Nuke the News: Yes We Cain!

Posted on September 26, 2011 11:00 am

* I have a another New York Post column: “Plague of the pesky millionaires”. Read it, discuss it, and tell all your friends about it. Also tell your enemies since they are more numerous.

* CAIN!!!

Well, that was a surprise. He won the Florida straw poll, and decisively so: 37% to 15.4% for Perry and 14% for Romney.

Of all the declared GOP candidates, he’s the one I actually like. People just aren’t sure he’s electable because — never having been a politician — he’s a little rough around the edges. I think after having someone like Obama who is nothing but a useless politician, people might actually respond to that. And if we all get together and tell ourselves he is electable, we can make it so. Something to consider.

* Anyway, the state of the GOP candidates is that everyone figures Romney is going to win, but everyone also really hates Romney and wants someone else. We all know Romney will run a solid campaign and probably beat Obama — but we really really want another guy. He’s the backup college of the presidential candidates. And that’s why when Perry — the dominant non-Romney — has started to fade, you saw people go to Cain instead of Romney. People just want another choice.

And that’s why I think there’s a good chance someone else will jump in the race — especially with how it’s looking like anyone could beat Obama at this point. Palin could be sensing an opening, and apparently people are telling Chris Christie that his reelection in New Jersey is unlikely so he might as well go for the presidency. Seems like the Republican presidential primary has been going on forever, but it might not have even really started yet.

Anyway, we just need someone — anyone — to beat Obama. And preferably not Romney.

* Obama is attacking the GOP debates at fundraisers, saying they are “not reflective of who we are”. Well, of course not; they’re staged debates of politicians spouting talking points, genius.

So what does Obama think is “reflective of who we are”? I guess he hopes it’s arrogant incompetence, because if that’s it then you can’t help but look at Obama and see America.

* A majority of people now consider Obama to be the same as or worse than Bush. So I guess Democrat hopes are going to rest on that maybe people really like George W. Bush and mean it as a compliment when they say Obama is the same as him. “You know that guy we said was worse than Hitler, some people say Obama is worse than him… but a lot think he’s about the same as him so that’s not too bad.”

* I saw that my state of Idaho is asking for a waiver on No Child Left Behind — apparently a number of states are going to get waivers. I wonder how you justify that? Maybe you take your worst kids to stand before Obama and then point at them and say, “Look how stupid and useless these kids are; we need permission to leave them behind.” And then Michelle Obama will come into the room, look at them, and yell, “And they’re fat! I hate them! Leave them behind!”

Finally, some common sense in education.

* Women in Saudi Arabia now have the right to vote – so Saudi Arabia is just a little less than 100 years behind us in that regard. Women still aren’t allowed to drive themselves to the polls, but, hey, they can now cast a ballot. I almost don’t have the heart to tell them they don’t live in a democracy.

* The state of Texas will no longer give special catered last meals to people about to be executed. Instead, they’ll just get whatever the cafeteria is serving. Is it just me, or does Texas really not like murderers or something?

* BTW, the title for my ebook coming out in November is “Obama: The Greatest President in the History of Everything”. Should have more details and an exact release date soon. Be excited!

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46 Responses to “Nuke the News: Yes We Cain!”

  1. ussjimmycarter says:

    Saudi Arabia just screwed up big time! Giving a bunch of lippy women the right to vote will cause nothing but trouble. We have tried it here in America and once the Tea Party takes over, we are going to repeal that “experiment” forthwith! Then we can get down to business while calling people on the other side of the isle homos and sissies and girls and stuff with no worries about their “feelings”! If they start to cry, we will take them out and give them a good beating to man them up!

  2. Peregrine John says:

    “A little rough around the edges” translates, in practical ways, to “armorless against lefty spin.” They’ll grab any unpolished statement and try to make him look stupid, dangerous, evil, racist – erm, ok, they might have a challenge with that last bit, but you know they’ll try – or whatever. However, I fully expect him to go Fred on their ass when they do.

  3. Conservatarian says:

    Who wouldn’t want to leave children behind? It’s not like they’re our future.

