Nuke the News: They Took Our Jobs!

* So the big news: Steve Jobs has resigned. Apple was basically the one company doing well in the Obama economy, and now what’s going to happen to them? Are people going to want the next iPhone if it’s not Steve Jobs playing up its minor improvements but instead some other old guy in a black turtleneck? I can’t imagine they will. You’ll probably be able to buy one of those expensive Mac books soon for like $20 because why would hipsters want them anymore.

So how did Obama screw this up? I don’t know; we can just be pretty sure he did something stupid. We thought we were safe since he was busy golfing, but somehow he must of done something to get Steve Jobs to quit. That’s President Obama, always costing this country Jobs.

* Did you know that way back when, Barack Obama called Bush adding $4 trillion to the debt over eight years “unpatriotic”? Obama has added more than that in two and half years, so what’s the term for that? Terrorism? No; wait — terrorism is not wanting to spend more. Oh, this is so confusing; it’s like the left-wing are babbling partisan idiots with no coherent philosophy. I guess I’m just not understanding it.

* Apparently Cheney advised Bush to bomb Syria back in 2007. Cheney came to this conclusion when he realized Syria was in the Middle East.

* According to polls, Rick Perry is now the clear frontrunner among the GOP candidates, and the White House is already focusing on digging up as much dirt on Perry as they can. They even have an online form just for people to submit what they think is the worst part about Perry’s record. I’m going to fill it out:

I hate how arrogant and aloof he is while all his efforts have been so completely inept, just wasting taxpayer money while unemployment continues to rise.

…No wait; I was thinking of someone else.

* Marco Rubio said, “The free enterprise system has lifted more people out of poverty than all the government anti-poverty programs combined”, but isn’t that a bit like saying, “More lives have been saved by doctors than all the chimpanzees wielding scalpels combined.” If this is news to you that the brilliant people who create business and opportunity in this country have lifted up people more than idiot bureaucrats wasting other people’s money, you’re a moron.

* Scientists say 86% of the earth’s species are still unknown. I don’t know how you count stuff you don’t know about, but the scientists did. I wouldn’t worry much about it, though, because I’m pretty sure we know about all the interesting species already. The only things left are like, “Hey, look at this bug that is slightly different than this other bug. It’s a new bug.” and “Here’s a single cell organism marginally different than other single cell organism but still just as boring.” Oh, and don’t forget new species of plants; they’re not so much undiscovered as much as no one cared. Being dropped in the jungle and told to identify all the weeds has to be the sort of thing they only do to the science intern no one likes.

* IGN has a list of the top 25 funniest shows of all time. I felt kind of dumb when I got to their video for their number one choice and hadn’t figured it out by process of elimination. I really like Arrested Development, but I guess I never thought of it as a number one contender. The more obvious choice would be Seinfeld — the Beatles of sitcoms — or the Simpsons whose first ten seasons are one of the greatest things ever (and one the greatest influences on my own sense of humor). Arrested Development just felt like it never was on long enough to contend (though that certainly wasn’t it’s fault as funny as it was). Anyway, my favorite extant comedy right now is Community which will be entering it’s third season in the fall. What’s your favorite comedy?

* If you were concerned whether you’d be able to gay marry in the next Elder Scrolls game, don’t worry you can. I guess that makes sense, because if you’re playing a game about exploring a fantasy world and fighting dragons and are at all concerned about your marriage optiobs, you’re probably gay. I don’t remember getting any sort of married in the last two Elder Scrolls games, and I didn’t feel like anything was missing. I actually hate that sort of thing; I mean I’m fine with some love interest in the story in cinema scenes, but I hate how so many games now are expecting you to cultivate some relationship with some made up person in the middle of your fantasy or scifi game. That’s not what I play games for; it’s for the purity of killing bad things. But now they add relationships and then next was, “Just killing all the bad people is so thuggish; we’ll give you pacifist options and reward you for that.” And the the sissification of games continues. People will argue that gay marriage won’t ruin traditional marriage, but it’s at least going to ruin video games. Guess I’ll stick to Tetris in which there’s nothing there to PC-ify.

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Random Thoughts

I assume the first person to calmly walk away while something exploded behind him was Calvin Coolidge.

