Happy Alpha Proxima Day!

Some men just want to watch the world burn. Others want to grill steaks on it.

Capping off Human Achievement Week, it’s finally Alpha Proxima Day, when we light up the sky (both day and night) so brightly that Earth outshines the nearby stars, Alpha and Proxima Centauri.

Space aliens observing our local star cluster will be all like “Wow! Did you see that? Either there was a supernova, or somebody really hates hippies!”

Speaking of hippies, I guess they’re doing something today, too – Dirt Hour or Darkness Hour or whatever – at 8:30pm. I’m kinda shocked they didn’t start it at the top of an hour. I mean, their target demographic is THC-saturated white people with dreadlocks. How’s their drug-addled gray-matter going to remember the :30 part?

Soylent Green [CAUTION: Rated R], founder of Alpha Proxima Day, suggests that the very least you should do is follow my advice from last year:

If you live next to someone who actually participates in Earth Hour, cut their power lines so that when they go to turn their lights back on at 9:30, the electricity that they just denigrated will appear to have gotten their rude little message and granted their wish to live forever in the dark like cavemen.

Maybe next time they won’t take electricity for granted.

So… how are you celebrating?

NOTE: the Planet Earth Fire Pit picutured above is actually available for purchase.

UPDATE: Linked by Hookers & Booze.

sdog linked at Catallaxy Files

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Baby Pics From CarolyntheFormerlyPregnant

Now commenting as CarolyntheMommyof2

Little girl arrived on March 19, weighing in at 9 lbs 11oz, and measuring 21 inches in length.

Oh, and per Carolyn:

“No one at IMAO won the baby pool – my husband’s cousin won by nearly guessing the name.”

So, yeah, as far as our guesses of Mittens, Wookie, Vashti, Zabbai, Squanto, Ushreaka, La-a (prononced “La(dash)a”), Dorothy, and Shane – not even close, apparently.

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Link of the Day: The Bill of Rights, Nowadays

This has been out for a while now, but I just found it, so it’s new to me. And since Tiny Minds is a relatively small (and now 3-months unupdated) blog, it’s probably new to you, too.

The Bill of Rights, Nowadays

Bonus video: Operation Hot Mic [High Praise! to Ed the Pastor]:

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #301)

By the way, I’d like to offer some clarification for readers.

For Link of the Day, I’m not really looking for YouTube videos directly. The intent of this feature is more to send traffic to other blogs to reward them for posting thoughtful articles or funny pictures.

Maybe videos too, if the blogger in question adds some clever commentary that’s worthy of recognition.

I can’t read the entire internet by myself, so any help you guys can offer is appreciated.

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

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Department of Justice to Ship 450 Million Bullets to Mexico

WASHINGTON (AP) – As a follow-up to its Fast & Furious gun-smuggling program, the Department of Justice is coordinating with the Department of Homeland Security to ship 450 million bullets to Mexico.

We’ll get your bullets to you in 30 minutes or less or they’re free.

Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano explained that the move was an attempt to correct some of the errors made during the DoJ’s recent program to sneak American firearms into the hands of Mexican drug lords, and then use their inevitable murderous rampages as leverage for stronger gun control laws in the United States.

“Monday the FedEx guy just dropped 450 million bullets on our doorstep for some reason,” said Napolitano. “Probably should’ve got to the Department of Defense down the hall. Lord knows if our troops had that much ammo, WE sure as heck wouldn’t need it. But, I didn’t ask any questions. I’m a member of President Obama’s cabinet. They don’t pay me to think.”

“Anyway, a couple hours later, Eric Holder pops his head into my office and asks to ‘borrow a bullet to put an end to the humiliation of my scandal once and for all’. I said ‘sure, take 450 million of them.’ Then his eyes got real wide like he just had a great idea. You could almost see the light bulb over his head. It wasn’t a CFL, bulb, though. I’m going to report him to Steven Chu for that.”

At at press conference on Thursday, Attorney General Eric Holder announced he would launch a follow-up program to “Fast & Furious” called “Bullets for Banditos”.

