New cookies for the Girl Scouts

You’ve seen the story about the Girl Scouts (the organization) referring Girl Scouts (the young females) to Media Matters as a source to combat “misinformation,” right? If not, over at my little blog, there’s a story on the lack of traditional media coverage. </shamelessplug>

There’s been a backlash, of course. Which means they won’t be able to sell quite as many Thin Mints or Do-Si-Dos as they have in the past.

Since the Girl Scouts (the organization) seems to pander to the left, perhaps they’ll have some new cookie offerings this year.

Maybe some of these:

  • Samoa Money From Soros
  • Bitches!
  • Taxalongs
  • Dulce En Los Mocasines
  • Obamas
  • Come Outs!
  • Promover El Aborto
  • Fagalongs

I wonder what other new cookie varieties we’ll see from the Girl Scouts now that their left-wing bias is no longer secret. Ideas?

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Bumper stickers

I mentioned earlier this month that I needed a new bumper sticker for my car. Well, blog buddy Andy pointed me over to his buddy Woody, who has some bumper stickers.

I’m not going to steal all of Woody’s thunder, but I will list a couple here. Then, I’ll ask for more suggestions.

He’s got more. I didn’t even steal the best one.

Now, here’s where I could use your help. I want some suggestions for bumper stickers. You can make your own images and post them, or just suggest a sticker. They don’t even have to be about Ron Paul.

NOTE: Oh, by the way. How much you want to bet that a bunch of Ron Paul nuts come by and don’t offer bumper sticker suggestions, but instead start spouting whatever the current Ron Paul Talking Points are?

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Despair and More of the Same

I have a new New York Post column on how in 2012 Obama will have to run pretty much the opposite campaign he did in 2008 since hope and change are now his enemies.

When people are hopeful, they’ll bypass all their reservations about a new candidate (that’s how Obama got elected).
A potato could run against Obama, and people would say, “Well, a potato won’t increase spending or raise taxes. In fact, a potato could be the next Calvin Coolidge!” That’s why Obama has to crush all hope and make people believe that, as bad as things are, this is as good as it gets no matter who is president. Plus, a potato is a racist.

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Better than Obama

As the vote in Iowa approaches, the Republican candidates are turning up the heat on each other. Newt Gingrich had some not-so-nice words for Ron Paul, according the National Journal:

“I think Barack Obama is very destructive to the future of the United States. I think Ron Paul’s views are totally outside the mainstream of virtually every decent American,” Gingrich said Tuesday in a CNN interview with Wolf Blitzer.

Could he vote for Paul? “No.” If it came down to Paul vs. Obama? “You’d have a very hard choice at that point.”

Newt and Frank J. sound more and more alike:

So, if it were between Obama and Ron Paul, who would you vote for? I’m leaning Obama there; he’s a known entity and can at least be bullied into doing what’s right. Ron Paul would just stand back while nukes are launched at us and say, “We had this coming for abandoning the gold standard!”

Then there’s Mitt Romney, who seems to be every conservative’s last or next-to-last choice. He compared Newt Gingrich to the I Love Lucy “Chocolate Factory” sketch:

Appearing in Portsmouth, Romney noted a statement that Gingrich’s campaign director compared the former House speaker’s recent inability to qualify for the Virginia ballot as a setback comparable to Pearl Harbor from which the campaign would recover.

“I think he compared that to Pearl Harbor? I think it’s more like Lucille Ball at the chocolate factory,” Romney said in reference to the famous I Love Lucy skit in which the comedienne was overwhelmed by a rapid assembly line of candies. “You’ve got to get it organized.”

That was a good line. Let’s look at Lucy in the Chocolate Factory:

[Direct link]

That’s funny stuff. But, you know what? I still think Lucy and Ethel would do a better job than Obama and Biden.

Ricardo/Mertz 2012!

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There’s a reason, and it’s not what you think

It’s no secret that I think Barack Obama is an idiot. And that I think that those that voted for Obama are idiots. But, during certain times of the year, I try to put that kind of stuff aside and do the whole “can’t we all play nice” kind of thing.

For example, Frank usually posts stuff about holidays here. Over at my little blog, I’ve posted proclamations by the current president regarding Thanksgiving (2009) and Veterans Day (2009, 2010).

Why not Veterans Day proclamation post? Simple. The current president didn’t issue any such proclamation this year. Check for yourself. Find one for Thanksgiving, too.

Oh, and find one for Christmas. Not just for this year, but for any of the three Christmases since he occupied the Oval Office. They don’t exist. The last Presidential Proclamation regarding Christmas came from President George W. Bush in 2008.

Now, you will find a proclamation on Hanukkah for this year. But you won’t find one for last year. I suppose after this year’s missteps regarding Israel, he did this, hoping to mend fences. But, Obama being Obama, he screwed it up. Though the proclamation got the dates right, the actual ceremony was 12 days off— and all jacked up.

He did issue a statement on Kwanzaa this year, as well as in 2010 and 2009. Maybe if Kwanzaa was more than 45 years old, he’d issue a proclamation. Till then, made-up holidays got to take what they can get, I suppose.