Getting the Sports Night writing style: Character 1 says something. Character 2 repeats what Character 1 says. Character 1 repeats it again. Not sure if it’s stylish or if they’re just trying to pad 15 minutes of dialog into a half hour show.

Steve Jobs resigns? What did Obama do now?!

Sea salt is popular on food these days, but if we eat too much won’t we change the chemical composition of the ocean and kill all the fish?

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The world ended last night.

That’s right. Steve Jobs resigned as CEO of Apple.

It’s not like Barack Obama resigned or anything. If that happened, Joe Biden would take over. That is, one incompetent would be replaced by another incompetent. So barely a blip would occur if Obama was gone.

But Steve Jobs? You know what this means, don’t you? Your iPods will all quit working now. Go try yours. I’ll wait.

See? A little sluggish, wasn’t it. And, when you put the songs on shuffle, that one song you really don’t like played, didn’t it? Know why? Because Steve Jobs quit.

And, if you bought in to the hype and switched from Windows to a Mac, you’re doomed. DOOMED!!

The next version of OS X won’t be like the the last few. Cheetah, Puma, Jaguar, Panther, Tiger, Leopard, Snow Leopard, and Lion? No more. The next one will be OS X LOLCAT. And, after that, OS X Snagglepuss.

That Apple TV you bought? Instead of streaming TV shows and movies from several studios, you’ll only get Current TV. Steve Jobs was the only thing standing between you and Apple board member Al Gore. Now, you’re screwed.

Your iPhone? It won’t make calls. It’ll be like you’re on AT&T or something.

And your iPad? Angry Birds doesn’t work any more.

Steve Jobs is no longer running Apple. He’s been replaced by a guy who went to Auburn. Auburn!

In no time, Apple will be only the second-most valuable company in the world.

Yes, your life has ended. I’m sure George Bush is to blame. Or global warming.

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Nuke the News: The Earth Moved

* Obama’s approval ratings hit new lows in Gallup and Rasmussen polls. It seems kind of gratuitous to point out a new low for him since his last new low was only a few days ago, except it’s just fun to point out when his popularity has sunk even further and say, “Haw! Haw!”

Obama campaigned on hope and change, but it kind of seems like all that hope people had in Obama during his campaign has pretty much disappeared. People still really want change, though — maybe even more so than before. Maybe a Republican can run on the change platform but combine it with something other than hope.

“Change and Hippie Punching”

* There was an earthquake in Virginia. Just a small one, though. I mean, when the earth starts rumbling there, you’d expect all of DC to be swallowed up into the earth, but it’s not God’s job to solve all our earthly problems.

Where was Obama during all this? On a golf course, of course. They told him about it immediately, to which he responded, “Shut up; I’m putting!”

* Pretty much everyone was happy the quake was minor… except for New York Times columnist Paul Krugman who wrote on Google+:

“People on twitter might be joking, but in all seriousness, we would see a bigger boost in spending and hence economic growth if the earthquake had done more damage.”

This is what’s called the “broken window fallacy” — a broken window stimulates the economy by giving work to the glass maker, so to really stimulate the economy you could send people around purposefully breaking windows. It’s pretty elementary how that’s a stupid theory, but apparently it’s beyond the understanding of a Nobel Prize-winning economist. It makes you wonder if that was the real Nobel Prize in Economics he won or if that’s just what they call the reward for successfully balancing your own checkbook while living in the mental ward.

It’s so dumb, I’m almost convinced it’s a hoax (and I notice Krugman’s Google+ profile has disappeared and here’s someone other than Krugman claiming he created it), but right after 9/11 he wrote about how that might stimulate the economy. Plus he recently blogged about how a space alien invasion would be an economic boon. With this and Friedman’s Chinese dictatorship love and Dowd’s… whatever in the world it is that she does, it’s like the New York Times set out to make a Mos Eisley Cantina of op-ed columnists.

* According to a Rasmussen poll, large majorities of Americans believe illegal aliens shouldn’t be allowed in public school, shouldn’t get free tuition for college, or be able to get a driver’s license. When explaining their reasoning, people said, “Because THEY’RE ILLEGAL ALIENS!”

