Nuke the News: Another Obama Vacation, Touching Cheney, and Reality on Campus

Posted on December 6, 2011 11:00 am

I have a new column at PJ Media. Is Obama a great president and we’re just a lousy country?

“It’s not really that radical a question. I mean, look at him: He’s a bright, Harvard-educated man who’s not only been to other countries but has actually lived in them — he knows cultures and viewpoints beyond the narrow ones we have here. And he surrounds himself with the greatest minds on earth. And who are we, compared to him? We’re a bunch of slobs, really. Kind of ignorant. Maybe a little racist. And we surround ourselves with bowls of flavored corn chips. But the country’s problems are supposed to be his fault? Does that make sense?”

* Obama is going on a nice long vacation to Hawaii. All that being useless and a failure is apparently very tiring and he needs a break.

Most Americans can’t afford a vacation to Hawaii right now, but we can even less afford Obama not taking a vacation because all he does is meddle and ruin things when he’s on the job. Everyone in Hawaii be nice to him; convince him to stay there.

* Ron Paul says he’s “the flavor of the decade”. I don’t know exactly what ice cream flavor that would be, but it would certainly have lots of nuts in it.

* Apparently there is some Supreme Court case where a guy went up and touched Dick Cheney and the Secret Service arrested him. Shouldn’t that guy just feel super lucky he didn’t get a shotgun to the face and not press this any further. Know what? I hear Cheney has his own private Gitmo where he waterboards hippies. Or maybe just forces them to take baths. They probably don’t know the difference.

* Apparently there’s lot of pedophiles in Hollywood. This doesn’t seem as bad as the Catholic Church scandal, though, because you kind of expect to find it in Hollywood. When people hear about pedophiles in a church, that’s an outrage. When people hear about pedophiles in Hollywood, it’s more of a shrug and, “Yeah, I can see that.” Remember: This is a place that keeps having Michael Bay make Transformer movies. There’s nothing too depraved for them.

* The puppy blender has a great idea: Make colleges cosign student loans. Right now, the government guarantees loans so colleges don’t have to worry about selling a worthless product (and can keep raising prices for it as its value goes down). But if colleges are on the hook for the money, they won’t be able to churn out a bunch of unskilled grads like you see in the Occupy movement without going bankrupt. Boom, man, that will be some fiscal reality landing on college campuses. College campuses have always tried to be a sanctuary from reality, but it’s high time we break that up.

* Did you know Boise has an Occupy movement? I live here, and I didn’t know. Probably not that big.

“1% of the people eat 40% of the delicious potatoes!”

* Wisdom of the Day: “‘First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then you are ahead of Romney.’ – Gandhi on GOP primaries.” -pourmecoffee

* Johnny Hawkins of Right Wing News has endorsed Newt Gingrich in the primary. So is Gingrich really the conservative, Tea Party choice now? I had already written him off because of him being extremely unhelpful about the Paul Ryan plan, but he does have a lot of accomplishments (which is unusual for a legislator). We often get candidates who talk conservative and then act left-leaning, so maybe Gingrich is the opposite as he has a number of dumb statements but plenty of conservative actions.

Do you think IMAO should do an endorsement? Or should we retain an air of neutrality? I don’t want people not trusting IMAO.

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33 Responses to “Nuke the News: Another Obama Vacation, Touching Cheney, and Reality on Campus”

  1. hwuu says:

    Thought you already endorsed the Big O for being the greatest president of all time ever.

  2. DamnCat says:

    Or should we retain an air of neutrality?

    That’s what it is! I thought my box needed steam cleaning.

  3. Ernie Loco says:

    Well, if you were really cynical, Frank, you’d endorse Ron Paul(eleventy!). You know there’s no way he’ll actually be the Republican nominee, and that would guarantee a bunch of web traffic. It probably wouldn’t be more difficult than pretending to like Obama in your book.

    If you’re going to make a serious endorsement, you should wait until the nomination process is pretty much wrapped up, or least down to Romney and Not-Romney. While there are still other viable (or even remotely plausible) candidates out there, you run the risk of alienating readers by endorsing a loser. (For example, I’m now mildly pissed at Hawkins for endorsing Gingrich, whom I don’t think very highly of.)

    The only reason you should risk making a serious endorsement before the primaries are all but settled is if you become a True Believer in one of the candidates. And given the current crop of candidates, I don’t find that very likely…

  4. Mel says:

    Gingrich disses Tea Party as “Militant Wing of the GOP”

  5. RJC says:

    “Air of neutrality?” Please, Frank, we know you’re a shill for the dinosaurs-with-rocket-launchers industry and you’ll land squarely on the side of whichever candidate promises that. So, probably Newt (I have a lot of big ideas) Gingrich, probably not Ron (“Dinosaurs with rocket launchers are not in the Constitution!”) Paul.

