Aww. I got mentioned in yesterday’s Morning Jolt by Jim Geraghty as one of the reasons things aren’t so bad for conservatism.

Because of me, things are looking up because we only need to hold out until 2016 when I can be president. Then I’ll fix everything.

I wish a billionaire gave me millions in funds to be an ankle-biter

Which political party is giving out chimichangas?

The left have the idea that you can compare a person’s skin color to a color chart and tell them what political beliefs they should have. It’s that race-based, group thought that denies the individual that I find most offensive.

It shouldn’t be controversial to say that Democrats, in general, have a very patronizing racism about Latinos.

People still talking about Megadeth? I thought we were up to Teradeth by now.

This racist statement controversy has made me outraged that my wife hasn’t made chimichangas in a long while.

I’m smart enough to know to not even repeat what Jim Messina said the GOP has to offer black people.

**powering up** FLYING EXPLODING DRAGON PUNCH!!!

The only thing the GOP have to offer Italians is a spicy meatball.

The only thing the GOP has to offer the Irish is a bottle of whiskey… which is more than enough.

The only thing the GOP has to offer Germans is overly long words and repetitive techno music.

If I had to make a prediction, I’d say that this time next year we’ll not have a very good president.

Common Sense: Presidential candidates should be injected with sodium pentothal before debates.

It would keep people polite on the internet if every comment was accompanied by your full name, where you are, and what’s your greatest fear.

Is what happens in OWS camps “rape,” “rape rape,” or “rape rape rape”?

But let’s not blow it out of proportion. It’s not “rape rape rape rape.”

* Obama says the fight on the payroll tax cut isn’t over, as he hasn’t quite gotten the political mileage he was hoping out of it. Apparently, he was expecting the Republicans insist on him actually budgeting for it, but Obama doesn’t like budgets and numbers which are all racist. But the Republicans are apparently going to totally cave. Maybe after seeing the $1.33 trillion deficit in Obama’s budget, they were all like, “This is all pointless. Who cares now. Let’s just spend and spend and spend, and I’m going to get some scotch and drink and drink and drink.”

Actually, the quickest way to a small government now may be to just spend so much the government eventually collapses on itself and the whole country is thrown into chaos. And then we rebuild from the ashes.

Smart power!

* One of the reasons Obama cited as why people need the payroll tax cut is that gas prices are so high. That leads to his best argument of all: “People really need this tax cut because their president — me — is an incompetent idiot, so everyone is basically on their own.”

* Obama is going to end dozens of business tax breaks. Is this going to hurt the economy by putting more strain on businesses? No, as Timothy Geithner says, “We think they can handle it. We think they can afford it.” Oh, so the guy who can’t figure out how to use TurboTax is pretty sure about other companies’ financial situations. Why do such useless, inept people have such influence on our economy? Where did this system break down? I blame childhood obesity — primarily because fat kids are fun to yell at.

Fat kids! ::shakes fist::

* A school ordered a preschooler to buy the cafeteria lunch because they didn’t think the mother’s lunch was healthy enough. Now, you’d think that you’d be able to decided what your kid could eat, but that’s what they do in a free country which you have read about in science fiction. But in a nanny state, useless idiots make all your decisions for you. If you want to feed your own kid, then I guess you can just join a militia and live in a compound, you right-wing nut.

* New movie coming out – Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Liberals don’t like first Republican president Lincoln because he took people away from guaranteed jobs, food, and shelter and gave them horrible horrible freedom instead. Instead of a war, couldn’t Lincoln just compromised and gave everybody free contraceptives?

I’m going to petition the state to change the slogan on our license plates from “Famous Potatoes” to “Not Scared of Wild Gorillas.”

For Valentine’s Day, I got my wife stuff. I guess I did okay.

For me, she paid to get me in the Bearmageddon comic. Because she loves me.

This week terrorists, next week That One. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com

Meanwhile, pass ‘em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.