“As I mentioned in my previous congressional testimony, I realize now that the ‘Fast & Furious’ program was executed ‘extremely poorly’. You see, although we shipped thousands of guns to vicious criminal kingpins south of the artificial line drawn between the two great nations of Mexico and America, we completely forgot to give them any bullets. I mean, like, WOW! What the heck was I thinking?”

“However, the United States fully intends to correct its embarrassing oversight, and those most desperately in need of the capability to intimidate and slaughter anyone who might get in their way can rest assured that we will address this situation with all due haste.”

Asked if he was concerned that some people might consider the operation’s name racist, Holder replied, “absolutely not.”

“First,” he explained, “I’m black, and therefore incapable of racism, so it’s racist of you to even ask that question. Second, all Hispanics were recently reclassified as white, and you’d have to be a complete idiot to think that ‘banditos’ was an ethnic slur against white people.”

Chastised, the reporter then withdrew the question.

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Human Achievement Week: Cutting Steel With Bacon

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #497,013)

Bacon! There’s nothing it can’t do!

Except maybe get eaten by terrorists.

REMINDER: Alpha Proxima Day starts at midnight. Remember to turn on all your lights so we can make up for all the darkness-worshiping hippies who will kneel in supplication to Earth Hour tomorrow at 8:30pm.

Electric power plants create good-paying American jobs. Especially the filthy coal-fired ones. Keep the economy stimulated.

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Another Obama Hot Mic Moment

[High Praise! to Conservatarian for the idea]

[reference link]

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Nuke the News: Paul Ryan Endorses the True Conservative

* So Paul Ryan has endorsed Mitt Romney. I think we’re going to start seeing pretty much everyone coalesce around Romney now — embracing the inevitable. So, do you think IMAO should go ahead and write up a Romney endorsement? I’m not sure what I’d say.

“There are worse people than Romney… not many, but one of them is currently president, so there you have it.”

Well, despite how tepid we are about Romney, we’re going to get energetic about him the closer it gets to November. That’s when purely partisan part of the brain takes over and mixes with fear of an Obama second term.

* BTW, Paul Ryan’s budget passed the House in a 228-191 vote. It fared way better than Obama’s budget which was rejected by the House 414-0.

Our president is such a serious and capable person.

Anyway, the Democrats are going to portray Paul Ryan’s budget as “radical,” but what’s more radical: Paul Ryan’s budget or not having any budget for years?

* To combat high gas prices, Obama is trying to raise the cost of doing business for oil companies.

Yeah, I’m not sure how that logic works. It’s I guess the same “logic” used when trying to stimulate the economy: If we do mean things to people we’re irrationally angry at, then good things will happen.

* In response to the Trayvon shooting, the New York Times put up a pro-gun control editorial, and it’s kind of pathetic. I mean, it’s got the usual mindless fear and boneheaded logic common to the genre (she mentions that if New York City had conceal carry laws like the rest of the country, Jared Loughner could bring a gun into Times Square, but what exactly is stopping someone like Jared Loughner from doing that now?), but the pathetic thing is the resigned tone where she pretty much understand none of the rest of the country is listening to her.

Anyway, this got me thinking, it sure would be intellectually honest if more people started framing their arguments in the terms, “I don’t like freedom on this issue and here is why…” You pretty much never see that. I mean, gun control is an anti-freedom stance, but they never argue it that way. I think maybe that’s why they don’t understand how unpopular their stance is.

The same thing with the health care debate. The mandate is an anti-freedom stance, but they try to say they’re for more freedom by ending worries about health care, which is BS. One thing is freedom and one thing isn’t; it’s not debatable. Putting a gun to someone’s head and saying, “You must buy health insurance!” isn’t freedom and no one should pretend it is. It’s okay to take an anti-freedom stance, you just should frame it terms of why you think your ideas are better than liberty. And that will probably also help you understand why so many people don’t like your views, as the left always seems to get caught off guard by that.

