Apparently the Marines Need a Better Slogan

Not a better motto, because they already have the awesomest around, but a better slogan for their recruitment ads, because this is a bunch of PC crap:

“Marines move toward the sounds of tyranny, injustice, and despair.”

No, they move towards the sounds of guns, grenades, and artillery, and make them very, very quiet.

This trite, generic ad copy would be equally at home on an Occupy Wall Street sign, and makes it sound like the Marines’ main job it to change the diapers of squalling infants.

This picture needs help, so I’m providing it:

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* You… Yes you, the dictator in the funny hat… kiss your ass goodbye.

* Marines: like a snuggly warm blanket of apocalyptic horsemen

* “Look to my coming on the first light of the fifth day. At dawn look to the east.”

* Seriously, don’t piss us off.

* Opening up a can of Article I, Section 8, enumerated power 11

* Say your prayers, you flea-bitten varmint!

* Bazinga!

* Democracy. Whiskey. And sexy.

* “A day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day.”

* Because we can beat you hopping on one leg

* We crossed your “Line of Death.” And we brought it with us.

* If you’re out of white flags, we’ll accept yellow. Just wave the front of your pants.

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Your turn. Step up in the comments, please…

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31 Comments

  1. Marines: The forces of tyranny, injustice and despair may see us coming. They won’t see us going.

    Course, the whole “tyranny, injustice and despair” is kind of weak. If you’re going to use it, though, “forces” is better than “sounds” any day. I mean, what sound does despair make? And do you really want to invoke “sounds of despair” and associate it with marines? Seriously, some agency should be fired for that slogan…

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  2. “Marines move toward the sounds of tyranny, injustice, and despair.”

    …And when they do, they bring a big ol’ can of Whip Ass with them.

    …And drown those out with the sounds of artillary, tanks, and hand gernades.

    …U.S.Marines:A few good men out to annialate the world’s bad men.

    …Video games can’t even make up the crap we have in store for you !

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  3. “Marines move toward the sounds of tyranny, injustice, and despair (Obamacare excluded).”

    “Don’t you wish we had the political will to make your country glow in the dark instead?”

    “This is actually just a distraction for Chuck Norris sneaking into your Presidential Palace late one night. That’s not to say we’re not going to break a lot of stuff.”

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  4. “Front towards Enemy”

    Death smiles at everybody, Marines smile back.

    Objects in mirror are more deadly than they appear.

    (One for my mom) I may look sweet, but I raised two Marines.

    We took the trouble to load up all that ammo…may as well use it.

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  5. I think another old classic migh work for this picture:

    “Retreat? Hell! We just got here!”

    I am reminded the slogan seen on the spaceships in a Niven & Pournelle novel. Something along the lines of:

    “The purpose of the Marines is to die. The purpose of the Navy is to take the Marines where they are to die.”

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  6. “The Very Last Thing an Enemy of America Sees.”

    “Let Us Explain This To You…”

    ‘The definition of ‘Shit Storm.’ ‘

    (I like #22’s ‘Front Towards Enemy’. Fond memories!)

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  7. I like most of these. I would even like the one about Article 1, Section 8, Enumerated Power 11 — if use of that were actually our entry method into these conflicts. But for the rest…kudos! 🙂

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  8. Winning hearts and minds, splattering them if necessary.

    I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.

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  9. Veni, vidi, viscera! Ohhhhhh Yeah!

    Also:
    Semper Fry (ur ass)
    We’re the Marines – Come get some
    Dispensing lead to the needy since 1775
    USMC – we separate hearts from minds

    And (not mine):
    USMC – Uncle Sam’s Misguided Children

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