Nuke the News: The Party of Junk Touching
* Well, I had some doubts about Newt Gingrich, but it’s time to give those up since FRED THOMPSON HAS ENDORSED HIM!
As you may recall, after careful consideration, IMAO decided to endorse Fred Thompson in the 2008 primary.
Fred Thompson Fact: If you have doubts about Newt’s electability, Fred Thompson will punch you in the face so hard your body will explode.
* While Fred Thompson was endorsing Newt last night, there was the 34,567th Republican debate going on — which I assume will be the last since they’re rather pointless now that Fred Thompson has told us who to choose. Romney was on the attack –hitting Newt on his ties to Fannie and Freddie — and actually came off a little desperate. And for some reason they didn’t allow the audience to make any noise, which seemed to hamper Newt who always likes getting the audience riled. Anyway, I only watched part of it; it was boring. And I had a lot of important things to do in Skyrim.
* Romney released his tax returns and he paid $6.2 million in taxes in the last two years. Think of it; that’s millions of dollars that could have been invested in business or given to charity to help people, but instead that money went to Washington to die. It’s very sad.
* Rand Paul was detained by the TSA for not wanting them to touch his junk. The White House was quick to defend the TSA saying, “We’ll touch whoever’s junk we want whenever we feel like it! Your junk is our property!”
Well, there’s another contrast the Republicans can make with Obama for the 2012: The Democrats are the party of junk-touching. I don’t know how big the pervert vote is, but I don’t think it will be enough to ensure Obama a win.
* A memo from Larry Summers has revealed what was the strategy for Obama’s economics plans, and it ends up it was more about advancing a liberal agenda of green nonsense and what not than actually helping the economy. Plus they knew they were heading towards a cliff on debt but decided not to care.
And it’s known that Warren Buffet is going to be a guest for the State of the Union tonight to help Obama push for more taxes on the rich because that will help the economy by…
There is no logical conclusion to that sentence.
As bad as the Republican primary has looked, it’s important to remember that the least serious candidate for president is the incumbent.
* Wisdom of the Day from Basil:
What happens if an unelectable Republican runs against an unreelectable Democrat?
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January 24th, 2012 at 11:27 am
If Rand Paul had been, say, Patrick Kennedy, he would have been drunk, he would have been driving, and he would have remembered even in his drunken haze that the way to get out of police detention is to claim that he is on his way to a congressional vote.
But he is Rand Paul, so endured it and then described the incident.
January 24th, 2012 at 11:32 am
January 24th, 2012 at 11:40 am
Yes, this election is certainly the “movable force meets resistible object” election.
I plan on getting drunk November 5 and hoping that when I wake up November 7 I can pretend it was all just a dream.
January 24th, 2012 at 12:04 pm
Wisdom of the Day from Basil:
What happens if an unelectable Republican runs against an unreelectable Democrat?
I believe the Constitution says that in that case we can throw them all out and start over. I can’t find where it says that in the Constitution at the moment, however, since there’s also no mention of a “separation of church and state” mentioned in the Constitution either, I’m pretty sure we can just say it’s in there somewhere.
January 24th, 2012 at 12:30 pm
Scenario One: Republican wins and we spend the next four years complaining about how stupid he is.
Scenario Two: Democrat wins and we spend the next four years trying to get on unemployment, the only logical money making option.
January 24th, 2012 at 12:47 pm
“As bad as the Republican primary has looked, it’s important to remember that the least serious candidate for president is the incumbent.”
Yeah, well, I guess I’m still looking for Not Obama, Not Romney, Not Gingrich, Not Paul and Not Santorum.
Maybe I’m looking for Not Anyone.
But I’m fearful of SOB’s proposal of starting over because it’s possible that he/she doesn’t exist.
However, I know they exist because if someone asked me for a list of people who embodied real “Republicanism” in the last 10 years, it would include such names as:
Fred Thompson
Sarah Palin
Paul Ryan
Bobby Jindal
Duncan Hunter
John Bolton
Alan Simpson
Alan West
But we can’t have any of those. Noo. Huh uh. Nope. I have to settle for one of the “Nots.”
January 24th, 2012 at 12:59 pm
the best thing about last night’s debate is that i never did find it. rumor is nbc carried it.
January 24th, 2012 at 1:24 pm
I thank God that I, an independent, am under no obligation – personal or otherwise – to endorse any of these jack o’ lanterns.
January 24th, 2012 at 1:31 pm
Gosh, I hit submit and it’s a no-show. Oh, well.
BTW, it was fun reading your 2007 Fred Thompson endorsement post, Frank. But I’m left wondering where all those 2007 commenters went.
January 24th, 2012 at 1:41 pm
Fred Thompson is no Chuck Norris…
January 24th, 2012 at 1:50 pm
Beating worthless incumbent politicians to a bloody pulp is a right that comes under the penumbra of the 2nd amendment.
January 24th, 2012 at 2:11 pm
“If you have doubts about Newt’s electability [sic], Fred Thompson will punch you in the face so hard your great great grand children’s bodies will explode.”
FIFY
I tried to play beer pong with Fred Thompson, but he kept breaking the glasses.
We tried playing beer pong with barry absama, but his ears were to big to fit in the glass.
Newt yelled at the glasses for being absurd. romney thought both sides were just right.
I have decided to go with Ron Paul!!111 because I too, am anti-kids on my lawn!
Do we never see barry’s mother because she is dead or because she is white?