  4. DamnCat says:

    Obama is attacking the GOP debates at fundraisers, saying they are “not reflective of who we are”.

    “What do you mean we, paleface?”
    - Herman Cain –

  5. CrustyB says:

    Saudi women can vote? I bet enforcing voter ID would be a pain in the ass. “Well, it’s a photo of a woman in a veil. I guess that’s you.”

    What do Saudi ballots look like anyway?

    o Death to Israel
    o Death to America
    o Both

  6. FormerHostage says:

    Will Saudi women now have the right to be pepper sprayed?

    I think it’s kinda funny that one woman says she can’t understand why the police were acting so violently towards the protesters…who are part of a group called “Occupy Wall Street” Perhaps if they were really intertested in starting a “dialog” they shouldn’t have used such militaristic terms?

  7. CarolynthePregnant says:

    Saudi women can vote! Yay! What’s that? They still need a man to escort them and no man will without threats of beating and burning them? Details, details.

    Really, you need to let it go re: Palin. It’s not happening, it shouldn’t happen, and if she actually somehow got the nomination I’d say the best use of conservative time would be to immediately start printing up Christie ’16 posters.

  8. Basil says:

    Conservative? Christie?

    He’s Mitt Romney without the bank account.

  9. Veeshir says:

    Okay, am I the only one who thinks this sentence fragment is hilarious?
    King Abdullah granted women the right to vote and run in the next election.

    That’s right, the hereditary despot is going to give women the right to vote in useless elections! Yay!

  10. storm1911 says:

    It’s about time we stopped allowing the other side and their pundits from choosing our candidates for us.

    I assume that the democrat debate audience was an accurate cross section of all points of view in America. Oh, I meant to say a cross section of the mental health facilitys across America.

  11. storm1911 says:

    Good NY Post column. And yes, over at the lefty blogs there has been an anti Bruce Wayne backlash because he is wealthy. Batman is oppressing the poor criminals in their lefty eyes. Liberals are nuts.

  12. Crabby Old Bat says:

    BWAH, CrustyB, you made my otherwise grim Monday morning a little brighter. Thanks!

  13. e pearse says:

    Cain is one of the candidates that did not engaged so freely in the immigration bashing fest that was the Florida debate – with the exception of Perry, of course.

    The piece “The Dangers of The Republican Debates” is warning that this is a lose-lose proposition for all Republican candidates. It finds it necessary to be able to bring down the ratio of 68% of Hispanics that voted Democrat in 2008 to 50-55%, or the election would be in danger. The Florida debate probably pushed it up again.

    It is a good warning that must be heeled. Read all Here

  14. Ernie Loco says:

    So women can’t drive in Saudia Arabia? They may be a backwards, muslim despotism, but at least they got something right!

    I just saw a study they did over in Germany where they had men and women try to parallel park. I know you all will be shocked by this, but the women were worse at parallel parking than the men. When presented with these facts, some of the women claimed it was harder for them to turn and look over their shoulders because of their big boobs.

    And no, I am not making this up.

  15. MarkoMancuso says:

    Heard some woman today pray for the family of Troy Davis, “a man executed recently despite much evidenced that seemed to say he was innocent.” That’s great – we should pray for the family of Troy Davis. Of course, there was no prayer for peace, no prayer for the family of Mark MacPhail. But we can’t use Mark MacPhail’s death as a half-baked political statement, now, can we?

  16. Burmashave says:

    If there were a support group for him, it’d go like this: “Hi, my name is Barack Obama, and when I’m in front of a teleprompter I spout crap, except when I’m in front of a fundraiser. Then, I spout even more crap.”

    The time is nigh, gentlemen and pregnant one, to make romney CAIN! the chosen. I’m sending a small donation and am going to see if I can get involved.

  17. Burmashave says:

    Readers of the NY Post exclam as one, “Irony, thy name is Frank J. We endeavor to be worthy of more.”

  18. CarolynthePregnant says:

    Woohoo! CAIN!

