beats “I’m not Bush” hands down.

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Nuke the News: To the Shores of Tripoli

Monday, August 22, 2011 11:00 am

* So it looks like Libya is no longer under the control of Qdaffy, but no one is sure where Qdaffy is. How hard could he be to spot?

"I shall blend in with the common folk in my bright purple muumuu and hat."

* I was thinking a solution for Obama to make sure he gets an appropriate amount of vacation time: He should form a presidents’ union. It will be a union on making sure presidents get the proper respect and benefits they deserve. And if we try to cut back his vacation days or reduce lunch time so he doesn’t have enough time to enjoy his waffles, he’ll get together with his union and go on strike. Then we’ll have to somehow make do with him not being president and not randomly spending lots of money. I’m sure we’ll then panic and give in to all his demands.

* Remember during Obama’s election when everyone was sure that if we elected Obama it would be nothing but unicorns and rainbows forever after? Pretty much even the dumbest people on the left have decided that maybe Obama was a bit overhyped, but Tom Friedman apparently thinks the jury is still out. Who is this guy anyway? All I know is he makes some of the dumbest, most repetitive editorials for the New York Times (apparently for a period of two and a half years he said what will happen in Iraq will be determined in the “next six months”) and has an obsession with how great and efficient the Chinese dictatorship is and fantasizes about Obama being dictator for a day. Yet somehow the NYT is convinced we want to hear his opinions on foreign affairs and world politics when a sane person wouldn’t take his advice on how to get to the nearest Walgreens.

“But is he dumber than Krugman?” you ask.

I dunno. That’s a hard one. Anyway, it seems like people should be a little more selective on who writes for a major newspaper, but then again, “major newspaper” is becoming a bit of an oxymoron.

* Oh, and here’s another great one from the New York Times. I guess they wanted to hear the average American’s ideas on what he would do if he were president, but the NYT has no clue what an average American looks like or where to find one, so instead they got a gaggle of leftist freaks. One actually wrote this:

“I’d grant the very rich the boon of helping them help others, as a form of gratitude for their good fortune.”

There’s like so much that’s wrong with some people in this country in that single statement. First, there’s just the general covetousness where people are obsessed with the rich despite their income being no business of anyone else. Then there’s that projection of greed on to the rich when it’s obvious who are the greedy ones here. And there’s that horrible idea that taking money by force and giving it to the hugely irresponsible people in Washington is anything akin to charity (which many rich people would be doing with their money if it weren’t being confiscated by dimwits). And finally, there’s that ephemeral concept that the rich aren’t paying enough. No one knows what they’re paying now, they’re just sure it’s not enough. What is enough? More than what is currently being paid, and that’s what forever it will be. Man, what a better country this would be if we could just take these people, tell them, “Your existence in this nation is an insult to all who have fought and died for it,” and then hand them a hatchet and drop them on the other side of the Canadian border to fend for themselves.

* BTW, have you seen the expression the left has been using for when a Democrat turns against the far left for the sake of moderates? “Hippie punching.” I like it. The Democrats are going to have to be hippie punching until their arms fall off to get any credibility these days, though.

* Wisdom of the Day: “We’re all big racist time bombs set for ‘elderly.’” -Shelby Fero

* I haven’t responded to spam e-mail in a little while, so let’s see what the Great Landlord has left me:

R. Paull is almost certainly my best favorite choice within the actual impending election, however I don’t really feel like he has receiving sufficient good coverage from the biased mass media in order to maillot away the win.

Wow. The most coherent pro-Ron Paul comment IMAO has ever received and it’s spam. No wonder Ron Paull has so much trouble trying to maillot away the win.

Throughout this awesome scheme of things you’ll get a B- with regard to effort. Where exactly you misplaced me personally was in all the specifics. As as the maxim goes, details make or break the argument.. And it could not be much more accurate here. Having said that, let me inform you just what exactly did deliver the results. Your article (parts of it) is actually rather convincing and that is most likely the reason why I am making the effort to opine. I do not make it a regular habit of doing that. Secondly, although I can notice the jumps in reasoning you come up with, I am not necessarily confident of just how you seem to connect the details which produce the final result. For now I will, no doubt yield to your position however trust in the future you actually connect the facts better.

Wow. A B-. That’s the lowest grade possible on the Obama rating system.

