Nuke the News: Is There an Exit Plan for OWS?

* Uh-oh. There are apparently sexual-harassment claims against Herman Cain from back when he worked for the National Restaurant Association. It’s not like he went to a crazed racist preacher for twenty years or hung out with domestic terrorists, but it’s not good. This certainly helps Romney, who has never done anything more than make a couple of harmless passes at fellow mannequins.

Still, you have to wonder if this is just the left’s playbook after Clarence Thomas. If you’re dealing with a prominent black conservative, go for charges of sexual harassment. The left really aren’t very creative with these sorts of things. It’s charge racism against everybody, and I guess this could be the back up plan.

* Snowstorms are starting to hit the Occupy Wall Street protesters. Now we’ll find if they’ll just give up or brave the cold and stay put until… whatever it is they’re trying to do.

Actually, do the OWS people have any exit plan whatsoever? Like, they say they’ll finally leave when X happens? Or are they just going to sit around while there are still rich people and greed? This could go on for years with no coherent end in sight… except for them all freezing to death.

* At least OWS is taking on the big issues. At Occupy Phoenix, a flyer is being passed around asking, “When Should You Shoot a Cop?” At some point these people go from harmless hippies to guy who launches Obama’s political career from his house.

Hey, know who could be potentially violent one day? The Tea Party. We should focus on that.

* Palestine (or, as I like to call it, “Foe-estine”) became a full member of the U.N. cultural and educational agency in defiance of Israel and the United States. I guess that U.N. agency just couldn’t continue on without the great cultural and educational contributions of the Palestinians. Well, maybe the Palestinians can be a good example of what not to do.

“So make sure you make education important or you’ll end up like the Palestinians: A bunch of violent cavemen blowing themselves up.”

“One plus one equals… jooooooooooo!”

Heh. It’s funny because their obsession with hate and violence keeps them from contributing to humanity.

* Wisdom of the Day: “About 7% of the world’s population has a college degree. Remember that next time you see a protester with a degree claim to be the 99%.” –Slublog

* And now, some bad lip reading for Herman Cain:

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Random Thoughts

Maybe instead of OWS getting defensive when people ask for coherent demands, they should instead, you know, COME UP WITH COHERENT DEMANDS.

Napoli impresses me. He has the sort of build where if I was told he was professional athlete, I would have guessed curling.

Handing out fruit at Halloween is unconscionable. That’s something a sociopath would do.

So far the hardest thing about writing for the New York Post is their insistence that my columns have a point to them.

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If You Flip Plan 9-9-9 Upside Down…

Cross-posted at America is an Obamanation!

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The Week in Doug

From the audio files:

1) “…Give me someone with a backbone. Someone who’s got a backbone who’s up to this battle of re-taking this republic, and saving it from the leftists. Not some half-baked guy in a tailor-made suit…”

2) “…[Obama says], ‘we’ve lost our ambition, we’ve lost our imagination, we’ve lost our willingness to do the things that built the Golden Gate Bridge.’ Mr. President – speak for yourself, here…”

3) “…[Liberals] have spent years crafting this narrative [against conservatives], and their hope is to reelect Barack Obama. So according to the way that these people think, they must make Herman Cain a toxic figure inside the black community, because… he’s piercing the barrier, speaking over the heads of the media…”

4) “…My dear friends, we’re talking about liberty. And the subliminal message in this ad is the message that says, ‘big government, get out of our lives’…”

More audio clips here.

And for those who would rather read than listen, gems-a-plenty:

1) “Who is Barack Obama? That’s the question. Let’s see – a fake, a poseur, a socialist thug, a crybaby, a narcissist, a quack, a petulant liar, a disaster to this country. We don’t know a lot about this guy, but this stuff we DO know.”

2) “You cannot say with a straight face, my dear friends, that Obama have ever seen a problem that he couldn’t make worse.”

3) “They call us conservatives racists, but you and I don’t judge anybody by their ethnicity, by their background, by the color of their skin. We judge people by their character, their ideologies, and the company they keep.”

4) “Obama said that he’s kept 60% of his campaign promises. Back when I was getting my knuckles whacked by nuns with rulers, 60% was considered a failing grade.”

5) “Mass hysteria, historically, is used to dupe the gullible. And it usually involves causing the gullible to part with their money. Or, in the case of climate change, with their liberty.”

6) “The current tax code is a cancer. And when you have a cancer you don’t just take half of it out.”

7) “The message of the man smoking a cigarette is very simple. It’s this: that we are a free people, that we are meant to be a free people, and that we must remain a free people.”

8) “Herman Cain is a black American. So what? Why should he have to justify his blackness to the New York Times and the rest of the liberal media?”

9) “Conservative voters are looking for a bold rainbow of creative ideas from their candidates. What do you get from Mitt Romney? Beige.”