  6. Crabby Old Bat says:

    “In 2012, we really should just go with some dumb “me want cut taxes” Republican — we deserve no better — and let Obama go on to bigger and better things.”

    But – this is what we are TRYING to do. Why should it be so hard? How about this: The guy who answers every question at a Republican debate with “Taxes bad! Me smash!” gets the nomination. Screw the primaries, the polls, the endless debates. Taxes bad! You smash! Go!

  7. DamnCat says:

    @Mel
    “disses”?
    The GOP needs nothing so much as a militant wing.

  8. hwuu says:

    I’m with Ernie If you indorse Ron Paul!!! not only could you make a fortune selling Tee shirts but surplus Tees would be sell-able again every 4 years (unlike your Fred Thompson hippy puncher shirt)

    You just need some Tee Shirt Ideas. How about:

    We’ve tried Hope, We’ve tried Change,
    It’s time to try Crazy
    Ron Paul!!!

  9. Mxymaster says:

    Ron Paul probably is something like Butter Pecan with nut topping. Romney is vanilla, but I like vanilla, so I guess I’d be okay. Obama is Catastrophic Collapse Ripple.

  10. Big E says:

    I notice down the page that Frank is kind of pushing Huntsman. I think that he forgets that right after the 2008 election, when it looked like the GOP was down for the count and mind-bogglingly stupid jagoffs were writing about the new 40 year Donkey Reich, Huntsman was one of the supposed “conservatives” who dropped to their knees and started carrying Obama’s water trying to “stay relevant”. He backed the stimulous, lauded Obama for just being in general awesome and in many ways too numerous to count proved that he is not coservative or a conservative and is not to be trusted. He spent years inside the Obama foreign policy team, I mean come on Frank.

  11. shane says:

    Endorse Ron Paul, because irony is comedy gold…

    If not, then Santorum, because… well… uh…

    What was I saying?

  12. Yosoff says:

    Endorsements are tricky. If you endorse someone and they win then you’ll be directly responsible for everything they do wrong. That can end up with you being deported to South Dakota after his reign of terror is over. And you definitely don’t want to be deported to South Dakota. You also can’t trust anyone that actually wants to be president, that’s a definite sign that they’re a dangerous egomaniac. The way I see it there are 2 good options.

    1 – Endorse Obama. Then if he wins you can say; “Hey, I endorsed you so now you owe me a half billion dollar green energy loan.” He’ll be all like; “Absolutely! If you hire union workers I’ll make it 3 billion. 4 billion if it’s in a swing state.” Cha-Ching
    2 – Endorse Santa Clause with yourself as the VP candidate. Then if he doesn’t show up for inauguration you get to be president and deport your 5th grade bully to South Dakota.

  13. Capitalist_B says:

    Definitely Ron Paul the eleventieth. You need to explain along with your endorsement that you want the only Republican who would give you better satire openings that Obama.

  14. Capitalist_B says:

    How about this slogan idea?

    ‘Ron Paul, better than the greatest President in the history of everything’

  15. storm1911 says:

    Someone touched Dick Cheney, and lived? Amazing.

    Ice cream flavors:

    * Ron Paul-Tuutti Fruity

    *Romney-Flip Flop Swirl

    *Gingrich- Hot Cinnamin with RedHots for when he blows up

    *Pawlenty-Snow Cream, blander than vanilla\

    *Bachman- Crazy Eyes Cream

    *Obama- Exlax, cuz that is what he is doing the nation.

  16. MarkoMancuso says:

    There is no need to endorse any candidate – especially if that candidate is a fake conservative like half or more of the Republican field – as your readers are all going to vote against Obama anyway.

    You should only endorse a candidate if one worthy of endorsement shows up. Endorsing Gingrich? Frank, just imagine writing that piece of crap:

    I’m endorsing Gingrich because Obama sucks and I hate him. Actually, wait, I’m endorsing the guy who’s not Obama because Obama sucks and I hate him.

  17. Richard Turner says:

    * Did you know Boise has an Occupy movement? I live here, and I didn’t know. Probably not that big.

    I just discovered this about a week ago. I saw the occupy Boise camp and said “Look honey. There’s a bunch of hippies to punch.” My wife refers to them as “the granolas”
    I saw a couple of tents the other day but nobody was actually protesting. I guess if they wanted to be out in the cold they would have gotten jobs.

  18. Jimmy says:

    “And we surround ourselves with bowls of flavored corn chips.”
    “1% of the people eat 40% of the delicious potatoes!”

    That would be me, Frank. But for lunch, I surrounded myself with bowls of delicious, flavored potatoes.

  19. plentyobailouts says:

    The pi-tay-toe is only good as fries. I guess thats why they invented the ti-may-toe. Tu make ketchup fer the pi-tay-toe.

    @Mancuso: “I’m endorsing the guy who’s not obama because obama sucks and I hate him.” FIFY

    I have decided to write in Fred Thompson and Chuck Norris.

