We’ve become a nation of … kittens (or some similar word)
Kittens.
They’re cute and cuddly and make great subjects for funny videos on YouTube. Plus, they taste like chicken.
Okay, I don’t know about that last part. But little kitties grow up to be mean old tomcats or pussycats.
Kittens, despite however cute they may be, are nothing little toms or little pussies.
And sometimes it seems like we’re becoming a nation of kittens. And it’s not cute.
For example, when I was in high school, back in the 1970s, high school teams would play football in the rain. On November 27, 1976, there was a game played in Albany where there was so much rain, one end of the field was unplayable. On one series, the official set the ball down for play, then walked away. The ball started to float off. The official stayed with the ball until the center approached from that point on.
Later in the game, a punted ball hit and didn’t bounce. It never touched the ground. It hit the water and bobbed.
No, I’m not making any of this up. I was at that game, and it was wet and miserable. And fun.
This week, though, in southeast Georgia, several high school teams moved their football games from Friday night (tonight) to Thursday night (last night).
Why? Because there’s a hurricane on track to hit North Carolina. And they don’t want to play in nasty weather.
What a bunch of kittens.
Back on September 21, 1989, with Hurricane Hugo bearing down on the Georgia/South Carolina coast, Statesboro’s Georgia Southern College (now University) hosted their first night game. It was windy and wet. Four inches of rain fell during the game. The rain was falling sideways. I was there, and it was absolutely fun.
Today, they wouldn’t play that game. Because people are a bunch of kittens.
We have too many kittens. They’re everywhere and making decisions for us.
We need to be able to play football in the rain.
Those kittens? They need to be spayed or neutered.
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August 26th, 2011 at 8:36 pm
You’re saying “kittens” but we all know what you really mean.
Fluffy smooshies.
August 26th, 2011 at 8:52 pm
This place is full of Damn cats
August 26th, 2011 at 9:11 pm
Kittens grow up – too many humans don’t
August 26th, 2011 at 9:33 pm
It’s not the cats. It’s the nads on the Toms that have been removed and thrown into the trash. I turned my Tom into a Democrat myself and he’s still irritated by it!
August 26th, 2011 at 10:00 pm
Just look at President Bike Helmet if you want an example.
August 26th, 2011 at 11:16 pm
Wasn’t the Astrodome, with its newly invented Astroturf, put up in the late sixties? It’s been downhill ever since then. I’ve heard tell that some football teams go so far as to scoff at football’s open air grass heritage by coloring their fields bizarre colors, such as Dark Powder Blue, perchance.
August 26th, 2011 at 11:29 pm
Well at least the PJ Tatler didn’t have a post about the Military Times reporting that our Marines in Afghanistan have been ordered not to audibly fart around Afghan soldiers in battle zones. Those mean ole Marines wouldn’t want to offend the delicate and refined natures of the genteel hosts of the country they are vacationing in I guess.
….Update…. Why yes the Tatler did report that. The suffering has ended, at long last, the suffering has ended.
August 27th, 2011 at 12:55 am
First of all, all you funny guys making fun of kittens who are afraid of getting wet will be sorry when Irene gets upgraded to Category Nonillion wormhole status and sucks players right off the gridiron into alternate and slightly damper dimensions.
Second, Irene means “peace” in Greek. This is peak weather guy humor and their irony will be totally ruined if she just whimpers out. Weather persons would then seem accurate rather than funny in their labeling of things which is emphatically not what they are going for.
August 27th, 2011 at 1:10 am
All baby animals are cute and cuddly, but adult cats are more responsible than many adult humans. Cats hunt their own food rather than waiting for a handout. Cats amuse themselves rather than expect to be entertained. Cats keep themselves clean and bury their waste, unlike the domestic longhair homo sapiens (hippie).
August 27th, 2011 at 3:01 am
The kitty on my right is purring. The one on my left is just lying there. Though they each have their own pillow, they seem to get close to mine. I will probably have to give it up soon. Anything for the kittens, as I always say.
August 27th, 2011 at 7:16 am
If only our leaders were like kittens cute, cuddly, and sleeping 85 % of the time. That way they couldn’t interfere in our lives, spend a gagillon times more than we make and over-react to every proposed disaster while ignoring substantive problems.
Instead they are like Jack Russell terriers, barking hysterically, while chasing their tail or bouncing up and down to get anyone’s attention. Can anyone say attention deficit disorder?
August 27th, 2011 at 7:31 am
Playing on Thursday night? They must be teams from the Big East Conference.
August 27th, 2011 at 7:50 am
If I ever get another cat I’m naming it Milton Friedman.
August 27th, 2011 at 8:26 am
What you’re observing Basil is due entirely to the rapid expansion of the most power organized crime ring in history. Of course, I’m talking about he American Bar Associaton. Since we’ve become a sue-happy culture everyone has to be super cautious. One wrong move could cost you everything you have.
I know this is a humorous blog and I was I was joking. Lawyers will be the death of America.
August 27th, 2011 at 10:36 am
My God, this is a freakin’ cat 1…that’s barely even a hurricane…the residents of Florida have ridden through cat 4′s and cat 5′s and the wussies (kind of a variation of your name for them…) in Manhattan are screaming like little “don’t ask, don’t tell”‘s.
August 27th, 2011 at 11:45 am
Dohtimes has his finger on the pulse of the important story of the day. Puller would have resigned if given such an asinine order. I support the blowing of the taliban to itty bitty pieces, painfully if possible; however, when we tell Marines they can’t fart, it’s time to get the hell out. Mebbe Fallen Turd, a.k.a Dan Futrell, can write an essay about how it’s patriotic to hold ‘em in, and how teachers and community organizers do it every day. In fact, I may become patriotic myself and hold all my farts in.
I think it was Sun Tzu who said, “When your enemy compels you to focus on your own breaking of wind, you have lost the battle and the war.”
August 27th, 2011 at 12:06 pm
Yes, yes, that does remind me of some very fun times. Even practices were fun when tackling and sliding every which way. Now a days, I guess everyone is afraid they might get hit by lightening, or catch a cold, or swallow some dirty muddy water. Well. you old softies out there, stick that in your ear! You don’t know what you are missing.
August 27th, 2011 at 2:10 pm
You’re right, we have become a bunch of kittens. When I was in high school we played one game in a blizzard. You couldn’t pass the ball because you couldn’t see it in the blowing snow. A few days later they had the infamous 1967 “Ice Bowl”. I doubt they would play in those conditions today.
August 27th, 2011 at 2:10 pm
1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right fore-finger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.
7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8 ) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10) Retrieve cat from neighbor’s shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw Tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.
13) Tie cat’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14) Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15) Arrange for RSPCA to collect cat and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL:
1) Wrap it in bacon.