Nuke the News: The Republican… Um… What Was I Saying?

Posted on November 10, 2011 11:00 am

* Here’s a new PJ Media column from me on why Republicans can never manage to nominate a right-wing nut.

“Right now the country is a car speeding towards a cliff due to out-of-control spending, and conservatives want a president who will seize the wheel of that car and turn it around. But the Republican we nominate is always someone who only promises to ease up on the gas a little.”

* There was another Republican debate last night. I didn’t watch it, because it wasn’t available on the internet and as part of our cutting back to get out of debt we got rid of cable. So I only know about it what people said on the Twitters… oh and from this clip of Rick Perry’s campaign imploding. I really appreciated that, because I’m going to go on some radio shows next week to promote my book, which has made me super nervous, but now I’m like, “Well, I can’t be worse than that.”

So did Rick Perry ever figure out what is the third government agency he wants to shut down? Poor guy. Being Texan kills brain cells.

If my wife reads this, I kid! (if she doesn’t read it, I’m totally serious)

* Do you know there are fifteen Republican debates left — fifteen! And there are only like four of them anyone thinks have a chance — and that’s being generous. What in the world is going to be left to talk about by the fifteenth debate? Will they debate the merits of the different Star Trek series? Give their opinions on the Lost finale? Name their favorite recipes for bacon? Actually, that sounds like an awesome debate. Let’s do that one and forget the rest!

* So Obama is going to tax Christmas trees now. It’s like he isn’t satisfied being the worst president ever until he destroys Christmas. And when he sees that Christmas goes on anyway, he’ll be like, “How could it be so? It came despite taxes on ribbons! It came despite taxes on tags! It came despite taxes on packages, boxes, and bags!” And he’ll puzzle for three hours, ’till his puzzler is sore, and say, “I know! I’ll crush their spirits with a new ‘jobs bill’!”

* David Gregory noted that there is no “grand wizard” in the GOP to force Cain out. Not only that, but the Democrat one died in June of last year.

* Looks like Dems aren’t going to make a deal in the super committee since a deal would mean doing something substantial about spending. I really hate those guys. It’s getting to the point where any solution that doesn’t end with all the high-spending congressmen starving on the streets while we laugh at them is unacceptable as a compromise.

* Wisdom of the Day: “I read that Steve Jobs wishes he spent more time with his kids. I can have what the richest of the rich wish for.” -PoliticalMath

* The new Elder Scrolls game comes out tomorrow, and IGN has up a review. I played the last two for more than a hundred hours each — while still not beating the game (I got bored by the time I got to the main quest, same with Fallout 3).

Man, but the new Modern Warfare also comes out tomorrow, and then Super Mario 3D Land comes out Sunday, and then the new Zelda comes out next Sunday. But I have a full time job, do a lot of writing, and am a husband and father. Such cruelty that I now have money to buy all these games but no time to play them.

I guess I’ll just have to save video game playing for retirement. Hopefully by then they’ll adjust them for the elderly audience with large type games and lots of reminders of what you’re supposed to be doing (“I forget why I came into this room to slaughter these goblins.”).

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29 Responses to “Nuke the News: The Republican… Um… What Was I Saying?”

  1. EdthePastor says:

    Winnie-the-Pooh,
    Winnie-the-Pooh,
    Tubby little cubby all stuffed with fluff.
    He’s Winnie-the-Pooh.
    Winnie-the-Pooh.
    Willy, nilly, silly, old bear

    Here’s your theme song for the next 3 years. AND I’m telling Sarah. The eyes of Texas are upon you….

  2. Jimmy says:

    Frank, that PJM piece has generated the best comments there I’ve ever read. Congrats on that alone.

    Now, as to your overwhelming sense of political realism…

    CAIN!

  3. Son of Bob says:

    “What in the world is there going to be left to talk about by the fifteenth debate?”

    Maybe we’ll have an important debate that we should have had last presidential election. This debate will center on the theme: “Do Any of You Have A Chubby, Ignorant, Liberal Daughter With A Big Mouth?” After all, for Republicans it’s become an important part of the vetting process.

  4. Raving Lunatic says:

    I once dated a woman from Houston. DEFINTELY kills brain cells…

    CAIN!