This is one of those areas where the left likes to pretend there’s a big debate, but to the average person it’s like asking, “Should we lock up murderers?” — something they wouldn’t even think there was anything to debate about. Still, there are those who argue that Republicans need to take a softer line on this to appeal to Latino voters — since all Latinos are for breaking the law, as pro-amnesty Republicans seem to think — but my guess is if we give up on common sense for electoral gain, that will probably not work out for the best in the end.

* Even while Obama is on vacation, the debt is growing $2.95 million a minute. So that’s how successful Obama has been; the government can swell in size beyond belief even while he’s out golfing.

Here’s a new fun game: While Obama is giving speeches about the need for a “balanced approach” we can calculate exactly how much the debt grows while he does nothing but talk. A single “Let me be clear” costs $98,000.

* Wisdom of the Day: “Why does Facebook target me with ads for nude beaches in Toronto when I’ve lived my life in such a way as to avoid both nudity and Canada?” –Michael J. Nelson

* I mentioned I’m working on a novel before — and that still is my dream, to become a novelist — but a new writing project has come up, so the novel is on the back burner for now. I’m writing non-fiction — well, as non-fiction as my writing usually is — and this time I already have a publisher signed on. I’ll tell you more soon; be excited!

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Random Thoughts

Obama inherited his problems from Bush, and being a good steward, he’s preserved his inheritance for future generations.

I didn’t feel the earthquake because it happened while I jumped in the air.

Earthquake felt in NYC and DC. If you felt tremors in NJ, that was just because Chris Christie tripped.

I remember Science! predicting there’d be earthquakes.

If there’s a bomb threat at the NYT headquarters, don’t worry; that’s Krugman trying to help them out financially.

Actually, Krugman would make a great Bond villain. “I’m just trying to help the world’s finances… one mushroom cloud at a time!”

Giving the Nobel Prize in Economics to Paul Krugman is starting to seem like the equivalent of giving the Nobel Peace Prize to Arafat.

Now it makes sense that Krugman sent something labeled “My economic plan” to Obama and it was the first season of The Walking Dead.

So NYT editorial staff: Guy in love with Chinese dictatorship, economist who doesn’t understand the broken window fallacy, and… Dowd.

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There was a bunch of fear yesterday when the earthquake hit northern Virginia near Washington, D.C.

In fact, when Wall Street heard about the earthquake, the Dow rose over 300 points. Which says a lot about the economy. When there’s a chance that something will stop Obama and the Democrats, the market goes up.

There were reports that the Washington Monument was tilting, but that was not true. Washington politicians, though, were found to be crooked, but it’s too early to tell if the earthquake is to blame.

But the earthquake did do some isolated but terrible damage: it interrupted Obama on the golf course and made him miss a putt. Really.

So, despite early fears, the earthquake did little overall damage. Unlike Barack Obama and a Democrat-controlled Congress. Their damage is still being assessed.

Anyway, you don’t normally hear about earthquakes in that region as happened yesterday. Most earthquakes are in Japan, California, or other places foreign to America. Why on earth (or under earth) did one occur where it did?

I dunno.

Some people — mostly scientists — will tell you that earthquakes are caused by the plates of the earth moving in different directions or at different speeds, building pressure, and suddenly releasing, but I think they’re making it up as they go along. We need to find out what causes earthquakes, then stop them. Or use them to our advantage, like Gene Hackman tried to do in that Superman movie (the first one).

So, what causes earthquakes? Or, failing that, what caused yesterday’s earthquake?

Here are the leading candidates:

  • Global warming causes them.
  • Global cooling.
  • Witches.
  • Maybe it’s the Tea Party. They caused everything else that’s wrong, so perhaps it’s them that caused all the devastation yesterday.
  • George Bush.
  • More witches.
  • The Titans bowling. Or maybe that’s thunder.
  • The Titans dropping their bowling ball.

Maybe it is the whole tectonic plates thing. Or maybe Teutonic plates. Probably so. I never did trust the Germans.

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It Can’t Just Be Me

Is anyone else a little creeped out by Jon Huntsman’s wacky Spockbrow?

Seriously, watch any video of this guy. I swear he’s using it to send nuclear secrets to the Chinese in Morse code.

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lolbama! Part 70

This week, That One. Next week, terrorists. Submit for either at

Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.