---

From Mrs C:

[reference link]

Three from me (Harvey):

[reference link]

[reference link]

[reference link]

---

My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

[First, let's just get the Soylent Green reference link out of the way]

From Arik:

From Arik:

From Arik:

From Basil:

[reference link]

From DamnCat:

[reference link]

From DamnCat:

From Hunter:

From Hunter:

From Hunter:

From James:

From Mxymaster:

[reference link]

---

This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:

---

Gotta be Basil for the “Jungle Goddess” reference. Wonder if anyone’s ever seen that movie except for MST3K fans?

Although I *do* wonder how many people remember the Michael Phelps race…

What say you?

---

PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolterizt! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

HAT TIP: Brian of Snapped Shot‘s magnificent EvilFeed – the world’s best source for ripe-for-captioning terrorist photos.

Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

* Obama says his 2013 budget reflects tough choices. With a $1.33 trillion deficit, what were the choices?

“I could spend an obscene amount of money or a buttload of money. It’s like Sophie’s Choice times a million!”

Oh, here’s one of the choices: Out of a budget of $3.8 trillion, Obama decided to remove $20 million for the highly successful D.C. voucher program. Sorry poor kids; you have to stick to failing schools run by uncaring unions. But hey, Obama will make sure you get free contraception, and isn’t that all that poor people really need?

* There are further subsidies for wealthy buyers of electric cars, though. You know how liberals are always accusing Republicans of only caring for the rich at the expense of the poor? Whatever liberals accuse others of doing, that’s what they’re doing. Always.

* Justice Breyer was robbed by a machete-wielding intruder. In my utopia, Supreme Court justices would be threatened with machetes constantly. It would keep them from getting too arrogant.

* I don’t get the logic of the Greek riots.

“We can’t afford all these entitlements, so we’re going to cut them.”

“Then we’ll riot and burn businesses!”

“Well, since a bunch of businesses have been burned and our economy harmed, WE EXTRA CAN’T AFFORD ENTITLEMENTS!”

The rioters should just try a more relaxing camping out in front of banks like OWS. Doesn’t achieve anything, but it apparently makes them feel like they’re doing something while being a lot less intrusive.

* Samuel L. Jackson says he voted for Obama because he’s black. Well, the first step to ending racism is to fess up to it, so bravo. Still, I have to say, enough is enough! I have had it with these @#$% racists in this @#$% election!

* John Hawkins has a bunch of pictures from CPAC. I also found out that IMAO was mentioned at CPAC, for we were nominated for best humor blog… but totally didn’t win.

One of these days, I need to start attending CPAC and acting like an actual pundit or something. I do write in a newspaper and am a published author, so I’m like totally a big deal now. Maybe I could give a talk at the next one on being awesome. Hopefully they have a stage that will accommodate puppets.

* Wisdom of the Day from Andy Borehol:

time to update my bog [ writes 400-word opinion about lana del rey in the mud with a mudstick ]

* My state, Idaho, is not afraid of wild gorillas.

I don’t want a lot from politics. I just don’t want people dumber than me telling me what to do. I guess that’s asking a lot, actually.

Obama: “Sorry, inner-city kids, you have to stay in your failing public schools. But, here, have a free morning after pill.”

In my utopia, Supreme Court justices would be threatened with machetes every day. Keeps ‘em frosty.

They accuse Republicans of being anti-science, but Obama’s budgets show Democrats to be anti-math.

Is there anyone who doesn’t like Big Bang Theory? I know people from every demographic who love it.

Are Canadian Geese called Canadian because they’re from Canada or because we hate them?

93 hours in, I think I’m bored of Skyrim. One day, I’ll finish the main story line on an Elder Scrolls game, but it won’t be this one.

* Obama has a new budget proposal! And he projects a deficit of $1.33 trillion. He’s getting really serious about tackling that debt, isn’t he? But we have to spend that extra money to get all the great… I have no idea where all that money goes. Apparently, the more awful government gets, the more expensive it is to keep up. Maybe we should pay for less awful government, but I’m not politician so what do I know?