Despite this being random spam, I have to admit it’s a pretty on the nose critique and stings just a little.

I usually enjoy your writing but perhaps this time you might have been too sick when writing because the article it feels rushed.

Thanks for the diagnosis, Dr. House.

That’s all for today! Have a great weekend… five days from now!

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Random Thoughts

Monday, August 22, 2011 8:43 am

Conservative politician is kind of an oxymoron.

The challenge for conservatives is to find someone excited for an arduous campaign so he can get in office and do nothing.

Obama is always talking about the jobs he’s saved and created, but how many jobs has he destroyed and prevented?

While Apple hardware is great, the iTunes software rivals any Microsoft product in being a buggy piece of crap.

Buttercup’s cutest smile is the mischievous one she gives right after she stops crying because she got her way.

Surprised Ocean Spray didn’t celebrate the election of Obama with a special flavor called “Yes We Cran”.

I just shot someone and it might be Qdaffy. What’s he look like again?

Lovely Sunday. I have so much to thank God for that it’s usually so much more efficient just to take it all for granted.

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The Week in Doug

Sunday, August 21, 2011 6:16 pm

From the audio files:

1) “…The real answer to why [Obama] is not campaigning to blacks is very simply this: he knows he doesn’t have to. He knows he’s got their vote anyway, and he takes the black vote for granted…”

2) “…We ARE listening to you now, Mr. President, and that is why the people are opposing you. You make the assumption that listening leads to acceptance…”

3) “…Let’s pretend for a moment that I’m a liberal and I’m a progressive and that I’m in this White House, and I want to do some damage control. The first thing I would do is say to Obama, ‘Don’t speak. Stop talking. Do not go on a bus tour’…”

4) “…Pay attention to a little trick [Obama] does here… Obama doesn’t answer this question [that he's asked]. He doesn’t like the question… So his way of answering a question [is to] put forward the question he would prefer – which isn’t being asked – and then gives the answer he would prefer…”

More audio clips here.

And for those who would rather read than listen, gems-a-plenty:

1) “During the campaign, Obama told you that the way to save on gas was to make sure your tires were properly inflated. Has anyone checked his tour bus tires? And has anyone checked below the bus to see who’s been thrown under it?”

2) “Liberalism, we learn every single day, crushes the human spirit and fails everywhere it’s been tried. It is the most destructive idea ever conceived because it destroys everything from within. It is just plain evil.”

3) “Does anyone believe what this guy is saying anymore? Why would you? It’s like eating re-packaged leftovers from a fast-food restaurant garbage can at this point.”

4) “Keep your eye out for more of these sideshows. This time he’s riding a bus. What’s the next tour going to be? High speed rail? A replica of the Hindenburg?”

5) “Vilsack says that food stamps are stimulus because ‘if people can buy a little more at the grocery store, someone’s got to stock it, ship it, package it, process it – all those are jobs.’ Do they not understand that when the economy is booming and people have more money on their own without it being confiscated by others in the form of taxation, that all those things REMAIN jobs?”

6) “If Obama wanted to be accurate, he wouldn’t be talking about taxing millionaires and billionaires, he would say ‘thousandaires.’ But you and I know that if they said that, it wouldn’t work. It wouldn’t poll very well.”

7) “I don’t necessarily believe Warren Buffet has any political ideology. I don’t believe that to a shark swimming through the ocean it really matters whether he’s got a person or a surfboard or a seal or a garbage can in his sights. He’ll keep on swimming and eating. And Warren Buffett – regardless of the political environment – will keep on making money.”

8) “The progressive mind will always take the populist propagandist view that you must somehow be protected from the ‘super-rich’. Unless, of course, it’s THEIR super-rich, like George Soros.”

9) “Obama needs to boost his image, so he keeps comparing himself to other people – Martin Luther King, Abraham Lincoln, Ronald Reagan – who’s he going to compare himself to next? Winston Churchill? Mother Teresa? The Green Lantern? Who?”

10) “What you’ve got coming from Obama and the left is this endless notion of central committee planning, and producing products that people don’t want, and products that don’t guarantee they’ll get the job done. If they have to subsidize it, begin by thinking there’s something wrong with it the minute you hear that.”

Regarding #9, I’ll go out on a limb and say Jimmy Carter. At this point, he’d be a step up.

