Nuke the News: Newt! Newt! Newt!

* So, are we really doing this? Newt Gingrich won the South Carolina primary — and by a large margin. And now polls have him leading in Florida. This seems a little… crazy.

I mean, I know we all don’t like Mitt Romney, and New Gingrich is very good at not being Mitt Romney, but the guy ends up angering us about as much as the left. And the general American population doesn’t like him.

Then again, he’s crazy. Maybe in these weird times, that’s what we need. Plus he has actual accomplishments to run on and was Speaker of the House when we last actually balanced the budget. And he’ll probably go after Obama and go after him hard. Hopefully he’ll get under Obama’s skin more than everyone else will get under his. And he’ll drive the left insane, and the more insane they are, the more that helps us in making them and their candidates unelectable.

Jonah Goldberg has a good article on Newt. The establishment conservatives are freaking out about this “unelectable” candidate, but if these are extraordinary times, nominating an extreme moderate like Romney is tantamount to giving up. And in the long run, that’s the suicidal move.

* BTW, Chuck Norris has endorsed Newt Gingrich. Roundhouse kick!

* So what’s Obama up to? Knowing him, it’s nothing that would be useful to anyone. Oh yeah, he’s preparing for his State of the Union speech Tuesday. I can tell you the State of the Union now: Not very good because we have an awful president. I doubt that’s what Obama will say, though, as this will really be a campaign speech for him.

“You like that last four years and want more of that?” No that’s not going to work…

“Wanna see how many more trillions I can spend?” No, that won’t help either. He’s really going to be a tough sell.

“The Republicans are extremists!” Not great either, but it’s about all he has.

* Words of Wisdom from Jim Geraghty:

When you watch The Phantom Menace in 3-D, the acting is upgraded to two-dimensional.

* Man, I always have trouble with these on Monday as I just don’t pay much attention to the news on the weekends. Plus, all of it right now is “Newt! Newt! Newt!” So what do you all think? The choice is basically Romney or Newt. Or pointlessly hope for a brokered convention. Romney is supposed to be electable… but he’s also kind of pointless. And Newt… well, he’s going to be a challenge. And he might not even be that good as president as he fancies himself an intellectual which I distrust. It’s like Sophie’s Choice if Sophie didn’t really like either of her kids.

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Random Thoughts

Obama’s biggest reelection challenge is that he’s not very good at being president and everyone knows it.

I guess I’m honored that Newsweek picked what I said as one of the top tweets making fun of them.

Drinking coffee from a glass mug just seems wrong. Coffee should only be seen from the top.

“Are you a TRY-angle or a GIVE UP-angle?” -part of my motivational speech to geometric shapes

Just realized I have no idea what state Newt was a representative of. Did he represent it well?

Like would you say, “If I were to come up with a human personification of that state, Newt would be it.” Hard to imagine a state like that.

Gingrich up to 28% of winning the nomination on Intrade. Did we forget why we soured on him the first two times?

Why did we sour on him the first two times?

Newt thinks he can win the presidency, and he seems pretty smart. Sometimes.

If there’s one lesson we can learn from the presidential campaign is that it’s much healthier to not to take this all so seriously.

Newt vs. Obama does like a strategic blunder, but it could also be the most awesome campaign battle of my lifetime.

It’s not enough to beat Obama. We need to beat him with someone the left really hates.

For Newt’s big speeches, he should have a moderator asking him questions so he can yell at him.

So how long does Newt have to implode and regain momentum before the Florida primary?

So basically the GOP is taking their 2012 strategy from Thelma and Louise.

When you imagine how apoplectic the left will be if Newt actually beats Obama, it’s almost worth the risk.

Romney is electable. Problem is that’s all he is. An election is a means, not an end.

Love how because of the polar bears, Buttercup loudly shouts, “Rarr!” whenever she sees a Coke can.

Morgan Freeman saying “epic” just seems wrong.

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Open Thread: Newt got better

After opening the week behind Mitt Romney according to the polls of South Carolina voters, Fox News’ Juan Williams, ABC News/ex-wife Number Two, and CNN’s John King gave Newt Gingrich a shot in the arm. Gingrich pulled out a big win in the South Carolina primary tonight.

I won’t spend a lot of time on this. We’ll be digesting it. Some of us are happy. Some of us are appalled. Some of us, well, we’re just entertained.

Frank will have lots to say about this, probably Monday, based on his Twitter feed. But, for now, I’m going to follow IMAO commenter Jimmy’s suggestion and open this up for comments.

