Unfair Comparisons

The Washington Post ran this side-by-side of Rick Perry and Obama:

and dismissed its very obvious point by saying that’s it’s not fair, because ANYBODY would look cool standing next to an Air Force jet plane.

Well, I suppose every rule has an exception:

But honestly, Obama even gets beat by Mitt Romney in a completely fair fight:

I’m just not buying the WaPo’s argument.

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The Week in Doug

From the audio files, I’m gonna start you out with what is quite possibly the best metaphor for Obama that I’ve heard:

1) Obama is like bad laundry soap (just listen to the clip, it’ll make sense)

2) “…Do you find yourself believing that Barack Obama believes in the inherent goodness of our nation? I see no evidence of that. Occasional lip-service, but he clearly detests much about our nation…”

3)“…Balance [in news reporting] itself is part of the problem for [liberals]. So when balance is presented, they go bonkers as if it’s far right or extreme… but it’s just balanced. So when they are confronted with it, it seems to them freakish…”

4) “…[Obama] began by creating uncertainty in the tax code. Now there is certainty there – which is he’s going to do the wrong thing…”

More audio clips here.

And for those who would rather read than listen, gems-a-plenty:

1) “I realize perqs come with the job, don’t get me wrong, but Michelle’s attitude seems to be ‘the heck with the common people.’ She is America’s Imelda Marcos.”

2) “I think Obama hates Texas. Have you noticed how they keep trying to talk about Texas like it’s not part of the United States? It’s this theme in the media, they want you to think that Texas is somehow another planet like Mars, and you shouldn’t embrace Texas values.”

3) “Our creditors are done with us. They don’t trust our government’s spending addiction any more than you trust a crack addict to hold your paycheck.”

4) “Conservatives want things better. Liberals want things equal. You can’t have both, and equal is not better.”

5) “The United States government is a machine at which you throw a dollar, and ten cents comes back to you.”

6) “Climate change? Yes. The climate is changing every second the earth rotates on its axis and revolves around the sun.”

7) “Obama is the real beneficiary of the DC earthquake, because pushed off the front pages of the news are stories about him taking his ritzy vacation with the very same people who he feels don’t pay enough taxes.”

8) “Anyone who, like Jon Huntsman, is committed to this idea of man-made climate change actually has less credibility with me than members of the Flat Earth Society.”

9) “One day Maxine Waters is saying she’s ready to let Obama go, and a few days later she’s telling the Tea Party to go to hell. So I’m wondering what happened in those days in between, and was the head of a horse involved?”

10) “If you’re a conservative, liberals feel a need to be in your face in a way that they would never do if you were black or gay or a member of any other minority victim group. There is a very comfortable level of bigotry there.”

BONUS: Let’s get this rumor started:

“People are out there whispering that Jon Huntsman is the guy who may replace Joe Biden on the bottom half of the Obama ticket. Have you heard this? No? Ok, it’s just me doing the whispering, but it’s really too juicy of a rumor not to start.”

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We’ve become a nation of … kittens (or some similar word)

Kittens.

They’re cute and cuddly and make great subjects for funny videos on YouTube. Plus, they taste like chicken.

Okay, I don’t know about that last part. But little kitties grow up to be mean old tomcats or pussycats.

Kittens, despite however cute they may be, are nothing little toms or little pussies.

And sometimes it seems like we’re becoming a nation of kittens. And it’s not cute.

For example, when I was in high school, back in the 1970s, high school teams would play football in the rain. On November 27, 1976, there was a game played in Albany where there was so much rain, one end of the field was unplayable. On one series, the official set the ball down for play, then walked away. The ball started to float off. The official stayed with the ball until the center approached from that point on.

Later in the game, a punted ball hit and didn’t bounce. It never touched the ground. It hit the water and bobbed.

No, I’m not making any of this up. I was at that game, and it was wet and miserable. And fun.

This week, though, in southeast Georgia, several high school teams moved their football games from Friday night (tonight) to Thursday night (last night).

Why? Because there’s a hurricane on track to hit North Carolina. And they don’t want to play in nasty weather.

