Nuke the News: The Supercommittee, the EU, OWS, and Other Useless Things

Posted on November 21, 2011 11:00 am

* Well, my book has done really well. It’s still number one for political humor which hopefully I can hold for a while. Also, it’s got 29 reviews so far, all five star. And as an extra bonus, I’ve finally learned to be entertaining on the radio thanks to the help of Michael Medved. Instead of trying to be me but funny — which just doesn’t work — I just be someone ridiculous (such as someone who think Obama is a demigod) and argue that seriously. Anyway, hopefully I can get audio from my Medved appearance to put up (I was on for most of his second hour) or one of my other radio appearance (completely forgot to mention I was on the 55 KRC Morning Show in Cincinnati this morning; hopefully some people caught that).

Also, Scott Ott (bless you, Scrappleface) reviewed my book. He also has a book out which is now $0.99 for a Kindle download. I wouldn’t mind it also getting ahead of Bill Maher in the political humor charts as long as it stayed behind mine.

* The supercommittee was a complete failure at coming up with an agreement on spending cuts. Anyone surprised by that? No hands?

And what were they trying to accomplish anyway? $1.2 trillion in cuts in ten years? Hasn’t the deficit been increasing by more than that per year? Even if the supercommittee was a rousing success, we’re still only letting up on the gas a little on that car heading towards the spending cliff. At some point, we have to think of bailing from that car. Try to roll when you hit the ground.

Stephen Hawking says human survival depends on space exploration. Which got me thinking: Know what’s not deeply in debt? Mars. We can go live there.

* Nancy Pelosi says she’s going to do for child care what she did for health care. What’s it with liberals and threatening children.

“There’s only so many slots for government child care Timmy; I guess you’ll have to make your case to the death panel. We call it the ‘Happy Clown Panel’, but let’s be frank about what it is. So make a good case for yourself.”

* Business leaders could face jail time in Europe for claiming that water cures dehydration. I guess Science! hasn’t concluded that in a double blind study, so, you know, jail if you say it. And really, maybe this whole “all life needs water to live” urban legend was just cooked up by Aquafina.

Or maybe Europe is just too dumb to live. Hey, you can lead the EU to water, but you can’t make them conclude it’s necessary to drink after a multi-year study.

* The other day, Michael Moore wrote this on Twitter:

“What would you like to see Occupy Wall Street accomplish? Tweet your ideas!”

So here are some of my ideas:

– Self-awareness.
– A drum sphere.
– Replace electronic voting with twinkles/down twinkles.
– Fry and eat a chupacabra.
– Make 60s hippies look reasonable in comparison.
– Develop an exit strategy.
– Tar and feather the fattest member of the 1%.
– Learn to ask this question before starting a movement.

* Wisdom of the Day: “If OWS’ fabled ‘revolution’ ever comes, we have guns and they have bongos. I like our odds.” -Jon G.

* It’s more bad lipreading, this time with Ron Paul. Listen to him sound the sanest he’s ever been:

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (7 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

24 Responses to “Nuke the News: The Supercommittee, the EU, OWS, and Other Useless Things”

  1. Iowa Jim says:

    Or maybe Europe is just too dumb to live.

    That’s approximately why my paternal grandparents left (my mother’s side of the family goes back a little further in the US, but not much).

  2. EdthePastor says:

    Who wants to drink water anyway? Silly old wives tale. Now coffee, that’s the nectar of the gods (small g). Good for what ails you or if available Vitameatavegamin. skoal

  3. zzyzx says:

    I’d much rather tar and feather the fattest member of the one percent than drink a glass of water.

  4. Scott Ott says:

    Frank, no matter how our books rank, the world will know that I walk in your footsteps while standing in your shadow on your shoulders.

  5. TerribleTroy says:

    Given the systemic idiocy of the “EU” I vote we let the Russians have them.

    Maybe the EU’s plan to achieve solvency is to corner the “sport drink” market.

    Of course water doesn’t hydrate…..that’s why we invented BEER

  6. Hippie punchomatic 5000 says:

    I’m actually surprised that Frank of all people doesn’t want Ron Paul as president. I thought Franks dream was for the whole world to think America was crazy. What better way to do that than electing a crazy man?

  7. Bruce In KC says:

    All smart Europeans know that real hydration comes from Brawndo, the Thirst Mutilator! It makes the plants grow….it’s got electrolytes and stuff!

  8. Burmashave says:

    I have a thought that’s been rolling around in my wee brain. I’ve mentioned a relation who lives in the People’s Republic of Cambridge and who reads the Daily Progressive:

    …the deputy sheriffs pointed their truncheons toward the crowd. It looked like the oldest of military maneuvers, a phalanx out of the Trojan War, but with billy clubs instead of spears…. My wife was speaking to the young deputies about the importance of nonviolence and explaining why they should be at home reading to their children, when one of the deputies reached out, shoved my wife in the chest and knocked her down.