Yes, it’s Saturday night. There could be some things said in the heat of liquor that need to be corrected tomorrow. But, for now, it’s an open thread.

What do YOU think about the primary results? Or the races ahead?

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Nuke the News: Eye of Newt

* So, Newt surged to be frontrunner a month or so back and then everyone just kind of faded on him because, well, he’s Newt and he’s unstable. But I guess Romney marching to the nomination was just too bitter a pill to swallow as — BOOM! — Newt is surging in popularity again and it’s looking like he’s going to win South Carolina. Are we really going to do this?

Yeah, it’s fun to see Newt yell at moderators and we want to see him do that at Obama too, but the guy says some crazy stuff. And not always crazy conservative stuff. He’s a bomb, and we never know if he’s going to blow up the enemy or explode in our faces.

Then again, Romney is so boring and useless. It’s going to be a big effort to get anything done about the debt and the size of government, and I don’t see moderate Romney making the attempt. I’m almost of the mind that if we’re going to fail, let’s at least fail spectacularly.

So maybe we should stand behind Newt… but far behind. With a bomb shield in between us.

* BTW, here’s video from last night’s debate of Newt belittling the moderator for bringing up Newt’s crazy personal life:

I have to admit, that’s fun to watch. And if you imagine Obama in place of the moderator, that would be awesome. Would it win an election? I don’t know. But it just seems like someone really needs to publicly lecture Obama on how much he sucks.

* BTW, is Rick Santorum still around? Despite winning Iowa and doing well other places, no one seems to talk about him and everyone acts like the race is Romney and Newt. I think he’s just too whiny for people to envision as president. Plus, I’ve still never understood what his qualifications are supposed to be as he served as Senator a little while but I don’t know of anything too important he’s done. Still, he brought the long knives to the debate last night and was the first person to really go after Romney on Romneycare. If only Tim Pawlenty could have done the same.

* Obama went to Disney World. I heard no one was able to wear those Mickey ears hats as Obama was convinced they were making fun of him.

Know what, it just looks right him standing in front of Cinderella’s castle. Maybe he should stay there and be the Disney World president who tourists come to get photos with… you know, and someone more serious could handle the actual presidenting job. Or Newt.

* Wisdom of the Day from Jon G.:

Santorum would make a good town elder in Footloose.

* A monkey thought to be extinct has been rediscovered in the jungles of Borneo. Man, every time I think we’re making progress…

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Random Thoughts

The Keystone pipeline would make greens unhappy, and can you put a price tag on happiness? If you did, it’s apparently billions of dollars

“I have invented colorful dough that kids can mold into shapes. I shall name it after myself.” -Plato

Nominating Newt is one of those plans you’d suffix with “It’s so crazy, it just might work!”

2nd look at Newt! (or are we up to 3rd now?)

I have no idea whether Newt would be a good or bad president, but I’m absolutely certain he’d be a hilarious one.

If you don’t care so much about winning as you do making sure the election season is crazy awesome, Newt is the way to go.

Mitt or Newt? Do we choose to die of boredom or in a massive explosion?

Newt 2012: “Hug the grizzly bear and hope for the best.”

“Newtonium is a powerful, unstable element that could easily kill us all when handled.”
“I only heard ‘powerful’.”

We Republicans set our expectations way too high by having any.

I know this slate of candidates looks bad, but I’m political satirist, so all I see is a secure financial future. If we can somehow get Newt to be president, that alone should propel me into the 1%.

Today is the day I finally teach Buttercup to say, “Arrr!” like a pirate.

The Republican primary reminds of that year with American Idol where Sanjaya kept sticking around while actual good singers were voted off.

I WATCH AMERICAN IDOL WITH MY WIFE BECAUSE I’M A GOOD HUSBAND!!!

If you’ve designed a government that relies on good competent people to run it, you’ve designed a government to fail.

Romney: “Let me just talk a lot until you tune out and assume I answered the charge.”

Why is Ron Paul still in debates? I know they usually go by polling on who should attend, but shouldn’t there be a nuttiness standard?

There’s nothing easier than coasting as a legislator. It’s not much by itself to run on.

The best way for someone as rich as Romney to get more sympathy is to bring into his home an adorable orphan.

Why do I care about Mitt Romney’s tax returns? Does he owe me something?

Ron Paul doesn’t take lobbyist money. He sticks to honest racist newsletter money.