From James:

From Kris:

[reference link]

From Kris:

[reference link]

From Kris:

[reference link]

From Kris:

[ref 1, ref 2]

From Larsinkima:

From Les:

[reference link]

My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

From jb:

[reference link]

From John:

From Kris:

From Kris:

[reference link]

From Larsinkima:

From Larsinkima:

[reference link]

From Paul:

From Kris:

[ref 1, ref 2]

This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:

EXTRA CREDIT BONUS CHALLENGE: Don’t reference Obama losing the 2012 election.

#1: When creating lolbama! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

Send your submissions to and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

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Nuke the News: Why in the World Isn’t Obama Popular?

* Paul Ryan has said he’s not running for president, so for all of you who thought Ryan was going to ride to the rescue and cut this nation’s spending, that’s not going to happen. I still kind of expect some more people to jump in the race, though, just by the virtue of the fact that polling is now saying pretty much anyone could beat Obama (even RON PAUL!!). If you can claw your way through the primary, the only thing left standing between you and the presidency is president job-destroyer. If I were the Republican candidate, I’d spend my whole first debate with Obama just pointing and laughing.

* But Obama will fix things before November 2012 because he’s working on… wait for it… a new jobs plan! Actually, it’s been downgraded to a jobs outline. So not a whole plan; just an outline. So it will look something like this:

A. Introduction
1. Jobs are important
2. Government can help make jobs
B. Jobs Ideas
1. Spend lots of money
2. [Idea 2 goes here]
3. [Idea 3 goes here]
C. Conclusion
1. Re-elect Obama

* Good news: Vice President Biden is not going to second-guess China’s one child policy in which they have mass-sterilizations and forced abortions. So if you were fearing some basic moral clarity interfering with Biden’s visit to China, don’t worry — it’s not going to happen. Usually Biden is pretty gaffe-prone, but in China he’s going to be on his best behavior and watch every word he says. Yay.

* Obama has figured out why he’s so unpopular: Congress. That’s an interesting theory. Know what my theory is? Rogue unicorns. Unicorns have turned against Obama and now he can’t sustain his popularity without his rainbow magic.

Or, there’s the outlandish theory that Obama is just a horrible president and it’s obvious to everyone. But going by Occam’s razor, it’s most likely rogue unicorns.

* It’s looking like no one is going to to primary Obama now that Russ Feingold a few days ago said he wouldn’t. Here’s a question, though: Would Obama have a primary challenge if he were white? It’s hard to see how he wouldn’t with how horrible he’s been and how bad he’s polling against every challenger. But if Obama got primaried, it would anger the blacks who vote overwhelmingly Democrat, and Democrats can’t survive without them. So racism gets Obama in play.

BTW, there is now a Martin Luther King memorial on the National Mall. If we only listened to MLK’s advice to judge people not “by the color of their skin but by the content of their character” we never would have been stuck in this Obama mess.

* You may have thought this recession thing was just an earth-based phenomenon, but it’s now affecting the whole universe. Scientists have found that galaxies are now running out of gas and thus fewer and fewer stars are being made. Don’t worry, though: Obama is making a new star-creation program. You may say, “But U.S. presidents can’t make stars.” Yes, but they can’t make jobs either but that’s never stopped Obama from trying.

* In other science news, scientists think they’ve found a really old fossil. The oldest fossil, in fact — 3.4 billion years. Apparently, unbeknownst to non-scientists, there’s been a big war over who has the oldest fossil. Hundreds have died. Mainly from old age.

Anyway, one guy is like, “I have the oldest fossil!” And another is like, “No, that’s just a random cluster of chemicals; this is the oldest fossil of a one-celled organism!” And it’s just goes on and on like that, but it’s very important to find out what is really the oldest fossil because whoever discovered it gets half-off at the science gift shop. They sell ant farms there.

* Wisdom of the Day: “If we raised taxes on the top 1% to 100% of their income, we’d still have a $500 billion deficit.” –PoliticalMath

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Random Thoughts

If Obama thinks he inherited a huge mess, wait until what his successor will have to deal with.

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Republican strategy to beat Obama

The good news for Republicans recently has been that polls have shown that a generic Republican beats Obama. The bad news is that when “generic Republican” is replaced with an actual Republican, Obama wins.