* I’ve always wondered whether society will end with apes taking over — like in Planet of the Apes — or with robots taking over — like with Terminator. Well, some are trying to make both happen at once. I don’t want to sound anti-science, but we need to destroy science before it destroys us.

UPDATE 7pm: The Sundries Shack linked with some good thoughts on how Democrats could’ve done Obamacare without toilet-paperizing the Constitution, had they been serious about “helping the needy”, instead of just giving into their baser urges to attempt a loathsome power-grab. – Harvey

UPDATE 4-2-12: Linked by PA Pundits

UPDATE 4-2-12: Linked by The Patriot Post

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Random Thoughts

Since we’re not paying for Iran’s birth control, does that mean we’re already at war with them?

If you’re actually concerned about the fate of black youths, there are probably a lot greater threats to focus on than neighborhood watches.

If you made a bunch of mini clones of Toure, you’d have Tourettes.

I learned the Constitution puts limitation on federal power back in grade school. Why do so many people seem so surprised by that notion?

Chance of winning Mega Millions: 1 in 175,711,536. Chance of becoming one of the top 1% through hard work, investing: at least 1 in 100.

I thought Anchorman was funny, but I don’t really get the huge deal about it.

Since I’m a humor expert, I guess I should give it further study.

And please don’t construe any of this as me not liking lamps.

One of the oddest effects of guns is their ability to keep people from using basic logic. Mainly those who don’t own them.

It would be nice if more people framed their arguments as “I don’t like freedom on this issue and here’s why…”

Got an email from John Kerry complaining about billionaires and thought maybe he was breaking up with his wife.

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Link of the Day

[High Praise! to Son of Bob]

Son of Bob sent me a link to the Daily Caller, where it turns out that Trayvon had a second Twitter account, and his self-portrait had an obscene hand gesture.

Son of Bob suggested something… interesting… I could do with that picture, and I liked the idea. However, obscene hand gestures don’t really qualify as PG-13, so I’m not posting it here.

So, I posted it at my personal blog. If you’re not offended by obscene hand gestures, go take a peek.

If you ARE offended by obscene hand gestures, here’s a link to CutePuppies.net

OO! Look! Baby Chomps! “Flip-flops make me angry. VERY angry.”

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

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Obama Clarifies Hot Mic Remarks

WASHINGTON (AP) – President Obama held a press conference today to “clarify” remarks he made at the tail end of his 90 minute meeting with Russian President Dmitri Medvedev Monday, which were picked up by microphones as reporters were let into the room.

‘It’s 1B 2B 3 – so easy a Scotsman could remember it.’

“Now,” began the President after the attendees had quieted down, “when I said I needed ‘space’ to solve the missile defense issue, I was taking a firm and manly stand against the encroachment of Russian satellite technology orbiting the earth. The United States is currently contracting with a high-tech, sustainable, solar-powered defense firm in Idaho to create a space-based laser system for shooting down evil Russkie missiles. Lots of good, green jobs, ya know. And the thing is huge, so it needs lots of space. In space. So, that’s what I meant by needing space.”

“As for the part about having ‘more flexibility’ after the election,” continued Obama, “well, it was supposed to be a secret, but the cat’s out of the bag now. So, I’m proud to announce that my wife, Michelle, is rolling out her ‘Let’s Flex!’ program next year for all government workers. It’s like yogi & pilots… all that bendy stuff. I like to joke that it’ll help me get out of the way if I ever find myself between Michelle and a tamale. Heh. Good times. We kid a lot. But seriously. Just, you know, like dance aerobics. To increase flexibility. Certainly no threat to violate the constitutional limits on my powers or anything.”

“Finally,” concluded Obama, “telling Medvedev what America’s nuclear launch codes are was just sort of a back-up plan for ensuring the complete annihilation of the United States on the off chance that my plan to destroy it economically falls through. Don’t worry. They probably won’t even need to use them unless Obamacare gets overturned.”

After an aide informed the President that his last remark to Medvedev hadn’t been overheard by reporters, Obama paused in dead silence, then said “Oh! That’s my ring,” checked his cell phone, and stated “gotta take this” while hurrying off stage.

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