Nuke the News: Republican Debate, Gore Angry, and New Moon Evidence

Posted on September 8, 2011 11:00 am

* So the debate on MSNBC… not as horrible as I was thinking it would be. Certainly not as bad as the CNN debate. There was just the one over the top bad part was where they felt the need to bring out a guy from Telemundo to ask a question about illegal immigration. “But can you talk about building a fence on the border… WITH A HISPANIC PERSON STARING AT YOU!”

It really just looked like a race between Romney and Perry in the end. I mean, Newt Gingrich was entertaining, Ron Paul was crazy, Herman Cain talked about the number nine, Santorum was… there, and Bachmann… I think Bachmann was there too but I can’t really remember her, but it all really came down to a battle between Perry and Romney. Oh, wait, I forgot Huntsman. How could I forget Huntsman? Probably because he’s boring and pointless.

Anyway, there were some real attacks between Romney and Perry on who had the better jobs record (Perry said that Dukakis created more jobs as governor than Romney — that’s almost a low blow). There was also an exchange on Social Security, where Perry stuck by his statement that its a Ponzi scheme and can’t be maintained in its current form. Romney tried to defend Social Security, and after this exchange his campaign e-mailed out “PERRY DOES NOT BELIEVE SOCIAL SECURITY SHOULD EXIST”. Romney pretty much lost me here; demagoging on Social Security should be the unforgivable sin of the Republican Party. Something has to be done about it to keep our country from financially collapsing, so we don’t need people in our own party trying to scare old people to win votes. That whole issue just reminds me that deep down, Romney is just a skilled, slick politician and doesn’t really have any principles in this fight. Perry showed some political courage on this issue, and that’s all I’m hoping for.

So that was pretty much the debate. Oh, and there was that funny part where Brian Williams was trying to shame Perry on capital punishment and got interrupted by applause for the number of people Perry has executed. In Texas, you kill people, they kill you back.

* Obama’s jobs speech that no one cares about is tonight. Anyway, according to CEOs, the best way Obama could help jobs is by getting out of their way. I don’t think Obama is going to do that. He is quite certain he’s way smarter than anyone at running a business from all his experience organizing communities. Fortunately, Obama doesn’t actually know what a real business looks like so maybe we can give him something else to play with and tell him its a business. Like we could hand him some keys and say, “Here’s a business.” And then Obama will smile and jingle the keys and yell, “I’m creating jobs!” Good job, Obama. Good job.

* Oh, and for all those worried about losing the tax cut on corporate jets, Obama is going to propose to keep it as part of his jobs bill. Yes, Obama did endlessly demagogue about it, but now he’s decided to keep it because… I have no idea. Maybe he has no motive. Maybe he just does crazy things for no reason. He’s kinda like the Joker that way. Anyone make that comparison before?

* Al Gore is angry at Obama for dropping the EPA smog standards. Al Gore is all like, “These new standards will kill penguins. Someone take me in my private jet to the corner store to pick up milk.” And Obama is all like, “I’m Obama! Do not question me! I’m Obama!” Man, if we got those two in a ring, wouldn’t that be an epic slap fight?

* The Democrats keep pointing out that, while Obama is unpopular, Congress is more unpopular, but according to a new poll, 47% to 41% want Congress to be controlled by Republicans. So if Dems were thinking they could take back Congress any time soon, not going to happen. It takes at least six to eight years of complete Republican control before people get so sick of Republicans that they forget how bad Dems are. Well, hopefully for Dems, we’ll get to that Republican control soon.

* Wisdom of the Day: “Al Sharpton and Ed Schultz analyzing Republican politics is like Richard Simmons analyzing diesel engine repair.” –Matthew Sheffield

* NASA has some new photos of the moon where you can see one of the Apollo landing sites and footprints and moon buggy tracks. This probably won’t satisfy conspiracy theorists who think we didn’t land on the moon because you can’t actually prove these footprints weren’t just left by moon people.