Someone should tell barry who his father was. No it wasn’t Curious George.
January 24th, 2012 at 2:12 pm
“What happens if an unelectable Republican runs against an unreelectable Democrat?”
a. RonPaul!!!!11!!
b. A singularity
c. France
d. Frank J decrees Buttercup is Presidente
January 24th, 2012 at 2:30 pm
I think I was mistaken about being a libertarian. The idea of no president at all makes me realize I am actually an Anarchist.
Too bad we never seem to be able to get organized.
January 24th, 2012 at 2:57 pm
hwuu! Say it isn’t so. You can’t be the Antichrist!
January 24th, 2012 at 3:45 pm
Dang it, I was going to say the answer to Basil’s musing was “Ron Paul!!11!eleventy” but somebody already beat me to it.
But in all seriousness, with two crappy candidates, the turn out will be low, and everyone sucks it up and votes against Obama because the economy still sucks majorly. But it might be close.
January 24th, 2012 at 4:30 pm
> Plentyobailouts
> Do we never see barry’s mother because she is dead or because she is white?
Both.
January 24th, 2012 at 4:30 pm
@tomg51:
e. Basil’s Bizarro World is the new normal.
f. The God particle is not found – but the Satan particle is!
g. Christie is photographed with his Depends in a wad (oh, the
humanityfeces).h. Meteors.
January 24th, 2012 at 4:41 pm
All this election stuff is a waste of time because…..WERE ALL GOING TO DIE! Least that’s what the Mayans and Nostrildomus say…..
January 24th, 2012 at 4:45 pm
If the Mayans were so good at predicting stuff, why aren’t there any Mayans?
January 24th, 2012 at 4:46 pm
Basil, that’s Terrible.
Of course there are Mayans.
You just have to ask for them.
(this day is shot)
January 24th, 2012 at 5:42 pm
TerribleTroy, I am distressed to have to agree with you. I don’t have a calendar this year which means that the earth will soon end.
January 24th, 2012 at 5:54 pm
I don’t understand:
If the TSA touches our junk, why can’t we squeal and giggle as though we really like it?
January 24th, 2012 at 5:55 pm
Basil, I’m SO stealing #20.
January 24th, 2012 at 6:33 pm
It’s right there between the penumbras and the “living, breathing” section. You probably got distracted by all the shadows and gasping. Go look again.
January 24th, 2012 at 6:41 pm
Fred Thompson is no Chuck Norris??? Who said that??? You are to be SHUNNED!!! Shunned and also Smoted good by the Almighty I’m pretty sure!!! So get ready for some serious Shunning and some Smoting on your sorry butt!!!
January 24th, 2012 at 6:45 pm
Oh, thanks Crabby. I found it. It was right by the part that talks about how it’s okay to kill babies you don’t want. Thanks!
January 24th, 2012 at 7:04 pm
CarolynthePregnant, you mean you’re faking it?
January 24th, 2012 at 7:10 pm
We are shunning and smoting now? Cool! I thought we were going to have to wait at least 7 years.
Racing tip of the day. Bet everything on the rider of the white horse in the last race.
January 24th, 2012 at 7:14 pm
That’s fine, Ed. But your last tip landed me a anorexic, celestial doll with crappy wings that broke apart when it entered the Earth’s atmosphere (I was gonna say upon reentry, but I’m already in trouble). So, I ain’t bettin’ on no horse of yours.
January 24th, 2012 at 8:38 pm
Ed if I’m not mistaken the jockey on the white horse is the antiChrist. …Or a libertarian I need to recheck my sources.
January 24th, 2012 at 8:52 pm
Fun Fred Thompson Fact: Fred Thompson doesn’t do pushups: He just holds his arms out and the Earth rises up to meet him.
January 24th, 2012 at 11:03 pm
Calling Fred Thompson…
Come in Fred Thompson…
Over…
*static*
Republic in great danger.
Repeat. Danger.
Over…
*static*
This is Lawrence, Kansas…
Is anyone there?
Over…
(*static*)
January 25th, 2012 at 1:52 am
#31 – hwuu,
“Then I saw heaven opened, and behold, a white horse! He who sat upon it is called Faithful and True, and in righteousness he judges and makes war.”
Revelation 19:11
I think that’s the rider Ed the pastor was referring to.
The other guy was an early leader, but he didn’t have the staying power.
January 25th, 2012 at 6:19 am
Wait a minute! You mean Jesus isn’t the pacifist wuss that they would have us believe? Funny? “makes war”… Hmmm!!! I think he has some smotin’ to do!!!
January 25th, 2012 at 6:21 am
A TSA worker grabbed Fred Thompson’s junk at the airport and his junk tore off the TSA workers arm!
January 25th, 2012 at 8:40 am
The Mayans EXIST! They are just in another dimension!…..Do I really need to put a sarc tag here?
Im sorry, as much as I respect Fred Thompson, in a battle with Chuck Norris, Chuck would look at Fred and Fred’s goofy beard would wither and fall off out of respect for Chucks boot. (it wouldn’t want to scuff the polish)
January 25th, 2012 at 8:46 am
@4 of 7
My bad. I thought Ed was referring to the first Horse.
Rev 6:2 “I looked, and behold, a white horse, and he who sat on it had a bow; and a crown was given to him, and he went out conquering and to conquer. “
January 26th, 2012 at 1:26 am
Exactly.