    Anyhoo, One guess about these latter day hippies is absolutely true. They love to complain about and verbally abuse law enforcement; however, when they have the most minor of problems, they run to the police.

    By the way, teachers are not paid enough, but law enforcement officers are paid too much.

  9. Guuggysdad says:

    You got me good with the “Fry and eat a chupacabra”… You have the gift of teh funny, Frank. You should write a book or something.

  10. DamnCat says:

    @ Burmashave – “Daily Progressive” – it’s like the Daily Worker except it doesn’t even pretend to do any actual work.

  11. Mxymaster says:

    The law clearly states (or will when President Frank J. is done) that drum circles, like other crimes against humanity, are grounds for immediate justifiable homicide.

    So does Mr. Genius Hawking have any big ideas for how to get from Earth to another habitable planet in under a few zillion years? ‘Cause if he doesn’t have some wormhole hyperspace diagrams in his pocket, we’re hosed anyway. Well, life on Earth is like life period — make the best of it while it lasts.

  12. Crabby Old Bat says:

    The liberal brain:

    Global warming: “The Science! is settled!”

    Evolution: “The Science! is settled!”

    Socialist ecomomics: “We will never run out of other people’s money! The 99% can live off of the 1%! The Science! is settled!”

    Abortion: “Fetuses are undifferentiated blobs of insensate cells until allowed to leave the birth canal by a mother who has freely chosen to give birth and wants the fetus to become a baby (that’s right, the mother’s desires determine whether a human life is created or not). The Science! is settled!”

    Water: “Water can prevent dehydration?! (Dehydration literally means the loss or removal of water.) Now just a damn minute! Who is saying this? Businessmen who hope to profit from the sale of water?!! NO!! They can’t prove it! I will oppose this with my dying breath! Occupy Perrier!!!”

  13. Guuggysdad says:

    Why is it that every time Hawking comes into the public eye with some type of observation I get a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and then have a sudden urge to run screaming into the night? What next, Stephen? How about you freshen us up on the Heat Death of the Universe? Dude is a bummer… Can’t we just focus on happy, near-term projects like dinosaurs with rocket launchers?

  14. innominatus says:

    Frank, the Puppy Blender is accusing you and Scott Ott of sandwiching Bill Maher.

    That is so wrong.

  15. storm1911 says:

    Things for OWS to accomplish
    :
    * bath
    * de-lice
    * grow up
    * learn to go potty like big people
    * try to go one day sober
    * buy Frank’s book

  16. FormerHostage says:

    @Burmashave
    I guess all that talk of non-violence goes out the window when one side is bent on violence. Imagine that.

  17. Son of Bob says:

    “What would you like to see Occupy Wall Street accomplish?”

    Spontaneous combustion.

  18. CrustyB says:

    “What would you like to see Occupy Wall Street accomplish? Tweet your ideas!”

    Bring back self-immolation as a popular form of protest?

  19. plentyobailouts says:

    Rumor has it that if you bury occustyiers deep enough, for long enough, they accomplish oil.

    Hawking was jumping up and down insisting he was correct!

    occustyers are sick of providing rape victimes for non-occustyers, therefore, starting tomorrow they will only flash children until the non-protesting rapist moves on.

    occustink Wall Street has sighted its biggest accomplishment as down twinkles. In celebration they injured 7 police officers and raped twenty women. The national organization for women denounced the small number.

  20. plentyobailouts says:

    Can’t believe I missed this!

    “Tar and feather the fattest member of the 1%.”

    Wouldn’t that be michael moore?

  21. Burmashave says:

    OWS protesters at St. Peters Cathedral have been defecating outside and inside the famous cathedral. They have been carving sacrilegious graffiti on its historic columns. Their protest has been costing the church tens of thousands each day in lost revenue. This after church officials allowed them to remain at the cathedral.

    Time to call a spade a spade, boyos. They are animals.

    Is it too late for Aquaman to save us?

  22. Ben says:

    Mars is very cold, and the air is quite thin, the equivalent of an altitude of 35 miles on earth. It has no magnetic field meaning no sheilding from solars flares. It’s a real fixer upper.

  23. zzyzx says:

    Well plentyobailouts…if it’s not Michael Moore it’s gotta be Rosane Barr. Either way tar and feather sounds like justice to me.

  24. Bad Science says:

    I agree with Iowa Jim, stories like that make me happy that my ancestors left that collection of morons in Europe back in the day, on purpose. Also, I took three semesters of German in high school, and the basic grammar is similar to how Yoda from Star Wars talked, which is silly.
    Any time you have something on Michael Moore, consider linking to his “Frank the Artist” posts if you have time, please? They were classics. Amorphous blob, indeed.

Leave a Reply

XHTML: You can use these tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>