In a better world, our income wouldn’t even be the government’s business.

Government works for us. We need to see its budget, not the other way around.

They’d hire 500,000 Americans if enough of them would work for $0.10 an hour.

We like outsourcing poverty.

I don’t like borders. I don’t like foreign countries touching us.

A Lincoln-Douglas debate is just like a regular debate but with stovepipe hats. In other words, a Lincoln-Douglas debate IS AWESOME!

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Microsoft apps

Microsoft is developing a new app for their phones. And a lot of people are getting their panties in a wad over it.

The app is still under development, but word of it has leaked out, as has the working title of the app: Avoid The Ghetto.

According to the patent filing, the app is to help a pedestrian avoid “traveling through an unsafe neighborhood or being in an open area that is subject to harsh temperatures.” It uses weather data, crime stats, and such to make the determination.

Well, the NAACP is all up in arms over that. Or is going to be:

“I’m going to be up in arms about it if it happens,” said Dallas NAACP President Juanita Wallace.

Wallace spent her afternoon at a rally on Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd. and said she felt safe there, but fears the app may project otherwise.

“Can you imagine me not being able to go to MLK Blvd. because my GPS says that’s a dangerous crime area? I can’t even imagine that,” she said.

The thing she’s missing is that it won’t say that MLK Boulevard is a high crime area unless, well, stats show it’s a high crime area.

You think maybe the problem isn’t that people are pointing out that crime occurs, but that crime occurs? Nah, that’d make too much sense to actually address the real problem, when fake outrage over fake problems is much more fun.

But, you know, maybe Microsoft is on to something. I wonder what other apps they could develop.

  • Avoid The Idiots. Using voter registration roles, it could find where Democrats live, and then you could avoid having to deal with idiots.
  • Avoid The Tide. Using college records, it could find where Alabama fans live and help you not get someone’s wang thrust in your face.
  • Avoid The Crazy Women. Using information from Facebook, dating sites, and news stories, it will help you avoid hooking up with the future Ex-Mrs. Ex-Speaker Of The House. (Boy, could I have used this one, once upon a time!)

There are probably several apps that could be developed that would be of benefit.

Maybe I need to rethink my position on Microsoft being all evil and such.

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Nuke the News: We Didn’t Save a Pretzel for the Gas Jets

* So it’s looks like Rick Perry is dropping out. He seemed like such a good candidate with his conservative credentials and Texas jobs record, but then in the debates he appeared inebriated, confused, and like he wasn’t completely familiar with the English language. It was just a scary prospect to make him our nominee. Also, him calling most Republicans “heartless” for not wanting to pay for college tuition of illegal aliens indicated that maybe he didn’t have a firm a grasp of conservative principles as we thought.

It seems strange he’d drop out only two days before the South Carolina primary… unless he really wants to see Mitt Romney defeated. Intrade had Gingrich with an 8% chance of winning that primary, but now he’s jumped to 30%. So maybe there is a chance to finally bring down the establishment candidate Romney who is being shoved down our throats and instead elect the insurgent… former Speaker of the House.

What are we trying to do again?

* Iowa said that Santorum actually won their primary caucus by 34 votes… but they can’t certify it cause pigs done ate the votes or something. Why do we let Iowa be the first primary state to vote? If they can’t even get a simple vote together, I’m starting to wonder why we even let them be a state.

* Obama has decided not to approve the Keystone pipeline. It would have provided oil and jobs, but it’s not like we really need any of that right now. What it also would have done is make environmentalists unhappy, and can you really put a price tag on the happiness of environmentalists? If you did, it would apparently be billions of dollars.

* Obama is claiming in new ads that evil billionaires are after him. Oh no, poor millionaire being bullied by billionaires!

Hey, if you ever want a good example of a millionaire who has done nothing useful to society to earn it, you got a great example sitting right there in the White House. What useful thing has Obama ever done that would lead to him being rich? Community organizer? His success does seem like an indictment of capitalism.

* According to a recent poll, 52% of people think Obama has accomplished “not much” or “little or nothing.” So next time someone charges that Obama has ruined the economy, he can point to this poll and say, “No, most people say I’ve hardly done anything at all.”

* Wisdom of the Day from Brian Lehman:

Movies are best enjoyed knowing nothing about guns, computers, science, or human nature.