* Obama is going to set up Truth Teams. I assume their purpose will be to hunt down and destroy any truths they can find as those could be quite destructive to Obama’s reelection chances. If people actually look at Obama’s performance and ability and the results he’s obtained, he has little chance or reelection. Thus his Truth Teams will eliminate truths when they find them and try and muddy things up so people might actually considered reelecting the miserable failure. Truth is another one of those things like freedom that gets in the way of truly important things like free contraception.

* Mitt Romney won the CPAC straw poll. Does that mean anything? Probably not, but it’s better than not winning.

It looks like the only hope left for a not-Romney is Santorum… either through him winning the primary or forcing a brokered convention. It’s not a huge chance of happening, but it’s not a remote one either.

Still don’t get how we dropped the ball on this primary, though, with all the conservative enthusiasm to take down Obama and finally do something about the debt. If we want to get things done, we’re always best working outside of politics. Nothing there but heartache and disappointment and sociopaths.

* Andrew Breitbart claims he has video of Obama in college. Yes, the mysterious college years of which we’ve still never seen the transcripts. So what’s the chance Obama was some complete screw up in college opposed to American values… because that would be totally different than what he is now.

* Apparently there’s an obesity problem in the military. It’s probably all that lazy sniping where you just lie on the ground hundreds of yards away from the enemy and shoot them. We just need more hand to hand combat. If our soldiers had to stop lying around and actually run those hundreds of yards to hack the enemy to pieces with katanas, then everyone would be in better shape. Plus katanas are awesome. The military should have those.

* This has to be the greatest indictment of liberalism yet: It makes you believe the Star Wars prequels are better than the original trilogy.

* New Crowder video — first in a while — with him rapping about the situation our country has found itself in:

There’s a lot we need to change in this country. I guess rapping would be the first step.

* Talking about changing the country, I’ve finished the first draft of my book on how to fix all the problems in America. I’m excited for you all to see it, but it will still probably be a while. Get pumped!

If free contraception is that important to you, make a free contraception charity. Freedom!

Han comes off worse in the special edition because Greedo seems so hapless when he misses by a mile at close range.

If you aren’t sure whether Kim Jong Un is dead, just shoot him again.

First draft of my new political humor book is done! Probably funniest book ever.

My big goal is still to get a novel published. I have a finished one SarahK is helping get ready for submitting. I’m also working on a new one. Despite full time job, blogging, columns, and political humor book writing, I write on it each day. Always keep moving forward.

I don’t know how medieval peasants survived without being able to deposit checks through their smartphones.

Democrats are banking on that people prefer free stuff to freedom.

I hate how physical books curve the page towards the inside seam making the edges hard to read. How did I ever deal with these things?

* So Santorum is doing well in the polls. And what does this mean? It means we have a three way race, i.e., a chance for a brokered convention.

A lot of people are hoping that will be our cure-all, allowing us to finally pick the none of the above, but isn’t going to be the Republican establishment making the pick? What are the chances they’ll come up with the RINOiest ticket ever?

“Hey? Do you think Arlen Specter might want to still run as a Republican? What if we told him Chuck Hagel would be his running mate?”

Everyone is thinking we’ll get someone like Mitch Daniels, but I don’t know. Risky move. But the alternative is Romney, Gingrich, or Santorum. So there are no bad choices. Only awful ones.

* Whales at Sea World aren’t slaves. A judge ruled that. For reals.

I hope the judge dismissed the case by yelling, “Shut up, hippie!” and punching the plaintiff in the face.

* George Lucas is now claiming that Han Solo never shot first in Star Wars. It’s like he’s trying to do special editions of our memories now.

Man, I wish George Lucas would just hand over Star Wars to someone else now. Think of the awesome movie someone who actually knows what makes Star Wars great could make if George Lucas were out of the way. One day, someone will be able to make another great Star Wars movie. We may have to wait until George Lucas dies though. Hopefully he doesn’t come back as a Force ghost to continue giving his creative input.

BTW, if you go see The Phantom Menace in 3D, you are part of the problem and are my enemy.