What a bunch of kittens.

Back on September 21, 1989, with Hurricane Hugo bearing down on the Georgia/South Carolina coast, Statesboro’s Georgia Southern College (now University) hosted their first night game. It was windy and wet. Four inches of rain fell during the game. The rain was falling sideways. I was there, and it was absolutely fun.

Today, they wouldn’t play that game. Because people are a bunch of kittens.

We have too many kittens. They’re everywhere and making decisions for us.

We need to be able to play football in the rain.

Those kittens? They need to be spayed or neutered.

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Nuke the News: Here Comes the Wind and Rain

* The GDP has gone up — 1%! You may think that’s not very much, but it’s better than going down 1%. In fact, it’s two percent points better than going down one percent. Math is fun.

At this rate, we’ll climb out of this hole by… Well, I’m not sure we’re beating inflation. Still, the point is, you can’t have a recession with positive growth. So as long as the economy can cling to growth above 0%, Obama can campaign on “Only one huge recession under my watch.”

* A giant hurricane is headed to DC and New York City. They’re not used to that sort of thing, and since I’ve lived through three major hurricanes, I thought I’d give them some tips. First off, whatever you’re doing to incur God’s wrath, just stop it for a little while. Second, don’t make eye contact with the hurricane. Finally, remember that the most important thing about a hurricane is to have fun.

Anyway, here’s some old posts I did on hurricanes. Here’s a Know Thy Enemy post on hurricanes from over eight years ago (hmm, I guess I used to use language like that; what a little scamp I was). And here’s Hurricane preparedness tips from nearly six years ago. Wow; I bet my archives is full of junk like this.

* Someone in the military felt the need to write an editorial about how Rick Perry doesn’t speak for the military. There are a lot of people in the American military, so if your really look around, you’re going to find one or two liberals. I think the biggest tip off this is a knee-jerk liberal screed is this paragraph:

Please explain to me how a fourth-grade science teacher is less patriotic than a drill sergeant in Killeen, Texas. Or how a social worker who helps single mothers in East Los Angeles is less patriotic than a convoy driver in Baghdad. Please explain how a fire fighter in Boston is less qualified for political office only because she has not volunteered for military duty.

I guess to the first question, what does teaching science have to do with patriotism? To second, are we talking an ACORN type social work? To the last, notice how the theoretical Boston fire fighter had to be a she — probably because he didn’t know how to subtly throw in that the fire fighter is a handicapped minority.

Also, there’s this line: “I would like to ask Perry how strength, character and altruism are missing in the day-to-day work of a community organizer in Chicago.” Only a fringe element of the American public could say that sentence with a straight face.

Anyway, they point of the article is to downplay military service as a qualification for a politician. Of course, not very long ago, liberals were calling anyone not in the military on the Republican side a chickenhawk. They were also finding the few liberal military people they could and putting them as prominent as they could. In fact, in 2004, they did a whole campaign based on portraying John Kerry as a war hero (didn’t work out great). But now they have some guy trying to argue that working at the DMV is equivalent to a U.S. Marine risking his life for the country. Seems rather incoherent, which brings me to a point that should often be repeated: The left has no coherent political philosophy. Everything for them is based on “this is our side and that’s the other side we have to defeat”. So they’ll twist themselves in knots making something a virtue one day and a liability the next. Don’t be like them. Don’t give up your principles to argue for one politician and to downplay another because all politicians are idiots and just aren’t worth it.

And I thank Dan Futrell for his service. I don’t thank the science teacher.

* CERN has found out that cosmic rays are the biggest contributor to cloud formation and thus the largest factors in setting climate temperatures. And since the sun modulates cosmic rays, it’s the biggest factor in our climate. So basically, scientists spent years studying tiny particles to figure out that the giant nuclear furnace in the sky is the biggest effect on the earth’s temperature. Great job, scientists!

* Scientists have found a planet that is basically a giant diamond with five times the diameter of earth. How many carats is that? They say it’s about as massive as Jupiter which is 1.8986×10^27 kg, and a carat is 200 mg, so… about 9.8 nonillion carats. Yeah, that’s the name of an actual number. Math is fun.