Man, I hope in the future there won’t be nuke the moon deniers who claim we didn’t nuke the moon and it wasn’t awesome. I mean, everyone will be able to look at the moon while its happening and see how awesome it is. If someone claims it didn’t happen, then they’re probably just trying to annoy me, and it’s not going to work because I’m going to punch them in the face.

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26 Responses to “Nuke the News: Republican Debate, Gore Angry, and New Moon Evidence”

  1. Conservatarian says:

    Lunar Landing Conspiracy: Check out one of the funniest video clips ever posted on youtube.

  2. Burmashave says:

    Do we even need penguins? Have you ever been to a penguin exhibit? It’s a powerful stink. Besides, without penguins, we won’t have to listen to Morgan Freeman drone endlessly about how they march all over Antarctica.

  3. Burmashave says:

    I’ve always liked Buzz. I didn’t think it possible, but I have ever more respect for him now. Go Buzz!

  4. Son of Bob says:

    “Man, if we got those two in a ring, wouldn’t that be an epic slap fight?”

    Not really. Remember, Al Gore has retard strength so Obama would be beaten to a pulp in seconds and it would take five people to pull Gore off him…and where are you going to find five people that would want to save Obama?

  5. ussjimmycarter says:

    Romney…what a giant Dufus! If Rick Perry hadn’t been a wussy Cheer Leader in college he would have walked over and punched Romney in the head! Wuss! That’s why Sarah Palin has to get in the race! We need someone unafraid to do some head and nad punchin!!!

  6. Jimmy says:

    Yeah (LOL), SOB, not even the White House Staff wants to save Obama. They’re running for the exits!

    Frank, I’m glad you explained that demodogery thing about Social Security and Romney.

    Hows about a another Romney video like you did back in 2007/8? (But you know, I kinda like the ‘guy.’ He’s very Presidential and I think he would do a pretty darn good job of running the ‘Office of President.’ We need the new Congress to take over the “issues” anyway.)

  7. Crabby Old Bat says:

    @Conservatarian: Thanks, that never gets old.

    @ussjimmycarter: Unfortunately, if Sarah is part of the race, the media coverage will be insane and the real issues will get lost. I think she should stay in the background and then, after the Republican candidate is elected and takes office, she can be appointed Czarina of Nad-Punchin’ and Head-Slappin’. Everybody wins!

  8. Conservatarian says:

    Crabby: Only one issue with the Czar(ina) position. Can we make a Constitutional amendment requiring 2 Czar positions to be terminated for every new position created?

  9. coldguy says:

    The Democrats keep pointing out that, while Obama is unpopular, Congress is more unpopular

    The tactic democrats always rely on to make their ideas seem good is “The Relative Comparison”. It’s funny that now, they have to compare Obama’s bucket of fail against the polished turd of the half of Congress they control. South Park had an episode a while back about this, when the kids had to vote on a new school mascot, and the choice was between a giant douche and a turd sandwich. Only thing is, this time, the giant douche and the turd sandwich are both democrats, and the republicans offer a clearly better option – a male cheerleader. And the libertarians have RON PAUL!!11!1!!

  10. Steve I says:

    I saw a story a couple days back (think The Corner linked to it) that the machinists’ union sent a letter to Pres. O. decrying his stance on corporate jets because it cost machinists lots of jobs in the aircraft manufacturing biz. I suspect that’s the reason for backing off the “corporate jet” line.

  11. MarkoMancuso says:

    Bad, bad river flooding in my Pennsylvania. Aquaman! Confound you!

  12. Yosoff says:

    I’m not so much a Moon Landing denier as I am a Moon denier.

  13. Jimmy says:

    I was wondering when you’d surface from all the water, Marko. How are your webbed feet doing?

  14. Burmashave says:

    @Marko: We’ve got horrible flooding as well. All we can do is call on Aqua Buddha to save us from this calamity.

  15. Brian The Adequate says:


    If anything ever called for a consititutional amendment to force every court to allow a defense of “S/He just needed punching” against assault charges, that video is it.