* Wisdom of the Day from Dave Holmes:

Obviously, the main reason I was initally so disappointed by The Phantom Menace was that I couldn’t tell which items were in the foreground.

* Still chugging away at my new book. Hope to get the first draft done (and a lot of pressure off my back) this weekend. Are you excited? You should be excited. But you won’t see it for a while. Until then, by another copy of Obama: The Greatest President in the History of Everything.

So we now have a right to force other people to pay for something we think we need. Yay.

We need a national point of order on exactly what a “right” is. We have a lot of “slavery is freedom” going on.

If you think you have a right to a job, food, and a place to live, slavery does provide all of that.

Rights do not evolve. Making rights ephemeral like that is a great way to lose them.

If it’s a right today, it would be a right a thousand years ago and a right you’d have alone on a deserted island.

I’m at CPAC, but I’m in disguise with a giant mustache and cowboy hat.

If we get a brokered convention, what the chance we’ll get an awesome ticket versus getting the RINOiest ticket ever?

“So, do you think Chuck Hagel would still want to run as a Republican?” #BrokeredConvention

“Great news! We’ve gotten Arlen Specter to rejoin the GOP. We’ve also picked a nominee. These two items are related.” #BrokeredConvention

“We’ve dubbed our current choices ‘The Three Musketeers.’ There’s a moderate, a different kind of moderate, and a westcoast liberal.” #BrokeredConvention

Today at CPAC, I’m wearing a disguise so I look exactly like Jonah Goldberg. If you see him, it’s probably me. I won’t drop character.

* Obama is apparently dumber than we thought. He knew that forcing religious organizations to pay for contraception — and abortifacients — would be controversial, but he thought it would play out as, “This is about contraception; no one finds contraception controversial anymore.” Of course, it’s played out as religious liberty issue, which is huge deal to Americans. But Mr. Bitter Clinger isn’t really in tune with Americans, so it caught him by surprise.

Obama: no useful experience or abilities, arrogant, and completely out of touch with the concerns of regular Americans — I’m starting to think he might be a bad president.

* Government dependence has shot up 23% under Obama. He probably considers that a success — “Look at how many more people government is helping!” — but he’s an idiot. And now that’s just another obstacle to cutting government; you get people dependent on it, and then they’ll freak out like a guy going through withdrawal if you try to take it away.

We have a lot of problems with our government in this country, and we’re not going to fix it without some sort of long term plan. Does anyone running actually offer that?

* Liberals now love drone strikes and keeping Gitmo open. Ends up all the things they screamed about most were just partisan bluster. Who could have guessed that… other than anyone who has ever dealt with the left before.

What are the core beliefs that liberals have that they will turn on their own side if a Democrat goes against them? That babies should be aborted? I think that’s about it. Basically just any view they feel to guilty about to ever walk back on.

* Apparently we might be going to war with Syria. Do they have oil? I think that’s only okay to do when the country doesn’t have anything of interest to the United States.

And while we’re in Syria… Iran is right there. Might as well get to it now and save some money. It’s like when they film a movie and its sequels back to back — it’s way cheaper that way.

* The iPad 3 will reportedly come out in March. I still have an iPad 1, which compared to the new stuff now looks like something a caveman would use to beat to death a woolly mammoth. I’ve also saved up my allowance (SarahK gives me an allowance every month if I’m good) to upgrade my tablet. So wow me, Apple. I’m ready this time. Make me a believer.

Didn’t Intrade have Romney at 99% chance of winning Colorado yesterday? Not really a shinning success for it.

Santorum, eh? Any analysis on how his jib is cut?

I wait at the end of the level to fight you in a protracted battle… LIKE A BOSS!

Fun Fact: I watched the 2000 election returns come in at a Santorum reelection party. That was a long night.

The problem for Romney is that it’s hard to get excited about him in the primary unless the alternative is McCain.

Was it just a dream, or did America’s deadliest sniper claim to have punched out the E*Trade baby?