This is the sort of news we need to get private exploration: There’s gold and diamonds out there! Of course, this planet is 4,000 light-years away, so we to find stuff closer… like on Mars or in the asteroid belt. Eventually we’ll mine all of space; it’s got to be filled with riches. And hopefully we’ll find life on other planets because that might mean those planets have oil. I just have a feeling we’ll be getting to Star Trek times and our warp drives we’ll be running on diesel while we say to ourselves, “Any day now, we’re going to perfect a renewable fuel source. Now let’s play laser tag with our phasers set to stun.”

* New Crowder video! Time to go green with Crazy Pete:

Them curly light bulbs are weird and scary.

* Friend of IMAO author Mike Z. Williamson has a short story available as free download from Baen if you’re looking for some weekend reading material.

* Wisdom of the Day: “Pandas seem kind of tired of fighting this whole extinction thing. We should probably hurry and take more photos.” –Tim Siedell

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Random Thoughts

If you were concerned you weren’t going to get gay married in the next Elder Scrolls game, don’t worry you can. Still unknown: Whether there will be a gay marriage option in the new Mario Kart 3DS.

As a kid, my favorite number was 101 because you could draw lines between the ones and the zero and make a Tie Fighter.

I’ve lived through three major hurricanes, and my advice: Make sure your Nintendo DS is charged.

Also, make sure your car has a full tank of gas so you can use the car charger to recharge your DS.

I’m resigned to Perry being a disappointing president… but still at least ten times better than Obama.

Am I the only one who’s suspicious that the zoo animals knew about the earthquake ahead of everyone else?

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Nuke the News: They Took Our Jobs!

* So the big news: Steve Jobs has resigned. Apple was basically the one company doing well in the Obama economy, and now what’s going to happen to them? Are people going to want the next iPhone if it’s not Steve Jobs playing up its minor improvements but instead some other old guy in a black turtleneck? I can’t imagine they will. You’ll probably be able to buy one of those expensive Mac books soon for like $20 because why would hipsters want them anymore.

So how did Obama screw this up? I don’t know; we can just be pretty sure he did something stupid. We thought we were safe since he was busy golfing, but somehow he must of done something to get Steve Jobs to quit. That’s President Obama, always costing this country Jobs.

* Did you know that way back when, Barack Obama called Bush adding $4 trillion to the debt over eight years “unpatriotic”? Obama has added more than that in two and half years, so what’s the term for that? Terrorism? No; wait — terrorism is not wanting to spend more. Oh, this is so confusing; it’s like the left-wing are babbling partisan idiots with no coherent philosophy. I guess I’m just not understanding it.

* Apparently Cheney advised Bush to bomb Syria back in 2007. Cheney came to this conclusion when he realized Syria was in the Middle East.

* According to polls, Rick Perry is now the clear frontrunner among the GOP candidates, and the White House is already focusing on digging up as much dirt on Perry as they can. They even have an online form just for people to submit what they think is the worst part about Perry’s record. I’m going to fill it out:

I hate how arrogant and aloof he is while all his efforts have been so completely inept, just wasting taxpayer money while unemployment continues to rise.

…No wait; I was thinking of someone else.

* Marco Rubio said, “The free enterprise system has lifted more people out of poverty than all the government anti-poverty programs combined”, but isn’t that a bit like saying, “More lives have been saved by doctors than all the chimpanzees wielding scalpels combined.” If this is news to you that the brilliant people who create business and opportunity in this country have lifted up people more than idiot bureaucrats wasting other people’s money, you’re a moron.

* Scientists say 86% of the earth’s species are still unknown. I don’t know how you count stuff you don’t know about, but the scientists did. I wouldn’t worry much about it, though, because I’m pretty sure we know about all the interesting species already. The only things left are like, “Hey, look at this bug that is slightly different than this other bug. It’s a new bug.” and “Here’s a single cell organism marginally different than other single cell organism but still just as boring.” Oh, and don’t forget new species of plants; they’re not so much undiscovered as much as no one cared. Being dropped in the jungle and told to identify all the weeds has to be the sort of thing they only do to the science intern no one likes.

