A lot of conservatives seem disappointed that Mitt Romney is going to be the GOP nominee. He seems like the boring, safe choice. But to cheer everyone up, Harvey and I looked up some fun facts about him to show he’s not quite as boring as he seems.
FUN FACTS ABOUT MITT ROMNEY
* At night, he dresses up in a costume and goes to the poorest neighborhoods and beats people up… some of them criminals.
* He loves to engage in money fights, and he usually wins since he’s often the only with big bags of cash on him.
* He’s only real friend is hologram Tupac.
* In his house he has a car elevator, a toaster elevator, a toilet elevator, and an elevator elevator to help deliver elevator’s into his house. Interestingly, the only way for a human to get to the second story is to climb a rope with knots tied in it.
* He’s never been big on guns because of Asimov’s Laws of Robotics.
* Somewhere in Romney’s attic is a wig that grows increasingly older and uglier.
* If elected, Mitt Romney would become only the second American President who was also secretly a vampire hunter
* Mitt Romney supports the idea that corporations are people, yet opposes converting them to Soylent Green.
* He was very surprised by the controversy about him strapping his dog to the roof of his car because no one complained when he transported a hobo the same way.
* He’s an avid blogger, though he does so under the pseudonym “Allahpundit.”
* Has repeatedly punched Bill Gates in the face, though just as part of his rich person fight club.
* He still has the first dollar he ever earned and the hand of the first person who tried to steal it.