Not any more.

Latest polling shows that some actual Republicans beat, tie, or are within the poll’s margin of error, according to ABC News:

Former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney leads Obama by a 48 percent to 46 percent margin, while Texas Gov. Rick Perry ties the president at 47 percent. Obama bests Ron Paul by a 47-45 divide and Michele Bachmann by 48-44 split. All results are within a 4-point margin of error.

What does this mean?

I dunno. Does anyone know what Americans’ political thought processes are? I mean, a majority of voters actually elected Obama in 2008. So you can’t depend on most American voters to do anything that makes sense. So I’m not sure we can make any sense out of this poll.

But I’m not going to let that stop me from trying.

Maybe this means that Mitt Romney, Rick Perry, Ron Paul (RONPAUL!!!1!!1!!!!), and Michele Bachmann are actually generic Republicans.

All this time, I thought Tim Pawlenty was. But, since T-PAW decided to drop out of the race, theres an opening for a generic Republican. And, it’s being filled by fake conservative (but good-for-business) Mitt Romney, almost conservative (but plays one on TV) Rick Perry, speaks right when facts aren’t involved (John Wayne/John Wayne Gacy, Elvis’ birthday/death day) Michele Bachmann, or sh*t-house rat crazy Ron Paul (RONPAUL!!!1!!1!!!!).

What about the other Republicans? For example, my guy, Herman Cain?

They didn’t ask. At least, when I read the full poll, I didn’t see where they paired up Cain and Obama. But, among Republicans, Cain and Perry has the smallest “unfavorable/strongly unfavorable” totals. As for favorable, Cain and Romney came in second in “favorable/strongly favorable” to Rudy Guiliani, who’s not running.

What all this means is that a lot of Republicans can beat Obama. Maybe even more than they poll.

This shows what the Republican strategy for 2012 will be: don’t be Obama.

Which sort of screws it up for Huntsman, who worked for the guy. But maybe not. Remember Romneycare and Obamacare? Mostly a matter of scale. But Romney beats Obama. So, maybe not even Jon “Obama’s a remarkable leader” Huntsman should be counted out.

Still, not being Obama looks like a winning strategy. Particularly since Obama appears to be still blaming Bush for everything.

“I’m not Obama” beats “I’m not Bush” hands down.

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Nuke the News: To the Shores of Tripoli

* So it looks like Libya is no longer under the control of Qdaffy, but no one is sure where Qdaffy is. How hard could he be to spot?

"I shall blend in with the common folk in my bright purple muumuu and hat."

* I was thinking a solution for Obama to make sure he gets an appropriate amount of vacation time: He should form a presidents’ union. It will be a union on making sure presidents get the proper respect and benefits they deserve. And if we try to cut back his vacation days or reduce lunch time so he doesn’t have enough time to enjoy his waffles, he’ll get together with his union and go on strike. Then we’ll have to somehow make do with him not being president and not randomly spending lots of money. I’m sure we’ll then panic and give in to all his demands.

* Remember during Obama’s election when everyone was sure that if we elected Obama it would be nothing but unicorns and rainbows forever after? Pretty much even the dumbest people on the left have decided that maybe Obama was a bit overhyped, but Tom Friedman apparently thinks the jury is still out. Who is this guy anyway? All I know is he makes some of the dumbest, most repetitive editorials for the New York Times (apparently for a period of two and a half years he said what will happen in Iraq will be determined in the “next six months”) and has an obsession with how great and efficient the Chinese dictatorship is and fantasizes about Obama being dictator for a day. Yet somehow the NYT is convinced we want to hear his opinions on foreign affairs and world politics when a sane person wouldn’t take his advice on how to get to the nearest Walgreens.

“But is he dumber than Krugman?” you ask.

I dunno. That’s a hard one. Anyway, it seems like people should be a little more selective on who writes for a major newspaper, but then again, “major newspaper” is becoming a bit of an oxymoron.

* Oh, and here’s another great one from the New York Times. I guess they wanted to hear the average American’s ideas on what he would do if he were president, but the NYT has no clue what an average American looks like or where to find one, so instead they got a gaggle of leftist freaks. One actually wrote this:

“I’d grant the very rich the boon of helping them help others, as a form of gratitude for their good fortune.”

