The Keystone pipeline would make greens unhappy, and can you put a price tag on happiness? If you did, it’s apparently billions of dollars
“I have invented colorful dough that kids can mold into shapes. I shall name it after myself.” -Plato
Nominating Newt is one of those plans you’d suffix with “It’s so crazy, it just might work!”
2nd look at Newt! (or are we up to 3rd now?)
I have no idea whether Newt would be a good or bad president, but I’m absolutely certain he’d be a hilarious one.
If you don’t care so much about winning as you do making sure the election season is crazy awesome, Newt is the way to go.
Mitt or Newt? Do we choose to die of boredom or in a massive explosion?
Newt 2012: “Hug the grizzly bear and hope for the best.”
“Newtonium is a powerful, unstable element that could easily kill us all when handled.”
“I only heard ‘powerful’.”
We Republicans set our expectations way too high by having any.
I know this slate of candidates looks bad, but I’m political satirist, so all I see is a secure financial future. If we can somehow get Newt to be president, that alone should propel me into the 1%.
Today is the day I finally teach Buttercup to say, “Arrr!” like a pirate.
The Republican primary reminds of that year with American Idol where Sanjaya kept sticking around while actual good singers were voted off.
I WATCH AMERICAN IDOL WITH MY WIFE BECAUSE I’M A GOOD HUSBAND!!!
If you’ve designed a government that relies on good competent people to run it, you’ve designed a government to fail.
Romney: “Let me just talk a lot until you tune out and assume I answered the charge.”
Why is Ron Paul still in debates? I know they usually go by polling on who should attend, but shouldn’t there be a nuttiness standard?
There’s nothing easier than coasting as a legislator. It’s not much by itself to run on.
The best way for someone as rich as Romney to get more sympathy is to bring into his home an adorable orphan.
Why do I care about Mitt Romney’s tax returns? Does he owe me something?
Ron Paul doesn’t take lobbyist money. He sticks to honest racist newsletter money.
In a better world, our income wouldn’t even be the government’s business.
Government works for us. We need to see its budget, not the other way around.
They’d hire 500,000 Americans if enough of them would work for $0.10 an hour.
We like outsourcing poverty.
I don’t like borders. I don’t like foreign countries touching us.
A Lincoln-Douglas debate is just like a regular debate but with stovepipe hats. In other words, a Lincoln-Douglas debate IS AWESOME!