* I finally figured out what’s bothered me so much about all the anti-SOPA stuff. It’s that a lot of people outraged by it are the same people who are for ignorant politicians regulating everything else in our lives. It’s like they don’t care if we’re free in the real world, but they just want to pretend to be free online. Why can’t they muster this outrage when know-nothing idiots tell us what light bulbs we can buy or people who’ve never even held a gun try to dictate how they should be made?

And really, the government has more of a claim to regulate the internet than other things since it created the internet — or at least Senators Al Gore and Ted Stevens did when they duct taped together a bunch of tubes.

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Random Thoughts

Because of Sesame Streets’s The Count, our generation grew up not fearing vampires and thus the Twilight series happened.

What Mark Wahlberg said wan’t that ridiculous. He usually beats someone up every flight he’s on.

I don’t get the left freaking out over SOPA but not over other regulation. It’s like they only want to pretend to be free online.

Let’s just send Mark Wahlberg to Congress, shut the doors for a few hours, and then everything should be solved.

I’d much rather have annoying gun regulation to follow in Call of Duty than in real life.

“Sorry, you’re going to have to leave your gun. Your concealed carry permit isn’t valid for level 3.”

Romney: “I tried to release my tax returns, but Turbo Tax is too confusing. Timothy Geithner can back me up on this.”

Young Gingrich picture on Drudge looks like Dwight Schrute.

If I were Romney, I don’t know how I’d be able to stop myself from eventually yelling, “SHUT UP, YOU STUPID POOR PEOPLE!!!”

I only once accidentally tried to look something up on Wikipedia yesterday. It was a videogame.

Weird. On Chuck, Col. Casey (Adam Baldwin) said, “I have one mag left.” But close caption was, “I have one clip left.” Made us laugh. Maybe the actor had it right but the script had it wrong.

We watch all shows with close caption because we have a Buttercup. Wish Netflix had more shows with subtitle options.

Buttercup can count to two as long as you supply her the “one”.
“One.”
“TWO!!!”

Knowing stuff about guns can ruin movies. Sure, it looks cool to cock a 1911, but that should never happen in normal usage.

Ever try gently lowering the hammer on a 1911? Takes two hands because of the grip safety. Would never do it with a round in the chamber. But that’s what you would have to have done previously if you’re now cocking a 1911 to threaten someone.

Also remember a book where someone disengaged the safety on a 1911 and then chambered a round. A ridiculous sequence of events. I hope someone was fired for that one.

If Iowa can’t run a simple primary, maybe we should revoke their statehood.

“We don’t know who won ’cause pigs done ate the votes.”

Perry looked so good on paper but looked like such a bad idea in the debates.

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Nuke the News: Wikipedia Is Down, So Just Try and Disprove Any of This

* So Wikipedia has gone dark today. It’s because they’re protesting SOPA which is… I dunno, some sort of internet bill that people think is too obtrusive because it… well, I haven’t heard a succinct explanation yet. I assume it’s pretty stupid because politicians came up with it, but I don’t know the details. I guess I could look it up… oh wait, Wikipedia isn’t working today. Now where am I supposed to look up obscure things about TV shows from my youth?

Jonah Goldberg has a great idea: Spend the day making stuff up. No one will be able to disprove you.

* Newt built a little momentum from slapping down Obama as the “food stamp president”, but it still isn’t going to happen. Intrade has Romney at 91.2% chance of being the nominee, and at this point it doesn’t matter what cool line someone can come up with; the only way Romney could be stopped is to have some sort of epic stumble heretofore unknown. Like video of him running over a poor person in a limousine while laughing… but Romney has been very careful never to let that be videotaped.

Plus, I just don’t trust Newt. One day he’s an awesome conservative, the next day he’s worried Paul Ryan’s necessary budget plan is too harsh and mean. And then he’s throwing red meat to the right just before attacking capitalism in the form of the investment firm Romney worked for. I like one Newt, but I’m scared of the other. Can’t elect Newt unless we know which one we’ll get.

* How do you know you’re super radical fringe? Even Nancy Pelosi is trying to distance herself from you. Yes, suddenly Democrats are realizing that maybe a bunch of violent, incoherent hippies is not the path to reelection. Still, they keep Nancy Pelosi around, which means they haven’t quite figured out how to become appealing to the general public.

* Wisdom of the Day from M:

If you take the word “spatula” out of the dictionary it’s just a list of things that aren’t spatulas.

* Man, I’m just out of stuff to say today. Stupid news; be more interesting.

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Random Thoughts

Don’t urinate on a copy of the latest issue of Newsweek as it’s wrong to pee on corpses.