There’s like so much that’s wrong with some people in this country in that single statement. First, there’s just the general covetousness where people are obsessed with the rich despite their income being no business of anyone else. Then there’s that projection of greed on to the rich when it’s obvious who are the greedy ones here. And there’s that horrible idea that taking money by force and giving it to the hugely irresponsible people in Washington is anything akin to charity (which many rich people would be doing with their money if it weren’t being confiscated by dimwits). And finally, there’s that ephemeral concept that the rich aren’t paying enough. No one knows what they’re paying now, they’re just sure it’s not enough. What is enough? More than what is currently being paid, and that’s what forever it will be. Man, what a better country this would be if we could just take these people, tell them, “Your existence in this nation is an insult to all who have fought and died for it,” and then hand them a hatchet and drop them on the other side of the Canadian border to fend for themselves.

* BTW, have you seen the expression the left has been using for when a Democrat turns against the far left for the sake of moderates? “Hippie punching.” I like it. The Democrats are going to have to be hippie punching until their arms fall off to get any credibility these days, though.

* Wisdom of the Day: “We’re all big racist time bombs set for ‘elderly.'” –Shelby Fero

* I haven’t responded to spam e-mail in a little while, so let’s see what the Great Landlord has left me:

R. Paull is almost certainly my best favorite choice within the actual impending election, however I don’t really feel like he has receiving sufficient good coverage from the biased mass media in order to maillot away the win.

Wow. The most coherent pro-Ron Paul comment IMAO has ever received and it’s spam. No wonder Ron Paull has so much trouble trying to maillot away the win.

Throughout this awesome scheme of things you’ll get a B- with regard to effort. Where exactly you misplaced me personally was in all the specifics. As as the maxim goes, details make or break the argument.. And it could not be much more accurate here. Having said that, let me inform you just what exactly did deliver the results. Your article (parts of it) is actually rather convincing and that is most likely the reason why I am making the effort to opine. I do not make it a regular habit of doing that. Secondly, although I can notice the jumps in reasoning you come up with, I am not necessarily confident of just how you seem to connect the details which produce the final result. For now I will, no doubt yield to your position however trust in the future you actually connect the facts better.

Wow. A B-. That’s the lowest grade possible on the Obama rating system.

Despite this being random spam, I have to admit it’s a pretty on the nose critique and stings just a little.

I usually enjoy your writing but perhaps this time you might have been too sick when writing because the article it feels rushed.

Thanks for the diagnosis, Dr. House.

That’s all for today! Have a great weekend… five days from now!

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Random Thoughts

Conservative politician is kind of an oxymoron.

The challenge for conservatives is to find someone excited for an arduous campaign so he can get in office and do nothing.

Obama is always talking about the jobs he’s saved and created, but how many jobs has he destroyed and prevented?

While Apple hardware is great, the iTunes software rivals any Microsoft product in being a buggy piece of crap.

Buttercup’s cutest smile is the mischievous one she gives right after she stops crying because she got her way.

Surprised Ocean Spray didn’t celebrate the election of Obama with a special flavor called “Yes We Cran”.

I just shot someone and it might be Qdaffy. What’s he look like again?

Lovely Sunday. I have so much to thank God for that it’s usually so much more efficient just to take it all for granted.

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The Week in Doug

From the audio files:

1) “…The real answer to why [Obama] is not campaigning to blacks is very simply this: he knows he doesn’t have to. He knows he’s got their vote anyway, and he takes the black vote for granted…”

2) “…We ARE listening to you now, Mr. President, and that is why the people are opposing you. You make the assumption that listening leads to acceptance…”

3) “…Let’s pretend for a moment that I’m a liberal and I’m a progressive and that I’m in this White House, and I want to do some damage control. The first thing I would do is say to Obama, ‘Don’t speak. Stop talking. Do not go on a bus tour’…”

4) “…Pay attention to a little trick [Obama] does here… Obama doesn’t answer this question [that he’s asked]. He doesn’t like the question… So his way of answering a question [is to] put forward the question he would prefer – which isn’t being asked – and then gives the answer he would prefer…”

More audio clips here.