Buttercup yells “Go! Go! Go!” and starts running. I don’t think it’s possible for something to be cuter.

Liberals would benefit having someone go through their beliefs they think are mainstream and mark which ones are actually weird liberal bubble things.

* I have a new New York Post column on why Occupy Wall Street is the greatest political movement and will be around forever.

Nothing ruins a political movement like achieving its goals. No one wants to keep yelling and waving signs after they get what they want. OWS wisely avoided this pitfall. The Occupiers roared in with nonspecific anger — about such things as Wall Street, with its walls and its streets, and the rich, with their money they got somehow — but it never set any actual goals.

* So not only did Rick Santorum win the caucuses in Minnesota and Missouri, but he also won Colorado. Yesterday, Intrade had Romney at a 98% chance of winning Colorado. No one saw this coming. I’m still not sure what’s going on. Someone explain this to me. Who is this Santorum? Where did he come from? Why are people voting for him?

Apparently, Santorum has like no money and no big name endorsements, so who knows if he can keep this up. But this has to be scaring Romney. People just really don’t like him and want another viable choice. And finally it’s Santorum’s turn in the spotlight. They say he’s a big government conservative, but the other option, Romney, is a big government not conservative.

* So what happened to Newt? Is he still around? I guess there’s a limit to how many times you can be frontrunner and lose it.

* And I’m out of blogging time. Working hard on my new book that will solve all of America’s problems, though. I should be back to my normal blogging capacity next week.

* Oh yeah, feel like I should mention something on the Prop 8 decision. No time for meaningful commentary — which IMAO is always abundant with — but I think the best way to keep people from tinkering around with marriage until it’s completely asinine is to get it out of government.

Two groups in this country: racists who look at Obama and see a black president and non-racist who see a hugely incompetent president.

I asked CPAC if I was allowed to attend, but they told me no. That’s because it’s RINO dominated this year. All martini sipping elites. I brought my own martini shakers, but they were still like, “You’re too conservative. You’ll cause trouble.”

Elites don’t want to hang with an Idaho conservative. They’re all like, “Why don’t you run off and protest taxes on potatoes.”

I’m going to throw my own conservative conference in Idaho. It will be at a compound. Admission will be $5 less if you bring a gun, because no one will argue over five bucks with someone holding a gun.

Heh. The new Spider-man film is directed by a guy named “Webb.”

Better off having the government get out of the marriage business than have it redefine religious custom. Legal contracts between consenting adults for all!

I like to imagine there is this spookily-voiced voice actor whose only job is to say the title of Resident Evil games.

I have the new Resident Evil game for the 3DS. I also have a deadline for my next book. Being an adult sucks.

Hmm. Maybe playing video games helps me write better. Does anyone buy that argument? Scientists, get on it!

Elder Scrolls, stop having towns load separately from the rest of the world so we can fly again.

I miss the flying from Morrowind. I don’t miss the cliff racers.

If OWS crashes CPAC and is violent, next year consider holding CPAC in a city that recognizes conceal carry rights.

You know how in horror movies you think the bad guy is dead, but he keeps popping back up? Romney is like the opposite.

This week, That One. Next week, terrorists. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com

Meanwhile, pass ‘em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.

---

From James:

[ref 1,ref 2]

From James:

[reference link]

From James:

From James:

[reference link]

From Les of Brick Moon:

[reference link]

---

My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

From Arik:

From Arik:

From Arik:

[reference link]

From Arik:

[reference link]

From Arik:

[ref 1,ref 2]

From Arik:

From me (Harvey):

From me (Harvey):

[reference link]

From Neil:

[ref 1,ref 2]

From Proof:

---

This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with [Hat tip: Island Girl]:

Yes, that’s President “Man of the People” sitting behind the wheel of a 2013 Shelby GT500 [MSRP $60,000, and gets about 15 mpg]

---

Tough call this week.

James’s “no tongues” is a relatively obscure line from a very popular movie, but Les’s “pink drone” comes from a story that got very little play in the MSM.

I’m inclined to call this one a tie.