No Wikipedia today? I better look up those Firefly episode synopses now.

Turkey says if Perry doesn’t apologize for calling them Islamic terrorists they’ll suicide bomb him.

Hippies are protesting SOAP today.

So why are sites going dark today? To raise awareness? I hate awareness.

I remember when I was a kid and wasn’t aware of anything. That was awesome. Also got to spend all day playing Atari.

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lolterizt! Part 149

This week terrorists, next week That One. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com

Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.


This section is all me (Harvey):


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My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

From Arik:

From Arik:

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From Arik:

From Arik:

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From BillyRayBob:

From James:

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From Mike:

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From me (Harvey):

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This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:


Arik for “soy un perdedor”. I’ve heard that song a million times, but never knew what they were singing in that part.

I wish I could give it to me for “The Aristocrats”, but I doubt you guys are that innocent.

What say you?


PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolterizt! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

HAT TIP: Brian of Snapped Shot‘s magnificent EvilFeed – the world’s best source for ripe-for-captioning terrorist photos.

Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

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Nuke the News: Obama to Shrink Government, Number of People Who Believe Him

* There was the 840th Republican debate last night. I only caught a bit of it, but apparently it was one of Romney’s worst debates. Of course, it doesn’t really matter as we’re only a few more primaries away from where we stop pretending someone else might be the nominee. The main thing now is to watch Romney talk policy and see if we can now get energized by him to stand with him against Obama.

Not quite feeling it yet. Maybe I need to take another blue pill.

* Huntsman wasn’t a part of the debate as he finally realized the inevitable that he wasn’t going to turn a third place finish in New Hampshire into the presidency. If you’re going to run for the Republican nomination, you have to at least act like you’re not ashamed of Republicans.

Maybe he should have made it more known that he can speak Chinese. That totally should have clinched it for him.

* Obama says he plans to shrink government. Yeah, we totally believe him on that. And it was a great pitch: “I’m going to shrink government smaller than you’ve ever seen in your lifetime. By the way, give me 1.2 trillion more dollars.”

I know Obama is desperate about his reelection chances, but he has to try to make some claims that are at least somewhat plausible. Like instead, he should have said, “I plan to increase government at a slower rate than I did before.” I still wouldn’t believe that — he probably will increase it slower because of more Republicans in Congress, not because it was his “plan” — but it’s more plausible.

* So, have you seen the new Newsweek cover? My first reaction was “I don’t remember writing a satire piece for Newsweek.” Oh, Newsweek claims it’s supposed to be serious. If so, then why did they hire Andrew Sullivan to write it?

Really, that’s the sort of trolling that would be shameful if done on my blog, but for a magazine trying to pretend it’s still respectful? Just remember not to urinate on a copy of Newsweek as it’s wrong to pee on corpses.

* A Canadian doctor is suggesting that patients not be told the sex of their unborn baby so as to stop gender-based abortions. I guess that’s… one way to go about stopping that.

Who would have guessed killing babies could lead to other ethical dilemmas?

* Wisdom of the Day from Derek Hunter:

Same media that wouldn’t show cartoons of Muhammad for fear of enraging the Muslim world runs the urine pictures/video non-stop.

* Much like with evolution, there is a new controversy about teaching about global warming in the classroom. We’re always going to have controversy over what’s taught in school because having the government pick what your kids should learn is just begging for trouble. That’s why public schools are always going to be a round peg shoved into the square hole of our concept of liberty.

Here’s my idea: Just don’t teach science in public school. Most of what I was taught as scientific fact as a kid is outdated now, so what’s the point? I know we have like a dozen years of education to fill and science seems like a good filler, but why don’t instead we just teach kids the scientific method and if they want to know what the current consensus is they can look it up on Wikipedia. The internet is also science.

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Random Thoughts

In Ron Paul’s new fundraiser, he’s going to dance while people throw nickels at him.

I heard in a speech the other day, Obama announced he’s going to do something. That’s always been a bad idea. He’s just not good at that.

Obama should practice standing still, smiling, and waving at people. I think he could get really good at that.

I don’t like to criticize people in the military, but if you’re going to pee on dead Taliban, maybe you shouldn’t videotape it.

Of course, there are lots of thing I don’t understand why people would videotape. Like Meghan McCain talking politics.

To keep the left from complaining, the next time we occupy a country the military should just claim it’s to protest their banks.

Pretty much every modern crime procedural is just a ripoff of Scooby Doo.

