Nuke the News: Human Mitt, Removing Allah’s Curse, and Atheist Commandments

Posted on November 4, 2011 11:00 am

* A mere 80,000 jobs were added in October, which is too bad because it’s 80,001 people who are out of work.

No, wait; it’s more than that.

* Mitt Romney said, “I’ve been as consistent as human beings can be.” Actually, his exact quote was, “I have followed well-established consistency norms of my fellow humanoids. Please update my core belief parameters.”

* More stuff keeps emerging about the Herman Cain scandal… well more stuff other than any solid details such as what he supposedly did or to whom. But we have a timeline. About fifteen years ago, an unknown something may have happened. Do we really want a presidential candidate where something something something?

Well, maybe more details will pop up… or we’ll just have this vagueness forever. Still, Herman Cain’s polls are on the rise. The pundit elite still think he has no chance, so I guess his polls should crater eventually. But when exactly is that supposed to happen?

* So Obama is hugging Islamists now. Well, I guess that’s better than bowing.

I guess.

* A popular sheikh in Egypt has declared of Christian Copts: “Allah’s curse on them.”

I once got Allah’s curse on me. I just glanced over one day and there it was on my shoulder. And I started jumping around yelling, “Get it off! Get it off!” But it doesn’t come off easy. I had to do a lot of scrubbing and then soaked in tomato juice to get off the smell.

Man, you really don’t want Allah’s curse on you.

* Amazon says it will now collect sales tax if asked, but it will charge for it, taking 2.9% of taxes collected. I’m stuck between admiring their capitalistic spirit and my hatred of taxes. I think hatred of taxes will win out.

* Crowder went amongst the Occupy Wall Street crowd, and will have the full video Monday. Here’s a teaser for it with an appearance by one of OWS’s most famous protesters:

* Penn Jillette has his ten commandments for atheists. I like Penn Jillette (and his new show on Discovery is pretty cool), but he neatly illustrates what I find so frustratingly illogical about atheists. Many atheists are quick to point out they’re for good moral values — and I don’t doubt them on that — but to be consistent, don’t they have to prove out why those values are a good idea? Shouldn’t each commandment Penn lists be followed with mathematical proof of how this will always lead to a benefit for the individual? Instead, atheists pick values based on what they think feel like good ideas, i.e., they’re not logically proving things out but are instead making irrational leaps. And if you have a bunch of values that aren’t logically proven, how is that different from a religion? Well, the way I’d say atheists’ values are different from more established religions is that they’re made on a flimsier basis and are much more arbitrary. It’s not that atheists don’t have religion; they have irrational beliefs too — they just lack any strong foundation for them. And mostly they piggy back on the values other religions have promoted.

* Wisdom of the Day: “Did it hurt when you fell from a lab where science is studied which has rendered religion obsolete? (Atheist pick-up line)” -Megan Amram

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26 Responses to “Nuke the News: Human Mitt, Removing Allah’s Curse, and Atheist Commandments”

  1. Son of Bob says:

    “Herman Cain’s polls are on the rise. The pundit elite still think he has no chance…”

    The MSNBC, New York Times, RINO Krauthammer crowd are way too stupid to realize that their endorsement of a candidate is a negative and their contempt is a badge of honor.

    If Walter Cronkite had pulled his “The war is lost” crap today, the country would have rallied around the Vietnam War effort and we would have won.

  2. zzyzx says:

    A good old beheading will not only remove the infidel’s head but also Allah’s curse…M*hammad (See how I did that? By disguising M*hammad’s name I avoided offending Muslims, and it kept me from getting m*derated again. I’m learning.)

  3. DamnCat says:

    The phrase “Allah’s curse on you” is generally followed by a fart.

  4. zzyzx says:

    Is there a doctor in the house? This poor guy needs help. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XOkMizZjhBI&feature=player_embedded

  5. Jimmy says:

    “Amongst” is very old English, Frank. It makes you sound like one of ‘The Old Ones.’

  6. Fly says:

    KaPOW! Way to blow atheism a big ol’ logical hole, Frank. That sounds a lot more sexual than I intend it, but there it is, and there it shall remain. Sadly, atheists are in an unprovable boat, just like the rest of us. Theirs is just more shallow and shinier.