Anyway, about Obama. There’s no hope for this guy. And, if you are planning on voting for him in 2012, there’s no hope for you. And, if he wins, there’s no hope for any of us.

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lolbama! Part 79

This week, That One. Next week, terrorists. Submit for either at

Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.

From Arik:

[reference link]

From Kris:

From Kris:

[reference link]

From Kris:

[reference link]

From Looking Spoon:

From Neil:

[reference link]

My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

From Arik:

From Arik:

From Arik:

From Arik:

From Arik:

[reference link]

From Arik:

From Chris:

From jb:

From jb:

[reference link]

This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with [Hat tip: IMAO reader Steve] :

I’m going with Neil for the Valerie Jarrett quote, but honorable mentions to Kris for Seinfeld (yes, I’m the only person in America who’s never sat through a full episode) and Arik for dredging up 40-year-old stoner humor that originally appeared on 12″ vinyl.

What say you?

#1: When creating lolbama! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

Send your submissions to and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

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The Greatest President of All Presidents in the History of Everything

SarahK won Christmas. She got me a commissioned drawing from Axe Cop’s Ethan Nicolle parodying my book’s cover:

If you don’t know what a President of All Presidents is, you haven’t read Axe Cop: Bad Guy Earth, and I pity you.

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IMAO Top Ten of 2011

Let’s take a moment and look back at 2011. These are the best posts of 2011, according to your votes.

Here’s how we determined this list. You know at the bottom of each post, you can rate the posts from 1 (“Hated it”) to 5 (“Awesome”) stars? Well, we looked at the posts from the past year, limiting the list to posts with 30 or more ratings. Then, we took the highest rated ones, and are presenting them here. We’re not ranking them from 1-10, but simply presenting a chronological listing of the top ten posts of the year, as you, the IMAO reader, rated them.

Are these really the best of the best? According to your voting, yes. If there were some posts during 2011 that you thought were better than these, feel free to leave a comment telling about your favorite.

And, if you don’t bother to rate posts, well, just like in the presidential election, if you don’t bother to vote, don’t complain about the results.

Still, this list of ten is a pretty good list. Even if a couple of mine made the list. (That’s just motivation for Frank to write better stuff. Or to rate my stuff with one star.)

By the way, in the sidebar on the right, Frank keeps a running list of the top rated posts of all-time. Well, since IMAO went to WordPress in 2008, anyway. You can always check out the classics there.

Oh, one other thing. I wish I had some hard statistics on comments. Some of the comments left this year were fantastic. In addition to writing the occasional post here, I am a long-time reader of IMAO, and I’ve always enjoyed the comments here. I want to thank you for providing me with some laughs, too.

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IMAO Reader Theater: The Waffle Song

From Les of Brick Moon:

[YouTube direct link]

It’s completely my fault this didn’t get posted before Christmas, and I apologize for that.

Quite possibly Les’s best work to date. Brilliantly makes the point that yes, the Republican candidates are deeply flawed, but not nearly as flawed as the guy the Dems are putting up.

An awesome piece of work. Enjoy.

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Christmas 2011

The Gospel of Luke, Chapter 2

  1. And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed.
  2. (And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.)
  3. And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city.
  4. And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David
  5. To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.
  6. And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.
  7. And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.
  8. And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.
  9. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.
  10. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
  11. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.
  12. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.
  13. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,
  14. Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.
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The Night Before Christmas

©2000 Denise Van Patten –

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse; The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;

The children were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads; And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap, had just settled down for a long winter’s nap, When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter. Away to the window I flew like a flash, tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow gave the luster of mid-day to objects below, When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer, With a little old driver, so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came, And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name: “Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer! Now, Prancer and Vixen! On, Comet! On Cupid! On, Donder and Blitzen! To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall! Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky, so up to the house-top the coursers they flew, With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too. And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof the prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

As I drew in my hand, and was turning around, down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound. He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot, and his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot; A bundle of toys he had flung on his back, and he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

His eyes — how they twinkled! His dimples how merry! His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry! His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow, and the beard of his chin was as white as the snow; The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth, and the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;

He had a broad face and a little round belly, that shook, when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly. He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf, and I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself; A wink of his eye and a twist of his head, soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, and filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk, Laying his finger aside of his nose, And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle, and away they all flew like the down of a thistle. But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,

“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night.”

A Visit from St. Nicholas
— Clement Clarke Moore
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The season of giving

Frank’s away for a few days, taking a well-deserved rest. Promoting a book is hard work!

SarahK is busy changing diapers and cleaning house and baking pecan pie for Frank. Being a mom is hard work. Having two children around the house (a 14-month old and a 378-month old) is tiring.

Mr. Right has popped up, and may show up again. But, it’s hard always being Mr. Right.

Harvey … well you just never know. He stays busy and doesn’t check in here as much as we’d like.

SpaceMonkey? With Frank not around for a few days, he won’t be checking in and correcting Frank’s spelling. He’s a busy guy, has kids, and this time of year is busy for normal people, much less for Cosmic Simians.