What say you?

---

PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolbama! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

* Obama says he’s getting better at being president and deserves a second term. Well, for the first claim, maybe he is getting better. He had the advantage of starting so poorly, it was hard for him to do any worse. As for the second part, it’s more a question of whether we as a country deserve him. And since we haven’t genocided anyone recently, I’m going to say “No.”

* Is Santorum going to finally have his day? Polls show he could win Minnesota and Missouri while coming in second in Colorado. The party hasn’t really given him much consideration — despite technically winning Iowa — making him pretty much the only one not to be a frontrunner yet. His problems are charges he’s a big government conservative, he comes off as whiny sometimes, and a couple terms as Senator by itself isn’t much of a qualification to be a president. But he’s stuck around, so he has stick-to-it-tiveness. And he’s not Romney. Maybe that’s enough.

What’s this “brokered convention” thing again?

* So Iran apparently has an army of ninja women. That does seem like the appropriate first step before getting nuclear weapons. I don’t know how we skipped over it.

* So if you were looking to the New York Post for a new column by me, instead there’s one by the puppy blender. Is he moving in on my turf? His column is on Obama and rising tuition costs, and it’s not very funny so I don’t get the point of it.

* Wisdom of the Day from jon:

Madonna was super unsupportive when her dad tried to be a preacher.

The new revelations about JFK don’t change the fact that he heroically… what was it he’s supposed to have done again?

Maybe Obama should use the Beatle’s “Getting Better” as his campaign theme song.

It’s not an easy task to channel my awesomeness into the written word, but I do what I can.

For the Red Dawn remake, will the underground resistance run around shouting, “Honey Badgers!”?

* So there was a Super Bowl over the weekend. I didn’t think the commercials were that great this year. There were only a handful I liked. Like the one with the dog in running shoes. What did you think?

And a Battleship movie? Come on.

As for the game, well I guess it was exciting that last minute or so.

That’s all I have to say about that.

* There was also the Nevada caucus Saturday which Mitt Romney won handily. That means… I dunno. I don’t think anything. This is all going to get dragged out until at least Super Tuesday which is March 6th. Then hopefully we’ll have a merciful end to all this.

* By the way, have you ever heard this story about Mitt Romney and the search for a business partner’s missing daughter? It certainly doesn’t make Romney or Bain Capital look that bad.

* We had good economic news, which is bad economic news so far as it means Obama has a better chance of reelection. Of course, it’s only good in relative to how bad things are (and the unemployment number is only good if you ignore how much smaller the workforce is that it used to be). Still, it’s inevitable the economy is going to rebound at some point no matter how much Obama worked against it; capitalism is just too strong. And when you get the bottom that low, a big boost is inevitable eventually.

Still, hope we can lose the dead weight of Obama in November, but I’m going to try getting into the 1% either way.

* As for another reason we need to get a different president, look how one of Obama’s favorite Justices tells Egypt that our Constitution isn’t a great model to follow and they should look to other countries. Of course, is it that big a surprise that liberal Justices don’t like our Constitution when they do everything they can to ignore its meaning?

Of course, maybe the reason Ginsburg thinks she doesn’t like the Constitution is that she’s never actually read it.

* Wisdom of the Day from James Taranto:

I’ve never seen the antiabortion side of the debate try to deny the other side’s existence the way the pro-abortion side does.

Isn’t the whole point of Komen not wanting to be associated with Planned Parenthood them putting women’s health before politics?

Liberals live in Bizarro world.

So Komen is literally trying to split the baby.

It is pretty Orwellian to claim not donating to Planned Parenthood is “being political.”

Why do abortion groups need donations? Isn’t abortion very profitable? That’s like donating to Philip Morris.

The Left: “We still won’t trust Komen enough to donate money to them until we see them publicly strangle a baby.”

Things may seem bad, but just remember that I’ll be old enough to run for president in 2016 so we only have to hold out until then.

Here’s video of little Buttercup singing.

So are the left admitting abortion is awful? Like if abortions were more than 3% of Planned Parenthood, then it would be a bad organization?