    RINO Krauthammer, Bobson? I like the Kraut-Hammer. Unless you mean he’s a rino kraut hammer! That would be cool. Between the dark and light side, he tends to be on the brilliant side of things.

  7. Heineken Skywalker says:

    Don’t you mean a RHEIN-O Kraut hammer? I have warm, childhod memories of my Tante Elke, in her kitchen, hammering the Rhein-kraut into perfect, Teutonic flatness as the prepared the latkes and hamentaschen. Truth be told, the Rhein-o kraut hammer is more cudgel or sledge than ball-peen.

  8. Fly says:

    That makes a lot more sense, Heineken. Thanks for explaining.

  9. Crabby Old Bat says:

    @Heineken Skywalker: Latkes, Hamantaschen (mit Aprikosen) und Bier – alles gut.

  10. Crabby Old Bat says:

    “I once got Allah’s curse on me. I just glanced over one day and there it was on my shoulder. And I started jumping around yelling, “Get it off! Get it off!” But it doesn’t come off easy. I had to do a lot of scrubbing and then soaked in tomato juice to get off the smell.

    Man, you really don’t want Allah’s curse on you.”

    Holy water will take that stuff right off. Oooooooh, did I just commit a hate crime of intolerance? Guess I’d better go to confession . . . no, wait, that would make things worse, wouldn’t it? Implying that my own religion might have some validity: Shame!! (No, wait, that’s a Catholic trait, too. Dang. This multiculturalism is tough. Screw it, I’m praying a Rosary – maybe even a whole Novena – for the conversion of everyone’s soul to the True Religion, and you can’t stop me. Nyaah!) (Gonna light a candle, too. And pray for the Pope!!) (I am now giddy with religious chauvinism . . .)

  11. DamnCat says:

    …und Thunfisch!

  12. ussjimmycarter says:

    Who blew an Athiest? My attention span is as long as Jimmy’s dick!

  13. Jimmy says:

    Whoa! That long? You’re a friggen genius.

  14. Burmashave says:

    Mmmmmm…latkes.

    I useter like Penn, and I enjoyed his HBO show. No more for me, says I. What’s up with atheists when they make atheism a crusade? I’d call that a religion.

    I, as are many here (except DamnCat who believes in the Great Tuna Fairy), am a sceptic. Sceptism and Christianity are wholly compatible because we are not to fall for foolish beliefs, and we are not to fall for anything of the occult.

    What prosthelytizing atheists like Penn miss is that the Bible is not some magic book. I believe because of the change that Christ has made in my life. That is real and tangible. Nothing Penn can say can take that away. Furthermore, although some have fallen off the track, Christianity has been the greatest force for good in the modern era — infinitely more than humanism. If Penn wants objective proof, he should read anything written by Lee Strobel, formerly an fervent atheist himself. Penn should also take a look at who donates and volunteers the most for charities — it ain’t the good atheists. It ain’t even close.

    That said, anyone for latkes?

  15. ccoffer says:

    Atheism is a blind faith which dictates that the universe and everything in it is the product of nothing. It is, in a word, stupid.

  16. Crabby Old Bat says:

    @DamnCat: Ja, Thunfisch schmeckt auch gut!

  17. Jimmy says:

    Crabby, you’re reminding me of Benny Hill’s German skits. I used to crack-up at those. Priceless.

    “Fingergepoken.”

  18. Heineken Skywalker says:

    @ Crabby Old Bat,

    “Extra Ecclesiam Nulla Salvus”

    (Signum Crucis)

    “Sicut erat in principio, et nunc, et semper, et in saecula saeculorum. Amen.”

    The Dominicans (Blackfriars) who schooled me taught that atheism is best addressed by requiring the claimant to such disbelief to explicitly explain The Uncaused First Cause and the precise mathematical alignment of the planets in the universe. A simple vexation of unbelief.

  19. dmurray says:

    Always like Teller better. Knows how to keep his dumb ideas to himself.