* IGN has a list of the top 25 funniest shows of all time. I felt kind of dumb when I got to their video for their number one choice and hadn’t figured it out by process of elimination. I really like Arrested Development, but I guess I never thought of it as a number one contender. The more obvious choice would be Seinfeld — the Beatles of sitcoms — or the Simpsons whose first ten seasons are one of the greatest things ever (and one the greatest influences on my own sense of humor). Arrested Development just felt like it never was on long enough to contend (though that certainly wasn’t it’s fault as funny as it was). Anyway, my favorite extant comedy right now is Community which will be entering it’s third season in the fall. What’s your favorite comedy?

* If you were concerned whether you’d be able to gay marry in the next Elder Scrolls game, don’t worry you can. I guess that makes sense, because if you’re playing a game about exploring a fantasy world and fighting dragons and are at all concerned about your marriage optiobs, you’re probably gay. I don’t remember getting any sort of married in the last two Elder Scrolls games, and I didn’t feel like anything was missing. I actually hate that sort of thing; I mean I’m fine with some love interest in the story in cinema scenes, but I hate how so many games now are expecting you to cultivate some relationship with some made up person in the middle of your fantasy or scifi game. That’s not what I play games for; it’s for the purity of killing bad things. But now they add relationships and then next was, “Just killing all the bad people is so thuggish; we’ll give you pacifist options and reward you for that.” And the the sissification of games continues. People will argue that gay marriage won’t ruin traditional marriage, but it’s at least going to ruin video games. Guess I’ll stick to Tetris in which there’s nothing there to PC-ify.

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Random Thoughts

I assume the first person to calmly walk away while something exploded behind him was Calvin Coolidge.

Getting the Sports Night writing style: Character 1 says something. Character 2 repeats what Character 1 says. Character 1 repeats it again. Not sure if it’s stylish or if they’re just trying to pad 15 minutes of dialog into a half hour show.

Steve Jobs resigns? What did Obama do now?!

Sea salt is popular on food these days, but if we eat too much won’t we change the chemical composition of the ocean and kill all the fish?

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iQuit

The world ended last night.

That’s right. Steve Jobs resigned as CEO of Apple.

It’s not like Barack Obama resigned or anything. If that happened, Joe Biden would take over. That is, one incompetent would be replaced by another incompetent. So barely a blip would occur if Obama was gone.

But Steve Jobs? You know what this means, don’t you? Your iPods will all quit working now. Go try yours. I’ll wait.

See? A little sluggish, wasn’t it. And, when you put the songs on shuffle, that one song you really don’t like played, didn’t it? Know why? Because Steve Jobs quit.

And, if you bought in to the hype and switched from Windows to a Mac, you’re doomed. DOOMED!!

The next version of OS X won’t be like the the last few. Cheetah, Puma, Jaguar, Panther, Tiger, Leopard, Snow Leopard, and Lion? No more. The next one will be OS X LOLCAT. And, after that, OS X Snagglepuss.

That Apple TV you bought? Instead of streaming TV shows and movies from several studios, you’ll only get Current TV. Steve Jobs was the only thing standing between you and Apple board member Al Gore. Now, you’re screwed.

Your iPhone? It won’t make calls. It’ll be like you’re on AT&T or something.

And your iPad? Angry Birds doesn’t work any more.

Steve Jobs is no longer running Apple. He’s been replaced by a guy who went to Auburn. Auburn!

In no time, Apple will be only the second-most valuable company in the world.

Yes, your life has ended. I’m sure George Bush is to blame. Or global warming.

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Nuke the News: The Earth Moved

* Obama’s approval ratings hit new lows in Gallup and Rasmussen polls. It seems kind of gratuitous to point out a new low for him since his last new low was only a few days ago, except it’s just fun to point out when his popularity has sunk even further and say, “Haw! Haw!”

Obama campaigned on hope and change, but it kind of seems like all that hope people had in Obama during his campaign has pretty much disappeared. People still really want change, though — maybe even more so than before. Maybe a Republican can run on the change platform but combine it with something other than hope.