    Basil,
    I think Christie is conservative. He’s not Republican, but neither am I. Palin is one of the few people that Republicans could put out there against Obama that would all but guarantee his re-election, and I hope that opinion is never tested by experiment in the election (because I really, really think I’m right).

    That said, GO CAIN!

  19. plentyobailouts says:

    “King Abdullah granted women the right to vote and run in the next election.”

    Bwahaahah Veeshir, of course they can run after they vote. The men will want to smack them with sticks if they stand still.

    Would the marxists have said anything about troy davis if he had been a millionaire?

    How do those evil millionaires and billionaires sit in the same room with barry? Oh yeah they gave up 35 grand to hear him bash them. Boy millionaires and billionaires are stupid.

    If it comes down to women voting or driving, let them vote! oh wait…

  20. plentyobailouts says:

    Oh yeah, almost forgot

    ROMNEY!!11!!!

    /sarc

  21. Jimmy says:

    Nice piece on the NY Post, Frank.

    BTW, I joined Team Cain (The CAIN! Train!) and sent money.

    I’m gearing up to help campaign for him here. Haven’t contributed money or my time to anyone since 1980.

    Bring it!

  22. Son of Bob says:

    “Obama is attacking the GOP debates at fundraisers, saying they are ‘not reflective of who we are’.”

    Given who it is that attends an Obama fundraiser, I think every Republican candidate should take that as a compliment.

  23. zzyzx says:

    Does this Cain straw pole victory mean we’ll be seeing Alex Baldwin in blackface next week on SNL doing a Cain imitation as he did a Perry imitation this week? Or will it be Jon Stewart, he does a great Cain imitation too. You’re in the big time now Herman.

  24. MarkoMancuso says:

    When it comes to immigration, Chris Christie is more liberal than Rick Perry.

    I cannot settle on the issue of immigration – not when the settlement is with someone as bad as Christie is on that issue. You either respect the rule of law in this country or you don’t. My ancestors did, the majority of American ancestors did, and I’m not going to kowtow to Monsanto-type corporates and corrupt politicians who will find out someday what happens to the person who did not care for his or her soul with virtue.

  25. Jimmy says:

    Frank, it’s time for a “Daily Herman Cain Fact” series like you used to do for Fred Thompson (“Daily Fred Thompson Fact”).

    Only this time, Cain is going to win!

    (I’ll be here all week, waiting.)

    Fact #1:

    Cain called Obama’s rhetoric ‘bullsh!t.’ What’s not to like about that?!

  26. CarolynthePregnant says:

    Marko, I’d be curious to see stats behind that. I also won’t comprimise on illegal immigration and that’s one of the big things that took me out of camp Perry, so if you can show me where Christie is weak on that, lay it on me. Either way, if he runs this election he’s lost me because he kept saying he wouldn’t. I wouldn’t vote for him until 2016 at the earliest.

  27. CarolynthePregnant says:

    CAIN!

  28. Veeshir says:

    Would the marxists have said anything about troy davis if he had been a millionaire?

    Depends on if he was a black man who killed a cop I’d guess.

    We know they weren’t protesting the death penalty or they would have also protested against the white guy who dragged Robert Byrd to death.

    Free Mumia! (from the shackles of life).

  29. ussjimmycarter says:

    I’ll bet they have King Abdullah stuck in the sand in between a couple of homos next time there is a homo stoning! Someone will throw a slider and WHAM, no more women votin’ and stuff! At least they don’t let ‘em drive and they don’t let yap away in public like Nancy Pelosi and Debra Wasserman Schultz! They do get some stuff right!

  30. seanmahair says:

    The problem with NCLB is that even more children are being left behind. In order to get the money they need from the feds teachers are simply teaching to the test. So children are not learning what they need to know, they’re learning what’s on the test and how to pass it.