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How I spent my summer vacation

Saturday, August 20, 2011 5:31 pm

Some of you noticed I’ve been away for a bit. Okay, two of you noticed. And one of them was Frank. And that was only because I owe him some money. I forget why. I think I lost a bet. But I’ll get that back on September 3rd in Athens.

Anyway, I’ve been away. I took vacation from work the week of Sarah K’s birthday. I’ve taken that day, or the whole week if possible, off work every year for 17 years in a row. The last time I worked on her birthday was in 1993, and that’s because I was stationed in Korea.

During the week of July 19 (Sarah’s birthday), I went to Valdosta and spent some time with my son. That was fun. Wife and I then spent some time in Montgomery. And, yes, that was just as much fun as it sounds.

Spent some time adding an Xbox to the Internet TV setup. For ESPN 3. Not for gaming. Because video games are stupid and dumb. And I won’t be playing games on it. Or adding a 250 GB drive to it. Or buying a second controller. Or adding Microsoft points to my account. Or customizing an avatar. Or playing Peggle. Or customizing a Game Room. Or several rooms in Game Room. Or any of those other stupid things that people with Xboxes do. Nope. Not me. ESPN3 only for my Xbox.

Also spent some time worrying about my grandson, who broke his arm at football practice. He’ll be okay. Other grandson is still playing, so we’ll be attending some of those games.

All this doesn’t take all that much time or interfere with much. But there’s this one other thing going on: work.

I don’t blog about work. So, when I don’t blog, it’s about work.

So, while I was away, what did I miss?

Gold was 1,596.95/ounce the last time I posted something here. It’s 1,852.10/ounce now.

The Dow was 12,479.73 when I last posted. It’s 10,817.65 now.

The last time you heard from me, Obama was doing a piss-poor job as president and the economy was tanking. Today, Obama is doing a piss-poor job as president and the economy is tanking.

I’m not sure if my being away made things worse. But, just in case, you’ll be putting up with me some more now.

You have been warned.

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Nuke the News: Kill the Aliens Before They Kill Us

Friday, August 19, 2011 11:00 am

* The Obama administration has announced they’re going to stop deporting illegal immigrants unless they commit a crime. Isn’t staying staying in the country illegally a crime, hence the term “illegal”? I don’t know.

I wish the pro-illegal immigration crowd would be honest and just argue for open borders with no checks on anyone instead of this “we’ll keep saying its a crime and never enforce it” position. And that’s the main thing about the pro-illegal immigration people: Dishonesty. The way they’re always trying to conflate illegal immigration with legal immigration shows they know they have an untenable position and want to do anything they can to avoid dealing with it head on. That’s why we have to keep the pressure on. We can’t give up America’s sovereignty just because some people think they have a great position to win votes.

* With the economy in shambles and high unemployment, what’s the big issue right now? Evolution! You can see a video here of a mentally disturbed mom trying to push her kid into asking Rick Perry about it, and Jon Huntsman for some reason thought it was a good idea in the Republican primary to loudly profess his belief in it along with global warming — ’cause he’s smart.

I hate the belief in evolution. I don’t have any particular problem with the science of it, but I hate the belief in it. We sure spend a lot of time arguing about evolution considering that 99% of people could never have heard of evolution and it wouldn’t have caused a single change in their lives. It’s only has actual practical use to a few scientists, but it’s super important everyone believe in it for some reason. You could hear in that deranged mother’s voice how important she thought it was to press Perry on that issue, when I think I can go out on a limb and guess she’s a scientific illiterate who doesn’t even understand evolution (same for Huntsman). Science is something that’s supposed to be different from religion, but it seems like few people can hold on to that distinction in their minds. Instead it’s always reduced to people having to loudly profess certain beliefs whether they understand them or not because it just feels super important everyone believe them. That fact is, most people could live their lives thinking the sun revolves around the earth and it wouldn’t adversely affect them at all, but if just feels almost offensive to let people think that wrong way. That’s because we don’t let science be what it is and make it a worldview. A religion. Poor little science isn’t up to that.