And, of course, we haven’t seen hide nor hair of the others for a while. Around here, anyway.

Me? I’m traveling this weekend, spending Christmas with my son. First time in years we’ve spent Christmas together.

What’s all this got to do with anything? Well, it kept me from beginning a post like this:

We’ve all got better things to do than deal with you, so entertain yourselves. But, in the spirit of Christmas, be nice, be charitable, and share with others.

Share your favorite blogs, news items, stories, thoughts, and such with others. Maybe even things that would be great Christmas gifts for others. (Keep it nice if it’s for a Republican presidential candidate; reserve any venom for the other side. For this post, anyway.)

Maybe list things that you’d like to give the president (you dont’ have to be so nice there; we do have an agenda here, after all). Like a wedgie. Or a brain.

Or, gift ideas for others. Use your imagination.

If you want to be all nice and syrupy and give honest, heart-felt greetings, you can. But, there are two opportunities for that: there’s a Christmas Eve post tonight (“A Visit from St. Nicholas”) and a Christmas morning post (Luke 2:1-14). Those are already scheduled to appear, at 6:00 PM and 6:00 AM, respectively. But, if you can’t wait until then, go ahead here.

Give the gift of … well, whatever it is you call it.

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A Limited Time Offer

Once again, it’s that time of year. That magical time when the days shorten and get colder and we all wish each other a happy non-denominational celebration of your choice.

This year, why not give the gift that keeps on taking?

Presenting, “Occupy Santa Claus Lane”…

Featuring more wonderful seasonal songs that never once mention what’s-his-name’s supposed birthday, sung by the #OWS Glee Club. Like:

Occupy Santa Claus Lane

Twinkles Bells

The Little Drummer Circle

Violent Night

Also featuring some other wonderful new carols sung by many prominent progressive guest artists, such as these:

Blago the Big-Haired Jailbird

God Love Ya, You Merry Taliban!

It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Larceny

Gun-Walking in a Border Wonderland

#Hacked! The Pantsless Congressman Tweets

And much, much more!

Best of all, you can just charge the cost of your purchase to somebody else! Order now!

And don’t forget to check out our past favorites:

The First Nobel (2009)

A Solstice Carol (2010)

Cross-posted at America is an Obamanation!

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Nuke the News: Final of 2011

* Democrats insinuate that taxing the rich helps the economy, but they never explain how that would work. But I do in my new New York Post column using the Goose Face Punch Theory. I expect to win the Nobel Prize in Economics for this.

“See, that’s what our struggling country needs right now: the suffering of rich people. Seeing their sadness will get our country back to work, and we’ll have a new economy where all boats are lifted on a tide made of rich people’s tears.”

* Also, I have a short book review up at PJ Media. Guess which book?

Hey, if you need a last minute gift, Kindle books can be gifted anytime. And at a $1.99, you should give a copy to everyone you know! Now!

* Republicans caved or something over the $40 tax cut so it will only be for two months for now instead of a whole year. That Obama was making a big deal of this is further evidence he’s much more interested in political maneuverings to get himself reelected than anything that might actually help the economy. And if you needed further proof of that, please punch yourself in the face.

* If you’re interested in Ron Paul, The New Republic has excerpts from his newsletter. Some fun, totally not crazy reading about minorities, gays, and where did AIDS really come from!

* From Crowder – Kim Jong Il’s last videotape:

* Wisdom of the Day from Garrett Moore:

When is someone going to tell Willem Dafoe that his role in Spiderman is over and he can stop being a scary goblin now?

* Boise State won last night 56-24 over Arizona State. Not exactly an exciting match up, but that’s the BCS. It’s not about how well you play football, it’s about how profitable do they think the bowl will be.

The Senior class ends with a 50-3 record (quarterback Kellen Moore having played all 53). They never once trailed at halftime, and the three losses were two one point losses to TCU and an overtime loss to Nevada. Maybe they’ll get some more respect when they move to the Big East, but I won’t hold my breath.

* And I think I’m done for the year, dudes. I might have a column up over the next week to mention, but I won’t be back to regular blogging until it’s 2012 — the Presidential Election Year! Exciting!

So have a merry Christmas and a happy New Year, ronin!

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Random Thoughts

I’ve seen a lot of different reasons people support Ron Paul, but never the honest one: “I’m a crazy person!”

Wife vetoed the idea that our Christmas letter should read “Now I have a machine gun. Ho ho ho.”

You’d think with Texas’s record on jobs that Rick Perry would be cruising to victory, but voters also want mastery of at least one language.

Wow. Obama wants to get me 40 extra dollars in my paycheck for two months. Dude totally has great plans for the economy.

Know how Obama could win me over next year? Do nothing but play golf. I don’t care if the president is a useless nitwit if he at least knows to stay out of the way of people who do actual work.

The problem with libertarians is that their brains swell as they get older causing them to eventually snap and turn on you.

Never leave libertarians alone with small children or cats.

So Obama won making sure this tax cut he wants is for only 2 months instead of a year? What is this all about again?

I write in a newspaper. I’m a big boy.

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