10) “When you’ve got Tokyo Rove out there bashing Herman Cain over his mistakes, that only makes people more forgiving of Cain’s mistakes.”

Re: #4 – Am I alone in thinking Obama could get all the money he needs for his campaign if he let people whack his knuckles with a ruler for five bucks a pop?

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Cross-posted at America is an Obamanation!

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Liberal logic

You’d think after a while, I’d get used to liberals saying and doing stupid things. But, I really don’t get used to it. It still amazes me that people can be so stupid and still manage to walk upright.

It’s sort of like a Road Runner cartoon. Wile E. Coyote thinks he’s a “Super Genius” but comes up with some hair-brained plan that ends with him ordering rocket-powered roller skates and blowing himself up or splattering himself against a canyon wall.

You know he’s going to do it. You know his logic is flawed. But you enjoy watching him make an idiot of himself time after time.

Watching liberals is that way. Except, Wile E. Coyote was a creation of the hilariously twisted minds of Chuck Jones and Michael Maltese. Today’s liberals? Living cartoons, except there are too many of them running loose, with way too many holding elected office.

Still, there’s a little bit of that “watching the Coyote” thing that keeps me paying attention to what liberals say and do. Their logic is … Wile E. Coyote-style Super Genius.

For example:

  • Liberals think that early snow and cold weather is a sign of Global Warming ™.
  • Liberals believe that conservatives who support Herman Cain do so because conservatives hate blacks.
  • Liberals think that Americans shouldn’t own guns, but think it’s okay to run guns to Mexican drug lords.
  • Liberals believe that the TEA Party is bad because they could be violent, even though they’re not violent.
  • Liberals think that the Occupy groups are good, despite their violence.
  • Liberals believe that the solution to problems caused by government is more government.
  • Liberals think that killing an unborn baby is fine, but executing a convicted killer is bad.
  • Liberals believe in Affirmative Action, in which blacks are treated different than whites, because blacks have suffered in the past by being treated different than whites.
  • Liberals think you shouldn’t impose your morality on them, while imposing their immorality on you.

Despite the obvious fallacies in their logic, liberals get up every day, try to live according to these beliefs, fail miserably, and then do it all again.

Liberals. Super geniuses.

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Who’s gonna lose, week 9

The 9th week of the 2011 college football season is upon us, and we’re getting closer and closer to the big showdown in January between the SEC champion and this year’s victim. Heading into the week, there are 8 unbeaten teams: two in the SEC and 6 trying to earn a spot in the game against one of them.

Except for LSU and Alabama, the top two teams, the other six don’t play each other, so there could be as many as 7 undefeated teams at the end of the season. Personally, I hope that happens. Anything that helps make the case for a playoff is a good thing. If they had a playoff, Houston, Boise State, Clemson, or any of the others that are likely to get left out would truly have a chance. But the NCAA won’t listen to me.

It’s time to check out the schedule and see what big games are scheduled. We’ll look at the matchups between ranked teams, games involving teams from my state, Frank J‘s state, and Harvey‘s state. And a few of the other games where the game is the only game on the boob tube.

If you don’t like college football, you must be a Ron Paul supporter. If you do, let’s see if we can figure out who’s gonna lose this week.
Continue reading ‘Who’s gonna lose, week 9’ »

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Nuke the News: Avoiding Debate, Republican Congress, and Modernized Monarchy

* So Rick Perry is thinking of skipping debates. That’s an okay strategy for someone who is well ahead, but kind of a confusing idea for someone who is becoming a footnote in the polls. Yeah, polls haven’t exactly been good for him because he has kind of come off as sleepy and incoherent, but how else is he supposed to get attention? Shoot more coyotes?

Hmm… that might work…

* In a new Democrat ploy, they’re trying to label the Congress the “Republican Congress”, hoping they can stick all the unpopularity onto the Republicans and maybe obfuscate who actually holds a majority in the Senate. Now if only they could somehow confuse people thinking that Obama is a Republican, then the GOP would be doomed.

* Surprise, surprise: Despite Obama’s pledge not to take money from lobbyists, he gets millions from them. People thought Obama was a new kind of politician, but it ends up he was just an old kind of politician who was particularly inexperienced and inept.

“Wow, this guy sure has a new way of doing things.”

“Yeah, that’s because HE HAS NO IDEA WHAT HE’S DOING!”

* The British monarchy will no longer be sexist, as the order of succession will now be gender neutral. So they modernized the monarchy. Isn’t that a bit like putting a touch screen interface on a rotary phone? Sure, you modernized a piece of it, but the thing as a whole is pretty drastically outdated.

* New Crowder video: #OccupyRacism

The left accused the Tea Party of lots of horrible things because those were all the things they knew they’d do if they ran a protest.