* Word is coming from people close to the Obama campaign that they’d rather face Rick Perry than Mitt Romney because he’s easier to beat. Consider the strength of Obama right now, isn’t that like Obama saying he’d rather fight the Hulk in a cage match rather than Superman because he thinks the Hulk is easier to beat. Maybe true, but either way he’s getting pounded into a fine paste. That’s why there’s so much talk about other people getting in the race, because if you’re a Republican who wants to be president, now is probably one of the best opportunities you’ll have to run against a weak Democrat. And if you’re going by the William F. Buckley rule — “Nominate the most conservative candidate who is electable.” — the most conservative person electable is going to be a lot more conservative than in other years.

Hopefully we can find that conservative. But if we can’t, Romney’s willing and ready and Obama’s scared of him!

* Those serious liberals at Think Progress have identified what’s the problem in our failing economy: We don’t all get guaranteed paid vacations! How has America survived like this? I don’t know! Let’s pay more people not to work; I’m sure that will get things moving in this economy. Especially if it’s Obama and Congress.

And if you didn’t get enough liberal seriousness, here’s a new one on the super-serious issue of global warming: If we don’t stop it, aliens may invade us and kill us all. Yes, NASA scientists are actually arguing that. I guess they’ve given up arguing on any direct effect from global warming, so now they have to add an alien invasion to make it a threat. One supposition is that green aliens may see the harm we’re causing and wipe us out. That’s been the plot of a few scifi movies and it’s supposed to make us think, but have you ever thought of it the other way? Like if humans went to Pandora and found that the blue people were horrible polluters and we decided to mass slaughter them to save the planet, would we in any way be good guys? And if we’re wiping out all intelligent life, who exactly are we saving the planet for? If there are really aliens out there that think that way, we need to hunt down and exterminate those arrogant, murderous sociopaths before they kill more civilizations.

* Wisdom of the Day: Here’s Andy Levy delivering a righteous beatdown to Chris Brown:

* I haven’t posted pictures of Buttercup in a while, so here you go:

"You are sentenced to ten minutes in the bucket of reading!"

Buttercup

More pictures here of the cutest baby ever.

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Random Thoughts

Friday, August 19, 2011 8:45 am

Eventually they’ll show all of Mr. Wizards experiments were faked and then all trust in science will collapse.

For something that’s pointless trivia to 99.9% of the population, we sure spend a lot of time arguing about evolution.

The two main sides of the evolution debate are people who don’t understand it and don’t believe in it and people who don’t understand it and believe in it.

I’m so smart it’s technically a superpower.

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Nuke the News: What a Great Economy

Thursday, August 18, 2011 11:00 am

* Obama wants to assure us that we’re not in danger of another recession… but if things do stall, it’s because people disagreed with him and didn’t do what he told them. Other presidents — also known as better presidents — somehow dealt with congresses that disagreed with them and got things done. Obama had huge majorities in the Senate and the House and somehow still struggled at everything, and now that he’s lost that his only idea to try and make things happen is constant whining. How do you make an argument that this guy is not a horrible leader? Does the first step involve drilling a hole in your own head?

* Apparently, Obama has been avoiding black communities on his bus tour. Why would he need to talk to black people and assure them everything will be all right? They only have like twice the unemployment of everyone else.

Of course, it’s obvious why he isn’t visiting black people. This tour is to convince people to vote for Obama in 2012, but he doesn’t need to do that for blacks. They have to vote for Obama because they’re black. They have no choice in the matter. If you’re black, you vote for the Democrat. So Obama can just ignore them his whole presidency and then come election time have some advocacy group claim the Republican is going to burn crosses to scare them into voting as they’re supposed to. Is this news to black people? Hasn’t this agreement been going on for decades?

* Obama has reached a new low on his handling the economy — only 26% approve. And you gotta kinda wonder what in the world it is those 26% are approving of. Maybe some people don’t like economies and want them destroyed.

But don’t worry: Obama has a new jobs plan. Aren’t we excited. All his other plans were complete and utter failures, but this time he’s sure to get it right! Apparently, we won’t get the plan until he comes back from his next vacation. Which leads to my job plan: Obama does nothing but vacation for the rest of his presidency. By now, it’s pretty obvious that most useful thing he’s capable of doing is staying out of the way.

Actually, he hasn’t proved he’s capable of that.