    Good work Buzz.

  16. FormerHostage says:

    In DC/Baltimore area we’re practicing amphibious landings in our backyard.

  17. MarkoMancuso says:

    Doing just fine, Jimbo, since I don’t live near any rivers. Wait, I just heard someone’s house floating down towards the Holtwood Dam…

  18. springeraz says:

    Hopefully tomorrow I can get some info on Obama’s speech here on IMAO….Sadly, I won’t be able to watch in person because I scheduled some other stuff for this evening. I’m going to be helping my wife rearrange the silverware drawer, and then I was going to collect some stamps.

  19. Jimmy says:

    Well, that’s good Marko, because I was worried…

    springeraz, what you’re giving up amounts to a tremendous sacrifice! Of course you’d prefer watching the President read his telepromter in front of Congress, as would I, absolutely! But, just like you, I have responsibilities to uphold in the greater scheme of things. I’ll be cleaning the ashes out of my airtight stove and scrubbing the calcium out of my toilet. I know, I know. We won’t get much credit for this dedication when so much is at stake.

    Wait. There’s a football game on tonight? Never mind.

  20. 4of7 says:

    I watch the speech.
    I think he really tried to be presidential this time; Really, really tried…
    but he couldn’t maintain the illusion.
    Sad, really.

  21. 4of7 says:

    PS: #4 – Son of Bob, LMAO!

  22. 4of7 says:

    PPS: Could the release of the Moon photos be a clever tie-in to promote the movie Apollo 18?

  23. ussjimmycarter says:

    I couldn’t decide, should I watch Barry or set my hair on fire…. Then just as the speech was about to go on, my cable TV went Kerblewy!!! It stayed broke until right before the game and then came back on. Darn!

  24. zzyzx says:

    #4 Son of Bob here are some people who want to save BO, they even sang a little song about it…….. Black Caucus
    LaVern Baker & the Gliders

    Black Caucus to the rescue!
    Black Caucus to the rescue!
    Black Caucus to the rescue!
    Go, Black Caucus! Go, Black Caucus!
    I was sitting on a mountain top.
    30,000 feet to drop.
    Tied me on a runaway horse
    Uh huh, that’s right, of course.
    Black Caucus to the rescue!
    Go, Black Caucus! Go, Black Caucus!

    One day, I met a girl named Mooshele.
    She was feeling kind of like hell.
    We’re the Black Caucus, the kind of guy’s
    Who can’t stand to see a little girl cry.
    Black Caucus to the rescue!
    Go, Black Caucus! Go, Black Caucus!

    Black Caucus to the rescue!
    Black Caucus to the rescue!
    Black Caucus to the rescue!
    Go, Black Caucus! Go,Black Caucus!

    I was riding on a submarine
    Got a message from my mermaid queen.
    She was hanging on a fishing line.
    Mr. Black Caucus didn’t waste no time!
    Black Caucus to the rescue!
    Go, Black Caucus! Go, Black Caucus!

    Once upon a time, I went to Maine.
    Got a ticket on a DC plane.
    Mr. Black Caucus didn’t need no chute!
    We was high and ready to boot!
    Black Caucus to the rescue!
    Go, Black Caucus! Go, Black Caucus!

    Black Caucus to the rescue!
    Black Caucusto the rescue!
    Black Caucus to the rescue!
    Go, Black Caucus! Go, Black Caucus!

  25. zzyzx says:

    They all collaborated on this song except for that uppity Republican guy from Flordia.

  26. Monkey Faced Liberal says:

    Frank, time for you to admit that you love Perry.

    Come on. Quit being coy.

    He is exactly what you look for in a candidate. He 1) Loves Guns 2) Is a holier-than-thou fundamentalist Christian 3) Not one to let his views be swayed by silly things like “science” of “reality” 4) Is dumb as a rock. What more do you want?

    Jump on the bandwagon before it gets too late to find a good seat! He is your Republican candidate for president 2012! (Well, unless some dead girl/live boy type of scandal comes up).

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