Also, here is a member of the 1% confronting OWS:

Hot Air has even more video of him trying to reason with the hippies.

* Wisdom of the Day: “Does anyone know how to tactfully tell a 7-year-old he’s picked a non-canon colored lightsaber to go with his Luke costume?” –John Moltz

* John Hawkins has an article on how to speak to a liberal at the Huffington Post of all places. In it, he defines what different words mean to liberals to make it easier to understand them.

Compassion: Feeling good about yourself for wanting to give away money you didn’t earn to people you hope will vote for your side.

Interestingly, it’s similar to an article TV’s Andy Levy wrote for a college newspaper all the way back in 1987. Maybe that could lead to a spin off from Red Eye: “The Young Andy Levy Chronicles”. We’ll follow Andy Levy on his journey from young idealist to sarcastic crank… or maybe from young sarcastic crank to older sarcastic crank.

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IMAO Reader Theater: The RadicAlphabet

From Les of Brick Moon:

[YouTube direct link]

Inspired, Les tells me, by the story of the OWS losers foisting commie children’s literature like “Tales for Little Rebels” on their kids.

As someone who knows the challenges of poetic satire, this one really impressed me – he managed to keep his rhythm & rhyme very consistent (as well as under the PG-13 mark), and there were some second lines where the rhyming word he used took me by surprise (in a good way). I love that. Also, he didn’t cheat on the X-word by using a word that begins with E (an all-too-common workaround used by lazy people).

Anyway, you should probably watch this now, so you can say you saw it before it went viral – which I rather suspect this has a good shot of doing, since it’s timely, topical, creative, and well-crafted.

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Random Thoughts

Currently my favorite movie is “The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly”, but I haven’t seen “Jack and Jill” yet.

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Nuke the News: The Horrible Inevitable, Self-Reliance, and Victory on Guns

* So everyone says Herman Cain is supposed to fade and Romney is the inevitable nominee, and now Romney is ahead in the polls in the first four states of the primary. It’s just as foretold! We’re doomed!

How is it that the Republican presidential primary is set up so that we’re always stuck with a milquetoast, status quo nominee? We get right-wingers in the House and the Senate and as Governor but just can’t do it in presidential primaries. Whoever set up the Republican primary system must be some sort of RINO genius.

* Obama sure likes to reveal his complete disconnect from his fellow Americans at San Francisco fundraisers. Before the 2008 election, that’s where he talked about all the “bitter-clingers”, and now he went there to talk about the horrors of self-reliance. Yes, he considers self-reliance to be a bad thing and government reliance to be a good thing. Really, did the pilgrims come here because they were hoping to find a new government to take care of them? Did people head out West because they thought in that expanse they’d find a government to better protect them?

Not only is Obama completely incompetent, he doesn’t even have the slightest connection whatsoever with what this country is about. He’s not so much a bad president as he is an anti-president — opposed to everything an American president should be for.

When Obama is thrown out of office, for the millionth time in my adult life I will be proud of this country.

* Something is going on in Europe. I keep trying to read the article to find out what, but I can’t make myself care enough to pay attention because it’s about a bunch of foreign countries. Does that make me jingoistic? If it does, I don’t really care. But anyway, something is going on in Europe. Thought you should know.

* Look at this chart of opinion on the right to hand gun ownership over the past fifty years. Is there really any disputing that gun rights people have completely and utterly won this battle? Does anyone really think a stark trend like this that has been going on for fifty years can suddenly be reversed? Like do they think going around yelling, “Guns kill people!” is going to have any effect? “Oh? Really? They do? We totally missed that compelling argument over the past fifty years.”

Note to gun control people: It’s over. You get to go sit at the same table as racists. We’re not going back there.

Yay freedom.

* When asked, Michael Moore kept dodging the question of whether he’s in the top 1% in this country — even though it’s well known he is in both wealth and size.

Be extremely wary of anyone giving weaselly politician non-answers who is not a politician. Also, be wary of politicians.

Really, though, I have trouble understanding how anyone takes this guy seriously — and I’m very good at understanding most anything because I’m super smart. But this is beyond me. I don’t think there has been anyone in human history more obviously full of it than Michael Moore, and it’s incomprehensible that anyone who has something resembling human intelligence would look at him and say, “Here is someone with a genuine, useful point of view.”

But, hey, he makes lots of money. Go capitalism!

* The Democrats recall effort on Governor Walker isn’t going so great. But I thought there was huge outrage against him for taking on unions? Weren’t unions so popular… a hundred years ago?

Maybe unions will have a big comeback… along with the radio serial.

* Heh.

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Random Thoughts

Those aren’t grammar errors; they’re “colloquialisms”.

If I told my young self I’d be able to instantly download Aquaman comics to a digital reader, he’d say, “You’re a dork.”