* I’ve never watched Stephen Colbert’s show; I’ve seen glimpses of his shtick, but I’ve never understood if he’s supposed to be a parody of a conservative or a parody of what liberals who know FOX News is evil but never watched it think a conservative is like. Whatever he is, he’s a thief:

You’re watching Stephen wants to ‘nuke the moon’ on ‘The Colbert Report’ 08/16/11 – TV Replay. See the Web’s top videos on AOL Video

* I always thought the illusion with the cylinder casting a shadow on a checkerboard was the best I’ve ever seen. Usually when I’m told what the illusion is in an image, I can squint and see the trick. Not with this one; I need to actually manipulate it in photoshop to actually see that the two squares are the same color. Anyway, here’s the same illusion in video form. It looks like a special effect but it isn’t:

See, basically your brain automatically compensates for the shadow so you can perceive the checker pattern (because if you perceived the two squares as the same color you wouldn’t see a check board and miss the pattern). Your brain is doing all this background processing all the time to help you understand what your’re seeing, but it never gets any credit or even a thank you. It just gets yelled at when it gets tricked by an artificial illusion. Poor brain.

* Wisdom of the Day: “For fans of The Notebook, ‘Hobo with a Shotgun’ is now on Netflix Instant.” -Michael Deppisch

* I like this: A California college student is asking liberal students in favor of wealth redistribution whether they would favor having their GPA redistributed to the less fortunate. One even responded, “If I do give GPA points to students that don’t deserve it, it isn’t fair, I work for what I have.” See, the conservative instinct is in everyone. You just have to figure the right way to wake it.

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Random Thoughts

Thursday, August 18, 2011 8:22 am

If Chris Christie jumps in the pool, that should be quite a splash.

That was a joke about his weight if you didn’t catch it. I like Christie, but that’s just the way it’s gonna be.

Chris Christie will eat Obama for lunch… and then still eat his normal lunch. And pie.

Fat jokes are just too easy! Someone stop me!

I’m glad they get rid of the laugh track on Sports Night. I’m not quite sure it’s a comedy.

Just to be clear, I’m not saying I’m not liking Sports Night so far. The laugh track just seemed to constrain what it’s trying to be.

I don’t watch TV shows because I’m oh so interested in what TV show writers think about politics and morality.

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Nuke the News: Perry! Perry! Perry!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011 11:00 am

* On Obama’s bus tour, he told a crowd that, “I make no apologies for being reasonable.” That’s like how I make no apologies for being Latino. For one thing, being Latino is nothing anyone should apologize for. But, more importantly, I’m not Latino so the apology would make absolutely no sense. So, in that sense, I fully support Obama not apologizing for being reasonable.

* Here’s another gem from Obama from his bus ride:

“We had reversed the recession, avoided a depression, gotten the economy moving again, but over the last six months we’ve had a run of bad luck.”

So Obama was totally fixing the economy and we were about to rocket to prosperity, but then Obama accidentally ran over a leprechaun — which we all know gives you bad luck. I mean, we were about to have a true recovery, but then Obama hooked a swing on a golf course, went to chase down the ball, and accidentally stumbled into a mummy’s tomb and got cursed.

So, you know, bad luck. Other than that, Obama has been doing awesome.

* So what do you think of Obama’s bus tour to get to know America better? I fully expect at the end for him to remark, “Wow, I wasn’t really liking the people I was meeting, but these last few stops have been much more supportive and really more my type of people.” And then he finds out he spent the last week of his trip driving through Canada.

* For some reason, people got all upset when Rick Perry said that if Ben Bernanke were to print more money, it would be “almost treasonous.” He said “almost.” He didn’t say that, after due process, Bernanke should by hung by the neck until dead. He said that should almost happen. Come on; stop being a bunch of sissies.

* And polls already have Perry has the front runner, so you should expect attacks in full force on him. One thing the left is concentrating on is dismissing the jobs created in Texas since about 40% to 48% of jobs created during the recession were made in that state. I mean the absolutely last thing they want is this to be a race against a guy who knows how to spur job creation versus a flailing dunce who only knows how to flush our nation’s money down the toilet — objective comparison’s like that just aren’t going to work for Obama.

