How to make the debates more fun!

Posted on December 19, 2011 10:08 am

There are seven Republican candidates left:

  • Michele Bachmann
  • Newt Gingrich
  • Jon Huntsman
  • Ron Paul
  • Rick Perry
  • Mitt Romney
  • Rick Santorum

Oh, wait. There are actually 15 left. We forgot about these:

  • Gary Johnson
  • Fred Karger
  • Andy Martin
  • Jimmy McMillan
  • Tom Miller
  • Buddy Roemer
  • Matt Snyder
  • Vern Wuensche

Why aren’t they getting in the debates? Because they have no shot?

Isn’t that what was said about Herman Cain, who was the frontrunner for a while?

Isn’t that what was said about Newt Gingrich, current frontrunner, when most of his campaign staff deserted him this past summer?

Isn’t that what Ron Paul supporters say about every other candidate?

Isn’t that what every other candidate’s supporters say about Ron Paul?

This is where Donald Trump screwed up. When most of the big names declined to show, he canceled. He should have invited the lesser-known candidates to show up. Who knows? We might be seeing Jimmy McMillan or Vern Muensche leading in Iowa.

We need to have a debate where all the candidates show up. That would be interesting. Imagine hearing this exchange:

Chris Wallace: Mr. McMillan, how would you handle the threat of a nuclear Iran?

Jimmy McMillan: The rent is too damn high! I say it again, the rent is too damn high!

Gary Johnson: Let me add, Chris, that the war on drugs has caused the rent to rise.

Buddy Roemer: The high rent favors the 1%.

Chris Wallace: Can I just go back to asking questions of Newt and Mitt? Please?

That would be fun. But perhaps I’m being unfair to Chris Wallace.

Plus, we could actually have Obama there in a dunking booth. Whenever there’s a question about Obama, the participant can either answer the question, or get a ball to throw at the plunger, trying to dunk Obama in a tank. With sharks. With frikkin’ laser beams.

We would be glad to sponsor such a debate, as long as someone else will pay for it, but still put our name on it. Here’s what we need: a venue, a moderator, and a panel.

So, what ideas have you to make the debates more fun?

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11 Responses to “How to make the debates more fun!”

  1. Dodsfall says:

    Two Words: Cage Match.

  2. FormerHostage says:

    Viewer voting like on American Idol:

    800-555-0001 if you liked the answer
    800-555-0001 if you did not like the answer
    800-555-0000 Ron Paul!!11!

  3. Jimmy says:

    A “a venue, a moderator, and a panel” ?

    More like “a ring, an referee, and an audience.”

  4. DamnCat says:

    Hey, there’s a whole bunch of new player for the Not Mitt Chinese Fire Drill!

  5. Burmashave says:

    How about a game show format? We could reach way, way back and go with the old Art Linkletter format of “Candidates Say the Darndest Things.” The candidate who generates the most laughter would win.

  6. Son of Bob says:


    They already did that. But they called it “The 2008 Presidential election”.

  7. hwuu says:

    Audience participation paintball guns. An electric shock instead of an out of time chime. Silly hats.

  8. Carolynp says:

    Hey, don’t forget shoes! The audience should be allowed to purchase shoes at the door from select vendors: fund the elections, keep business moving, make everyone smile at Johnson ducking the high heels.

  9. Maverick says:

    If another candidate references you, you get 30 seconds to wing a dodgeball at them.

  10. Corsair says:

    I didn’t know Fred Krueger was running. He’s got my vote. Those knives are cool, and he would give the Democrats nightmares.

  11. zzyzx says:

    Vote for Pedro.

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