  5. Charon says:

    MW3 Is worth the sleep you’ll miss playing it. One of the most awesome end battles I’ve ever seen in a game. Wicked selection of weapons, and any time you get to run a Predator drone is a good day.

  6. Conservatarian says:

    So Obama is going to tax Christmas trees now. It’s like he isn’t satisfied being the worst president ever until he destroys Christmas. And when he sees that Christmas goes on anyway, he’ll be like, “How could it be so? It came despite taxes on ribbons! It came despite taxes on tags! It came despite taxes on packages, boxes, and bags!” And he’ll puzzle for three hours, ’till his puzzler is sore, and say, “I know! I’ll crush their spirits with a new ‘jobs bill’!”

    Frank J.: The funniest political humorist ever! I’d have paid $1.99 to read this entry.

  7. storm1911 says:

    I noticed in the comments of the PJM column the only troll at thst time was named monkey. hhmmm…..

    The 15th Republican debate shoul;d be about the recipe for bacon potato salad. Bacon potato salad yumm

  8. storm1911 says:

    And Happy 236th Birthday Marines. And thank you for your service.

  9. Mxymaster says:

    Forget the games when you retire. When you get to be an oldster, hand-eye coordination goes to hell. But it’s perfectly okay for us old farts to drive on the highway! Shut up!

  10. Guuggysdad says:

    Don’t worry, Frank. At some point your kid(s) will be old enough to play video games and they’ll invite you to play with them… and they’ll pwn you. It’s truly a bittersweet moment when your 12 year-old blows your head clean off in GOW with his Longshot Sniper Rifle…. Or disembowels you with his Lancer Assault Rifle’s chainsaw bayonet… Ah, good times, good times…

  11. Burmashave says:

    Someone who, when given a bill to raise taxes, wouldn’t only veto it but would also publicly burn it and then hunt down the perpetrators who wrote it.

    CAIN!

  12. Burmashave says:

    Frank J., I think you’ve hit upon the greatest philosophical difference between Romney and Obama: Romney wouldn’t impose a tax on Christmas trees.

  13. Fly says:

    Was that “Obama destroys Christmas” a quote from your new book, Frank? Does the whole thing rhyme? If so, I’ll reconsider buying it. Rhyming is hard to do and fun to read, regardless of your politics or creed.

    * Wisdom of the Day: “I read that Steve Jobs wishes he spent more time with his kids. I can have what the richest of the rich wish for.” -PoliticalMath

    That would hardly be fair. PoliticalMath must spend less time with his kids! How else can we all be equal? Jobs is dead — it’s not like he can spend more time with his kids now. Way to kick a guy when he’s down, PoliticalMath (if that is your real name). On a serious note, that is a brilliant quote there, FJ.

    I guess I’ll just have to save video game playing for retirement. Hopefully by then they’ll adjust them for the elderly audience with large type games and lots of reminders of what you’re supposed to be doing (“I forget why I came into this room to slaughter these goblins.”).

    No. In the future, these games will monitor the onset of Alzheimer’s Disease and if you fail to read the small print or remember what you’re doing, the state will revoke your driver’s license. I’m confident that we have enough nannies among us who think this is an awesome idea.

  14. zzyzx says:

    May we assume that a board who’s job is to find ways to improve the sales of Christmas trees…and who’s wages and funding comes from taxes on Christmas trees…probably won’t recommend the cutting of taxes on Christmas trees as a way of improving the sales of Christmas trees?

  15. sarahk says:

    Your wife reads this.

  16. CTCompromise says:

    Just wondering…
    Is The Greatest President Ever also going to propose a federal tax on prayer rugs for Ramadan? ..and candles for Hanukkah?..and confetti for New Year’s (which would have an added year-round wedding bonus!) ?

    Back in the day, the Monty Python sketch about the politicians deciding that the only thing they hadn’t taxed yet was “Thingy..you know, mmmmm ….THINGY!” was a joke. I’m expecting to find a box on my 1040 asking how many times I’ve had …THINGY…this past year. I don’t know whether I need to include things like a Christmas Tree tax as part of my answer–because it sure feels like I’m getting THINGY from The Greatest President Ever. Now I know who put the angel on top of the Christmas tree in that old joke !