And you know it’s inevitable they’ll start saying George W. Bush was smarter and more reasonable than Rick Perry. Sure, the left was screaming “Hitler!” at Bush not that long ago, but pretty much 95% of that hatred was just partisan nonsense and not based on any coherent ideological objections, so that hate fades almost instantly when Bush is no longer a political threat. And if you think about it, George W. was born in New England and went to an Ivy League college — he’s the liberal’s kind of Texan. But Perry is fifth generation Texan and went to Texas A&M — he’s just a dumb hick.

* BTW, I don’t really like Perry. I fully expect him to be a RINO in hiding, but I keep finding myself having to defend him because of absolutely moronic arguments against him. I mean I expect that from liberals (“HE SED ‘BLACK CLOUD’!!1!!! HE IS TEH RACIST!!1!!1!”), but it really infuriates me to see it from so-called conservatives (“HE SUPPORTED GORE IN ’88!!1! HE IS TEH LIBRUL!!11!!!”). Twenty-three years ago, Perry was a Democrat. Fourteen years before Reagan became president, Reagan was a Democrat. Lots of conservatives used to be Democrats or liberals. It’s sort of the logical progression; you start out with the simpler liberal values and then later add on to them the more complex conservative values later in life. It means nothing to point out that someone was once a Democrat or a liberal unless you can also point to something he’s doing today that makes you think he still is one. Otherwise, you’re just making a silly child argument where you’re flailing around looking for something negative to grasp to not caring about the logic of it. I expect that from the left, but not from someone who claims to be a conservative. So go ahead and point out bad stuff about Perry now — like I hear he’s not so great on immigration — but don’t make moron child arguments. Leave that for the other side.

* Also, I do think it’s neat that Rick Perry has actually exercised his gun rights. Slate has a nice little article on advice for conceal carry while jogging. I also liked how the last two paragraphs are about why it’s a smart idea to carry while jogging. Lots of people think those who carry guns are paranoid, but it seems more like the people who don’t even think about carrying are willfully naive. I dream of one day where not having a gun on you is looked upon the same way as not wearing a seat belt.

* Wow; how many Perry items was that in a row? Now I’m already sick of him. Still some talk about Paul Ryan and Chris Christie getting in the race, though. If you want to president, now’s kind of the time with how vulnerable Obama is looking. I like Paul Ryan and his big ideas, but I’m always wary of a legislator becoming president. There really isn’t much accountability as a Representative or a Senator — you just have to vote ways people like — to really prove someone is a good leader. As for Chris Christie, he’s very fat. He may do lots of budget cuts, but he’ll probably waste all the savings on bacon. If he does run and someone asks him what president he would model himself after, I dare him to say “Taft”.

* Would you like to live on an oil rig run by Ron Paul? Of course, we all do. Anyway, I guess some libertarians are trying to come up with ways to make their own countries, and I support that. We need more country competition. If you want to live in a socialist country or a silly dictatorship, you have lots of choices. You want a free country, you only have America really. With no competition, America gets lazy. So some libertarian countries to compete with would be nice. And since we can’t have them on the moon like Heinlein envisioned, I guess an oil rig will do. So what will they do for industry? Oh yeah; drill for oil.

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Random Thoughts

Wednesday, August 17, 2011 8:41 am

Coming soon from liberals: “You know how we said Bush was the worst thing ever ever? RICK PERRY IS WORSER!!”

To liberals, its always the conservatives of the past who were the good ones, which doesn’t seem very progressive.

I think by now most people know when a Democrat accuses someone of racism, it’s baseless slander 99% of the time.

I wrote 99% to save space. Add a decimal and a more nines to taste.

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lolterizt! Part 138

Tuesday, August 16, 2011 8:27 pm

This week terrorists, next week That One. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com

Meanwhile, pass ‘em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.



[ref 1, ref 2]


[reference link]


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From Larsinkima:

From Les:

[reference link]


My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

From Itsybit:

From James:

From jb:

From jb:

From Kris:

[ref 1, ref 2]

From Max:

[reference link]

From Robb:

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This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:


PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolterizt! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

HAT TIP: Brian of Snapped Shot‘s magnificent EvilFeed – the world’s best source for ripe-for-captioning terrorist photos.

Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

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Nuke the News: Road Trip!

Tuesday, August 16, 2011 11:00 am

* So Obama is going on a bus tour of the country, but it’s totally not a campaign trip. How do we know this? Because our tax money is paying for it. If it were a campaign trip and he used our tax money to pay for it, that would be illegal. So this is a simple trip to encourage all Americans… to reelect him and not trust Republicans.

