* It’s February 29th — Leap Day. An extra day you get this year. So, as an American, it means an extra day for you to be awesome. So try a new meal with bacon and punch an extra hippie and blow something up. As Americans, we need to be using every day to its fullest, so this year should be 1/365th more awesome than the previous year.
* So from out of nowhere this Romney guy comes in to win both Arizona and Michigan primaries.
Seriously, though, are we back to Romney being inevitable? I know I’m hoping this primary gets wrapped up next Tuesday — the super of Tuesdays. It’s not that I like Romney as much as I’m just tried of the stupid primary and want to focus on how bad Obama is. Why can’t we just focus on him? He’s awful.
* Olympia Snowe is retiring. You know her; she’s kept a seat warm in the Senate for years while tsking all those mean conservatives. Republicans are panicked because they don’t think they’ll be able to replace her. Is it really that hard to find some boring moderate Republican who vows to never to do anything useful that might upset the status quo? I’m pretty sure there’s oodles of them just sitting around chiding others for being extreme while offering absolutely no solutions for the problems of bloated government and increasing debt.
Or we could just train a dog for the job. One bark yes, two barks no. It would be a big change to have a senator who is loyal.
* Apparently students in Georgetown are going broke with all the contraception they have to buy. Really? That’s not just regular slutty, that’s like super mega slutty. Anyone buying that much contraception should probably be writing it off on her taxes as a business expense.
It used to be freedom was having access to contraception. Now freedom is forcing someone else to buy contraception for you — which isn’t really freedom at all. Well, less freedom, more loose women.
* Gitmo detainees are getting a $750,000 soccer field. That’s outrageous. Not so much the cost as much as we’re letting our enemies play a stupid European sport on our dime. We can’t have terrorists run around for ninety minutes to end in a 0-0 tie; that will just reinforce their angry, terroristy behavior. Teach them some useful productive sports. Build them a football field. Give them each a football. And then tackle them. Bam! That’s how we do things in America! And, I guess, also how we do things when we’re in Cuba.
* This is pretty inevitable: The endangered species act has led to mass slaughter of animals. Yes to help save the spotted owl, they’re going to kill off another owl. Law to save animals plus bureaucracy equals mass slaughter.
So what will health care plus government bureaucracy equal?
* Wisdom of the Day from Jonah Goldberg:
Ed Schultz is on MSNBC complaining about “Bullies.” Like Jesse Ventura complaining about gravelly-voiced paranoid nut jobs.
* Apparently prehistoric penguins stood nearly five feet tall. Scientists estimate they were the world’s deadliest creatures ever and possibly killed off the dinosaurs. Maybe using laser rifles. Five foot penguins with laser rifles — that’s why you only stick to historic times. Because the time before things were historic — the prehistoric times — were crazy.