    If most of us were honest we’d admit that we did the same things in school. Cram for the test and then promptly forget 90% of what we just learned. That’s one of the reasons homeschooling works so well. Parent/home teachers use the basics to build on and continue to reinforce the basic concepts as they continue to teach the more advanced steps. Teachers don’t have the latitude to do this. They have between 25-45 skulls full of much to teach daily. Some of whom refuse to learn, some of whom can’t learn and some who are so bored they’ve already checked out before they’ve begun. Then there are the ones whose parents have told them school is a joke or not important and that NO ONE can make them learn or do anything they don’t want to do. Don’t believe me. Go ask any good teacher. Walk into your local high school, after being pat down and strip searched they might let you talk to a teacher. Or not. They are laws unto themselves and they dare actual tax payers to make any comments.

    God speed and good luck. You’re going to need it.

  31. Burmashave says:

    Coming this month to a Republican party near you:

    The Cain Mutiny

  32. Supertink says:

    Yes we Cain!

  33. Fly says:

    Some clever road signs might just convince me to vote Cain, Burmashave. Work your magic!

    Doesn’t
    Kiss you
    Like she useter?
    Perhaps she’s seen
    A smoother rooster!!
    CAIN!

  34. Jimmy says:

    Don’t eat the Obama candy. CAIN!

    Hit Obama with a CAIN! in 2012.

    We’re in the hurry CAIN! season.

    ♫ The CAIN! in Maine stays mainly in the plane. ♫
    (I mean, why bother with Maine?)

  35. Crabby Old Bat says:

    @Ernie Loco #14: Just a minute, there – before you get to sneering too sneerily, note that the parking study was done in GERMANY. I lived in Germany for a time, and I am of German heritage, and excess boobage is a factor that scrawny American females just don’t have to factor into account. I, for one, am willing to give my German sisters the benefit of the doubt on this. (My favorite part of being in Germany was being scolded for being “zu dunn” (too skinny), and being urged to eat, eat, and drink more dairy products, more pork products, and more Bier (pronounced “beer”).)

  36. Basil says:

    Heh. Boobage.

  37. Ethelssoninlaw says:

    What’s the over-under on when “progressives” start referring to Cain as the “house n*****?”

  38. Jimmy says:

    Babbage.

  39. Burmashave says:

    He sought a clue,
    Did our B.O.
    But he failed miserablly,
    So we let him go.
    CAIN

    A president
    Who leads
    With his mouth wide open
    Is not thinkin’
    He’s just hopin’
    CAIN!

    Obama says
    Campaign
    Confusing.
    I talk incessantly,
    But still I’m losing.
    CAIN!

  40. Duffy says:

    So the year was 1990, and my Company was sitting somewhere in Saudi Arabia near the Iraqi border.

    And of course no one was happy, repeatedly uttering variations on the theme “this place sucks, this place sucks, this place sucks”

    But then on older Sergeant, who hailed from the state of Oklohoma, stated that he liked the place, a lot, it reminded him of home.

    After a few moments of stunned silence someone finally asked how Saudi Arabia was just like home?

    “Easy” says this grizzled Sergeant “Everyone wears white sheats and beats on their woman. Just like home.”

  41. Jimmy says:

    Haiku time!

    Obama campaigns,
    The Cain Train comes down the track,
    Michelle craps her pants.

  42. 4of7 says:

    Obie has impeachment insurance in Joe Biden.
    Herman Cain will need assassination insurance.
    Who would the insaneocrats fear more as VP?
    Santorum? Gingrich? Palin? Ron Paul?

  43. Jimmy says:

    @4of7: Answer: John Bolton

    I’m in the mood for more:

    How righteous we are,
    We who study history,
    Sit on our asses.

  44. ussjimmycarter says:

    PLEASE someone get in this race who is a serious candidate that is conservative and can beat Obama because that person isn’t currently running!!! Palin is the only one I see!!! Run Sarah Run, Cain for VP!!! House Negro and all as VP… Will give Sharpton something to complain about on PMSNBC for 4 years… PLEASE Sarah!!! The rest of these guys want to drive us off the cliff at 50 mph while the DEMS want to do it at 200mph. I want someone who will hit the brakes!!!

  45. kd says:

    Christie appointed a Muslim judge with questionable ties to terrorists to the state supreme court.

  46. 4of7 says:

    Cain/Bolton 2012!

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