Anyway, it’s like some special, giant, armored bus; when Obama throws people under this bus, they stay down. But what’s the point of this bus tour? So people can see how much Obama does not comprehend their problems in person?

AMERICAN: “I can’t find work and can’t afford gas for my car.”

OBAMA: “I know the solution for you: Windmills!”

Maybe to save money, they could have Obama go around in a short bus.

* Warren Buffet wrote an editorial in the New York Times about how the super rich and the mega rich should pay more in taxes. He doesn’t mention what should happen with the ultra rich and the giga rich, though. I don’t know really know much about Warren Buffet, but now I know he writes like a moron demagogue which doesn’t really give me confidence in his wisdom. Plus, if he thinks giving more money to the government is so helpful, there’s a publicly available address where he can do just that. But, like most people, he won’t actually throw money down the giant hole that is the federal budget unless there is an actual threat of force. I think that means something. And really, what kind of idiot would look at our situation today and say, “We need more money in the hands of the morons in Washington and less in those who actually know how to create wealth.”? Well, I guess Warren Buffet would say that. Put him in an old folks home. An expensive one.

* So what’s Nobel Prize-winning economist Paul Krugman’s new plan to turn the economy around? A space alien attack!

EVERYONE: “Your ideas just don’t work in the real world.”

KRUGMAN: “They would if there was a space alien attack!”

I’m still working on writing a science fiction novel, so maybe I can get a Nobel Prize in economics. How much does that pay?

* I just want to be clear that I’m not trying to hype Rick Perry or think he’s some great savior for the Republicans. He’s just passable. He’s conservative — maybe even a little more conservative than we’d usually get out of a Republican primary — and has a proven record as governor that stands in stark contrast to Barrack Obama’s record of sucking. Basically, out of the available field of Republicans, he seems the best. I still fully expect to be disappointed by him in many areas and to have to hold his feet to the fire to get anything done on spending. It’s probably a good idea for conservatives to treat politicians like livestock — never get too attached to them.

* Google is buying Motorola. So now Google will be directly making your phones, probably listening and cataloging everything you say or do on them — maybe even anything you say near them. There will be an option to opt out in which they’ll mail you a cyanide capsule.

I think the time to worry is when we hear about Google acquiring an army and really starting down the path to being their own government. It’s a scary idea. Hmm… I wonder what their taxes will be like?

* Apparently, there was a plot to spike Hitler’s food with estrogen to make him all feminine. What a horrible idea. Can you imagine woman Hitler screaming at you for not doing the dishes? That’s the stuff of nightmares.

* Wisdom of the Day: “I’m on the Michelle Obama Diet. I can eat whatever I want because of all the calories I burn wagging my finger at everybody else.” -Jim Treacher

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Random Thoughts

Tuesday, August 16, 2011 9:24 am

People are trying to dismiss the jobs created in Texas, but I assume Obama will take credit for them for the national jobs picture.

If you think the solution to our problems is to give the irresponsible morons in Washington more money, you’re dumber than they are.

Two choices for money: It can be in hands of people who know how to create wealth or idiot politicians. Not a hard one.

There are greedy rich people in this country and greedy poor people. Guess which one there’s more of?

Maybe instead of raising taxes on the “mega-rich”, we can compromise and just raise taxes on the ultra-rich.

Do these dumb demagogue terms like “mega-rich” actually work on people? “I’m on the fence about taxes on the rich, but the mega-rich…”

The only mega-rich person I know is Megaman.

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Emergency Doug

Monday, August 15, 2011 7:52 pm

This one just couldn’t wait for the weekly update. In discussing the government logic in justifying the Obamacare individual mandate using the Commerce Clause, Doug started pondering where such expanded powers would lead.

First, a quote:

“If Congress has the power to make you buy health insurance, where does is stop? Then they’d have the power to make you get tattoos, and they’ve got the power to make you wear little yellow stars on your coat sleeves.”

Then this little audio clip where he just takes it all the way. Ya gotta go hear the whole thing:

“…If the government can compel people to engage in private economic transactions like… the individual mandate… because it might affect interstate commerce, then imagine if the government had the power to force people to pick cotton in return for room and board…”

I love my job.

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