  17. Karen says:

    You need a reason to kill all the goblins in the room? I thought gaming was about killing sentient creatures because they have green skin and fangs…

  18. Ivan Ivanovich says:

    “Well, I can’t be worse than that.”
    Yes you can. That was bad, but I’ve seen worst. I went with 3 co-workers to make a presentation on a big project. That was back when we still used overhead projectors and transparancies. This one clown had a transparency that was full of one paragraph of single spaced 8pt font. Standing with his back to the customers he proceeded to read it and then sat down. Now that’s un-frigging-believeable, but I think his name was Rick too.

  19. Jimmy says:

    At least someone in the Fleming household reads Frank’s blog.

  20. TheRoyalFamily says:

    I guess you can save Skyrim for when you retire then, because if it is anything like Oblivion (and I think it will be), you will have plenty reminder of exactly what you are supposed to do and where you are supposed to go at all times. Even have an arrow pointing the way. Unless you don’t have a quest, but then you won’t have a purpose to kill anything anyways, besides that it’s there (and what better reason?).

    And since it’s TES, you don’t even need to hand-eye coordination of a youngin’.

  21. TheRoyalFamily says:

    The above being said, I will be playing Skyrim all night tomorrow.

  22. Questionman says:

    This is – as most heritage.org headlines are – incredibly deceiving and false. The whole idea was brought to the USDA by the tree industry, they asked for it to be approved, and the tax is paid by the producers and growers and put into a kitty to promote “real” trees. Basically, the artificial trees are all made overseas (and out of petroleum, too), and the “live” trees are domestically produced. So, the growers are banding together and raising capital for an industry wide marketing campaign, much lie the egg or milk board does. (Got milk?) It has nothing to do with Obama, it wasn’t any government official’s idea, and the conservatives are trying to use it to take a shot at him, knowing it is completely deceiving.

  23. Rockhead says:

    So Frank is going on the radio to hype the book instead of TV? Then from now on I’m calling him “Radioface.”

  24. MarkoMancuso says:

    YOU WILL FIND THEM ALWAYS ON THE JOB, THE UNITED STATES MARINES!

  25. bikermommy says:

    Know what would be worse than your wife reading how Texans are brain dead? Guess.

  26. 4of7 says:

    What would the Republican National Committee do if Herman Cain (or any other conservative candidate) won a majority of the primary elections?
    Cancel the convention?
    Disband the party?

    good article, Frank.

  27. Rossignol says:

    Definitely looking forward to Skyrim, but not going to pick it up right away. Bethesda isn’t exactly known for bug-free releases. Even after nearly 10 years of creating games with the Gamebryo engine, too often they were about as stable as an inverted pyramid, and this time around it’s a different engine. (Although the stability would be far less of an issue if the games could create an error log when they CTD. Would make troubleshooting mod conflicts 1000 times easier) Might hold off until Steam’s Christmas sales roll around. Plenty to last me until then, and that should be enough time to work out the inevitable major bugs.

    Can’t say as I’d fully trust IGN with any review after they gave a 9.0 to the excrable Civ 5. I do have faith in Bethesda though, having played the Elder Scrolls games since Arena. (yes, even Battlespire….well, for a little bit) And I’ve been hoping to see good dynamic snowfall in a game for years.

  28. Wild Bill says:

    And…………………….your your article showed up over at Hot Air.

  29. T Rich says:

    @ Ivan Ivanovich – Your story had me howling with laughter; however, I call and raise you. I was at a conference somewhere around 2002, and we had a plenary session (somewhere around 300 people) in a hotel ballroom going on. Same thing as you, some dillwad gets up with an overhead of regular typed text, paragraphs etc., portrait printed, the whole awful freakin’ deal. Reads it to us all – which was helpful because not one person in the room could see the text on the screen.

    The topic of the conference? If you said, “improving science and engineering teaching at the university level” please go to the head of the class. After about 3 minutes there were audible gasps and snickering throughout the room. My boss at NSF had the biggest WTF look I ever saw on her face – good times.

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