And for those who would rather read than listen, gems-a-plenty:

1) “During the campaign, Obama told you that the way to save on gas was to make sure your tires were properly inflated. Has anyone checked his tour bus tires? And has anyone checked below the bus to see who’s been thrown under it?”

2) “Liberalism, we learn every single day, crushes the human spirit and fails everywhere it’s been tried. It is the most destructive idea ever conceived because it destroys everything from within. It is just plain evil.”

3) “Does anyone believe what this guy is saying anymore? Why would you? It’s like eating re-packaged leftovers from a fast-food restaurant garbage can at this point.”

4) “Keep your eye out for more of these sideshows. This time he’s riding a bus. What’s the next tour going to be? High speed rail? A replica of the Hindenburg?”

5) “Vilsack says that food stamps are stimulus because ‘if people can buy a little more at the grocery store, someone’s got to stock it, ship it, package it, process it – all those are jobs.’ Do they not understand that when the economy is booming and people have more money on their own without it being confiscated by others in the form of taxation, that all those things REMAIN jobs?”

6) “If Obama wanted to be accurate, he wouldn’t be talking about taxing millionaires and billionaires, he would say ‘thousandaires.’ But you and I know that if they said that, it wouldn’t work. It wouldn’t poll very well.”

7) “I don’t necessarily believe Warren Buffet has any political ideology. I don’t believe that to a shark swimming through the ocean it really matters whether he’s got a person or a surfboard or a seal or a garbage can in his sights. He’ll keep on swimming and eating. And Warren Buffett – regardless of the political environment – will keep on making money.”

8) “The progressive mind will always take the populist propagandist view that you must somehow be protected from the ‘super-rich’. Unless, of course, it’s THEIR super-rich, like George Soros.”

9) “Obama needs to boost his image, so he keeps comparing himself to other people – Martin Luther King, Abraham Lincoln, Ronald Reagan – who’s he going to compare himself to next? Winston Churchill? Mother Teresa? The Green Lantern? Who?”

10) “What you’ve got coming from Obama and the left is this endless notion of central committee planning, and producing products that people don’t want, and products that don’t guarantee they’ll get the job done. If they have to subsidize it, begin by thinking there’s something wrong with it the minute you hear that.”

Regarding #9, I’ll go out on a limb and say Jimmy Carter. At this point, he’d be a step up.

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How I spent my summer vacation

Some of you noticed I’ve been away for a bit. Okay, two of you noticed. And one of them was Frank. And that was only because I owe him some money. I forget why. I think I lost a bet. But I’ll get that back on September 3rd in Athens.

Anyway, I’ve been away. I took vacation from work the week of Sarah K’s birthday. I’ve taken that day, or the whole week if possible, off work every year for 17 years in a row. The last time I worked on her birthday was in 1993, and that’s because I was stationed in Korea.

During the week of July 19 (Sarah’s birthday), I went to Valdosta and spent some time with my son. That was fun. Wife and I then spent some time in Montgomery. And, yes, that was just as much fun as it sounds.

Spent some time adding an Xbox to the Internet TV setup. For ESPN 3. Not for gaming. Because video games are stupid and dumb. And I won’t be playing games on it. Or adding a 250 GB drive to it. Or buying a second controller. Or adding Microsoft points to my account. Or customizing an avatar. Or playing Peggle. Or customizing a Game Room. Or several rooms in Game Room. Or any of those other stupid things that people with Xboxes do. Nope. Not me. ESPN3 only for my Xbox.

Also spent some time worrying about my grandson, who broke his arm at football practice. He’ll be okay. Other grandson is still playing, so we’ll be attending some of those games.

All this doesn’t take all that much time or interfere with much. But there’s this one other thing going on: work.

I don’t blog about work. So, when I don’t blog, it’s about work.

So, while I was away, what did I miss?

Gold was 1,596.95/ounce the last time I posted something here. It’s 1,852.10/ounce now.

The Dow was 12,479.73 when I last posted. It’s 10,817.65 now.

The last time you heard from me, Obama was doing a piss-poor job as president and the economy was tanking. Today, Obama is doing a piss-poor job as president and the economy is tanking.

I’m not sure if my being away made things worse. But, just in case, you’ll be putting up with me some more now.

You have been warned.

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