“Change and Hippie Punching”

* There was an earthquake in Virginia. Just a small one, though. I mean, when the earth starts rumbling there, you’d expect all of DC to be swallowed up into the earth, but it’s not God’s job to solve all our earthly problems.

Where was Obama during all this? On a golf course, of course. They told him about it immediately, to which he responded, “Shut up; I’m putting!”

* Pretty much everyone was happy the quake was minor… except for New York Times columnist Paul Krugman who wrote on Google+:

“People on twitter might be joking, but in all seriousness, we would see a bigger boost in spending and hence economic growth if the earthquake had done more damage.”

This is what’s called the “broken window fallacy” — a broken window stimulates the economy by giving work to the glass maker, so to really stimulate the economy you could send people around purposefully breaking windows. It’s pretty elementary how that’s a stupid theory, but apparently it’s beyond the understanding of a Nobel Prize-winning economist. It makes you wonder if that was the real Nobel Prize in Economics he won or if that’s just what they call the reward for successfully balancing your own checkbook while living in the mental ward.

It’s so dumb, I’m almost convinced it’s a hoax (and I notice Krugman’s Google+ profile has disappeared and here’s someone other than Krugman claiming he created it), but right after 9/11 he wrote about how that might stimulate the economy. Plus he recently blogged about how a space alien invasion would be an economic boon. With this and Friedman’s Chinese dictatorship love and Dowd’s… whatever in the world it is that she does, it’s like the New York Times set out to make a Mos Eisley Cantina of op-ed columnists.

* According to a Rasmussen poll, large majorities of Americans believe illegal aliens shouldn’t be allowed in public school, shouldn’t get free tuition for college, or be able to get a driver’s license. When explaining their reasoning, people said, “Because THEY’RE ILLEGAL ALIENS!”

This is one of those areas where the left likes to pretend there’s a big debate, but to the average person it’s like asking, “Should we lock up murderers?” — something they wouldn’t even think there was anything to debate about. Still, there are those who argue that Republicans need to take a softer line on this to appeal to Latino voters — since all Latinos are for breaking the law, as pro-amnesty Republicans seem to think — but my guess is if we give up on common sense for electoral gain, that will probably not work out for the best in the end.

* Even while Obama is on vacation, the debt is growing $2.95 million a minute. So that’s how successful Obama has been; the government can swell in size beyond belief even while he’s out golfing.

Here’s a new fun game: While Obama is giving speeches about the need for a “balanced approach” we can calculate exactly how much the debt grows while he does nothing but talk. A single “Let me be clear” costs $98,000.

* Wisdom of the Day: “Why does Facebook target me with ads for nude beaches in Toronto when I’ve lived my life in such a way as to avoid both nudity and Canada?” –Michael J. Nelson

* I mentioned I’m working on a novel before — and that still is my dream, to become a novelist — but a new writing project has come up, so the novel is on the back burner for now. I’m writing non-fiction — well, as non-fiction as my writing usually is — and this time I already have a publisher signed on. I’ll tell you more soon; be excited!

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Random Thoughts

Obama inherited his problems from Bush, and being a good steward, he’s preserved his inheritance for future generations.

I didn’t feel the earthquake because it happened while I jumped in the air.

Earthquake felt in NYC and DC. If you felt tremors in NJ, that was just because Chris Christie tripped.

I remember Science! predicting there’d be earthquakes.

If there’s a bomb threat at the NYT headquarters, don’t worry; that’s Krugman trying to help them out financially.

Actually, Krugman would make a great Bond villain. “I’m just trying to help the world’s finances… one mushroom cloud at a time!”

Giving the Nobel Prize in Economics to Paul Krugman is starting to seem like the equivalent of giving the Nobel Peace Prize to Arafat.

Now it makes sense that Krugman sent something labeled “My economic plan” to Obama and it was the first season of The Walking Dead.

So NYT editorial staff: Guy in love with Chinese dictatorship, economist who doesn’t understand the broken window fallacy, and… Dowd.

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