Before using a urinal, I always check it for dead Taliban so I don’t get in trouble.

I’m not in the military, but it is in my company’s employee handbook not to pee on corpses.

Is it always wrong to pee on corpses? Like let’s say you just killed Hitler and you also had drank a whole pot of coffee. So, you really have to go, but you don’t see a bathroom around. But, right there in front of you, there’s dead Hitler.

Remember how the media kept explaining a shoe thrown at Bush’s head was a big insult in the Middle East. Wonder if the Middle East media is doing same thing about peeing on corpses. “In the West, peeing on a corpse is a huge insult, somewhat similar to our hitting people with a shoe.”

That’s right; our Marines should stick to the culturally sensitive hitting corpse in the face with shoes.

Have we nominated Romney yet?

Maybe we need one more debate where they can weigh in on peeing on Taliban. Also, I’d like here more about their views on contraception.

And the doctor said, “No more monkeys jumping on the bed! In fact, put them in cages; they’re monkeys.”

Panda bears don’t often mate successfully in captivity because the best pickup lines are learned in the wild.

Marsupials kind of seem like a hack fix to the whole live birth problem.

I remember reading Newsweek as a kid, but now I’m a responsible adult and they’re the ones trolling on the internet.

Of course, even as a teenager, I found their stories patronizing.

So is Newsweek sticking to left-wing trolling, or will they have a cover of “Why the Star Wars prequels are better than the original.”?

“So we’re just going to try trolling for attention now. So who do we want as a writer?”
“Andrew Sullivan.”
“Genius.”

Tried to show Buttercup how to jump. She just does squats while yelling “Jump! Jump!” over and over.

Don’t remember that from any child development list: When are they supposed to be able to jump?

I don’t get why we care about Golden Globes. What kind of cash prize do they come with?

If Martin Luther King were alive today, I’d hope he work somewhere that gave him MLK Day off.

Sure judging people by the color of their skin versus the content of their character is bad, but there is a huge time savings.

Man, tough pill to swallow to realize that Romney as our president is the best case scenario.

To be honest, what’s left with these debates except to find out how much buyer’s remorse we have about Romney?

Voter ID is a duh issue. You’re either for voter fraud or you aren’t. All the other stances are BS.

Here’s my grand vision for the future: giant robots stomping on Taliban. They’ll hate us for our giant robots. And fear us.

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Only Career Politicians Should Be President

I have the day off for Martin Luther King Day so I’m going to spend the day concentrating on not being racist instead of blogging, but I do have a new column in the New York Post on how we should only elect a president who hasn’t been sullied by working in a private sector, for-profit job.

Isn’t there something just so reassuring about a career politician? He has never worried about “profit” or “efficiency” or “success”; his every job has involved only helping people.

Read and be ensmartened.

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Nuke the News: Another Trillion Should Solve Everything

* Sorry, been a bad week for blogging for me. Good news: I’m making some progress on my next book which I promise to be the funniest book ever and solve all our nation’s problems. It might create new problems for other nations, but that’s not my concern.

* Good news: Conservatives still more popular a political identification than moderate or liberal. Of course, I wonder how many “moderates” are really liberals to chicken to call themselves liberals. And fringe liberals love to think they’re moderate and reasonable. So while we shouldn’t trust liberals, we extra shouldn’t trust moderates as they’re probably just confused liberals.

* Obama wants another $1.2 trillion in tax dollars to… I guess to have something to do. I don’t think he knows anything to do as president other than spend money. Maybe people need to just show him a new activity and that would help slow down the deficit. I bet he would be good at… um… maybe people could just send him to the store to fetch things. Just make sure to tell him he’s really smart whether he succeeds or not.

* What’s up with Haley Barbour? It’s like he was all, “Now that I’m done being governor, I’m going to flood the state with murderers so no one can ever rule it again.” I mean, that’s the only logical explanation I can come up with so far as he hasn’t offered any.

* Apparently, American troops are peeing on dead Taliban. Is Obama cutting troop funding so much that troops don’t even have proper latrines and instead have to rely on dead Taliban for relieving themselves? This is an outrage; someone has to hold Obama accountable.

* Kinda odd for the Daily Show to go after someone using harsh rhetoric against the Tea Party, but here you go. Pretty funny.

It wouldn’t hurt for more people to go after liberal hypocrisy on civility. The right might actually might listen to the left if they said things like, “Here’s example of where we went over the line; try not to be like us.” But they’re never that self-aware.

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