What I learned from not watching the debate

Posted on December 16, 2011 6:00 am

There was a Republican Debate or something in Iowa last night. I think it was on the cable.

I don’t have cable. I watch all my TV over the Internet. That’s how the cool kids do it, anyway.

Not having cable means no Fox News Channel. Sure, there’s a Website or something I can go to, but not having a channel already set up on the Roku makes it easy to decide to just skip the debate.

Besides, there’s always the Twitterz.

The Twitter feeds are always much more fun than watching a bunch of politicians stand around and make smart statements (Newt Gingrich & Mitt Romney) or stupid statements (RONPAUL!!!1!!). Besides, I’ve already picked out who I’m voting for: Not Obama.

Maybe I should go through the trouble of watching the debates. After all, one of those men will be the next president. Okay, I shouldn’t eliminate Michele Bachmann from that. Unless I want to be realistic. And I do. So, one of those men will be the next president.

Ron Paul (RONPAUL!!!1!!1!!) said something stupid. He also said some smart things. And, I’m sure, some of his idiot supporters will stop by here and tell me all about the smart things Ron Paul (RONPAUL!!!1!!11!) said, or why the stupid things Ron Paul (RONPAUL!!!1!!11!) said are really smart and I’m a corporate tool or something. Oh, and FEDERALRESERVE!!!1!!

Newt stepped in it early on, but got better, and by the end of the debate, was rolling along.

Romney said some good things early on, then said some stupid stuff, and had leveled off by the end of the debate.

Rick Perry showed a bit of a sense of humor, said some okay stuff and some not okay stuff.

Huntsman was there. Or Gary Johnson. One of them. I’m not sure which. I don’t think anyone else was sure, either.

Rick Santorum was there. I think he brought the bean dip.

I mentioned Michele Bachmann. She lit into Gingrich a few times. He didn’t unhinge his jaw and devour her, but thought about it.

The Fox News moderators asked some good questions at times, but were trying to prod the candidates into fighting each other for much of the time.

If you watched the debate, let me know if I didn’t sum it up accurately. Because, as I mentioned, I didn’t watch the debate. I didn’t have to. The accuracy of my summary shows that.

Now, does this mean the debates are useless? No, not at all. It’s a good way to get smart people and raving lunatics in the same room and watch the fun. Like a reality show.

I’m thinking if we can do this every week and ask Ron Paul a bunch of foreign policy questions, he’ll eventually get an Emmy for Outstanding Comedy. Maybe that will be a good consolation prize, and he’ll let one of the candidates with some smarts run for president.

Anyway, I didn’t go through the trouble of launching a browser on my TV setup and watching the debate. I have a large supply of Mystery Science Theater 3000 DVDs to go through, so I did something productive with my time.

Maybe I’ll watch the next debate.

Nah. I have Joel and the ‘Bots watching Manos. Told you I was one of the cool kids.

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24 Responses to “What I learned from not watching the debate”

  1. Edward says:

    So, how’s the view from the cheap seats?

  2. Mel says:

    Who’s the BOSS at the debates?

  3. DamnCat says:

    Basil, you sort of skimmed past the most important part: where can I get one of these magic “Roku” things that will exorcise debates from my TV?

  4. Basil says:

    Heh. I loves my Roku! I just wish Fox News would offer streaming thru it. And Red Eye on demand.

    C’mon Fox! Make my Roku even mo’ betta!

  5. EdthePastor says:

    I predict the RONPAUL!!!11!!! trolls will arrive by 9:30 and begin to chastise Basil for his lack of constitutional knowledge at which time he will delight in baiting them to show there butts like mutant howler monkies. Good hunting bwanna

  6. Basil says:

    Pastor Ed:
    I gotta work today, so I’ll not have the opportunity. I expect most of them will tell me that Roku isn’t mentioned in the Constitution, so I’m a tool of the Federal Reserve or something.

  7. Silverfiddle says:

    I didn’t watch it either. I am morally opposed to dwarf fights. I’m sure your summary was accurate.