Was at this big Idaho tech awards ceremony tonight (the governor was there). They came up with 7 new ways to use a potato.

Dress was formal, but I wore a bright red Hawaiian shirt. One day I want to be an eccentric millionaire, so I better start acting like one.

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Nuke the News: Differences of Tea Party and OWS, Correcting Obama, and Dinner Guests

* There’s a new New York Post column by me about those darn wealthiest 1%. I explain exactly how they hurt us and what must be done about them.

Let’s say you had two apples and another person — let’s call him “Rich” — also had two apples. If you then got one more apple and Rich got 80 more apples, would you now have more apples? No, you’d have fewer apples — fewer than that other guy who has an unfair number of apples!

* Tensions with the Occupy Wall Street are increasing. Now they’re clashing directly with police in Oakland with tear gas and beanbag rounds and everything. But it’s important that the OWS people stand their ground so they can… what is it they’re trying to do again?

I mean, the Tea Party would go, protest a few hours, and then leave — their point having been made — but OWS needs to go to a place and stay there and camp out until… something. Who knows what.

“We refuse to leave until we figure out what the hell it is we’re trying to do!”

* Anyway, so differences between Tea Party and OWS so far:

-Tea Party leaves after they make their point.
-Tea Party doesn’t clash with police.
-Tea Party actually knows what they’re about and can coherently explain it.
-Tea Party less than 90% about drum circles.

* So I noticed, along with his jobs bill, Obama has some new stuff he wants passed about mortgages and student loans. Why? What in his past history tells him that the solution to our current problems are a few more of his bills piddling around with things? Is Obama capable of learning? When Obama proposes another one of his silly little expensive bills that just exacerbate things, we need someone to smack him in the face with a rolled up newspaper and yell, “No!” Maybe if done enough times, that will sink in.

* Perry has had a run in with Birther issue. You notice how it’s now the left-wing media that’s working hard to bring that up and keep the issue alive. “Obama may be the most ineffective president in history, but you can’t elect those Republicans because they’re crazy people who don’t believe in birth certificates!”

* A poll says that out of the Republican candidates, people would most like to have dinner with Herman Cain. Probably because they figure he’ll bring free pizza.

* Wisdom of the Day: “Lindsay Lohan is going to pose nude in Playboy. Turns out she met Hef during her community service at the L.A. County Morgue.” –Joel McHale

* Pajamas Media has had a huge redesign and is now called PJ Media. I now have a cool new bio page, but the redesign has also caused all the Facebook likes to be reset on my columns. I had one with over 5,000 likes on it! (Frank J. Trivia: What was my most popular column?)

Anyway, I hope things work out well for Pajamas PJ Media. They’ve given me a great platform to get more exposure that directly led to me writing a book for HarperCollins and writing columns for the New York Post, and I hope I’ll still be writing lots of cool stuff for them far into the future.

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Random Thoughts

Apparently there is this new chap, Rick Perry, who has entered the presidential race. I wish him well.

Worst thing about PJM redesign: all the Facebook likes have been reset on my columns. I had 5000 on one of them!

Our inability to find a suitable Republican to be president other than Romney suggests we’re going about this all wrong.

I like my presidential robot to have its principles programmed in firmware, not software. Hard wired is even better.

If I were Tycho Brahe, my catchphrase would be, “Does this look like the mustache of a man who is joking?”

And whatever happened to giant frilly collars? How did that go out of style?

“Hundreds of years from now, someone will make fun of your mustache and instantly broadcast it to the entire world.” Oh, the wonders of our present age.

So when again is Herman Cain supposed to fade in the polls?

Just to be clear, that was a cigarette at the end of the Herman Cain ad and not a joint, right?

Can’t we all come together and blame all the country’s problems on hipsters? Even hipsters hate hipsters.

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lolterizt! Part 143

This week terrorists, next week That One. Submit for either at

Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.

From Arik:

From Kris:

[reference link]

From Larsinkima:

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From Larsinkima:

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From Larsinkima:

My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

From Arik:

From badmartin:

[reference link]

From Basil:

[reference link]

From Bassguy:

[reference link]

From Charles:

From CrustyB:

[reference link]

From Kris:

[ref 1, ref 2]

From Les of Brick Moon:

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From Les of Brick Moon:

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From MarkoMancuso:

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This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:

Ok, who gets the coveted Obscury this week? Nominees are:

1) Larsinkima for “Limb Kadiddlehopper”

2) Basil for “Daffy Duck”

3) Les for “El Kabong”

4) MarkoMancuso for “Jewskinner Blues”

Pipe up in the comments.

#1: When creating lolterizt! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

HAT TIP: Brian of Snapped Shot‘s magnificent EvilFeed – the world’s best source for ripe-for-captioning terrorist photos.

Send your submissions to and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

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