  20. 4of7 says:

    ‘Now nobody is compelled to believe a single word of this remarkable story.
    God (says the Church) has created us perfectly free to disbelieve in Him as much as we choose.
    If we do disbelieve, then He and we must take the consequences in a world ruled by cause and effect.
    The Church says further that man did, in fact, disbelieve, and that God did, in fact, take the consequences.
    All the same, if we are going to disbelieve a thing, it seems on the whole to be desirable that we should first find out what, exactly, we are disbelieving.

    Very well, then: “The right Faith is, that we believe and confess that our Lord Jesus Christ … is God and Man … Perfect God and perfect Man, of a reasonable soul and human flesh subsisting … Who although He be God and Man, yet is He not two, but one Christ.”
    (The Athanasian Creed)

    There is the essential doctrine, of which the whole elaborate structure of Christian faith and morals is only the logical consequence.
    Now, we may call that doctrine exhilarating or we may call it devastating; we may call it Revelation or we may call it rubbish; but if we call it dull, then words have no meaning at all.’
    – Do0rothy L. Sayers, Creed or Chaos? 1949

  21. 4of7 says:

    Dorothy. (oops)

  22. ussjimmycarter says:

    I like C.S. Lewis’ observation. “Atheism is too simple. If God did not exist we would never have arrived at the question in the first place!”

    The moral law (10 Commandments) have been written on our hearts by God “so that we have no excuse”. Can we obey them? No! The purpose of the Law is to show us God’s perfect standard and drive us to despair and to our knees. That is where the Gospel of free Grace through Christ’s sacrificial death on the cross comes in. I’m not capable of obeying God’s commands, so he sent His Son to obey them for me, and then to die for me so that I don’t have to!

    What man would have thought up this plan? We aren’t smart enough…

  23. thrakkorzog says:

    In defense of Penn Gillette, he comes across as a libertarian atheist, where all crimes are basically theft. The logic is based on a few assumptions, but none of them are that far fetched.

    1.) I don’t want to be murdered.
    2.) You probably don’t want to be murdered either.
    3.) OK, so we all agree not to murder each other.
    3a.)If someone tries to kill you, you are allowed kill them right back.
    4.) Seriously, how hard is this no killing thing? If you go out and kill someone, we’re gonna kill you back, not because we liked that guy you killed, but because you’re the idiot that that thinks killing people is a good idea.

    If the worst you have to worry about is atheists, be grateful. No atheist has ever decided to cover himself with explosives and drive to the middle of a Chuck E. Cheese filled with Jews proclaiming “There is no God.”

  24. treven says:

    Some people use club soda to get rid of Allah’s Curse, but I found that bacon grease works better.

    Atheistic mathmatics – absolutely nothing + chance = absolutely everything
    And why is it that atheists spend so much time ridiculing something they say is not there? I don’t drive out to Area 51 to scream at people that I don’t believe in UFOs.

  25. Fly says:

    Be careful to always specify “libertarian atheist” rather than just “atheist”, thrakkorzog. e.g. a communist atheist is a different animal entirely — their lack of moral compass is what people worry about.

    Atheism is hardly meaningful beyond its simple etymology. It implies essentially nothing. Certainly nothing provable. Atheists like it that way, so you can’t pin anything on them or their beliefs. They are fluid. Take Penn’s simplistic commandments; it hardly defines atheism. Like snowflakes, each atheist is unique when scrutinized, but also like snowflakes, they are all suspiciously similar.

  26. Harvey says:

    As IMAO’s token atheist, I once again feel compelled to separate myself from the evangelical atheism of other atheists.

    My atheism is a personal choice. I don’t proselytize. I will discuss it if someone asks, but I a) don’t expect my answers to persuade anyone to abandon their religious beliefs, and b) I don’t care whether they do or don’t.

    Anyway, in Penn’s defense, he WAS challenged to come up with an “Atheist 10 Commandments”, so I don’t think it’s fair to hold it against him for accepting the challenge.

    On the other hand, he’s bashed the Bible without provocation plenty of times, so as much as I love his magic tricks and his libertarianism, he can be a real asshole when it comes to his atheism.

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