  8. M says:

    Ron Paul is the BOSS of South Dakota too
    Paul 22%
    Gingrich 19%
    Bachmann 18%
    Perry 15%
    Romney 10%

    SIOUX FALLS — Ron Paul is a narrow choice among South Dakota Republicans in the race to be the GOP presidential nominee in 2012.

    But Newt Gingrich is more likely to be the party’s nominee, they said.

    That’s according to a poll by Nielson Brothers Polling, a Sioux Falls polling firm that conducted a statewide survey earlier this month. According to the poll, Paul, a Texas congressman, has the support of 22 percent of South Dakota Republicans, followed by former speaker of the House Newt Gingrich at 19 percent and Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann with 18 percent.

    Texas Gov. Rick Perry receives 15 percent and former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney was the last of the candidates surveyed with 10 percent.

  9. Mxymaster says:

    Not Manos, the Hands of Fate! Noooooooooooo! You’re better off with the debates.

  10. Ivan Ivanovich says:

    Did anyone notice that Bachmann always mentions how she fought for losing causes. What next? Is she going to attack Russia in winter? Or maybe she can proclaim a new slogan “Vote for the new Boudica! I will lead you into a battle that we will lose and then take some poison!”

  11. General Zod says:

    Torgo 2012 !!!111!!!eleventy!!

  12. slapout says:

    I’ve heard that the rating for the debates have been so good that the series has been renewed for next year!

  13. Capitalist_B says:

    +1 for Zod. (At least, if Torgo will dismantle the Fed and put us on the “big knees it’s good go with it” standard)

  14. EdthePastor says:

    their mutant howler monkey butts not there. They will be here which is there, they’re here. There, They’re and Their. Just have to work on that capitalization thingy next.

    NORRIS!!11!!!! Roundhouse kick settles all debate

  15. Burmashave says:

    If I had a collction of MST3K DVD’s, I wouldn’t leave home, and I certainly wouldn’t spend several spend several hours watching a Fox News debate between Stump Chunkman, Blast Hardcheese and Flint Ironstag.

  16. Jimmy says:

    I watched the whole thing on Fox’s internet stream. Do I get a prize?

    The questions were really stupid. And their answers not much better.

  17. Son of Bob says:

    The solution for mesmerizing the American public with the Republican candidates is to give them nicknames, like “Snookie” and “The Situation.” It’s really that easy.

  18. PaulBot says:

    RESPONSE: Not sure why everyone makes such a big deal about Paul’s foreign policy, including Paul. He has said it himself that he wouldn’t go into another undeclared war. If the people felt that we needed to attack Iran, then we would vote on it and declare war. Paul would make the congress pay for it too. Not sure why this is a big issue…I guess everyone wants to swipe the credit card and go to war without voting on it….Weird.

  19. 5of7 says:

    If they just let the candidates vote someone ‘off the island’ after each debate, we’d have a winner by now!

  20. Geoarrge says:

    Sometimes I get dangerously close to saying “to hell with it” and scribbling the Scantron circle for Ron Paul. Just because he may be the only person willing to make a decent effort at cleaning up the mess the 20th century left us, whereas there are plenty of candidates who’d be willing to clean up Ron Paul’s mess afterwards.

  21. Charon says:

    The master would not approve

  22. Molon Labe says:

    Soory this debate confirmed for me that:
    Ron Paul is the crazy uncle your family doesn’t talk about
    Romney should have sold used cars.
    Newt runs the three card Monte game on the corner.
    Hunstman is a great Democrat.
    Bachman should make her points and not mention her kids or allow anyone to talk down to her. Just kick Newt in the balls.
    Santorium proves the American people dislike candor, experience, accomplishment, and talent in favor of Elmer Gantry manners and speech and plastic hair.

  23. 5of7 says:

    Dang, I was going to make a comment about Jeb Bush maybe getting into the race, and I spilled my beer on the keyboard. (Could be an Omen!)

  24. PapaTodd says:

    There is no way out of here. It’ll be dark soon. There is no way out of here.

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