Things you won’t see in the next GOP debate

According to CBS News, Jon Huntsman said he won’t light his hair on fire in tonight’s debate.

I didn’t realize that was even a possibility that he might do that. I mean, if he has to actually say he won’t, then either it had been under discussion, or people think he’s crazy enough to consider it. I’m leaning toward the latter; Huntsman was part of the Obama administration, after all, and if that doesn’t say crazy, I dont’ know what does … other than supporting Ron Paul.

Anyway, we now know to not expect Jon Huntsman to light his hair on fire. And now I’m wondering what else we won’t see.

  • Michele Bachmann won’t swing from the ceiling like a monkey. (Ron Paul might, but Bachmann definitely won’t.)
  • Newt Gingrich will not propose everyone get naked and cook hamburgers. (But Ron Paul might.)
  • Herman Cain won’t sing “I’m a little teapot, short and stout.” (Although Ron Paul won’t rule it out.)
  • Mitt Romney won’t show his underwear, although Ron Paul will show his.
  • Rick Perry won’t pull a gun on the panel. A knife, maybe, but not a gun.
  • Rick Santorum won’t answer every question with an 80s power ballad.

If you plan to watch tonight’s debate, you now know what to not expect.

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  1. If we tell Ron Paul that some city or state is contemplating a law making setting your own hair on fire illegal, he’ll probably set his hair on fire to “prove” that he has a constitutional right to do so.


  2. The mighty presence of CAIN! will ensure a measure of decorum at the debate.

    – Ron Paul will claim that his fear of CAIN! unconstitutional.

    – Huntsman will apologize to CAIN! for being born.

    – Perry will claim that it would be heartless for CAIN! to punch him on the nose.

    – Romney will get down on his hands and knees and beg CAIN! to forgive him for Romneycare. CAIN! will compel Romney to perform penance by sticking his head in a bucket of water.


  3. I want to see Chuck Norris zip line onto the stage and raise Herman CAIN’s hand as the undesputed winner. After a brief recess Chuck and Herman will reappear in Mexican Wrestling outfits and clear the stage of all the pretenders. CAIN/NORRIS 2012


  4. Ron Paul totally won this and every debate thus far, everyone else worth mentioning stole his material! Gingrich with the fed, santorum with ‘freedom and family’, perry with his so called balanced budget to the US constitution, need I go on? Romney even recently stated he wants to bring ‘some’ troops home from Afghanistan. If you support personal liberty, peace, and sound $ Ron Paul is the ONLY choice. The other candidates are only fragments on what Ron can offer as a whole and as a real solution to fix our current woes. Ron Paul 2012!


  5. I thought Hunstman’s hair WAS on fire! Now I’m let down. Thanks a lot! *hmph*

    And by the way, Chuck Norris fans and Ron Paul nuts, Chuck Norris supports Ron Paul anyway. Be careful calling us “Ron Paul Nuts” when one of our nuts could crack your head like a nut between his toes.



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