For some reason, when Planned Parenthood is mentioned I keep thinking of the underwear gnomes saying, “Abortions is big business!”

If you were making a new candy company, a good name would be Strangers. “You can trust candy from Strangers.”

Madonna is the halftime show? That’ll be huge for anyone who’s been in a coma since the 80s.

Is Madonna Lady Gaga’s grandmother?

Do you know that spousal abuse goes up i% during the Super Bowl?

I hear whichever team wins the Super Bowl gets ONE MILLION DOLLARS!

“He drove a Chevy Volt; he died in a fire long before the apocalypse.”

I give up. You can’t make fun of a movie based on the game Battleship. It is a punch line.

And why is Liam Neeson starring in it? Does he have tax problems?

Was a tattooed soccer player trying to sell me underwear during a football game?

Does the “bend it like Beckham” thing refer to his sexuality?

Why would I pay money for flowers when the phrase “Gimme some sugar, baby” achieves the same end?

The only thing funny about the Budweiser ads so far is that they think I want to drink something called Bud Light Platinum.

The Madonna halftime hasn’t been a complete disaster. I did get cute video of my 16 mo old daughter dancing.

Felt like that halftime show should have been accompanied by Harrison Ford warning us not to look at it.

Don’t tell Americans you want world peace. Tell the dumb, violent foreigners.

A show shouldn’t be called “Smash” unless it’s about the Incredible Hulk.

Hollywood, stop basing movies on board games and old toys and get us that Aquaman feature film.

It’s not Hollywood’s liberal bias so much these days as it is its crap bias.

The Super Bowl has been as good as it could be considering that Obama is still president.

I hope we get to see the new OT rules where the two quarterbacks play dodge ball.

HER: “You have something like photographic memory, right?”
ME: “Yeah, I forget what they called it.”

It’s always great to see really rich people succeed against marginal odds.

* I have a new New York Post column on how the Democratic Presidential Primary has yet to produce a serious candidate for president.

People were very excited about Obama when he first emerged on the scene in 2008, but as his campaign went on — and as he’s actually served as president — it’s become apparent to the general public that he’s simply not a serious candidate for the job.

* Can you believe all this Komen stuff? Komen wants to stick to just fighting breast cancer and thus doesn’t want to be involved in anything controversial like the abortion debate — which you think both sides would be okay with but the left are freaking out that Komen won’t give money to Planned Parenthood anymore. You have to look at this from the left’s side, though. They been supporting something horrific for so long, and they never want to confront that. Part of what helps them sleep at night is telling themselves that Planned Parenthood is an important women’s health organization and not instead some pro-abortion political organization that makes a lot of money tearing up the unborn. This whole Komen thing is making them confront that fiction, and thus you can understand their reaction. It’s freak out about this or contemplate the horror they’ve been supporting.

* Speaking of horrors, Donald Trump has come out in support of Mitt Romney. I think it was Romney’s line about not being concerned about the very poor that put him over the top. Other things Trump is not concerned with is realistic looking hair.

* Obama has started to use Jesus to try and justify his horrible policies, which seems pretty blasphemous. You know how the media freaks out about a coming theocracy if a Republican even mentions God, but Obama can claim that he did all his policies for religious reasons and the media won’t care? I think a big part of that is that when a liberal invokes God, no one really takes them seriously. Actually, I think half the time in Obama’s speech, he pronounced the Son of God’s name as “Jebus”.

* Wisdom of the Day from David Burge:

I support Susan G. Komen’s right to choose who to fund. #OurCheckbooksOurSelves

* In the interest of supporting the arts and interesting forms of capitalism, I should mention that you can now pay to appear in the Bearmageddon comic getting killed by a bear. So if you’ve always wanted to see what it would be like if you were killed by a bear plus be immortalized in the web comic and the eventually print version, here’s your chance. I have to say, it’s tempting.

* Still hard at work on my next book. It’s so awesome and I want to share it with all of you, but it will have to wait.