    I thought john huntsman was captured by the Chinese or something. Oh yeah, obama sold him to the Chinese.

    john huntsman won’t attend debates because he may have to remove his lips from obama’s rear.

    I heard mitt messed up his hair, and is devastated.

  20. Jimmy says:

    Plenty, come on. Fries were invented by the French. Frank knows that 40% of potatoes are delicious and have nearly infinite ways to delight the palate. The other 60% are good for ordinary eating. Even cats can eat them. Don’t make me come over there and mash your 60% to get your attention! I could also send Crabby Old Bat who could pray a Novena for you.

  21. Veeshir says:

    See, I’d figure you would endorse Obama so you don’t have to run against an incumbent in the 2016 GOP primary.

    There’s nothing too depraved for them.
    They keep letting George Lucas make Star Wars movies, Hollywood is pure malevolence.

    I’m a little surprised you’re not still bragging about your book being the number 1 political humor book, 2 places ahead of Bill Maher.

    As an aside, I’m watching an old tv show (1960) called “Wagon Train” from on Encore westerns. Spock is playing an Indian scout for some bandits. I can’t take the show seriously because I’m supposed to be afraid of him but I just keep laughing every time he comes on.

  22. ussjimmycarter says:

    When Gingrich Blows Chunks, which he will any day now, we are going to be left with Ron Paul or Mittens Romney… Sigh… Double Dog Dare You Sigh!!! Shoot Me Sigh!!!

  23. e pearse says:

    If you are going to do an endorsement you have no choice but to endorse Obama. How could you not? After teaching us how the man is greater than baked bread and apple pie.
    I’m looking forward to read about the reasons for your endorsement. In fact, we would publish it if PJMedia doesn’t want it.

  24. Went West says:

    You could compromise and support Obama for vice-president. They are supposed to be a little useless, I think, and he has really proved himself in that department.
    Gingrich: “Hey, O, you could be my bi-, I mean vice-president.”
    Obama: “Really? I could stay in the White House and play golf all day?”
    Gingrich: “Sure, why the hell not. At least the golf part.”
    Obama: “Oh, I don’t know, but I do like that golf so much…I accept!”
    Gingrich: “That’s the way, uh-huh, I like it.”

    Naah, I guess not.

  25. Jimmy says:

    So, Donald Trump is going to host a debate with a former CNN sleazeball and Gingrich could be the only candidate to attend?

    Romney, Paul and Huntsman have declined and Bachmann and Perry are uncommitted. Don’t know about Santorum or Johnson

    He might be blowing chunks already, ussjimmycarter.

  26. Jimmy says:

    So, while I’m thinking of the Bridge analogy, the only proper candidate bid would be “One No Trump.” I’m rusty… would that be a ‘small slam?’

  27. Mecahawk says:

    You should endorse Fred Thompson again.

  28. EdthePastor says:

    Basil!!!11!!

  29. Burmashave says:

    It should come as little surprise that Boise has an Occupy movement. Even wee Binghamton, NY has Occupy squatters. They’ve destroyed what was a wonderful little city park that had been created just this year. Sign seen by passer-by (me) on the way to the dentist:

    We need want a Christmas tree

    Their most prominent banner (against Verizon) obviously came from a different protest, but what the heck. From the looks of things, I’d say they have more tents than people. Methinks the occupiers are cheating.

  30. 5of7 says:

    From the link:
    On Nov. 21, Fernando Rivas, 59, an award-winning composer for “Sesame Street,” was arraigned on charges of coercing a child “to engage in sexually explicit conduct” in South Carolina. The Juilliard-trained composer was also charged with production and distribution of child pornography.

    ‘Tickle Me Elmo’ should be changed to “Don’t Touch Me, M@#$%$#&*%$R! Elmo” as soon as possible.

  31. Fly says:

    I have officially endorsed Buttercup for president for the following reasons:

    (1) Buttercup’s got the baby card. You thought the race card was a big one, try yelling at a cute baby in public or asking her “gotcha” questions in a debate. “Oooo, you’re black, Obama? Well I am a BABY!” SLAM! TOUCHDOWN sign. I’d pay good money to see that. It would be adorable.

    (2) Nothing will get done in government on her watch/nap. Frank may not know it yet, but Buttercup is his ideal candidate, and I trust Frank. Plus, Buttercup retains the IMAO heir of neutrality!

    (3) Buttercup is her own flavor of ice cream! It’s built right in there like a message from God.

  32. Burmashave says:

    On the other hand, Fly, Buttercup and Obama are tied in the “wail when not happy” category.

  33. Ivan Ivanovich says:

    “I don’t want people not trusting IMAO.”
    What makes you think we trust you now?
    It’s true that Romney is vanilla and with Cain as VP we would have a Hot Fudge Sundae and I love those. The only thing better would be Rumsfeld/Cheney, but we would have to worry about Cheney shooting Rummy, or Rummy launching a premeptive strike.

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